Wearyone Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 So I have already written a thread about my situation, here is the link. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/496000-i-right-dump-my-boyfriend I need help being strong enough to stay away from him for good. He has gotten worse and worse, starting to throw me around when he is drunk and has even now called me a "whore." And yes I wen't back and left again after last month's fiasco. I need help shaking him off for good. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Both of you, quite acting like kids. It's not helping anyone. Listen, I am not sure how you feel, as I am a man, but I do know what it's like to still love and care for someone deeply that abuses you. I was in a verbally abusive relationship. It's not that easy to get out of. But for the sake of your safety, you'll have to fight your hopeful feelings of the situation and do what's best for your health. It won't be easy, but it needs to be done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Weary, you really need a lot of help. The "snap" I see in your responses in this thread indicates a lot of anger and frustration and someone whose last nerve is fried. I know you want to fire back and defend your responses...STOP. I am making an observation and not picking on you. I just want you to take a deep breath and focus on yourself for a moment. Ask why you are feeling weak at the moment in terms of the ex? Are there other things weighing on you that could be nudging you in that direction? I read your other thread...have you reached out to any of the organizations that were recommended? You are as broken as your ex is right now...of course for different reasons but broken none-the-less. You need to build that team and lean on all you support systems to help you get back to being you. The cycle of abuse & addiction peppered with co-dependency is cycle so many get sucked into and it takes time to get out of it but you will. In moments of weakness do you have friends to call or could even go stay with you are feeling emotional vulnerable? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wearyone Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 It's true, my crap taking tolerance abilities are even less than usual at the moment, and they were pretty short before. I saved the number for a violence helpline but I feel too ashamed to tell them the amount of times Iv'e actually clocked this guy. I have broken his nose twice, with also a black eye. The other night we both got carpet burn from wrestling on the floor. Iv'e bitten, kicked, and threatened to hit him with a broom when he said the thing about that I was probably having sex with all his friends. The clincher? Last night I actually put my hands on his throat and though I didn't squeeze, I shook his head back and forth. I guess theres something galling about strangers on the internet making flippant comments. It gets under my skin although I know if I put myself out there, anyone can say anything they want about my personal problems. Maybe this isn't the place for me to talk about it. I know I have anger problems. I also know I have a history of severe depression. I literally dragged myself through life kicking and screaming for survival through my teenage years as I was at the darkest stage of my life and contemplating suicide daily, unable to eat. I guess a lot of the rage I have is a survival mechanism from those times. It kept me alive. In a twisted way the hatred kept me going. It kept me saying "ha, they all think I'm a loser, and crazy. But I'm going to keep living just to spite them all. Just so they have to see my face." This was many years ago. I still carry that rage around now, I know I do. And yes I have sought counselling for years. I'm on prozac as well. The ****ed up thing is when he and I first got together he helped me through a lot of my irrational and depressed anger and I got a lot better. Until the drinking got worse, his drinking. Then the abuse got worse. Everything always gets worse. Always. You think you have gotten somewhere, sure you have problems and a past and your relationship isn't prefect but who's is. Everything is as peachy as an ass cheek and them wham, something horrible happens. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 It's true, my crap taking tolerance abilities are even less than usual at the moment, and they were pretty short before. I saved the number for a violence helpline but I feel too ashamed to tell them the amount of times Iv'e actually clocked this guy. I have broken his nose twice, with also a black eye. The other night we both got carpet burn from wrestling on the floor. Iv'e bitten, kicked, and threatened to hit him with a broom when he said the thing about that I was probably having sex with all his friends. The clincher? Last night I actually put my hands on his throat and though I didn't squeeze, I shook his head back and forth. I guess theres something galling about strangers on the internet making flippant comments. It gets under my skin although I know if I put myself out there, anyone can say anything they want about my personal problems. Maybe this isn't the place for me to talk about it. I know I have anger problems. I also know I have a history of severe depression. I literally dragged myself through life kicking and screaming for survival through my teenage years as I was at the darkest stage of my life and contemplating suicide daily, unable to eat. I guess a lot of the rage I have is a survival mechanism from those times. It kept me alive. In a twisted way the hatred kept me going. It kept me saying "ha, they all think I'm a loser, and crazy. But I'm going to keep living just to spite them