Broken Relationships and Rekindling

[jbentley87]

Hello girls/guys. I recently have parted from my girlfriend of 2+ years (I wrote another post about our situation). But my main interest with this post is to understand just what happens if you "play your cards right"? From my perspective, I was broken up with and I am trying to do all the right things to make her want me again (NC, body image, etc.).

 

I guess the question is: Does anybody have a positive story about getting back with their ex and what do you think was essential in doing so? Also, was getting back together a goal of yours or did it just happen?

 

Thanks!

[xUnknown]

Hello girls/guys. I recently have parted from my girlfriend of 2+ years (I wrote another post about our situation). But my main interest with this post is to understand just what happens if you "play your cards right"? From my perspective, I was broken up with and I am trying to do all the right things to make her want me again (NC, body image, etc.).

 

I guess the question is: Does anybody have a positive story about getting back with their ex and what do you think was essential in doing so? Also, was getting back together a goal of yours or did it just happen?

 

Thanks!

 

I do...more or less. Search for my thread.

 

Pretty much focus on yourself and be happy alone. I went NC from day 1 and did a lot for myself. 3 months later she came back (we broke up because she said she wasn't happy with herself - self esteem). She did a number of things to work on herself in that time off too. We dated for another 8 months.

 

As of 3 weeks ago, we were broken up. Why? Because she didn't do enough for herself. Again, she wasn't happy with herself. She was looking for happiness in me, not from within. I was facing a forever losing battle. She knew the problem was with her and that I did everything a loving boyfriend should have done. But, when I issued the ultimatum, I knew how it was going to end.

 

Moral of the story - be you. Make yourself happy, and better yourself. I have my good and my bad days, but it seems somewhat easier the second time around.

[selena_cat]

You may like to read this post,but I wouldnt count on it

I am going through a break up now,a long term relationship

This is Law of Attraction

 

YESS you can attract your ex back! OLD DNS post - Powerful Intentions: Law of Attraction Community

 

Its rather long though,make sure you really want her back,if you could trust not to break up again

Edited October 22, 2014 by selena_cat

[tikay00]

You may like to read this post,but I wouldnt count on it

I am going through a break up now,a long term relationship

This is Law of Attraction

 

YESS you can attract your ex back! OLD DNS post - Powerful Intentions: Law of Attraction Community

 

Its rather long though,make sure you really want her back,if you could trust not to break up again

 

This article was amazing!

[sly_fly1]

i can give you a quickened story of how i got my girlfriend back.

 

basically we loved eachother to death. we werent only a couple. but we were partners in crime and best friends. we could lay around all day and were perectly comfortable infront of eachother. we each have a daughter who are the same ages and we raise them like twins. i dont need to explain how it is to be super inlove. im sure you already know.

 

anyways she started accomplishing things in her life, going back to school and graduatiing,. getting a job, i was proud of her. but some where along the line she fell off the boat. couldnt take being critisized by her family. no matter how good she would do i was the only one who had her back.

 

guess what. i was the first to go. she dumped me. well it was biulding up,. the last 2 months she started taking off and partying. ditching me. not answering. not texting. she sent my step daughter to her dads. who she hasnt seen in over 4 years. and thats where she permanently stayed. my gf fell heavy into drugs. and she even started dating another guy the day after she dumped me. WTF RIGHT?

 

i was devistated, and really everything was a mess. i dont know what happend.

 

there was about 6 months of bread crumbs, calls here. texts there, i miss yous. i love yous. lets hang out , come sleep over as friends. come pick me up, eventually i got sick of it, i couldnt take the heart ach.

 

more months went by. and she called me on new years. after her new guy beat her up, multiple times. i ran into her on new years. and things happend. but after that she disappeared again,. assuming she went back to her life style she started.

 

2 months of more bread crumbs in the new year. then finally i told her to F off. she was gone. for good. i prayed and wished that some karma bad would happen to her.

 

well so much for being gone for good. the next day she got into a rank car accident. i only went to pick her up because my ex step daughter was there.

 

the car was a pan cake., there was ambulences n crap. the other people were hospitalized but my ex n step kid were just bruised n cut up.

