broken2828 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 My ex left me after a five year relationship because of my bad temper. She cried after seeing me or talking to me even months after leaving me, which leads me to believe she still had/has feelings. She started dating 1.5 months after our breakup. The first guy she dated she was totally infatuated with after 1 date. Then, she found out he had a gf. A week after that experience, she met the guy she is with now. She was totally infatuated with him, even though he's totally not her "type". Theyve been seeing each other close to 3 months, but lately she has been putting stuff on facebook about breaking up with him. I have reasons to believe he was just using her for sex. I want her back more than anything. Ive been NC for about 40 days. Should I break NC? Should I call and tell her how I feel? Keep in mind, I have no concern for "recovery" or sparing myself pain, I just want her back. Watching someone else mistreat her has just showed me how badly I want to treat her like a princess and make her life happy. Any idea how to get her back? Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 First off, if you know what's going on in her life and checking up on her Facebook, you are not in no contact. However, since you do want her back and you're the dumpee, I think you need to do the following: Stop checking up on her. Truly go NC. If she wants you back, you'll get a breadcrumb and then you can respond and try to work things out. However, don't think that a breadcrumb or talking again is going to guarantee getting back together. You have to be prepared for anything, which is why starting NC now is my advice. Why? Because she may not want you back even if her current relationship is failing. If you start NC now, you'll be that much farther into it by the time she breaks up and either comes back or doesn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 What do you do? Nothing. You need to allow her to come to you. She dumped you remember? You contacting her when things are in the midst of ending will only make you look desparate. Trust me. Continue NC. If she wants you back, she knows where to find you. Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 My ex left me after a five year relationship because of my bad temper. She cried after seeing me or talking to me even months after leaving me, which leads me to believe she still had/has feelings. She started dating 1.5 months after our breakup. The first guy she dated she was totally infatuated with after 1 date. Then, she found out he had a gf. A week after that experience, she met the guy she is with now. She was totally infatuated with him, even though he's totally not her "type". Theyve been seeing each other close to 3 months, but lately she has been putting stuff on facebook about breaking up with him. I have reasons to believe he was just using her for sex. I want her back more than anything. Ive been NC for about 40 days. Should I break NC? Should I call and tell her how I feel? Keep in mind, I have no concern for "recovery" or sparing myself pain, I just want her back. Watching someone else mistreat her has just showed me how badly I want to treat her like a princess and make her life happy. Any idea how to get her back? dude!!! omg I am going through the same thing!! my now x left me about 2 months ago because of how I would react when we would fight, basically cuz of my temper. We were together for a little over two years and we had a life planned together, two weeks after he broke up with me (well as far as I was concerned I thought we were taking a break) I find out he's seeing this girl and when I asked him about it he said yes cuz he wasn't happy with me any more and that "the fights killed it"..whatever that means I have been recovering, I have my ups and downs but what has really helped a lot is that I have not contacted him in any way and believe me ive been really close to contacting him but DON'T!! give her some space I know it seems hard but it might work, as angry as I am with my x I still want him back in my life so for now all you can do is just stay strong and just hang in there have faith and hope, that is what I'm doing but in my case it's just unknown if he will come back or not but as for now I'm doing me Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 What have you done to fix your temper issue that will make it work this time? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 My ex left me after a five year relationship because of my bad temper. She cried after seeing me or talking to me even months after leaving me, which leads me to believe she still had/has feelings. She started dating 1.5 months after our breakup. The first guy she dated she was totally infatuated with after 1 date. Then, she found out he had a gf. A week after that experience, she met the guy she is with now. She was totally infatuated with him, even though he's totally not her "type". Theyve been seeing each other close to 3 months, but lately she has been putting stuff on facebook about breaking up with him. I have reasons to believe he was just using her for sex. I want her back more than anything. Ive been NC for about 40 days. Should I break NC? Should I call and tell her how I feel? Keep in mind, I have no concern for "recovery" or sparing myself pain, I just want her back. Watching someone else mistreat her has just showed me how badly I want to treat her like a princess and make her life happy. Any idea how to get her back? How is it you know so much detail about her dating life while in NC? