Zard0z Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I've been in Korea for 3 years. started dating smart, independent Korean girl Summer '13. She needed support and intimacy, and I was there to provide it. It got very passionate. We grew very close--basically living together--taking weekend trips together (3 just as a couple and two with my coworkers). There was passion and lots of intimacy. She did a lot of things that showed me how much she loved me. I supported her through graduation, and her job search, but a few months after she found a job she broke up with me (we had been together 14 mos.). She was my first, and I was definitely open to marriage if I could work things out in terms of a career out here. A month or so before the break-up she encouraged me to take a trip to Thailand, and gave me tons of help finding cool things to do there (she had been there before by herself). But out of the blue, three days after I returned, she broke up with me. We had been having a bad "Sunday" with me asking her to help me find and buy a baseball uniform. She was in a bad mood and decided to go to her place instead of mine afterwards. She ended up seeing a movie I didn't want to see with her girlfriend. Later that night she called me to break up. Her reasons were 'falling out of love with me' and 'feeling that (I) would always end up back in America.' However, I'm becoming fluent in Korean and plan to take a Master's program out here. I feel if I expressed this to her earlier, she would have had fewer doubts and we would not have broken up. Of course, there were other problems too, mostly her schedule changed since she had to work Saturdays. We still spent a lot of nights together, where she would sleep at my place because it was closer to work, but the overall quality of time spent together decreased. It wasn't really the same and I was beginning to feel it. Still, I loved her, trusted her, and felt comfortable. We maintained contact after the break-up and we even had a post breakup 'date' the same night she had a blind date with a much older man that "didn't go so well. We were holding hands and there was a lot of physical contact. But a week later she ended up in what looks like a rebound relationship (with that same older man). I lost it, appologized, and she said she let it go. I emailed her asking of there was any room left for reconciliation. But she said it was time to move on. From then on (about a week) I've done NC I'm trying to move on now, and am dating again, preparing for my future, etc. But, I'm wondering if its a good idea after taking a few months and seeing where I'm at try to open things up again. tl;dr: Pre break-up there were some doubts about the long term. Now that we've broken up I feel that I'm in a place that would have made long-term more viable. What do you think my chances are at reconciling, and do you have any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm looking at the "Grass is Greener" sticky and it seems like a typical case of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 im bumping this bc i posted from an unusual timezone so most people were offline. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 bump. just looking for some perspective :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 People don't break up without a clear reason. She has one, she just didn't give it to you... or maybe she did. Maybe that time away gave her perspective on you not always being there. Maybe she met someone while you were gone. Whatever the "reason" is, it doesn't matter. She broke up with you. That seal of trust is now broken. Time for you to go on living your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) People don't break up without a clear reason. She has one, she just didn't give it to you... or maybe she did. Maybe that time away gave her perspective on you not always being there. Maybe she met someone while you were gone. Whatever the "reason" is, it doesn't matter. She broke up with you. That seal of trust is now broken. Time for you to go on living your life. I don't think there was a clear reason, just a lot of small ones, including the big one (our relationship appeared doomed from the start). I really doubt she was seeing someone else, I have my reasons and I don't need to explain them. And it wasn't just that time away. She had been feeling it for two months and honestly, looking back, I could see it. She told me after the break-up she always thought it would end, maybe because of the fear that I would return to the states. Seal of trust is not completely broken, though. She never gave me reason to distrust her before and she didn't break any rules. So, if she ever came back to me with the right signals, she could earn it back. We never talked about the future, so she must have felt that it was somewhat doomed, no matter how much she might have loved me. During a slow patch in the relationship, I'm sure the fact I'd eventually end up back in the states even weighed more heavily on her mind. It was one of the first things she told me when she broke up with me. Even in the last e-mail she sent me she said how good I was to her, how she'll always remember our year as passionate, warm, and fun. These are my reasons for hope, despite it all. Anyway, even if it doesn't happen, the pain is decreasing week by week. Edited November 1, 2014 by Zard0z Link to post Share on other sites
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