Had to leave the love of my life

[rocco]

She's 32, I'm 22, we had the most passionate and intense relationship that is humanly possible, we had flawless physical chemistry and emotions ran deeper than the mariana, it was without a shadow of a doubt true love.

 

But sometimes love is not enough.

 

Also, as I find out, 2 people can fall in love... who are maybe (absolutely certainly) "not right for each other/do not work being together", just like us.

 

She struggled immensely with being honest, I struggled immensely with being lied to, as a result, things got very, very, VERY bad.

 

I landed a very very nice job last month, and 4 weeks later.. I am fired due to abysmal punctuality and attendance as a direct result of my personal troubles in my relationship...

 

That was the killing blow, we had a perfect life set infront of us, ready for the taking... she refused to let it happen, she couldn't make the changes she needed to make for us to be together... I couldn't accept her for the (I hate to say it) liar she truly is...

 

We were not right for each other,

 

And I feel this is the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life, but I have no choice, I have left her, and it's going to be beyond HARD to cope with this.

 

I know there are some great people on this forum, we all share a vague-something in common, that's why I'm here.

 

So, my recovery begins...

Edited October 29, 2014 by rocco

[EuTuBrute]

You are 22 and it seems like you are mature behind your age.

 

I was in a relationship where the love flowed very easy.

 

It wasn't enough.

 

Move on.

[loversquarrel]

That my friend is not being in love. I've been in your situation. She was dishonest during the relationship, It caused me much pain and I in turn became dishonest with her, back and forth if you will. I had to walk away from her and it sucked, I still hurt from it at times. The woman I ended up with....now that is love, true love - honest, mature, beautiful, compassionate, classy... You will know it when you find it and you will understand the difference.

[foreverastone]

Go watch the movie 'gone girl'

It will make you think twice about the person you date.

I won't spoilt it for you because i think it's a fantastic movie but it talks about a couple locked in a marriage and i remember this line in the movie 'what will we do to each other'

 

Think long and hard about your relationship and all the negatives in it. These negatives will compound over the years and in the end your relationship may not even remotely resemble the one you got into

[annisk]

Interesting title.

 

I wonder why she had problems with being honest? In my opinion, being honest is a very big part in building a strong foundation for a relationship with someone. Was she being dishonest in order to hide something from you? Or was she being dishonest to make her life seem more "interesting"? If you know what I mean. I have friends who lie, or more accurately fabricate things, to make their lives seem more interesting. If it's the latter, I believe that can some times be fixed.

 

I'm 21. Very close in age with you. I'm going through a break up myself and believe that my ex (who called it off) is the love of my life. He was very adamant that it was him, not me. I believe his feelings ceased to persist, but why - neither of us know. I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that we're both so young. Sure we may have had an intense bond with our ex's, but who's to say we won't have that with someone else again?

 

Keep an open mind. I hope you find someone that will allow you the same feelings you had with her or that she'll make the changes in order for the both of you to have a stronger relationship.

 

Stay strong!

[rocco]

Interesting title.

 

I wonder why she had problems with being honest? In my opinion, being honest is a very big part in building a strong foundation for a relationship with someone. Was she being dishonest in order to hide something from you? Or was she being dishonest to make her life seem more "interesting"? If you know what I mean. I have friends who lie, or more accurately fabricate things, to make their lives seem more interesting. If it's the latter, I believe that can some times be fixed.

 

I'm 21. Very close in age with you. I'm going through a break up myself and believe that my ex (who called it off) is the love of my life. He was very adamant that it was him, not me. I believe his feelings ceased to persist, but why - neither of us know. I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that we're both so young. Sure we may have had an intense bond with our ex's, but who's to say we won't have that with someone else again?

 

Keep an open mind. I hope you find someone that will allow you the same feelings you had with her or that she'll make the changes in order for the both of you to have a stronger relationship.

 

Stay strong!

 

Both, on occasion she lied to make herself seem more exciting... I recall a couple of examples.

 

But mostly hiding things, the biggest lie was about her past, how many people she had been with, given her age and the manner in which we met, I always knew she was lying when she told me she'd only been with 3 men including me.

 

I always knew she was harbouring lies, and the fighting got intense, each time she would "let out" a little bit more of the truth, sometimes things even got physical, I've had plenty of full force slaps across the head/face, I've grabbed a hold of her with force a couple of times too in the middle of a raging argument...

