I finally blocked him.

[irresolute]

Here are my threads, if anyone wants to follow my story:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=22193231

 

I blocked him yesterday. From Facebook, and from everywhere. I did it because he contacted me on Thursday, I replied, and he went silent. And at that moment I realized I was still hoping to see him, even though I said the contrary, my heart raced all day when he contacted me.

 

Then, I blocked him for good. Everywhere. It's five months since last time I met him, but unfortunately we've been breaking no contact sporadically because he was my friend on facebook and because I still visited my online dating profile, and he visited it as well. It was a joke. It was no no contact at all. So I blocked him from my life.

 

But I crashed today, I was walking my dog and suddenly I had to take a sit, and I cry, I cry, I cry. I'm happy I took the decision to block him, but I'm feeling like a bad person, and I'm scared I made a mistake.

 

 

Hints of my relationship, if you don't wanna go on my threads, that are loong:

 

-fwb. I loved him. He did not.

-he didn't remember my name, even though we slept together for more than a year.

-he lied to me, several times.

-he was seeing several women at the same time.

-he is in love with someone else.

-he had me as an option. always

 

 

thanks for reading.

[Marco Valerio]

Well done. You know what the say "Better late than ever"

[BC1980]

Blocking is definitely appropriate in this case. It's okay that you cried. That's normal, and it doesn't make you a bad person because you blocked him. He said he doesn't love you, and he clearly doesn't desire a relationship with you. It sucks, but it's better to block him and move on from this than to keep the door open and never get over him.

[irresolute]

Guess what happened, guys.

 

I opened an account on okcupid (because I know he's not in there, of course) and started talking with one guy (IT's time! It's been 5 months since I met the jerk for the last time, I wanna feel ok!) and we started chatting, and I liekd him a lot.

 

This was 2 weeks ago. He then stopped showing interest, but I still wanted to talk, so I initiate a couple times and he always answered. Turned out we started texting yesterday, I asked him if he was going to text me last night (for Saturday) and he said yes. Well, he didn't text me yesterday nor today, and he just went online on okcupid.

 

I felt so sad, I wrote him a message, saying I was pissed off with myself, and that I liked him out of all the other guys.

 

And then started crying, crying, and crying. Because it's like a deja vu. Again, they rejected me. OMG OMG, feeling very sad. What's f.u.cking wrong with me all the men I like don't like me back?????

[Natsu21]

Guess what happened, guys.

 

I opened an account on okcupid (because I know he's not in there, of course) and started talking with one guy (IT's time! It's been 5 months since I met the jerk for the last time, I wanna feel ok!) and we started chatting, and I liekd him a lot.

 

This was 2 weeks ago. He then stopped showing interest, but I still wanted to talk, so I initiate a couple times and he always answered. Turned out we started texting yesterday, I asked him if he was going to text me last night (for Saturday) and he said yes. Well, he didn't text me yesterday nor today, and he just went online on okcupid.

 

I felt so sad, I wrote him a message, saying I was pissed off with myself, and that I liked him out of all the other guys.

 

And then started crying, crying, and crying. Because it's like a deja vu. Again, they rejected me. OMG OMG, feeling very sad. What's f.u.cking wrong with me all the men I like don't like me back?????

 

Wow...you are GORGEOUS...I mean um...sorry about your troubles

 

*Secretly dances in joy but then soon realizes how much of an ******* I'm being, then dances for joy again*

 

The beauty of it is that when you meet that person, it'll be much more worth it.

[blackcat777]

First of all, I think it's healthy to cry when you need to cry, rather than keeping it bottled up inside, so feel no shame. You're alive, you have emotions, you're human. I know it doesn't make it hurt any less, unfortunately. My best friend always reminds me that it's good when I cry and I should stop being mad about it because it means I have a soul. (He's also always right )

 

Secondly, PLEASE, please please pleasepleaseplease do not take any thoughtlessness on OKCupid seriously! I burned out on that place after two weeks, it's a freaking ZOO. The vast majority of people are looking for quick, easy hookups, and will stop responding for absolutely no reason all the time--this is the standard of operation. Not you, the STANDARD.

