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Trapped in time


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Closetotheedge

Hi everybody

 

some of you may know me already, i made a post in details about my 6 years relationship break up with my ex GF who is a boderline and also have depression and another problems.

 

so, today i "broke up" with another woman, who i was dating for about a month(it's been 4 months since my broke up with my ex)

 

i "broke up" the new girl, because she is such a nice girl, and she was starting to really like me, and i didn't want to hurt her

(we are not officially bf and gf, just dating, once a week)

 

she asked me today why i was so distant, and cold

 

and i didn't lie, i told her i still love my ex, and she(new girl) deservers a whole person, a better person

 

it's like i cant move foward, i'm FULL NC for the 4 months, didn't get any more breadcrumbs, she(ex) is already with another man, and i can't even imagine myself with another person right now

 

i feel a sense of shame, like i failed in the relationship, i failed my mother, who really loved my ex, and feeling worthless, since i didn't get anymore breadcrumbs, like my ex is really relieved and happy by getting rid of me of her life.

 

and on top of that a problem with my brother and 3 friends,made them all stop talking to me

 

i'm like "maybe i'm really the problem, maybe i'm the bad guy"

 

i look myself in the mirror and ask, who are you? my sense of identity is slipping away

 

i know how bad she was for me,how badly she treated me, and how i deserve a better girl, and i really don't want to go back to my ex.

 

but everyday the image of her is haunting me, like a ghost, speaking what i should or not do

 

i say this to you guys, some people say that after a break up, a new lover, dating, will improve things and help you get over your ex, but for me it's just not working

 

i'm officially out of the "Market" until i'm able to get over my ex, i'll not drag anymore people into this mess.

Edited by Closetotheedge
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Dating can help you realize you're attractive and that other options exist, but it's not going to help you forget about the pain of the breakup. If it does, it almost cheapens the relationship you just got out of. I think your feelings are completely normal.

 

The fact that you're sensitive to hurting others is a great sign, too. You're on the right track and you're a good person. When you start thinking about other people, you're starting to move on. You're caring for someone else, again, even though it's in a small way. It's a good step though, and you'll build on it.

 

This isn't easy (I'm going through it now, am emotional, and also not ready to date) but it should get better. Keep staying active and meet new people when you're ready.

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I'd say your first and most important step is to focus on yourself. Your post just screams "I have no confidence." Your thoughts on how you're in some way the "bad guy", losing your identity, and still thinking of someone who treated you poorly are all indications of this.

 

You HAVE to get your sense of self and confidence back. That's the complete foundation for being happy and finding a healthy relationship. Surround yourself with friends, start working out, give yourself positive affirmations in the mirror at night and in the morning, throw yourself into a hobby or something you've always wanted to do.

 

It's very painful, but you can't let another person define who you are. Only you can do that.

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