Jump to content

Ex girlfriend came back into my life - I want you back


Recommended Posts

movingonnow1

After almost a year of NC, my ex girlfriend has come back into my life stating she wants me back and misses me. She asked to meet so she could explain her self and explain her situation. Our breakup was really bad and she hurt me like no one else has ever done in my life. She has been trying to get in contact with me for over a year and I have stuck to my guns and avoided any contact. For some reason, this time I decided to respond.

 

I thought I was over her, but after I saw her in person, I realized I still loved her. I had this burning fire inside of me that I didn't realize still existed for her and I knew she could sense it. I met with her the first time, she kept apologizing for what she did and she said she realizes she regrets it. Second time, she meets with me and kisses me. Third time, I met with her and she told me she has mixed feelings and that she tried dating other guys but none of them stayed in her heart, only I did. She started to tell me she wants to take things slow and not promise me anything, but she knows its not realistic for us to get back together this fast.

 

After hearing that, I didn't take it to well that she was dating other guys. I don't know why I even cared but I did. I started to question her if they were from when she was with me and started to come off extremely insecure. Her attraction for me faded and she began to back off.

 

The next day, I don't hear anything from her. I decided to contact her the day after on the phone and see what was going on with her and if she lost interest. I explained to her I wanted to know if she is interested in me and that if she isn't, let me know now and I will leave you alone. Her responses were along the lines of "I don't know, I don't want to lead you on, I just want to see where things will go".

 

Now, I heard from her a couple of times since then, small msgs but now she hasn't contacted me in over 1.5 weeks and it is driving me insane. How is it that it only took me trying to figure out where she stood for her to run? Was I wrong to do that? She really hurt me in the past and I wasn't willing to get invested if she wasn't into me.

 

I keep replaying in my head that I handled this wrong, I screwed it up and I feel like I'm rejected for the second time. What should I do? Should I reach out to her and just try to act casual or is this a lost cause? I feel like there is something wrong with me if it only took her 5 days to back off completely.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix

Back off completely. Sounds like she was curious, she saw you, her curiousity was satisfied, so now she's taking another step back. You should do the same. What you should not do, and where you screwed up, is by pursuing. She broke up with you, remember? Why the hell would you be the one to pursue?

 

Back off, go back into NC, and get your s--t together again.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes

You broke your frame, you aren't living up to the idea in her head,

You were showing resolve by ignoring her, but now you show insecurity instead.

She was attracted to the strong man that you WERE,

not the little boy that you're showing her now, I concur!

 

Seriously, visit http://www.reddit.com/r/theredpill for an idea of how to behave,

sift through the nonsense, but take from it the lessons to save,

It will show you exactly how to attract her heart,

and keep following that path, it will lead you from the dark!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
movingonnow1

My head is going crazy.

 

The thing is she was telling me that "she knows I'm what she wants". Did I really mess up that bad? Like how could I mess up so quickly after 1 year of NC?

 

The funny thing is I wasn't (or at least I thought) chasing her. She was contacting me to hang out. She was calling me constantly. Then after I confronted her about her feelings she backed off completely. She is now putting her status on Whatsapp as "Positivity is key". I just deleted her as I looked at this because I can tell its directed at me.

 

I just don't get it...how could I mess up so fast...

Link to post
Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie

I think you showed her your strength by remaining NC which got her interest level up but then you gave in too quickly... back to no NC x

 

You need to get yourself out there and meet someone else, these recent events have proved it wont work she only wants you when she thinks she cant have you x

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes
I feel really stupid right now.

 

You did not take the red pill, I can already tell,

Thats ok, its a resource that will eventually sell,

When you wake up and you finally accept the truth,

is the day you become a man, and with a woman to boot!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
movingonnow1
You did not take the red pill, I can already tell,

Thats ok, its a resource that will eventually sell,

When you wake up and you finally accept the truth,

is the day you become a man, and with a woman to boot!

 

I'm confused, what is this red pill?

 

Also, I guess that due to my actions its done forever.

Link to post
Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie

Its actually probabaly not too late because if you remain in NC she will sniff around again but you need to really think is this what you want to continue to happen, do you want to play games for the rest of your life and then whenever it gets to a good point and u open up she runs off again.. How can you ever have a successful RS like that... you need to make the cut once and for all x

Link to post
Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie

.. and dont feel stupid you were honest and open its her that should feel stupid. Sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do x

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
movingonnow1

I think its too late because of how negative she thinks I am. Look, maybe its a blessing in disguise but I can't help how stupid and rejected I feel at the moment. All that work and now I feel like I've hit a low. I only responded because she was saying she wanted me back and seemed serious...I guess I have no one else to blame here but myself.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She is dating other people. You and her are not exclusive as you are just regaining contact after a year. She has probably dated quite a few guys as women have tons of choice and get asked out all the time. The guys doing the asking are probably A-type personalities and she is probably finding them to be guys who just want to play the field. She now after dating a bunch of dudes and having it not work out has probably realized that the grass was not greener.

 

Now, here's what she was looking for. I doubt you screwed it up entirely. She wants to date you. You may or may not be able to handle this knowing that you and her are not exclusive, but this is the way its got to be. She has probably met a bunch of guys who are pretty cool but not quite what she is looking for. She wants to keep her options open. One kiss with you does not make her your exclusive girlfriend all over again.

 

Roll the dice buddy. Call her, ask her out to something thats activity based to break the ice. Dont take her for dinner, drinks, a movie or anything where you are going to just be there talking and talking about eachother or the past. Make sure it's fun. Let her take the lead on the whole relationship status thing and you take the lead on making sure your showing her a good time. No gifts, no dropping lots of money.

 

And dont bring up the seeing or sleeping with other guys until you guys end up having sex and keep it light when you ask. Preferrably, never ask again and dont grill her if she says she's meeting "a friend" and will be busy for the night.

 

If you want to get back together with her she's opened the door a mile wide by hounding you for a year and kissing you and the things shes said to you.

 

I'm not sure the circumstances of your breakup with her but it sounds like maybe she cheated on you. You bringing that up makes her feel guilty and makes her worry that you still harbor resentment towards her.

 

If the reason was cheating, you are going to have to ask yourself a very tough question: will you ever be able to trust her again - or are you always going to be wondering if she is going to cheat on you again.

 

If you keep it casual and non-exclusive then it doesnt matter what she does and you can still see other people too. If she wants to get more serious you could also try an open relationship if you think that you could handle that; but remember as a chick she could get laid on demand and it might take you quite some time to find a secondary partner(s). The only reason I suggest these options is because if you take the "cheating" out of the relationship then you might not end up with the trust issues.

 

I was cheated on before and it trashed me pretty bad I got PTSD from it (8 month affair with one guy and we were together 7 years). She ended up doing it again and again. I fretted with trust issues with future girlfriends. I would have never considered anything open or strictly casual until I broke up with my ex a year ago; but since I've been multi-dating this year I really couldn't care less and its pretty liberating... no jealousy issues, no concerns about cheating, no worrying where they are or who they're talking to, and best of all no nagging or trying to tell me what to do all the time.

 

But I'm digressing here, and just wasted a lot of your time if cheating wasnt the reason for your breakup lol so I'll stop now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
movingonnow1
She is dating other people. You and her are not exclusive as you are just regaining contact after a year. She has probably dated quite a few guys as women have tons of choice and get asked out all the time. The guys doing the asking are probably A-type personalities and she is probably finding them to be guys who just want to play the field. She now after dating a bunch of dudes and having it not work out has probably realized that the grass was not greener.

 

Now, here's what she was looking for. I doubt you screwed it up entirely. She wants to date you. You may or may not be able to handle this knowing that you and her are not exclusive, but this is the way its got to be. She has probably met a bunch of guys who are pretty cool but not quite what she is looking for. She wants to keep her options open. One kiss with you does not make her your exclusive girlfriend all over again.

 

Roll the dice buddy. Call her, ask her out to something thats activity based to break the ice. Dont take her for dinner, drinks, a movie or anything where you are going to just be there talking and talking about eachother or the past. Make sure it's fun. Let her take the lead on the whole relationship status thing and you take the lead on making sure your showing her a good time. No gifts, no dropping lots of money.

 

And dont bring up the seeing or sleeping with other guys until you guys end up having sex and keep it light when you ask. Preferrably, never ask again and dont grill her if she says she's meeting "a friend" and will be busy for the night.

 

If you want to get back together with her she's opened the door a mile wide by hounding you for a year and kissing you and the things shes said to you.

 

I'm not sure the circumstances of your breakup with her but it sounds like maybe she cheated on you. You bringing that up makes her feel guilty and makes her worry that you still harbor resentment towards her.

 

If the reason was cheating, you are going to have to ask yourself a very tough question: will you ever be able to trust her again - or are you always going to be wondering if she is going to cheat on you again.

 

If you keep it casual and non-exclusive then it doesnt matter what she does and you can still see other people too. If she wants to get more serious you could also try an open relationship if you think that you could handle that; but remember as a chick she could get laid on demand and it might take you quite some time to find a secondary partner(s). The only reason I suggest these options is because if you take the "cheating" out of the relationship then you might not end up with the trust issues.

 

I was cheated on before and it trashed me pretty bad I got PTSD from it (8 month affair with one guy and we were together 7 years). She ended up doing it again and again. I fretted with trust issues with future girlfriends. I would have never considered anything open or strictly casual until I broke up with my ex a year ago; but since I've been multi-dating this year I really couldn't care less and its pretty liberating... no jealousy issues, no concerns about cheating, no worrying where they are or who they're talking to, and best of all no nagging or trying to tell me what to do all the time.

 

But I'm digressing here, and just wasted a lot of your time if cheating wasnt the reason for your breakup lol so I'll stop now.

 

Thanks for the response. You really think I should reach out to her and ask her out to go somewhere? I take it from when I spoke with her last she had lost interest and I haven't contacted / been contacted from her in over 1.5 weeks.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Stop wasting your time. Move on with ur life. She dump you twice and she will dump you again if you get involve with her because she lives in a fantasy world. Never pursue her except if you enjoyed being dump.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
leavesonautumn
You broke your frame, you aren't living up to the idea in her head,

You were showing resolve by ignoring her, but now you show insecurity instead.

She was attracted to the strong man that you WERE,

not the little boy that you're showing her now, I concur!

 

Seriously, visit www.reddit.com/r/theredpill for an idea of how to behave,

sift through the nonsense, but take from it the lessons to save,

It will show you exactly how to attract her heart,

and keep following that path, it will lead you from the dark!

 

Please don't visit the site OP.

 

Anyway, she wanted to know that you were still sitting around waiting for her. She found out that you were and lost interest.

 

I'm really sorry she did that but next time, be upfront about how you feel and if she doesn't respect that then completely cut her out and continue with NC. You've done it before, you can do it again :).

 

It's been a week and a half without contact after a year of her chasing you? I'd say it's time to meet someone more worthy of your time.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks for the response. You really think I should reach out to her and ask her out to go somewhere? I take it from when I spoke with her last she had lost interest and I haven't contacted / been contacted from her in over 1.5 weeks.

 

I think you brought up the way you broke up inappropriately and made her feel terrible, she probably hasnt contacted you because she thinks your still mad at her and she's blown her chances with you forever and she is probably kind of sad about it.

 

Phone her (not text) and say to her, "Hey I havent heard from you in a while and it was really nice seeing you again. Lets go bowling" or whatever. If she starts on the past or if you were mad or what you said nicely blow it off "Oh I wasnt mad I was just really nervous seeing you again and I maybe used a bad choice of words" and tail it with "cmon, it will be fun. lets go!"

 

When your at the activity date keep the conversation light and about the future. DO NOT BRING UP THE BREAKUP OR EVEN THE RELATIONSHIP BEFORE. YOU HAVE TO START RIGHT OVER LIKE YOU ARE DATING HER FOR THE FIRST TIME. Sorry to yell that out but both of you will be compulsively wanting to talk about it. DONT. If she says she's sorry for how she treated you, say something like, "the past is the past. lets enjoy eachother in the present, ok?"

Link to post
Share on other sites

You can't be this naive, no offense, but for the most part, the advice given here is terrible. Think about it, OP/

She dumped you, horribly, and then after a year suddenly wants you back. Then you respond positively and she backs off. The guys she's dating aren't committing to her. She wanted to see where your head was at in case she ends up alone. You need to stop, she dumped you before. You're treating her like a priority. She isn't.

She wasn't into you. Not that much anyway. If you wanna bring her in, fine, but if I were you, I'd date other people. Make it clear that if she flakes, it wont be skin off your bones.