 

I think it's worse if you're female, photograph well, and are +/- 25 (face value high sexual market value on a site that statistically skews young), because anyone looking to hit anything will message you. Everyone has the app and it's a high-speed game of "trade up." Geographic desirability is another huge factor. Really sucks when you want to meet someone legit, because those two sweet guys out of a hundred who would take you seriously and chat nicely are lost in a sea of ding dongs. Some people want to collect notches on a mental bedpost--so many make plans to go out and talk big but will *never* have the gall to take it off the computer, this is SO easy to accomplish over the internet. There are also tons of aggressive and depressed people on that site.

 

Long story short. DO NOT TAKE OKCUPID SERIOUSLY. Hope for the best and blow anything else off like gnats. It's the new speed dating, nothing more, nothing less. I was fortunate enough not to receive any unsolicited nudes. @_@

 

I might reactivate my account in a few months when I am really ready to date again, but it's a high-energy investment with a lot of sifting and very mixed yield. Have to do it from a place of lighthearted, fun, non-investment, or it will get draining quick.

 

Online dating gone wrong is absolutely no reflection of you or your worth (no dating gone wrong is a reflection of your worth!), but especially online dating. It's so easy to be faceless, it's sadly part of the game, so go in knowing that and take it in stride. People like that are not your loss.

Edited October 20, 2014 by blackcat777

[whichwayisup]

You didn't make a mistake, you did the best thing for yourself even though it was painful to do.

 

You're courageous and strong! Cry all you need to and just know that soon you'll feel so much better.

[whichwayisup]

Guess what happened, guys.

 

I opened an account on okcupid (because I know he's not in there, of course) and started talking with one guy (IT's time! It's been 5 months since I met the jerk for the last time, I wanna feel ok!) and we started chatting, and I liekd him a lot.

 

This was 2 weeks ago. He then stopped showing interest, but I still wanted to talk, so I initiate a couple times and he always answered. Turned out we started texting yesterday, I asked him if he was going to text me last night (for Saturday) and he said yes. Well, he didn't text me yesterday nor today, and he just went online on okcupid.

 

I felt so sad, I wrote him a message, saying I was pissed off with myself, and that I liked him out of all the other guys.

 

And then started crying, crying, and crying. Because it's like a deja vu. Again, they rejected me. OMG OMG, feeling very sad. What's f.u.cking wrong with me all the men I like don't like me back?????

 

Delete your account and take a break. Allow yourself to be on your own and bond with your women friends, build your confidence back up with their love and support. Do fun hobbies, and be around those who love and care about you....

 

When the timing is better, try dating again but join a group that you actually meet people face to face instead of online. Meetup.com or something it's called... Or just find single guys through friends and when you're out at parties etc.

[irresolute]

He sent me a message on okcupid apologizing (he felt asleep and thought it was too late to text..whatever) and then he sent me 3 texts in a row, but I still haven't read them. I'll delete, I guess. If this starts this way, I cannot imagine how it'll continue gezzzz

[David87]

He sent me a message on okcupid apologizing (he felt asleep and thought it was too late to text..whatever) and then he sent me 3 texts in a row, but I still haven't read them. I'll delete, I guess. If this starts this way, I cannot imagine how it'll continue gezzzz

 

Stop being so emotional about things like that. The key is to soldier on time and time again until you find a decent guy to date. Imo I dont think youre ready to date just yet.

[organizedchaos]

He sent me a message on okcupid apologizing (he felt asleep and thought it was too late to text..whatever) and then he sent me 3 texts in a row, but I still haven't read them. I'll delete, I guess. If this starts this way, I cannot imagine how it'll continue gezzzz

 

You are not ready to date.

 

Take more time alone to heal. Hang out with friends. Work on yourself.

[irresolute]

Thank you, guys. But, not ready? I hate to hear that

 

I need to help myself to forget and I decided the best option is to date again. that worked in the past with other guys I broke up with.

If I continue to grieve and ruminate about John (Gezzz I hate to write his name, ugh) I'll never be ok again.

 

I honestly prefer to suffer on another relationship than to be stuck on this for years and years...Am I right? I've been grieving for more than a year now!

[me85]

I'm sorry to hear you fell in love with someone so unworthy of your love. We do that sometimes, don't we? Make a complete fool of ourselves (sometimes for years) but eventually we see the light.

 

You did THE. VERY. BEST. THING. It's so hard to let go of something you wanted so much but it isn't benefitting you in any way by holding on to it. We settle for bare minimum when we are at our lowest and weakest points in life. We lose ourselves in love and forget who we truly are because we get so tangled up in the people we are involved with. So we have to find our way back to ourselves.

 

I'm happy to hear you are finding your way back YOU.