 

 

All I ever wanted was honesty, if I ask a question... I demand an honest answer, as I give the same. for me that honesty is absolutely paramount.

 

After so many lies, now she claims she's told me everything, and explained how hard it was for her to talk to me and tell me, she was scared of what I would think about the fact that she's been with 6 people not 3, scared that I would leave her for the mistakes she made before we even knew each other...

 

She was wrong, all I wanted was truthfulness and honesty, it's the most important building block for trust.

 

Now I don't know when she's telling the truth or lying, after so much passive lying I don't think I could have ever trusted her at this point.

 

She's heart broken, I'm currently receiving the desperate text messages etc etc... but I'm in NC and will be indefinitely...

 

I think too much has happened, I've lost the drive to fight for it, I tried my absolute hardest, to the point where I genuinely feel suicidal, my health has taken a brutal beating, getting fired was the tipping point...

 

I just had to end it.

[Jet Lag]

The woman I ended up with....now that is love, true love - honest, mature, beautiful, compassionate, classy... You will know it when you find it and you will understand the difference.

 

Congratulations...I hope all of us can find what you have (well, for me, in the male version, hehehe)!

[Diezel]

I landed a very very nice job last month, and 4 weeks later.. I am fired due to abysmal punctuality and attendance as a direct result of my personal troubles in my relationship.

 

As you grow older... OWN this. This is your fault, not the relationship's. Don't ever let it happen again. Don't let another person ruin the rest of your life. Thankfully, you are only 22 and can bounce back from this and use it as a learning experience... but don't ever let another person's emotional imbalance affect your income.

[loversquarrel]

You are the victim of abuse. The dishonesty, lying, emotional and physical abuse.....Been there, I also had to be the one to break up. Your ex sounds exactly like mine. Sure she's pining for you now but in 2-3 months time she will forget about you no matter how much she tells you she loves you. The minute someone decides to put there hands on you in an abusive manner is the minute you walk out the door.

 

This type of woman will undoubtedly end up in bad relationships her entire life unless she addresses her problems.

[loversquarrel]

Congratulations...I hope all of us can find what you have (well, for me, in the male version, hehehe)!

 

Thank you. Give it time and you will.

[annisk]

That's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear you having to go through something like that. It seems to me she's very immature, especially for her age and has got plenty of issues she needs to work out. I haven't heard her side of the story, so it's hard to tell. But learn from this and I hope you have far better experiences in the future. Big love xx

[sooshi]

It sounds like your relationship was an addictive one, not a healthy one. Intense physical chemistry? That's your hormones talking.

 

A healthy relationship requires intimacy with yourself first. She wasn't honest with you because she wasn't honest with herself first. It had nothing to do with you.

 

But, you also need to start taking responsibility for your own self-intimacy and for yourself. You blamed your loss of job on the relationship. You blamed it on her. But it wasn't her that lost the job. It was you, and you need to take responsibility for your part. Otherwise, you're only being dishonest with yourself.

 

A relationship that starts out of physical attraction should ring alarm bells for an addictive relationship. Certain hormonal feelings are addictive, and it sounds like that's really all the relationship was.

[leoc1973]

See this is an example of age gap being a huge factor. When I was your age something like "her number" would have been a huge factor. And her lying about it would have been a huge factor also. But as you get older you really don't care anymore. I am 40 now. I have been with a ton of girls and I know that women lie about how many guys they have been with. To be honest you will realize when you are my age that you really had no right to ask nor should care what she did before you so long as she doesn't do it while she is with you.

 

The last 2 girls I dated for a long period of time I have no idea how many guys they have been with. Could be 3 could be 100. I have no idea and as long as they kept foreign penises out of them while I was with them that is all that matters.

 

Years from now when you are my age you are going to think of how silly it was to dump someone who simply was embarrassed or trying to save your feelings by telling you the wrong number.

 

When you accept someone you take them for who they are now and not where they came from. Unless you are either insecure about your own performance or worried about what your friends and family think.

 

Like I said tho. I was the same way at your age and I can still remember letting little things eat me up and taking it to work with me or fighting before work.

 

But there is a huge difference between lies of a persons past and lies while they are with you. It's a classic example of "don't ask questions that you don't want to hear the answer" If you never find this kind of chemistry with a woman again you are going to really regret losing this one over such pettyness.