bb1205 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Hi everyone, My ex boyfriend and I dated for 3 years. We did long distance for the second half of our relationship, and towards the end things got really rough. He started snapping at me for stupid things, would find any reason to get mad at me and start an argument. I could tell he felt so guilty about what he was doing, because we had had such a meaningful relationship for so long, but I literally made him cringe at this point. I orginally broke up with him and he was "devastated" but when I tried to reconcile a few weeks later he basically re-brokeup with me. He tried to be as nice as possible about it. He told me he loved me but couldn't be the boyfriend I deserved. He said he needed time to heal and space to sort out his thoughts. After the breakup I stopped talking to him, and I heard from all of our friends that he was "happy". He told everyone he was fine and didn't want to talk about the breakup because he was trying to keep his mind off of things. He went out a lot the first month or two after the breakup. There was no rebound. Today I'm about 3-4 months out since the breakup and we haven't spoken. It's been really hard on me although I've been sure not to show it on social media at all. He however has done a few confusing things on his social media (yes, I spy occasionally). He's posted quotes about trusting in God's plan and process, and not being in a hurry to figure things out, let life surprise you (among other things). It seems that our breakup happened, not because he wanted to meet other girls and hookup, but simply because the feelings really weren't there for him anymore. It's a really confusing concept for me, because of all of the time and effort we put into our often enjoyable relationship. It sucks that towards the end, the fights started taking place more often and eventually everything fell apart. Dumpers (or dumpees), after a few months have you seen your situation change? Have you or your dumper had a change of heart? I've heard and read many stories of dumpers that left and found that after a few months apart, they had made a horrible mistake and came back guns blazing. Thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 Dumpers (or dumpees), after a few months have you seen your situation change? Have you or your dumper had a change of heart? Personally, never. Once I breakup with a woman, or a woman breaks-up with me, I never go back for round two. It sounds romantic to do so, to exalt the perseverance of love. But after a week or two of the fantasy, reality kicks in and I move on. I may remain friendly with my ex-girlfriends, but I never ponder or drive myself to want to get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bb1205 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 But just like you who chooses not to look back, there are also many that do. Many LS stories feature exes that at first were dead set in their decision to find only a few months down the road that they were very very wrong. Not saying it's the "rule" just saying exceptions happen Link to post Share on other sites
annisk Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I empathise with you 100%. It really is sad and a very strange concept for me to accept that love has the ability to just fade away. I'm a hopeless romantic myself, so I hope that our paths cross one day. But definitely not now or anytime soon. I need time to heal and re-build myself. Maybe in like 8 years, haha. I suppose I'm on your side with the whole "looking back" issue. I think that given plenty of time, it wouldn't even be called "looking back". Does that make sense? It really is confusing, isn't it? I cannot emphasize on how much I get how you're feeling. Sorry I haven't said anything very constructive in relation to your question. Truth is, we'll never really know until it happens. Big love and stay strong! Don't break NC xx Link to post Share on other sites
annisk Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 If you really want a glimpse of hope, I suggest you read the "second times the charm" thread on ask metafilter. That said, don't bank on your ex coming back after reading it. It's just nice to know that what we're thinking isn't crazy and impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 If you really want a glimpse of hope, I suggest you read the "second times the charm" thread on ask metafilter. That said, don't bank on your ex coming back after reading it. It's just nice to know that what we're thinking isn't crazy and impossible. Wow thats just crazy, iv read the thread, my break up was completely familial and/or situational, it wasnt because of me or her we were set on getting married, but you are right, dont bank on getting them back, but life has a weird way of doing things. For those who want the read, heres the link: Second time's the charm? - relationships split twice | Ask MetaFilter Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I don't seem to understand what is so confusing about what your ex is posting on social media. It's almost as if you'd rather see that he was dating other women and bragging about it. Link to post Share on other sites
annisk Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 I don't seem to understand what is so confusing about what your ex is posting on social media. It's almost as if you'd rather see that he was dating other women and bragging about it. I think what she was trying to get across in regards to his posting on social media is that the breakup and his loss of feeling is clearly something that he isn't happy with and it shows through those quotes he posted. So she's confused because she's thinking - if he isn't happy with it, why did he do it in the first place? You see? But often times people do things they don't want to do because they know it's for the better and all that jazz about trusting in gods plan or path or whatever gives a glimmer of hope for reconciliation or simply something better ahead of the both of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bb1205 Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Annisk thanks for clarifying for me. You nailed it lol. I actually really do think that this breakup was something that he felt he needed to do at the time because the constant fights were weighing on both of us. His relief period was an extreme one, in which i never saw ANYTHING on his social media other than quotes about change and moving forward. It's hopeful to see this change of heart hes having via social media because the shift is there. He went from running around town bragging about how happy he was (relief) about the breakup and was out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT with friends. This last month I have seen him out maybe 3 times? And the social media post breakup sorrow is seeping through. This week was also a good one in term of hope, a mutual guy friend of ours divulged to me that he has recently started to experience days where he really misses me and thinks about me and it's hard for him. I think break ups are a process, and (depending on the kind of breakup) I think that if it was somewhat impulsive and used as a way to get out of a rough patch of a lot of fighting due to various stress factors quickly and painlessly, the regret and longing will seep back in after the relief period wears off (which for him took 2 solid months). Link to post Share on other sites
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