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 My ex left me after a five year relationship because of my bad temper. She cried after seeing me or talking to me even months after leaving me, which leads me to believe she still had/has feelings. She started dating 1.5 months after our breakup. The first guy she dated she was totally infatuated with after 1 date. Then, she found out he had a gf. A week after that experience, she met the guy she is with now. She was totally infatuated with him, even though he's totally not her "type". Theyve been seeing each other close to 3 months, but lately she has been putting stuff on facebook about breaking up with him. I have reasons to believe he was just using her for sex. I want her back more than anything. Ive been NC for about 40 days. Should I break NC? Should I call and tell her how I feel? Keep in mind, I have no concern for "recovery" or sparing myself pain, I just want her back. Watching someone else mistreat her has just showed me how badly I want to treat her like a princess and make her life happy. Any idea how to get her back? As many said, you obviously know what she is doing. NOT no contact. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She isnt. End of story. Keep moving forward. STOP SEEING WHAT SHE IS DOING and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 First off....what have you done about your bad temper?? That is what you led with on what caused the breakup. For bad tempers...here is my analogy. 99% is what other people do and how you react to it, and 1% is how you control you. This means that 99% of the time you aren't in control of you....Now, how do you change that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken2828 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 (edited) To those who've asked what I've done about my temper, I've been in therapy/counseling for 4-5 months now. I've read more self help books and internet articles than most people will read in their lifetime, practiced every day maintaining control over my anger, and for the most part made huge improvements. Also, the sheer regret of the consequences of my actions, both for me and the people I love has been enough to change me forever. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some zen buddhist monk yet, but I'm better than I was. Trippi, I have to disagree with you about your 99 and 1 theory, and I think my therapist would as well. Two people can experience the same situation and react in different ways, depending on how they cope with their anger. Yeah, I haven't been true NC at all. Not the way people on this website define it. I've been checking her facebook and her pinterest. When I said NC, I meant I haven't been in contact with her, like the actual definition of contact in the dictionary. Like I said, I don't care if I heal or not, I just want her back. I'm trying to not contact her, because through this whole experience I've learned that what you feel compelled to do during a breakup is usually the wrong thing to do, such as begging etc. It's just so hard. People on LS always ask for reconciliation stories but those are hard to come by on the net. Most people who reconcile are just so darn happy to be together making internet posts about their happiness isn't a priority. However, if you want to find reconciliation stories search google or this site for " She/he went back to his/her ex". It's a reconciliation story told from the perspective of the dumpee. In all of those stories it's the ex that is taken back that initiates contact. So I'm having trouble understanding what the right course of action is. Edited October 1, 2014 by broken2828 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Let's say she does come back to you. It will likely be about her needing comfort and filling a void that really started when you broke up. The reason she is going through what she's going through is that she didn't process the break up with you properly/fully. If she comes back to you, you will be a rebound for her too. This is the cycle that you will continue to experience. You need to process the break up for yourself and when you are ready, start dating. You could just starting dating casually/for some distraction and fun, but keep your emotions in check. If you can't do that, then don't start it. It's about you now, not her. She is a grown woman and needs to learn to take care of herself. You cannot protect her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I echo the posts asking you what you've done about your temper...... If you've changed nothing, then nothing's changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken2828 Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 I echo the posts asking you what you've done about your temper...... If you've changed nothing, then nothing's changed. I highlighted some of the tangible steps ive taken toward change in an earlier post. However, most of the change that occurs within a person's heart and mind is intangible. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 To those who've asked what I've done about my temper, I've been in therapy/counseling for 4-5 months now. I've read more self help books and internet articles than most people will read in their lifetime, practiced every day maintaining control over my anger, and for the most part made huge improvements. Also, the sheer regret of the consequences of my actions, both for me and the people I love has been enough to change me forever. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some zen buddhist monk yet, but I'm better than I was. Trippi, I have to disagree with you about your 99 and 1 theory, and I think my therapist would as well. Two people can experience the same situation and react in different ways, depending on how they cope with their anger. Yeah, I haven't been true NC at all. Not the way people on this website define it. I've been checking her facebook and her pinterest. When I said NC, I meant I haven't been in contact with her, like the actual definition of contact in the dictionary. Like I said, I don't care if I heal or not, I just want her back. I'm trying to not contact her, because through this whole experience I've learned that what you feel compelled to do during a breakup is usually the wrong thing to do, such as begging etc. It's just so hard. People on LS always ask for reconciliation stories but those are hard to come by on the net. Most people who reconcile are just so darn happy to be together making internet posts about their happiness isn't a priority. However, if you want to find reconciliation stories search google or this site for " She/he went back to his/her ex". It's a reconciliation story told from the perspective of the dumpee. In all of those stories it's the ex that is taken back that initiates contact. So I'm having trouble understanding what the right course of action is. Trippi, I have to disagree with you about your 99 and 1 theory, and I think my therapist would as well. Two people can experience the same situation and react in different ways, depending on how they cope with their anger. That's actually 100% entirely true, the question...and ask your therapist....is, what are you going to do about the 99% of you not liking what is happening? In that, your therapist is right...how she reacts to a situation and how you react to a situation is different. Simply put, I wasn't arguing, just asked how do you turn that around? The simple stuff is what gets ya both typically. Link to post Share on other sites
H245 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 If you know your ex's rebound is failing / ended, don't do anything. Nothing has changed unless she comes back and makes it known she misses you / wants to work at it again. And even then, why do that to yourself? What's changed between both parties? I just had this happen to me. My ex rebounded 2 months after we broke up. They dated for about a month and broke up. She rebounded AGAIN and started dating someone new. During the time "dating" this new guy, her and I started talking again last week. We hung out and talked during the entire week. What happened? She tells me she loves me but is not in love with me. This week, only a couple of days after that talk, she makes things official with the new rebound. Nothing good comes from trying to get your ex back after their rebound fails. I sit here typing this feeling like I was dumped all over again even though I wasn't. I had unrealistic expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken2828 Posted October 6, 2014 Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) Well, she's dating a new guy now. It's been about 6 days since her "breakup". I'm truly devastated. I should have called. Should have put my cards on the table. Should have never gone NC. Should have laid it all on the line. What do I do now? Keep in mind, I don't give a **** about healing. I just want her back. Whatever it takes. Edited October 6, 2014 by broken2828 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Well, she's dating a new guy now. It's been about 6 days since her "breakup". I'm truly devastated. I should have called. Should have put my cards on the table. Should have never gone NC. Should have laid it all on the line. What do I do now? Keep in mind, I don't give a **** about healing. I just want her back. Whatever it takes. You should stay NC. if you had done what you wanted to do, it would have been a terrible disaster. You need to work on yourself and stop checking up on her life. There's nothing less attractive than someone who is hanging on to a thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 If you feel that strongly then tell her atleast then u know u done all that u could x Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Well, she's dating a new guy now. It's been about 6 days since her "breakup". I'm truly devastated. I should have called. Should have put my cards on the table. Should have never gone NC. Should have laid it all on the line. What do I do now? Keep in mind, I don't give a **** about healing. I just want her back. Whatever it takes. I think you'll see, in time, that you made the right decision to stay N/C. The bottom line is that you have no choice in this anyway. She left you. The only thing you would of got from contacting her again is a second rejection. She is clearly monkey branching. Those posts on FB were to let the "new guy" she'd met know her current status. You are jumping to conclusions about her life based on FB updates. Just because she broke up with someone, doesn't mean she hasn't got the next one lined up. That's what most people who serial date straight out of LTR's do. sorry dude, but everyone is right. You have to wait for her to come to you... and we all know there is really no point in waiting..... so go get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
frankvega Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I was in your situation 3 months ago. I was desperate clinging on every word and thing she did on Facebook thinking she put it there for me or something. I was pathetic. I begged, cried, changed my life, started a business, made money, bought 2 new cars, everything just to try and get her back. NOTHING WORKED. Do you want to know how I got her back??? (If you can call it that because we are not even official)??? I went NC and started dating other chicks. Like magic as soon as I was in the hotel room with a hot chic taking my clothes off I get a call from her. I did not answer. I took care of business and went home. Guess what??? At 7 in the morning guess who is literally banging my door down asking for a second chance??? By this point I don't even want her back. And this is the mother of my kids. We had sex and then I said I will think about it. I never got back to her because I am too busy having sex with other women. Read my post and you will see. I was in living hell 3 months ago. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 holy crap dude you're the man! ^^ I wish I could do the same thing as you but in my case it's called a slut lol my ex broke up with me two months ago, I've done the NC ever since and I haven't seen anyone ever since, but I just started talking to an old friend, just texting and phone calls but he is now asking me when we're going to hang out and I guess I'm gonna see him today am I going to fast..should I wait a little longer for this? HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Strong-hearted, My advice after going through something very similar: Let him know everything. You will either become better friends or possibly develop a relationship after you're over your ex. I recommend the friends route with him now since you're still hurt. Not fair to him if you date him while hurt from someone else. I just had a high school friend reconnect with me, and we both shared similar stories of recent heartbreak. It was great to have someone to talk to, as well as catch up. Would I date her? Possibly, but we were both hurt when we reconnected and definitely not good grounds for starting a relationship. Reconnect with your friend. Be honest. Whichever avenue that takes will be the best, as long as you're honest. Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 thank you for your advice! yeah I was thinking the same thing just to hang out as friends, honestly right now I don't think I even want a serious relationship so I wouldn't want to push it too far and mess things up Link to post Share on other sites
frankvega Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 holy crap dude you're the man! ^^ I wish I could do the same thing as you but in my case it's called a slut lol my ex broke up with me two months ago, I've done the NC ever since and I haven't seen anyone ever since, but I just started talking to an old friend, just texting and phone calls but he is now asking me when we're going to hang out and I guess I'm gonna see him today am I going to fast..should I wait a little longer for this? HELP! No I don't think you are moving to fast. You need to do what ever possible thing you can do to get over your ex, every thing is fair game as long as it truly helps you move on. Only you know if you moved on or not. In my case and I don't recommend it. I started being intimate with as many dates as I could. I started to go to clubs, meet new women and do my own thing. I didn't care about who saw me or what people thought. By the 3 women I have slept with my ex did not even cross my mind. She even showed up to my house with our kids. We even had sex and I could care less. Once you can think about your ex without it hurting you. You know you moved on. 3 months ago I thought I was going to die from the heart break. Today all I can think of is what took me so long to start meeting other people. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Well, she's dating a new guy and gas been about 6 days since her "breakup". I'm truly devastated. I should have called. Should have put my cards on the table. Should have never gone NC. Should have laid it all on the line. What do I do now? Keep in mind, I don't give a **** about healing. I just want her back. Whatever it takes. The result would have been the same there Romeo. If she wanted you, she would have been with you. She was probably talking to this guy well before six days ago. Honestly, going no contact was EXACTLY what you needed to do. Don't over correct right now and look stupid Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 No I don't think you are moving to fast. You need to do what ever possible thing you can do to get over your ex, every thing is fair game as long as it truly helps you move on. Only you know if you moved on or not. In my case and I don't recommend it. I started being intimate with as many dates as I could. I started to go to clubs, meet new women and do my own thing. I didn't care about who saw me or what people thought. By the 3 women I have slept with my ex did not even cross my mind. She even showed up to my house with our kids. We even had sex and I could care less. Once you can think about your ex without it hurting you. You know you moved on. 3 months ago I thought I was going to die from the heart break. Today all I can think of is what took me so long to start meeting other people. yeah because I can tell I'm still not over him, I can't even listen to his favorite band (iration) without crying, but I mean it's only been two months so I suppose it's normal to feel upset about the fact that a two year relationship has been thrown out the window like nothing. Unlike him, he moved on way too fast cuz I found out he was seeing someone two weeks after the breakup, god knows if he had been talking to her before he even broke up with me, I honestly just want to the to the point I can talk about him and just look at it as a real nice experience, but as for now it's like the cut is still kinda fresh Link to post Share on other sites
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