all. Just so they have to see my face." This was many years ago. I still carry that rage around now, I know I do. And yes I have sought counselling for years. I'm on prozac as well. The ****ed up thing is when he and I first got together he helped me through a lot of my irrational and depressed anger and I got a lot better. Until the drinking got worse, his drinking. Then the abuse got worse. Everything always gets worse. Always. You think you have gotten somewhere, sure you have problems and a past and your relationship isn't prefect but who's is. Everything is as peachy as an ass cheek and them wham, something horrible happens. Is this your first abusive relationship, if you don't mind me asking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wearyone Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 In the last one I lost my temper and shouted a lot when he annoyed me, but I never hit him. So in terms of psychical violence, yes, this is the first time things like this have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 You need to stop everything right now. For both your sakes. Step right back from it all. Can you take some time out? Go somewhere, spend some time by yourself. Something good can happen if you `step away`. GL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wearyone Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 I have. I'm leaving him. And hopefully the town I'm in. It's a small town and I;m starting to have paranoid thoughts that since everyone thinks he is a "nice normal guy" and only I have seen what alcohol makes him in to, it must be all me, the lunatic with the history of genetically predisposed mental illness. In fact one girl has said as much. An ex "friend." Nasty piece of work she was. Screw them all, I'm moving to the city or something. Just anywhere but here. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I have. I'm leaving him. And hopefully the town I'm in. It's a small town and I;m starting to have paranoid thoughts that since everyone thinks he is a "nice normal guy" and only I have seen what alcohol makes him in to, it must be all me, the lunatic with the history of genetically predisposed mental illness. In fact one girl has said as much. An ex "friend." Nasty piece of work she was. Screw them all, I'm moving to the city or something. Just anywhere but here. I would inbox you but im still a new member. I live in a racist small town myself. I'm going to take what little possessions i have and trek to the city. Start over. Get out. Get out and start over. There's no future here for you. And folks can be crazy and much harder to get away from in small towns. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Weary, Have a look at this;- The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Statistics You are doing the right thing by putting yourself as far away from this person as you can. Stay safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wearyone Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Amen Coolkid. Are you also getting to the point where when you see the same people with their bickering and gossiping and now everything they say about you behind your back and the sight of them makes you barf in your mouth a little bit? I'm going to move to the big smoke, get some serious therapy. I need it after all this. Maybe write a horror screenplay. Iv'e certainly proven violent enough to come up with some scary stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Amen Coolkid. Are you also getting to the point where when you see the same people with their bickering and gossiping and now everything they say about you behind your back and the sight of them makes you barf in your mouth a little bit? I'm going to move to the big smoke, get some serious therapy. I need it after all this. Maybe write a horror screenplay. Iv'e certainly proven violent enough to come up with some scary stuff. Relationships are a horror story, for the most part...but if you become the next Wes Craven, let us know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wearyone Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 Seems like were all monsters, deep down. I will! Wes Craven is great. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Amen Coolkid. Are you also getting to the point where when you see the same people with their bickering and gossiping and now everything they say about you behind your back and the sight of them makes you barf in your mouth a little bit? People in my town gossip about each other, fight over the pettiest things, and are big into drug use because there are literally no jobs in my small town, everyone's dead bored. I've been to the point but I wanted to be financially comfortable before I made the move, but my family is kinda, um messed up. There's also, I repeat, a lot of racism here. No one talks about it but it's so obvious. I've heard people talk about me behind my back and pretended like I wasn't listening. Trust me, even if you have nothing to your name, like I do, leave that small town, you'll have a better chance making it anywhere else but there. It's sickening. Even my own family is falling apart, subdued by Jim Crow expectations. And the murders here are grim, usually over drugs. I write stories for fun and the things I've seen...yuck. ID should give me my own show at this rate. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Seems like were all monsters, deep down. I will! Wes Craven is great. "You're definitely mad, but you know what? All the best people are." Alice in Wonderland. Though some madness can stay away from me. I haven't had plans of murdering dumb teenagers with a machete in a hockey mask. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts