OK_computer Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 It's become unbearable for me. It's never been as unbearable as it has been today, that feeling where you want to chew you nails off..that's what I am feeling. I am overwhelmed with emotions, I see her every damn day, and today i wanted her back so badly. I was so close to grabbing her arm and pulling her aside and saying all that I have felt these last 9 months on NC. I just want to let it all out. Maybe it's just emotions, and I shoudln't react to them, and hope they pass away again. Can anything good from breaking NC? Link to post Share on other sites
Zard0z Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 can you give a little more background? 9mos is a long time. if you still have thisnstrong of an urge to contact, its prolly best to avoid it. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 First, why do you see her everyday? That is probably triggering your "need" to contact her. Second, what do you hope to gain from contact? I know that in the short term, you want to alleviate your anxiety. But in the long term, what do you hope to gain from contacting her? Link to post Share on other sites
Ducky71 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I think the fact that you came here to post first tells me you know what the right answer is already. I highly doubt you'll get any replies that say "Yes, break NC" and I think that's what you're looking for. Stay the course, try to be strong. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Yeah, you know this is a sh--ty idea. Honestly, you need to make it through the semester (I'm assuming you're in college and you have the same class or classes) and hope to hell you don't have the same classes with her next semester. Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 If she doesnt feel the same way as you, which i doubt she does, then nothing good will ever come. At the best youll be led on (friendzoned) and then emotionally scared when she drops you or if you pick up the courage you drop her, at the worst, she will be harsh and cold and hateful and you will then be emotionally scared. NC IS FOR YOU! Not for your ex or to get her back, NC is about you seeing that this little comfort bubble you were in has been burst, but the world outside is a lot bigger, magnificent and amazing, and that you have been missing out on so much! Its hard i know, its so damn hard. Im in NC day 11, but day by day i realise abit more, the clarity comes back into my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tikay00 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 If she doesnt feel the same way as you, which i doubt she does, then nothing good will ever come. At the best youll be led on (friendzoned) and then emotionally scared when she drops you or if you pick up the courage you drop her, at the worst, she will be harsh and cold and hateful and you will then be emotionally scared. NC IS FOR YOU! Not for your ex or to get her back, NC is about you seeing that this little comfort bubble you were in has been burst, but the world outside is a lot bigger, magnificent and amazing, and that you have been missing out on so much! Its hard i know, its so damn hard. Im in NC day 11, but day by day i realise abit more, the clarity comes back into my life. Day 11 for me as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Don't do it. I made the mistake of trying to contact an ex I had to break up with. I called and texted that I didn't like the way things ended. She ignored me completely. The only good that came of it was after a few days I remembered why I hate her so much, her habits of ignoring me while together were one of the reasons, and that's not a good feeling. That and I was angry at myself for allowing her that power. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dclan Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 It's become unbearable for me. It's never been as unbearable as it has been today, that feeling where you want to chew you nails off..that's what I am feeling. I am overwhelmed with emotions, I see her every damn day, and today i wanted her back so badly. I was so close to grabbing her arm and pulling her aside and saying all that I have felt these last 9 months on NC. I just want to let it all out. Maybe it's just emotions, and I shoudln't react to them, and hope they pass away again. Can anything good from breaking NC? You are not in No Contact. You are in Contact. That is the problem! No contact is: 1) Not talking to her 2) Not listening to her 3) Not hearing news about her 4) Not seeing her 5) Not chatting with her 6) Not looking at pictures of her 7) Not thinking about her 8) Not doing anything, that has to do with her NOTHING. Its what no contact means. NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND. You are hurt because she is constantly in your presence reminding you of the pain. If you see her at school, change classes. If she is in your workplace, try to get transfered to some place else, or look for a new job. Honestly, if this is a workplace related issue, this is a good example why office relationships should be avoided. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OK_computer Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 You are not in No Contact. You are in Contact. That is the problem! No contact is: 1) Not talking to her 2) Not listening to her 3) Not hearing news about her 4) Not seeing her 5) Not chatting with her 6) Not looking at pictures of her 7) Not thinking about her 8) Not doing anything, that has to do with her NOTHING. Its what no contact means. NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND. You are hurt because she is constantly in your presence reminding you of the pain. If you see her at school, change classes. If she is in your workplace, try to get transfered to some place else, or look for a new job. Honestly, if this is a workplace related issue, this is a good example why office relationships should be avoided. The saying "Don't crap where you eat" has me in it's defintion. You #4 is leading to #7. That's where things are going downhill. Most of the the time I'm soo happy and doing my own thing..9 months is a long time for me to know im doing this NC for real. But yesterday i saw her and her new bf fight/perhaps breakup, and all these emotions came back to me. I wasn't going to break NC...but I was entertainng the idea..that's what scared me the most. I just have to find a way to de-link 4 from 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OK_computer Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 If she doesnt feel the same way as you, which i doubt she does, then nothing good will ever come. At the best youll be led on (friendzoned) and then emotionally scared when she drops you or if you pick up the courage you drop her, at the worst, she will be harsh and cold and hateful and you will then be emotionally scared. NC IS FOR YOU! Not for your ex or to get her back, NC is about you seeing that this little comfort bubble you were in has been burst, but the world outside is a lot bigger, magnificent and amazing, and that you have been missing out on so much! Its hard i know, its so damn hard. Im in NC day 11, but day by day i realise abit more, the clarity comes back into my life. I know this ending/cycle very well. Mine was a vicious cycle with her, for many years on and off many many fights. Each time eventually led to the same dropping of one or the other. But that emotional attachment is there, for what reason god only knows. She's been so cold and hateful, distant, reserved for more cycles than I can imagine. But each time months go past without contact, she starts staring at me, sometimes angry, somtimes with regret, or whatever, esp when im happy, as if she misses me. Making sad eye contacts, etc. Showing the fact shes's affected by me when I walk into a room, etc, it makes me think maybe if i make up this time it wll be different. IDK...but this can't be healthy..I guess.. Link to post Share on other sites
MrBossMan Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Don't do it. Trust me, you will lose in the end. If you had to go NC to begin with, it means that the relationship is toxic and you need to stay the course and move on. Now is the time for healing, and if you break NC, you will continue the damage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Oh cmon! Move on now! Nine months pinning to contact her? Where is your hard work? It seems to me you only lost precious time. Very sad 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OK_computer Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 Oh cmon! Move on now! Nine months pinning to contact her? Where is your hard work? It seems to me you only lost precious time. Very sad No i had no intention to contact her in these 9 months, nor have i. But i REALLY wanted to...the other day...now not some much. Kind of like how I quit smoking a year ago, but i still have cravings one now and then...but these impulses/ whims are really hard to cut out. Link to post Share on other sites
MrBossMan Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 No i had no intention to contact her in these 9 months, nor have i. But i REALLY wanted to...the other day...now not some much. Kind of like how I quit smoking a year ago, but i still have cravings one now and then...but these impulses/ whims are really hard to cut out. I'm telling you, definitely do not contact her. It seems that you need to start over in your head. You forgot why you started. (You know the reasons, but you forgot the feelings). This isn't about her. It's about you and you alone. You need to repair your damage and restrengthen yourself. Her presence is only a placebo, and that's during the good times. You need to come to a place where even if you are single, you will feel fine. And even if you do somehow have a healthy reconciliation with her or if you start fresh with someone new, you will be your complete self. Think of her as a drug with deadly but addicting side effects. You have to get clean. Distract yourself with something. Go on a date. Go visit old friends. Volunteer. Buy some new clothes or get a new hairstyle. Work out. Just don't do it for her. Do it for you only. Now is the best time for selfishness. Congratulations on quitting smoking, by the way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OK_computer Posted November 2, 2014 Author Share Posted November 2, 2014 I'm telling you, definitely do not contact her. It seems that you need to start over in your head. You forgot why you started. (You know the reasons, but you forgot the feelings). This isn't about her. It's about you and you alone. You need to repair your damage and restrengthen yourself. Her presence is only a placebo, and that's during the good times. You need to come to a place where even if you are single, you will feel fine. And even if you do somehow have a healthy reconciliation with her or if you start fresh with someone new, you will be your complete self. Think of her as a drug with deadly but addicting side effects. You have to get clean. Distract yourself with something. Go on a date. Go visit old friends. Volunteer. Buy some new clothes or get a new hairstyle. Work out. Just don't do it for her. Do it for you only. Now is the best time for selfishness. Congratulations on quitting smoking, by the way. Thanks Mr.BossMan, You're right. I like the analogy to her being a 'drug.' I gotta get clean. Been good about going to the gym, studying hard. The the point is "try harder" right? Gotta get better at distracting myself. Thank god I didn't react to it, now to lead the way I have to start doing things for myself, and you're absolutely right now's the era of being selfish, everyone's doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
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