user_name Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Hey there, So I just had like an aha moment. So I went through a break up 3 months ago, almost 4 now. Here is a post I made earlier this month http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/497279-post-break-up-depression I was very depressed, still am, but I think from that post to today, I have been feeling better. I think I have been moving froward and focusing in school. Not 100% but its not as bad. So then the ex just texts me right now: "I am truly so ****ing alone now, it actually physically hurts and makes me feel sick. I have absolutely nobody to talk to now" And in my head I am thinking, wow you feel ****ing alone? Do you know what I had to go through the past few months? The pain I felt? The physical and emotional pain? Sleepless nights, breakdowns and crying for everything. I felt that pain immediately after breaking up, and barely now that I am like actually kinda getting over that, you finally feel it? You FINALLY feel pain over the breakup! So my aha moment is that I realized that the meme of men vs woman after a break up is true! Here is the link: http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/3b/02/8b/3b028bfdadda3cfaa6cc6a7589ab9e1c.jpg I'm sure you all have seen the meme, I just thought how funny it is that its so true! And I can relate to it now. Its crazy and just like wow, and thought I'd share that with everyone. Yeah NC was broken, but I'm not even all about that, I'm not worried about that. I'm still like thinking about how long it took him, to feel what I felt. I'm not happy that he feels like that. I don't know what I feel actually. And I'm just letting you know, just cause he said that, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean were getting back together. I don't even know what it means... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I don't understand this post, I don't think it's correct tbh. Does anyone think it's different for boys and girls. I would say this was more dumper and dumped than make female. ? Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This couldn't be farther from the truth. There are plenty of guys here who have been dumped and have had an extremely difficult time recovering from it. Your post is more about dumpees vs how dumpers feel and that's not even completely accurate. Yes, sometimes the dumped feels remorse a few months after a breakup while the dumpee has had the time to grieve. The dumper, especially when they have gone for gigs, doesn't give themselves time to grieve the loss. It is still a loss that has to be dealt with whether you are the dumper or dumpee. Then there are those times when the dumper has to be the one to breakup due to abuse or infidelity. Those dumpers have to contend with the loss and the pain of being the one to have to sever ties. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jbentley87 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So squarrel... are you saying a dumper with GIGS dwells on the decision after time has passed more than when the initial breakup happens? (contradictory to that meme which I also don't agree with) Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So squarrel... are you saying a dumper with GIGS dwells on the decision after time has passed more than when the initial breakup happens? (contradictory to that meme which I also don't agree with) I believe that to be the case in most situations, not all. A lot is dependent on the character of the dumper. Some that dump due to gigs often times end up with a feeling of remorse, especially when the honeymoon stage is over with the new relationship. Closely related to a rebound if you will. The dumper gave themselves no time to heal from the previous relationship, no time to grieve. It happens often. If you read more posts here you will discover how often the dumper eventually reaches out as time passes. Often times they end up confusing their feelings of loss for feelings of missing the person they dumped, only to discover the reasons for their leaving in the first place start to resurface. Some dumpers you will never hear from. Examples of this would be a person who lacks empathy, or someone who had to leave an abusive relationship. Some dumpees you will never hear from either... In my experience I never heard from the last woman I dumped. I had to be the dumper, it was an abusive relationship. She tried reaching out to me a bunch of times after the break, but I was firm with her. In a moment of weakness on my part, I felt bad for how harsh I had been with her the last time we spoke, so three months later I called her only to have her hit the eff you button. I immediately stopped feeling bad and said to myself "yep, I made the right decision, never again." Link to post Share on other sites
jbentley87 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I get what you are saying. I feel as if my ex would try and contact me but she hasn't in almost a month. I start to wonder why she hasn't even made any attempts but then, going back to your empathy comment, I start to remember that she is not a very remorseful person. I was always the one who had to reconcile when things were bad whether it my fault or hers. I would say she is empathetic... to other people... because obviously she wasn't too worried about my feelings and still isn't. Bleh Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 In my case the ex I'm referring to that I dumped was pretty Damn abusive toward me. Don't get me wrong, I loved and cared for her very much, but I always questioned her feelings for me as she stated them. It was her actions that said more. Shortly after I broke up with her she called and texted me, at first fighting with me then morphing into sadness. She told me that it was like suicide driving by my house, that no one would ever love me the way she did, then hung up with a final "I love you, I love you". Two and a half to three months later she's hitting the eff you button on me. This is a woman who professed that she wanted to marry me. You know why she was hitting the eff you button?? Because she was effing someone else. That's fine, his problem now. I've moved on in the meantime and couldn't be happier with my decision. I found a woman who is high class, ten times what she ever could be, but you know what?? If I broke up with her, she would answer the phone and speak, even if it was just to tell me to stop calling. People who believe in no contact, I'm right there with them...but I am also an adult who is capable of adult relationships. I believe if some one calls you , you answer out of courtesy and respect for someone you once loved. It's ok to unless it becomes abusive/harassment. Ignoring when upset was one of her trademarks, that in and of itself is a form of cruelty and somewhat demeaning. If you have a bad breakup with someone and they call you or text, you can always show them your strength by answering and telling them to stop contacting you. It doesn't take much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author user_name Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 I am not sure where this conversation turned to, but I think the post itself was misunderstood. Doh! /_- I'm sorry if it didn't make sense. Its just that I thought it was crazy how when he broke up with me, I was crying and crying and trying to make up for the longest time. And then almost 4 months later he is texting me everything he is feeling now. So it reminded me of that meme. Of that grieving process everyone goes through. Which is different for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts