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confused1001

I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half now with 1 year of LDR during the school year. For the past couple months I have been feeling confused about my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't know what initially caused it, but I feel like it may be GIGS or Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome. I don't know why I feel weird in the relationship, its just a weird feeling that maybe there is someone else out there who could make me happier. He loves me unconditionally, never judges me, and has no trouble expressing his love which I really like. Lately I have just been noticing some things that bother me. These things have always bothered me since we started dating it's just lately I have been focusing on them more where before I could just brush them off. For example, sometimes he gets in bad moods that last all day over silly things such as traffic. So when we hang out and hes in this he gets very quiet and isn't his happy self. This happens more often then id like and makes me not want to hang out with him when hes in these moods. I have talked to him about this, but I feel like its something that's hard to control. He also is very sarcastic which is often funny, however sometimes it can be very annoying when I am asking questions I actually want to know the answer to and I keep getting sarcastic answers until I get mad and he finally answers my question. There are other things too, but I won't go into every detail.

 

I feel like my issues are little things, however I feel myself wondering if they're something I'd want to live with forever if he is "the one"

 

If I would see someone else in my situation I would say "if your gut is telling you he is not the one then he is not the one" However I worry if he really could be the one and I am just over analyzing things and would regret leaving him after a few months or years.

 

I guess I just wonder if anyone else has experienced something like this and what they did. I also wonder if there is anyone who has gone through GIGs and stayed in the relationship through it and how that worked out. General advise/comments are welcome of course too :)

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Well, you're 21, and that's the biggest issue here. Chances are you and your boyfriend will break up, either now or later. It's just the way it is, you're young, just starting to experience real life and you will meet other guys who you find attractive.

 

The truth is there is no perfect guy. You might meet a new guy who has qualities you wish your current boyfriend has, but at the same time that guy will also lack qualities you like in your current boyfriend. So is the grass greener? Not really.

 

I would say the mature and fair thing to do is sit your boyfriend down, and in a calm and honest way tell him how you have been feeling. Tell him the issues you have with him, but also tell him the positives about his personality. Then be prepared to listen to any issues he may have with you and be willing to work on them also.

 

Give it some time, work on these issues together, and then see how you feel a few months from now.

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Agree with above poster. Would add....

 

No reason to get mad when he gets moody. Let it roll off your back like water on a duck. If he does or says a nasty, simply and calmly state, "That does' the make me happy." Period. Back off.

 

If he cares about making you happy, believe me, backing off, until he resolves the matter himself, will demonstrate he cares. The opposite is true also.

 

Don't be taken in with statements like, "hey, what's up with you?" "Are you mad or something?" Right, BS. He's trying to hook you into acting like a histrionic b. Don't bite. Calmly restate, "I'm not happy with what happened yesterday," and go about your business and distance yourself. Done and dusted.

 

A man who cares about his woman wants to see her happy - that is a simple fact. No talk, no lecture, no discussion. He get reward for nice conduct. He get cold shoulder when behavior is sort that you are not happy with. OK.

 

Yas

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1. youre young and dont have to get married yet. live your life.

 

2. ldr can make anyone want closure and you need to get some liveexperience sometimes to know whats important for you.

 

3. there is no syndrome. its a phase in life where you think it might be better with someone else. we all have this feeling some time. this is when life experience comes in hand. if you share a history with someone its not easy to start a new relationship every time. this is also a friend now. and other people wont just make you happier in one second. it often takes a lot of time and sometimes it doesnt work out.

 

4. most problems in relationships can be solved if you talk. woman are known to wait for the other person to figure them out instead of sit down and talk.

 

5. ive been through countless phases and i know that my ex had one too. she broke up with me and is still single. ive been in a relationship for 3 years. small things made her break up with me. with my new girlfriend we talk about our problems at any point we feel that we have to, and we also had an ldr for almost 3 years. the most important thing ive learnt is that love is attraction will always be there with other people at some hard times in life when you feel you dont get everything that you need. but that doesnt mean someone else is gonna give you this perfect relationship 100% of the time.

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confused1001

I appreciate all of your feedback. I have been feeling this way for about three months now. I have spoken to my boyfriend about my weird feelings about four times now and have confronted him about what is bothering me i.e. the bad moods, sarcasm, etc. some of it he says in just part of his personality, he can't change it and I don't expect or want him to not be himself around me. This is why I wonder if maybe he is not 'the one' or if maybe I am just over analyzing these small problems.

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Maybe it is this: being there for each other counts for a lot. A whole lot, especially at your ages.

 

He didn't want to leave you, but he had to leave. You didn't want him to go, but you had to let him. This produces stress from both ends. You are living the reality of him being gone, and deep down inside, you don't like it. You think, even subconsciously, how much better it would be if he were here. Then, when he is here, the reality doesn't match up with the part where you wished he was here.

 

It is very subtle, but you feel it. You want more. The grass IS greener, mostly because he's not around. You have turned a corner in your relationship. In my opinion, you've turned towards the exit.

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I appreciate all of your feedback. I have been feeling this way for about three months now. I have spoken to my boyfriend about my weird feelings about four times now and have confronted him about what is bothering me i.e. the bad moods, sarcasm, etc. some of it he says in just part of his personality, he can't change it and I don't expect or want him to not be himself around me. This is why I wonder if maybe he is not 'the one' or if maybe I am just over analyzing these small problems.

 

 

dont look for the perfect relationship because there is none. if he is acting strange then maybe he has to learn how to control certain things. if you tell a man to change he will go in defensive mode. ive been angry too and its not something ive always been proud of. but ive learned with time how to deal with things. im not perfect but i am better then i was before.

 

i think he also wants to know that he's free to live you know? not feeling trapped when someone tells him what to do. show him instead that its hurting you and show him that you trust him to live up to your expectations before demanding a change. people change because they feel that its worth it and not because someone tells them to do it. they will become uncomfortable or angry instead.

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