 

we talked for 2 hours in the car, n she cried n cried and explained everything n said her appologies n crap. i just looked at her blank minded. like it was like i didnt care but i did care , i had no emotions, she was bagging for me back and this time she meant it,. but by now she put me threw so much crap. didnt matter how many tears she cried. i didnt feel it. but i said okay anyways.. i felt like it was my duty as a man to take her back. she looked like a crumpled u piece of paper and i guess i pitied her..

 

the first 6 months were terrible. i had to do most of the work. she was just an emotional mess. and i had become one. i started going to the gym and i really did put in full effort,. there was also alot of hate, from me to her. just for what she did,. i did not trust her at all. and she had a bad attitude , im guessing from coming off the drugs she started doing.

 

it was crazy, there is so much more to the story, n maybe you can read my other postes which have more detail.

 

but what i can tell you that i did to get her back. every bread crumb i took. i never ignored or played into her games. if she texted i would reply like an adult. if she did not reply back. i let it be, even though i wished she would. i also was always there. everytime she called me crying when her life was sucking hard. i was there. EVERYTIME. i was never rude. and i did tell her how i felt and what i wanted. but only in the beggining. it was hell and i went through hell and back for my gf. i had to let go of everything she did. all the hurt. n all the love. and start over with her,. a completley brand new relationship, yes i let it all go. and its hard ,. really hard. its harder to get back together and do it all, then the initial break up. you will struggle for a very long time. but in the end is it worth it? who knows,

 

we have now been back together for almost a year now. and just a few months ago things Finally started getting back to normal. that spark is starting to glow again. and all the pain n fear and mistrust and what not,. its gone now. well almost gone.

 

i think what is important when you get back together. is that you are mature enough to accept your partner for who they really are,.(the person you fell inlove with) and dont hold what they did against them. and yes it takes time and lots of effort, and i wont doubt that you(the dumpee) will have to put in more effort. but if she is what you want go and get her. or dont give up.

 

because i got my girlfriend back and i thought it was IMPOSSIBLE and that it would never happen. and when i finally got her back. it wasnt me that wanted her back., it was her that wanted me.

 

be that guy she fell inlove with, good lluck man

[selena_cat]

Very inspiring story Sly Fly!

[tikay00]

i can give you a quickened story of how i got my girlfriend back.

 

basically we loved eachother to death. we werent only a couple. but we were partners in crime and best friends. we could lay around all day and were perectly comfortable infront of eachother. we each have a daughter who are the same ages and we raise them like twins. i dont need to explain how it is to be super inlove. im sure you already know.

 

anyways she started accomplishing things in her life, going back to school and graduatiing,. getting a job, i was proud of her. but some where along the line she fell off the boat. couldnt take being critisized by her family. no matter how good she would do i was the only one who had her back.

 

guess what. i was the first to go. she dumped me. well it was biulding up,. the last 2 months she started taking off and partying. ditching me. not answering. not texting. she sent my step daughter to her dads. who she hasnt seen in over 4 years. and thats where she permanently stayed. my gf fell heavy into drugs. and she even started dating another guy the day after she dumped me. WTF RIGHT?

 

i was devistated, and really everything was a mess. i dont know what happend.

 

there was about 6 months of bread crumbs, calls here. texts there, i miss yous. i love yous. lets hang out , come sleep over as friends. come pick me up, eventually i got sick of it, i couldnt take the heart ach.

 

more months went by. and she called me on new years. after her new guy beat her up, multiple times. i ran into her on new years. and things happend. but after that she disappeared again,. assuming she went back to her life style she started.

 

2 months of more bread crumbs in the new year. then finally i told her to F off. she was gone. for good. i prayed and wished that some karma bad would happen to her.

 

well so much for being gone for good. the next day she got into a rank car accident. i only went to pick her up because my ex step daughter was there.

 

the car was a pan cake., there was ambulences n crap. the other people were hospitalized but my ex n step kid were just bruised n cut up.

 

we talked for 2 hours in the car, n she cried n cried and explained everything n said her appologies n crap. i just looked at her blank minded. like it was like i didnt care but i did care , i had no emotions, she was bagging for me back and this time she meant it,. but by now she put me threw so much crap. didnt matter how many tears she cried. i didnt feel it. but i said okay anyways.. i felt like it was my duty as a man to take her back. she looked like a crumpled u piece of paper and i guess i pitied her..