This isn't to get her back. It's to keep you from acting like a total p***y.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
You can't be this naive, no offense, but for the most part, the advice given here is terrible. Think about it, OP/

She dumped you, horribly, and then after a year suddenly wants you back.

 

His story is long but you maybe missed a few peices.

 

She contacted him practically every week since the breakup. He was in hard NC mode and didnt return the calls. After a year, he said what the hell, and picked up.

 

A year of regular attempts to contact someone and getting a brick wall is pretty devoted. I doubt this girl ever stopped loving him and has probably spent the past week bummed right out.

 

If I'm wrong, she just wanted to say she was sorry and make sure he was OK, but the whole "the man I really want is you" speil makes that unlikely.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix

I completely disagree with him asking her out. That's exactly the type of behavior that scared her away. Doubling down on pursuit isn't remotely smart. If she wants him, she'll come sniffing around again. In the meantime, the OP can work on himself to make sure he doesn't piss down his leg again if he gets another shot.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
His story is long but you maybe missed a few peices.

 

She contacted him practically every week since the breakup. He was in hard NC mode and didnt return the calls. After a year, he said what the hell, and picked up.

 

A year of regular attempts to contact someone and getting a brick wall is pretty devoted. I doubt this girl ever stopped loving him and has probably spent the past week bummed right out.

 

If I'm wrong, she just wanted to say she was sorry and make sure he was OK, but the whole "the man I really want is you" speil makes that unlikely.

 

So did my ex, while with another man she lied about.

 

She felt guilty for cheating and I wasn't accepting her apologies...suddenly she says she wants me back. I fall for it hook line sinker, then she goes cold contact.

 

Girls hate the thought of someone not liking them. She just wanted to see if her puppett was on a string or had he become a real man.

 

She got her answer and no longer finds him as attractive. It's really that simple.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
movingonnow1

some of the flags I noticed while talking to her was that she said she isn't that into me right now but knows how I used to make her feel. She is also confused about what she wants.

 

Ultimately, my actions pushed her out the door. This is why I feel like I messed up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
His story is long but you maybe missed a few peices.

 

She contacted him practically every week since the breakup. He was in hard NC mode and didnt return the calls. After a year, he said what the hell, and picked up.

 

A year of regular attempts to contact someone and getting a brick wall is pretty devoted. I doubt this girl ever stopped loving him and has probably spent the past week bummed right out.

 

If I'm wrong, she just wanted to say she was sorry and make sure he was OK, but the whole "the man I really want is you" speil makes that unlikely.

 

It wasn't love. It was ego that drove her. If she loved him, she wouldn't have gone cold turkey at the first sign of contact.

 

When a woman wants a man, they make it CLEAR.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
some of the flags I noticed while talking to her was that she said she isn't that into me right now but knows how I used to make her feel. She is also confused about what she wants.

 

Ultimately, my actions pushed her out the door. This is why I feel like I messed up.

 

Meh, I don't think she was that serious about it in the first place. True, you didn't handle yourself well, but even if you had, I don't think it would have worked in your favor in the long run. By being overanxious you might have unwittingly saved yourself time and further heartbreak.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
movingonnow1
It wasn't love. It was ego that drove her. If she loved him, she wouldn't have gone cold turkey at the first sign of contact.

 

When a woman wants a man, they make it CLEAR.

 

I agree. On paper I'm what she wants. She is running because I showed signs of interest and was talking to her. She would say she can't promise me anything but she is happy I'm back in her life.

 

However, its cool. I'm just going through the rejection feeling all over again. It sucks...I guess I'm just disappointed by being so straight forward and putting myself out there that this happened.

Link to post
Share on other sites
It wasn't love. It was ego that drove her. If she loved him, she wouldn't have gone cold turkey at the first sign of contact.

 

When a woman wants a man, they make it CLEAR.

 

Nada.

 

Women will keep their options open just like us - especially after a year of trying to get through to a brick wall. I wouldnt drop everything I have going just because I talked to an ex that I wanted to get back together with; I'd flush it out and make sure it was something serious so I didnt blow all the work I did to get where I was with the other chicks.

 

They're women. They are emotional, they are irrational, but they aren't stupid.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...