 

Remember, those who love you may hurt you sometimes but when they really love you they make you a part of their life. Unless you don't want to be. Then, they love you enough to let you go.

 

All you can do love him more than he loves you...by letting him go.

[Allumere]

I feel ya...we understand the desire to meet someone as well as how that could help you move on for your ex. The issue is that at this point you are not in control of your emotions or expectations and that simple fact will chase of potential suitors. You heart isn't open for love but desperate for it and that is a tough place to be in.

[organizedchaos]

Thank you, guys. But, not ready? I hate to hear that

 

I need to help myself to forget and I decided the best option is to date again. that worked in the past with other guys I broke up with.

If I continue to grieve and ruminate about John (Gezzz I hate to write his name, ugh) I'll never be ok again.

 

I honestly prefer to suffer on another relationship than to be stuck on this for years and years...Am I right? I've been grieving for more than a year now!

 

Why drag some other guy along in your grieving by going in to a relationship with him when you are clearly not over your ex. It's not fair to him.

[me85]

I feel ya...we understand the desire to meet someone as well as how that could help you move on for your ex. The issue is that at this point you are not in control of your emotions or expectations and that simple fact will chase of potential suitors. Your heart isn't open for love but desperate for it and that is a tough place to be in.

 

I like ^this^ a lot. Great quote.

[Allumere]

I like ^this^ a lot. Great quote.

 

I thinks that was the only thing I wrote not riddled with typos....the rest was not quite English

[Natsu21]

Truth is you want the cure with the very thing that's hurting you. While you want love, and who doesn't, your heart is broken, confused, and in need of healing.

 

You are indeed in a tough place, and truthfully, the only thing that heals is time.

 

We've all been there.

[lovememe]

forget about him. i think the reason why u sooo hurt is because u both slept together and u realizing that meant nothing to him. u feel used. its okay to be sad but just try and move on. focus on ur self go out. enjoy life with friends. listen to songs like to the left to the left, big girls dont cry. and on ur next relationship dont sleep with them too fast. watch him for like 6 months remember if they truly love u they would wait. and if u dont see he likes u genuinely then u have nothing to loose.

 

Good luck

[irresolute]

Guys, I need you all tonight. I'm in pain.

 

Okcupid: total failure. The guy I told you, visited my profile yesterday but I stick to my guts and deleted him as well...oh my! Just because I wont tolerate any more scumbags in my life.

 

I've been chatting with other two guys but I realized the only thing I can give them is sex because I'm truly emotionally unavailable right now. So I stopped replying to those two as well.

 

Today I drove to college and started to cry again. I don't want to suppress my feelings but I feel guilty when I think about him. I went to my class nd then drove home and cried again. All the way.

 

I feel guilty I blocked him from my life. Very guilty. and I think I'll never be ok again, that I screwed my life miserably with this guy. Forever.

 

Have you read the story of that woman who fell in love with someone and then all her life was miserable because she just couldn't move on? and then, 50 years later, she found him again, and he just rejected her again, and she was still more miserable? Well, I truly think I'm that woman, that I'll never be ok, I'll never fall in love again because with this guy (I just can't pronounce his name again) I've lost my ingenuity and I truly think all other guys are gonna screw me and hurt me just as he did.

 

Feeling hopeless right now

[Allumere]

Guys, I need you all tonight. I'm in pain.

 

Okcupid: total failure. The guy I told you, visited my profile yesterday but I stick to my guts and deleted him as well...oh my! Just because I wont tolerate any more scumbags in my life.

 

I've been chatting with other two guys but I realized the only thing I can give them is sex because I'm truly emotionally unavailable right now. So I stopped replying to those two as well.

 

Today I drove to college and started to cry again. I don't want to suppress my feelings but I feel guilty when I think about him. I went to my class nd then drove home and cried again. All the way.

 

I feel guilty I blocked him from my life. Very guilty. and I think I'll never be ok again, that I screwed my life miserably with this guy. Forever.

 

Have you read the story of that woman who fell in love with someone and then all her life was miserable because she just couldn't move on? and then, 50 years later, she found him again, and he just rejected her again, and she was still more miserable? Well, I truly think I'm that woman, that I'll never be ok, I'll never fall in love again because with this guy (I just can't pronounce his name again) I've lost my ingenuity and I truly think all other guys are gonna screw me and hurt me just as he did.

 

Feeling hopeless right now

 

OK...breathe.

