My ex might be getting back with her ex

[rickrorri]

We were together for 8-9 months, i broke up with her because while being together she compared me to this friend of hers who used to like her and made her feel special- she complained that why cant i be like that and i got very insecure and broke up.

She wanted to get back, i didnt

But then, i realized that it wasnt something for which i can let her go. I went back to her after 3 weeks (during which we used to talk once few days). I asked her that we should get back and thats when she said she has realized her mistake and she feels very guilty to be with me. I tried reasoning with her but she was head strong about her decision.

We were literally in NC for 7 months after that (barring a few drunk calls/texts)

few weeks back it was her and her sister's (who's a very close friend) birthday. I was invited. I thought i shouldnt go, but I went thinking people are going to get wrong meaning if i dont go, and also deep down i wanted to see her.

We were very very good with each other. We spoke in private too, i could have hooked up with her but i chose not to, thinking its not a good idea. But i was very comfortable with her, and so was she. In fact, her ex (before me) was also there and even we bonded pretty good- i'm just a friendly kind of person LOL

After that we have been talking a lot, and talking normally,sometimes thinking of past jokes, or instances when we used to fight about petty things and make fun of it. She casually also said how sshe was right in not being in touch for a few months as space made her understand what she wants and also it was important for me to move on and that if we continued talking we would be on and off, this was the best thing that happend for us to move on with our lives.

 

She did ask me if i had moved on, and she did say she knows i've moved on, but i never gave a straight answer to this.

 

Now we talk a lot, all night types. Last night i casually asked her if shes with someone and she said "i dont know", i tried to ask her who it is but then i changed the topic- i didn't want to know (but i think its her ex).

 

I felt really weird.

 

So here's the truth- i never moved on, i was so madly in love with her that i have never even thought of anyone but her. I have had so many hook ups in my life, all before her, she was the first girl i ever dated- i really really liked her. I would do anything for her.

After we broke up, i tried to keep a poker face, though inital stages of break up when i went to her to get back,i did come across as a bit clingy, but after that i think i did pretty good in showing i have moved on

My connection with her is so amazing, i can look at her and actually know what's going on with her. And she knows all of it

She says that i'm perfect in every sense and she can't find anyone better than me. I get mixed feelings whether she has moved on or not, but i think she has, its just nostalgia that makes her say certain things.

 

I can't ask her to get back to me, it would show i'm weak. I dont know what i should do right now. I would do anything to have her back. I am not the person who can move on from one person to another. In fact, i was in vegas last month, i hooked up with the hottest girl i've seen (not a hooker,lol) - and i had to because i was peer pressured into it. But i stopped and just couldn't do it. Though i didn't tell anyone, but i couldnt hook up- all i could think of is her.

 

I want her back. I cant ask her that. I am mind ****. i want your help. If i ask her, she might stop talking again thinking i am clingy or whatever-i dont know.

What should i do?

 

PS: ladies, i have no idea how you function (dont take it in the wrong way). so i would appreciate if a girl advices me about this, as they would know what goes on in a girls mind better.

[Ordinaryday]

this is why you should have complete NC with an ex. I dont know what any of my exes are doing and I dont care.

 

I have blocked them on fb. changed my mobile number. I moved house recently so even if they staked out my old house they would get nowhere. I changed jobs so if they went to my old workplace they would get nothing.

 

I have no idea what ANY of my exes are doing, whether they are happy, sad, whatever, I have no clue.

 

and I much prefer it that way because if I were to hear something like my ex who at one stage told me that she "felt really blessed being with me" was now engaged to another man I would be sad.

 

this 100% NC works for me.

[Arieswoman]

rickrorri,

 

You said

 

i broke up with her because while being together she compared me to this friend of hers who used to like her and made her feel special- she complained that why cant i be like that and i got very insecure and broke up.

 

you weren't good enough for her then, and she kept telling you so, so why would you be good enough for her now?

 

You did the right thing breaking up with her.

 

Do you really want to go back with someone who was continually putting you down?

 

It's tough, but you need to move on. Forget about her, respect yourself and go NC. It does get better in time.

 

Good luck

[Natsu21]

This post is a classic example of why I NEVER stay in contact with any exes.

 

The minute a break up happens, I end friendship and civility unless we have to work together. No point in stirring the point when the stew is spoiled.

[rickrorri]

arieswoman- i know my shortcomings- i know where i was wrong. she compared me to the guy who had a thing for her then and i didnt take it in the right way

But she's not the one who continually puts me down like you're putting it. As a matter of fact she says she realized her mistake, and that she can't get anyone better than me (no ego boost, makes it worse for me as i want to get back and this is a tease)

[Arieswoman]

rickrorri,

I don't get this,

 

she compared me to the guy who had a thing for her then and i didnt take it in the right way

 

she was out-of-order to compare you to anyone, that's mean. And it is a put-down, even if you can't see it.

 

and that she can't get anyone better than me

 

So she's had a look round and decided that she will settle for you because she can't get anyone better? I bet that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. (Sarcasm)

 

My advice is still the same. Don't go back there.

[rickrorri]

arieswoman- yeah i get what you're trying to say

its just that its been 8 months and i still feel hopeless. i know what everyone says with time it gets better and all that jazz, but i dont see it happening.

should i tell her how i feel so that she knows and then stop all kinds of contact with her? like just tell her what there is to say, and then a goodbye?