 

the first 6 months were terrible. i had to do most of the work. she was just an emotional mess. and i had become one. i started going to the gym and i really did put in full effort,. there was also alot of hate, from me to her. just for what she did,. i did not trust her at all. and she had a bad attitude , im guessing from coming off the drugs she started doing.

 

it was crazy, there is so much more to the story, n maybe you can read my other postes which have more detail.

 

but what i can tell you that i did to get her back. every bread crumb i took. i never ignored or played into her games. if she texted i would reply like an adult. if she did not reply back. i let it be, even though i wished she would. i also was always there. everytime she called me crying when her life was sucking hard. i was there. EVERYTIME. i was never rude. and i did tell her how i felt and what i wanted. but only in the beggining. it was hell and i went through hell and back for my gf. i had to let go of everything she did. all the hurt. n all the love. and start over with her,. a completley brand new relationship, yes i let it all go. and its hard ,. really hard. its harder to get back together and do it all, then the initial break up. you will struggle for a very long time. but in the end is it worth it? who knows,

 

we have now been back together for almost a year now. and just a few months ago things Finally started getting back to normal. that spark is starting to glow again. and all the pain n fear and mistrust and what not,. its gone now. well almost gone.

 

i think what is important when you get back together. is that you are mature enough to accept your partner for who they really are,.(the person you fell inlove with) and dont hold what they did against them. and yes it takes time and lots of effort, and i wont doubt that you(the dumpee) will have to put in more effort. but if she is what you want go and get her. or dont give up.

 

because i got my girlfriend back and i thought it was IMPOSSIBLE and that it would never happen. and when i finally got her back. it wasnt me that wanted her back., it was her that wanted me.

 

be that guy she fell inlove with, good lluck man

 

What if you can't go on with your daily life by doing that? I have to go NC, so I don't think about her 24/7, and think about her next text or call. How did you endure all that while in contact with her?

[johnson_j]

So I've gotten back three girls I dated long term (and dumped them all again later for mostly the same reason things ended the first time). My recommendation is to NOT go backwards, but if you must, here's what I did:

 

STOPPED CARING. Yes, that's right. In each of the situations, I couldn't have cared less about the outcome. Women can sense that a mile away, and they worked to make me care, by putting in lots of effort.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When things ended with all of them, I was hurt. It took a matter of weeks, sometimes months to stop caring and get over them. Gradually bread crumbs from them became substantial and more than just "crumbs".

 

 

Two of the girls I did open the door for them, by engaging them in conversation when I figured I was strong enough to do so and be unemotional about it. That's what opened the door (pandoras' box?)

[nostaljathing000]

So I've gotten back three girls I dated long term (and dumped them all again later for mostly the same reason things ended the first time). My recommendation is to NOT go backwards, but if you must, here's what I did:

 

Would you mind elaborating on some of those reasons? I wonder how you can so strongly recommend to not go backwards--although I am sure a lot of the members on here would agree with you.

[sly_fly1]

What if you can't go on with your daily life by doing that? I have to go NC, so I don't think about her 24/7, and think about her next text or call. How did you endure all that while in contact with her?

 

I did it the hard way. I can almost gaurentee that if i would have gone no contact from the getgo. Eventuallly i would have gotten a knock on my door. I wasnt strong enough to let go. It was thought of me being with another woman n moving on that scared me to death. So i chose to sit there for those long grueling months with a heart ache n a knot in my stomach n no sleep . Just did the same thing everyday . Goto work . Get home n surf the web on how to get my gf back. N believe me. Like i said. When i did finally let go. It was when she finally came back. Ur girl will miss you regardless. N when ur truly gone. That fear of loss will click n there shell be. Banging on your door. The real question is.. will you even want her back? Things turned out ok for me..

[tikay00]

I did it the hard way. I can almost gaurentee that if i would have gone no contact from the getgo. Eventuallly i would have gotten a knock on my door. I wasnt strong enough to let go. It was thought of me being with another woman n moving on that scared me to death. So i chose to sit there for those long grueling months with a heart ache n a knot in my stomach n no sleep . Just did the same thing everyday . Goto work . Get home n surf the web on how to get my gf back. N believe me. Like i said. When i did finally let go. It was when she finally came back. Ur girl will miss you regardless. N when ur truly gone. That fear of loss will click n there shell be. Banging on your door. The real question is.. will you even want her back? Things turned out ok for me..

 

So basically, once you went NC, and let go, that's when she really came back. Not making assumptions, but was holding on a waste of time, and unnecessary heart ache?

