Michael 93 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 One thing I have noticed over the course of the year is.... What is it with girls and bad guys? I've spoke to 4 women this week, some of them friends, some of them colleagues and the comment most of them made (or similar) is No girl likes a guy who's too good. They like a bit of a challenge and somebody who doesn't always play by the rules and compliment them and take them out but someone who ignores there messages, is distant with them, parties with friends and is a bit of a "jack the lad" What is that!? I mean fair enough I know girls don't like guys who smother them and text 52 kisses every message, compliments them every minute of the day and cant leave them alone for half an hour. I'm not meaning it like that. But what I've seen after looking at it closely this year is girls always seem to go for the badboys, with the reputation and "swagger" and will quite happily leave the man who is showing them unconditional love and honesty and loyalty. That's something I'm really starting to worry about, I have a friend who is extremely cocky and arrogant, brags a lot and in my eyes makes himself look a fool in front of women, yet he seems to have more each weekend than hot dinners??? Yet when I see him doing it, it makes me cringe!? I'm more the guy who sits at the back and observes, spots someone who interests me and tries to get to know them (not always successful) Yet the tactic of going and throwing himself around her and her group of friends works!?? That isn't me. I'm honest, I am waiting for the right girl and I am loyal, If I love someone.. I love them properly and I will try my best to give them everything they need out of the relationship, Should I be in a position to panic??? The quote now comes to mind, "girls always love the bad boy" Ladies please shed some light. Not sure if this has happened to any other guys on here. Hope everyone isn't too bad. Mike Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Girls like bad boys, yes. Women, on the other hand..... Which are you trying to date? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dclan Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 More like women like fixing broken toys. Then they complain the toy was broken to begin with. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 ....maybe its a sense of have to fix him.....i have had relationships with bad boys and what i can say is there is normally a reason why they are bad.... maybewomen have relationships because these women know they are a bad girl at heart.......maybe they dont want to affront a nice guy with kinkiness...bad boys dont mind getting covered in chocolate sauce or caramel or making a banana split out of their penis......... bad boys understand chicks with scars a bit more...they stand up when something the believe is wrong they dont fence sit....so they have their own battle scars........i dont mean tie a guy to the ceiling kinky...but a guy who is avidly open to be playful and not so serious... nice guys come across as serious sometimes.......truth is they would probably like the split penis.....but are often shy and dotn want to offend a woman...... i dont know....i really dont......maybe dads treated these women badly, in turn they model a love interest like good women do over an image of their loving fathers.... and bad boys get to capitalise and make them feel as worthless as these women think and wrongly feel they are worthless adn desrve no better than what they have always known a man to be.....lots of reason and possibilities......maybe these bad boys werent bad until after.......the women feel for them...then they show their true colors.......all in all i dont think any guy has a right to treat a woman badly..... and i have to believe that nice guys do win out......and that sometimes bad boys grow up..to be good hearted men with respect for women....especially when they realize the best of times were with a banana split woman .....and sometimes i really do beleive bad boys dont ...... they dont grow up.....love is a battlefield...with or without banana split wars........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Guy here, but I'll give my opinion. We want what we can't have. Bad boys are more skillful at denying women. Eventually the bad boy concedes. But that push/pull really makes the relationship feel like it's dynamic, not static. I think women are rarely content with a contented relationship. They want to feel romance and passion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 So in the responses so far... Time for me to change my approach Not good.... Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Actually, guys playing games like this is the reason I stopped dating. I just could not be bothered with it. I'm the kind of person who feels bad if I forget to respond to somebody's message (unless, obviously, it's a rude or adversarial one). I've learned over the years that lots of people will tend to ignore messages and that it doesn't necessarily mean they never want to speak to you again...so I try not to take it to heart, but I do find it a bit rude. It falls short of the standard I set for my own behaviour and so I certainly don't find it attractive in other people. It's something I will tolerate in friends unless it reaches a point where they've done it so many times that it feels too disrespectful for me to carry on tolerating. As for a guy I'd just met and was romantically interested in...no. If he started carrying on in that disrespectful way I'd think he was disinterested. Which, okay, is a bit hurtful but is his prerogative and I'd react by distancing myself. If it seemed in any way like he was trying to play a power game with me, or make himself seem more interesting/mysterious then I would be embarrassed for him - because to me, that's real teenage stuff. I can enjoy childish humour and childish fun...but when it comes to childish power games or faking a different life/personality to the one you have, I just think any adult with decent social and communication skills should consider that behaviour to be beneath their dignity. I can't say why some women (those who are out of their teens) would find it attractive when men do that, other than that they can't like or respect themselves very much and presumably because of that they're only interested in men who don't like/respect them much either. