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The story about my ex


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Hello everyone. I finally signed up after visiting so many times :)

I always see so many good an detalied replies to all topics so I decided to give my story a try. I will try and make it as short as possible.

 

The relationship:

We were together for about 6 months. It was a long distance relationship (2 hours apart) so there was some planning involved when we wanted to be together. But we made it work the best we could.

And man was she in love with me... No doubt about it! Everybody could see it in her eyes when she looked at me. Even her family told me that they had never seen her like this before, and when I was not around it was also me she talked about all the time.

We were the perfect couple and it was a perfect relationship. No fighting or anything. If any of you meet us you would all say we were meant to be...

We even went out to look at furnitures for our home. So when I could move to her city we could live together...

 

The Stress

She quit her job in order to go back to school. School was 35 hours a week!! But she also needed a job to get some money... I could feel the last 3 weeks of our relationship that this stressed her quite a bit. How was she surpose to find a job with enough hours, and still have time for a long distance relationship with me? I tried to give suggestions the best I could, but all of them involved her working the weekend wich was our time...

Having a long distance relationship can also be quite stressfull I guess, if you also stress about the other things in your life?

 

The Breakup

So the day came. She started school and a new job. And after the first week she became ice cold in her texts and she dumped me. By text?

I was in chock!! From somehing that was so perfect to a breakup text?

I told her I wouldn´t accept a break up by text, so I went to visit her so should could do it to my face. We lay down in her bed, we talked about an hour. I had a lot of questions and she replied kindly to all of them.

She asured me that it was nothing I had done, nothing she had done and there was no "other guy"... She just lost feelings for me.

She also said: "I just need to focus on myself right now. I am a girl who also needs her alonetime and I just dont have that time now. I know you may think there is another guy, but please know that that is not the case. I am in no way interrested in start dating now. I need my alonetime to focus on myself"

 

I really felt sorry for her, and I could feel she had reached her limit. SHe didn´t even show any signs of feelings at all. She was ice cold. She gave me the "I really want you to be my friend" :(

 

After The Break Up

First week:

I tried to keep texting her. To be her friend like she asked. But she was cold. Just short yes/no replies or no reply at all.

 

Second week:

Now I started my No Contact. I was still friends with her on facebook, but she did not like or comment on any of my posts. The No Contact lasted for 3-4 weeks. She tried to text me several times in these weeks.

Hi how are you doing?

Hi I saw on Facebook you visited my city, what were you doing here?

ect

 

After the No Contact she came to visit my city. We ran into eachother and talked briefly. After that she started texting me. I replied and over the next 2 days we texted a lot. We complimented each other, "you look great ect" and after this she went cold again.

 

Its been another 3 weeks now. She shows no interrest in actually talking to me. She barely replies to texts, but once a week she "checks in"... She starts asking a ton of questions about my life and after 10 minutes she is gone again...

 

I can also see on facebook that she is killing herself with work/school. 35 hours school and 37 hours work. And she has just taken up job #2 :(

 

What Now?

I have removed her from Facebook (no reaction from her) because I cant stand to see posts every day about how happy she is and enjoying the time witth her friends... Smart move?

What should I do?

Is it a lost cause?

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What I personally think:

It seems like she does have feelings for me. She is just forcing herself not to have them. Either concious or subconsious....

I think the stress really hit her that first week of school and caused a meltdown in her head.

 

Maybe that is why she constant need to check up on how I am. To remind herself that I am "still waiting for her" in case she is ready for love again...

 

Or am I just blinded by love??

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There might be a plethora of reasons, as college and work can be stressful, but during those times, you'd think that a person would get closer to their significant other, right? See where I'm getting with this?

 

Instead of seeing you as a means of support during this tough time, she viewed you as an anchor she had to drop. The distance made it easier for her. It's natural for people to seek support during tough times from other people, rarely do I see those doing the opposite.

 

She said she wasn't seeing anyone? How are you so sure she isn't lying? From my experience, 9 times out of 10, there is always someone else.

 

Sorry man, but right now, you need to focus on your life and goals. There's nothing you can do but to disappear out of her life for good. If there isn't anyone there, trust me that she's definitely looking for your replacement.

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Thanks a lot for your honest reply. :)

 

First of: Let me just point out that she did not say at any time that our relationship was stressfull. She is just a girl who stress very easy. She had to start a new life, and she needed to make it all work. Including the relationship with me. I like to believe that she just couldn´t fit me into that puzzle and had to break it off...

 

The stress had really hit her when she broke it off. No doubt about that!

I really dont think there was another guy at this point.. My guts really tells me that this was the truth... I could see how stressed she was..

Ofcause I could be wrong..

 

As for now: she is a very attractive girl. She gets offers all the time. Maybe there is a rebound guy. Maybe not. I cannot know for sure. But she has 35 hours school and 35 hours work and spends 12 hours at the gym. And the little free time she might have I see she spends with her female friends. So I cant really see where she would find the time for a guy. When we were together she didnt get much time with her friends so I like that she enjoys her time with them now... :)

 

Yesterday she posted on facebook that a lot of guys had started writing her, but she asked them to stop. "I am not the kind of girl who just gives out my number or a date"...

Ofcause this could mean that she doesn't want to date, like she told me.. Or that she allready is dating..

Edited by Adferger1
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Adferger1,

 

What should I do?

Get on with your life.

 

Is it a lost cause?

Yes and she's told you so here ;

 

She just lost feelings for me.

She also said: "I just need to focus on myself right now. I am a girl who also needs her alonetime and I just dont have that time now. I know you may think there is another guy, but please know that that is not the case. I am in no way interrested in start dating now. I need my alonetime to focus on myself"

 

I know that this is tough but she can't have been more plain about it. She's chosen not to be with you. The end.

Now you need to focus on you and what you want in your new life that is without her. Of course it's hard, but you'll survive, just like many of the people who post here.

 

Move on, stay strong and good luck.

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Oh, and one more thing:

 

I talked to one of my female friends today... She actually said something very interresting..

 

"Why does she have to work that much? It is like she is running from something... Ofcause she doesn't have feelinggs for you... She doesn't allow herself the time to actually feel anything...."

 

To me that will also explain why she "checks in on me" once a week to see how I am, and if I still miss her... She normally does that those evenings that she doesn't have plans, and just sits at home waching TV...

 

Site note:

i am planning on moving to her city very soon... And every time she checks in on me, it is because she wants to ask about this...

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Adferger,

Stop trying to figure out why she's doing what she's doing - it doesn't matter a rat's behind in the long run.

 

She's not with you because she doesn't want to be with you and she's said so.

 

To me that will also explain why she "checks in on me" once a week to see how I am,

 

What do you mean "checks in on you"?

 

i am planning on moving to her city very soon...

 

Why? She's asked you to give her space and now you're following her?? :eek:

 

Don't be part of her back-up plan, you deserve better.

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Adferger,

Stop trying to figure out why she's doing what she's doing - it doesn't matter a rat's behind in the long run.

 

She's not with you because she doesn't want to be with you and she's said so.

 

 

 

What do you mean "checks in on you"?

 

 

 

Why? She's asked you to give her space and now you're following her?? :eek:

 

Don't be part of her back-up plan, you deserve better.

 

Sorry, should have explained that in my first post. I have always been my plan to move there. It has nothing to do with her...

 

And by checks in on my, it is like I said in one of my other posts. She contacts me out of the blue. Just to see how I am and how the job search in her city goes. After she finds out I am still talking to her, she disappears again.

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