[sly_fly1]

So basically, once you went NC, and let go, that's when she really came back. Not making assumptions, but was holding on a waste of time, and unnecessary heart ache?

 

For the most part yes. And no. Crying n being stressed out n feeling hurt n wishing. Were a waist of time. But being their for someone you love regardless of what they did n never giving up makes you stronger then most people. How many people can say they got back n made it work? Not many. Its like getting one of the hardest accomplishments in a video game. You finally did it. N if you did something that felt impossible. Then alot of other problems in life will seem like nothing.

 

This is just my point of view though. Dont hold grudges for someone doing what they want in their own life. It was up to me to either laugh about it. Or mope around. N i chose to mope. Just be happy n live n eventually that bandaid on your ex will peal off n shell see the big wound she left on herself. N the only person who can heal it is you.

[EuTuBrute]

I had an amazing relationship with my ex gf for 2.5 years and she hit me with I need a break bomb. A cold winter breeze followed

 

I pinned for her for a year. I couldn't believe the love of my life was acting like this. I looked at her Facebook, tried to text her, did all the wrong things.

 

We ended up running into her at a bar. Long story short I got my second chance and we ended up "seeing' each other for about 4 months.

 

I gave it my all again. It was great. Then she pulled the distance game again. That cold winter breeze came again.

 

Now i'm left with another broken heart and a self esteem in the garbage.

 

You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

 

I tried talking about it with her, but all i got was a change of subject.

 

Trust me I love this girl with all my heart but sometimes it doesn't work out. It was a one sided relationship. That is worse then being single.

 

I defended her and all her friends on Facebook. I had to do it for me.

 

As much as i would want her back, I know history will repeat itself.

 

I might be single for a while, but its better then being a doormat.

 

So in conclusion, those hoping for a second chance, be aware it will not be the same.

[xUnknown]

I had an amazing relationship with my ex gf for 2.5 years and she hit me with I need a break bomb. A cold winter breeze followed

 

I pinned for her for a year. I couldn't believe the love of my life was acting like this. I looked at her Facebook, tried to text her, did all the wrong things.

 

We ended up running into her at a bar. Long story short I got my second chance and we ended up "seeing' each other for about 4 months.

 

I gave it my all again. It was great. Then she pulled the distance game again. That cold winter breeze came again.

 

Now i'm left with another broken heart and a self esteem in the garbage.

 

You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

 

I tried talking about it with her, but all i got was a change of subject.

 

Trust me I love this girl with all my heart but sometimes it doesn't work out. It was a one sided relationship. That is worse then being single.

 

I defended her and all her friends on Facebook. I had to do it for me.

 

As much as i would want her back, I know history will repeat itself.

 

I might be single for a while, but its better then being a doormat.

 

So in conclusion, those hoping for a second chance, be aware it will not be the same.

Amen brotha. Same thing happened to me. EXACT same. Sometimes, you just gotta know when to pull the chord. The only difference was this time, I was the one that pulled the chord, although I felt like I beat her to the punch, so to speak.

[EuTuBrute]

It sucks to lose the one you love.

 

I will walk away knowing i did everything i could. I treated her well, cared about her and actually loved her. (Not like most dudes who just want to get in someones pants)

 

And that how to get attraction back stuff is bull****. If you weren't good enough the first time f*uck them. My ex was hot, but its not worth the pain and time.

 

"Break ups hurt but losing someone who doesn't respect and appreciate you, is actually a gain, not a loss".

[tikay00]

For the most part yes. And no. Crying n being stressed out n feeling hurt n wishing. Were a waist of time. But being their for someone you love regardless of what they did n never giving up makes you stronger then most people. How many people can say they got back n made it work? Not many. Its like getting one of the hardest accomplishments in a video game. You finally did it. N if you did something that felt impossible. Then alot of other problems in life will seem like nothing.

 

This is just my point of view though. Dont hold grudges for someone doing what they want in their own life. It was up to me to either laugh about it. Or mope around. N i chose to mope. Just be happy n live n eventually that bandaid on your ex will peal off n shell see the big wound she left on herself. N the only person who can heal it is you.

 

Yeah, I'm going the she won't come back, and move on for real route. If she comes back, probably will be in a relationship with a girl I've fallen in love with by then. Too late for her.