 

You are taking steps in the right direction even though at every step some bastard rips of the bandage and the wound is once again raw.

 

You cut ***hat out of your life. +1 You. Think of him as a tan. Getting that momentary fix of color makes you feel healtier and thinner. It gives that little confidence boost...but the reality is that there is nothing healthy about getting color from the sun and in the end it will only age your skin and it has a good chance of killing you.

 

OMG...feel guilty for what? No longer accepting his manipulation and breadcrumbs. Huni, huni, huni, you need to pull your esteem out of the basement and realize that unless you want occassional booty calls it is your right to say "Enough!" and that this doesn't work for you. Remember, he does not care about you. Keep saying that to yourself...and get pissed. Sometimes anger can be a good motivator (I know when I am mad I can get incredibly focused). This isn't so you can become a man-hating witch....it is to focus you during this time so you don't feel like a victim.

 

You realized that POF may not be the right thing at the moment. +2 You.

Time for some rebuild, restore and renew. You've been on here enough to know the scoop...get busy. Rather than looking to date maybe opt for going to activity meetups. Sure, these are often scouting missions for dates but they are also an opportunity to socialize and maybe make some new friends. Consider doing some therapy.

 

Chances are you won't be that 50 year old. Trust me, many of us know how you feel and have felt the same things. Hell I have been cracked open enough times now that I have no interest in going there again. Its been a year since my last gent and I imagine it will be a few more but as always happens with time passing....pain fades and one day I'll notice someone and think "well maybe".

 

 

 

 

OMG...you feel guilty for what? Standing up for yourself and deciding you will no longer accept being an option.

Edited October 24, 2014 by Allumere

[irresolute]

allrighty, I'm breathing now

 

Is weird that I feel guilty, no? That is another clue that my relationship with him was unhealthy.

 

One of the reasons, if not the main one, that I blocked him it's because he usually commented with me all the exes and girls he was still friend to, and sporadically he met them. It's like he liked to have them on hold, just for when he was in the mood to meet them. So, I thought that I didn't want to be one of those girls, because I valued my relationship with him, and even though he did not, I'd never would want to consider myself one of the crowd. It's sad, though, that in his mind, I'll always be. But, anyway, I took a step back from that place, and decided I no longer want to be there.

 

Is this reasonable? I always wanted something more with him, but he insistently put me in the place of a hook up. Even when we were Facebook friends, he chose to contact me through the dating site.

 

You know what he told me when I asked him to be his Facebook friend, on July? He replied: "I don't give Facebook that easily, just for close friends and family" As if I didn't worth enough to be his Facebook friend, wtf???

 

Nevermind, remembering all this sh.it only makes me feel angrier, and I just want to be ok, which I doubt I'll ever be, but still trying to.

[SoThatHappened]

Nevermind, remembering all this sh.it only makes me feel angrier, and I just want to be ok, which I doubt I'll ever be, but still trying to.

Sweetheart, you absolutely have to move on. You're revolving your life around a guy that's not even worth a fleeting thought.

 

You're young and attractive. You don't have to get back in the dating scene, but you absolutely have to close this chapter of your life.

 

I know (believe me I know) the heartbreak. I still think about her every day, but I've been NC for 4 months and have worked on moving forward. Guess what? I've moved on.

 

I still have feelings, of course, but she's not a part of my life anymore. And he's not a part of yours.

 

You're preventing yourself from moving on by checking up on him in a virtual world.

 

Stop. You have to. How can you not see it at this point?

 

My wound is fresher than yours, but you're still almost at square one. You're missing out on life (and potentially the right guy for you) by doing what you're doing.

 

You've made a good decision to block him, but now you have to cut off ALL forms of ALL contact, which includes anything online.

[irresolute]

Hey thank you but i have no clue why you said I have to stp checking him online and that I have to block him...wasnt I clear I already did that?

[SoThatHappened]

I was under the impression that you're still seeing things he's doing online via online dating websites or other mediums. After reading it again, I see that you deleted him from OLD. My fault, but good job and another step toward moving on.

 

I hope you can truly start the process of moving on, because it doesn't sound like you've made as much progress as you should have (1) after this much time, (2) after the short relationship, and (3) considering he's a Grade-A d-bag.

 

I know there's no controlling what the heart wants or how it feels, but just think how far you'd be along in the healing process if you did what you're doing now 5 months ago.

 

At least you're making positive steps, and blocking/deleting is a huge step.