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You are thinking the wrong way....and so aren't the women you spoke with. I am in my early 40's so I have my experience to pass on to you. It's not that women prefer the so called "bad boy" over the good guy. It's about confidence vs timidity. Women sometimes perceive a bad guy as confident and good guys as timid, or shy (not strong). Arrogance and cockiness are often times mistaken for confidence, but they both lack strength of character. An intelligent more mature woman will seek out the confident man and ignore the bad boys. Confidence equals strength and shows that you are sure of yourself. Think about it, wouldn't you rather be with a confident woman who is sure of herself? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 You are thinking the wrong way....and so aren't the women you spoke with. I am in my early 40's so I have my experience to pass on to you. It's not that women prefer the so called "bad boy" over the good guy. It's about confidence vs timidity. Women sometimes perceive a bad guy as confident and good guys as timid, or shy (not strong). Arrogance and cockiness are often times mistaken for confidence, but they both lack strength of character. An intelligent more mature woman will seek out the confident man and ignore the bad boys. Confidence equals strength and shows that you are sure of yourself. Think about it, wouldn't you rather be with a confident woman who is sure of herself? Excellent advice. And I totally agree with that. Its just happening to find the balance between both. I'm still trying to break down everything and find the perfect balance and place to display those traits. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So in the responses so far... Time for me to change my approach Not good.... No, no, no....never change who you are. What kind of message are you putting out there for yourself if you have to fake it? And what happens if you present yourself with this "Bad boy" image; but let's face it, you can only keep this image up for so long and you revert back to yourself? Don't you think that she might end up dumping you because you've become "boring"? I've asked this question myself. And a friend (that happened to be a girl) told me that girls date the bad boys, but they marry the good guys. And my response was "Yeah, but when us good guys get ahold of them, their soo frickin damaged and paranoid...drives you nuts." Trust me, there are girls out there that are sick of playing games with these bad boys and are just looking for a guy that's going to treat them right. Problem is, they got to wade through the crap to find them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Excellent advice. And I totally agree with that. Its just happening to find the balance between both. I'm still trying to break down everything and find the perfect balance and place to display those traits. Being yourself without fear of putting yourself on display is a form of confidence. Don't try to hard otherwise people will see through you. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Chitown, Us men have to wade through the crap as well!! Haha Not to mention, dating bad boys and marrying good guys....watch out for these women, they often have a long storied past that is best avoided by a good guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 No, no, no....never change who you are. What kind of message are you putting out there for yourself if you have to fake it? Changing yourself doesn't mean faking it or lying. Self-improvement is a good thing that should be encouraged. Becoming more confident is a very good thing. If I were still like I was 10 years ago, I doubt I'd have had half life the experiences I have. I am very glad that I changed. As O2 says... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMzgl0nFj3s Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Changing yourself doesn't mean faking it or lying. Self-improvement is a good thing that should be encouraged. Becoming more confident is a very good thing. If I were still like I was 10 years ago, I doubt I'd have had half life the experiences I have. I am very glad that I changed. As O2 says... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMzgl0nFj3s In the context I was reading it as, it's like he's starting to believe he should act like a douche rocket in order to attract a girl. There's no reason to act like a douche rocket or to treat girls badly just to get them interested. If he treats a girl like crap and she sits there and takes it, then he'll have no respect for her and continue to treat her like crap because he knows he can get away with it. I my opinion, that's not the way to start a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yes change for the better is good. Acting like a douche rocket is bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So in the responses so far... Time for me to change my approach Not good.... Hell no! Time to keep all those things but not be a push over... Women get "bad boy" confused with what they really want which is a man who is secure in himself, confident and able... The problem is that "Good guys" (like "Good girls") tend to be push overs and work way too hard to please the other person... so much so they forget who they were in the first place... You say your mate is getting results... he isn't - he is getting laid and a bad reputation (possibly herpes or some other nice little disease too depending on how careful he is)... some may see that as a result but that is not the end game... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michael 93 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Hell no! Time to keep all those things but not be a push over... Women get "bad boy" confused with what they really want which is a man who is secure in himself, confident and able... The problem is that "Good guys" (like "Good girls") tend to be push overs and work way too hard to please the other person... so much so they forget who they were in the first place... You say your mate is getting results... he isn't - he is getting laid and a bad reputation (possibly herpes or some other nice little disease too depending on how careful he is)... some may see that as a result but that is not the end game... That is very very true man. He is gaining a reputation as well, I'm glad some people can see through that. I'm definitely not going to change my morals and the person I am however after my last relationship, like you said I need to learn to not be a pushover and start and have confidence in my ability of bringing something to a relationship. I'm working on it man, just wanted to get other opinions on this as I know it happens quite frequently to people I know and have seen. Link to post Share on other sites
EuTuBrute Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 No please stay the way you are. I kinda am like you. I am nice guy. I treated my ex very well. However, I lacked (kinda still do) self confidence. That is the killer. I let my ex walk all over me. I finally am starting to get my self confidence back (go to the gym!) Your ex as well as mine will regret it if you take the right steps to get your confidence back. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I don't think women want "bad boys". I just think a lot of women -- especially the teenage and 20-something set -- have no idea how to differentiate between the confident, assertive guy they desire and the cocky, arrogant douchebags they draw as a result. "Bad boys" are confident (or at least come off that way), and women don't know how to differentiate. And once they realize there's something wrong with the guy, a lot of them take it upon themselves to try to "fix" the guy into what they hoped he was in the first place. Some do this because they are attached, some do this because they feel they have to "win", some do this because they are addicted to the drama. This stuff never works, and the less self-aware women end up blaming the guy when they were partially at fault for rewarding his douchey behavior, which allows them to keep repeating this cycle with the next douchebag they fall for. A lot of women get past this phase after being drug through the muck a few times and end up marrying what most would consider "a good guy". But yeah, it's more an issue of terrible filtering and decision-making that comes from lack of maturity and real-world experience than a desire for someone who's "bad". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I will go further by stating it is a good opportunity for a confident man to pay attention to the type of women who easily fall for the bad boy act. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This is why I wont participate in games. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 If you're upset by the girls chasing the bad boys, why would you want the girls in the first place? Kinda seems like a double standard. On another note...here's some rules of life that you must know when it comes to dating. 1. Not every girl will like you or want to date you. In fact, you'll strike out more often than not. That has nothing to do with you as a person. Sometimes, people straight up don't like you. 2. If one or two girls find you attractive, then you're an attractive person. 3. Be confident in who you are. If you're a nerd, be a funny, well-rounded, fun-loving nerd who can try new things with a smile on their face. If you're a car-lover, use your terminology in flirting conversations...if you go to the gym, encourage her to do the same and have competitions for physical fitness. 4. Stop comparing your life to others. Just because you see that guy in a Maserati pulling out Angelina Jolie from his car, doesn't mean you working as an accountant, or even a janitor, makes you a failure at life. Your attitude about yourself says it all. 5. Women are fickle, especially young women. Try not to get too serious with any of them unless they prove it. 6. Everyone's dealt a different set of cards. Play yours to your advantage. 7. Women are great, but don't let them be a PRIMARY source of validation. Lots of guys think getting absolutely laid means you're the man. It's nice and all, and I love sex, but it's not the be-all, end-all to life. If you're not getting sex often, don't beat yourself up, BUT...don't twiddle your thumbs and do nothing. Have a hobby or an activity you love doing and do it. 8. Money doesn't matter. It's how you spend your time with someone that enables a bond. 9. I repeat, women can be frustrating, but you gotta love em. And finally... 10. Don't be someone you're not just to get tail. It's tiring. Be you and be damn confident being you! These are "CoolKids' 10 Things To Remember When Dating" Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Number 10 should be number one. Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 A lot of women, women of all ages, just like a fella who can make them laugh. They don't want to take life too serious, they don't want to analyse or have intelligent conversations, they just want to do their days work then forget their worries and have a good time and giggle. Bad boys, rogues and toe rags are often good at providing that giggle. They're happy to posture, pose and play the clown if it means making a lass smile. They're not worried about making an arse out of themselves. They don't care if someone cringes at their behavior. Most of these fellas aren't thinking, they aren't analysing, they aren't purposefully playing games, they just living their life and having a laugh. Because they're not thinking and analysing they might not be the most considerate, but they have other qualities that are attractive. To one women they will be a nightmare, to another they will be the man they can happily spend their life with. One woman's bad guy is another woman's good guy. What another fella is or isn't shouldn't matter to you but if you want to take a leaf out of a "bad boys" book, it would be to not worry and be yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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