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Consolidated discussion: The No Contact Guide and No Contact process and experience


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 24th September 2014, 5:06 PM   #61
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No contact works

i have been in the no contact now for 36 days, after the first 26 days she finally contacted me via a caller id block, she did this for three days straight, finally i answer and she did not speak or anything she just sat there and listened to what i was doing. Im still in the no contact until she does a 180 if not then it wasnt ment to be. it has been 2 days since she called me, i have yet called or texted her since. we did have text chat that lasted 3 hours but i cut her off wasnt really going noware, she could have been drunk, who knows but, im on the no contact again even from her calling its the best thing you can do!
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Old 24th September 2014, 5:58 PM   #62
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The Power of NC - Over 1 Year since my breakup

It’s been over a year since my ex girlfriend ended it with me. It was a pretty brutal breakup (as some of you may recall from one of my previous threads, if I want to see me how destroyed I was you can review it) and I initiated NC shortly after the breakup. My ex has tried to contact me many times in the past, sometimes successfully by pinning me at my door and other times through random numbers. About 5 days ago, my ex just called me on an unknown number (turns out, it is her work number) and I answered because I was expecting a call from someone regarding a project I’m working on (I was at work when she called).

First off, things have been going amazing for me. I bought a motorcycle, doing great at my job and I’ve been hitting the gym getting into shape. I come back on here often to view how people are coping and try my best to give advice to help them go through the pain and keep learning from what many of us on LS have gone though. I find that this site has helped me so much that I want to give back to it as much as possible.

The reason why I’m starting this thread is I wanted to point out the importance of NC. My ex girlfriend contacted me saying “She is very sick”. Normally, if I hear her voice, I’d hang up immediately. But, honestly, I don’t hate her and wouldn’t enjoy hearing that she is dying or something, so I listened to her for a minute (in case she has something like cancer and is going to die tomorrow, but I knew in my gut she was probably lying). Of course, she manipulatively said that to keep me on the line. She went on to say she wants to see me and would like me to help her feel better, she is sorry for what happened between us and she is in pain everyday because of how things ended. She says she thinks about everything that happened continuously. She said she can’t get over it and wanted to contact me to say “Hi to an old friend”. She was crying during the entire call too. She pretty much wants me back in her life, even after 1 year and 3 months, which I find kind of shocking and weird. Normally this type of behavior means that she wants me back – but as soon as I hear the friend word I realize that she isn’t interested and this is to serve her ego. If this was to happen to me without having the strength of going through NC, I probably would be devastated right now.

I didn’t bite nor am I even really affected by this…it’s a strange feeling. Maybe with some time I will be a bit affected, but it has been a good 5 days since this happened. NC really does eventually push you to the point of indifference and the longer you hold onto, the clearer things are and the more sound decision you can make. I think I’m over the past but I still remember everything that was said and done and wish that hearing her voice didn’t remind me of all those negative things that she put me through. I noticed myself even mentioning some of those things to her during the call to make her realize how selfish she is to call me to try to get me to help her “Feel better”. I guess, in retrospect, maybe I’m not completely over everything that happened if I did bring it up.

I’ve decided, a long time ago, that helping her feel better isn’t my responsibility and I’m going to stick to that. I didn’t have a long conversation nor did I even care about her “reasons” for breaking up with me – she kept mentioning that she wanted to let me know what really happened and why she did something “she didn’t want to do”. We all know that is BS, who would break up with someone if they didn't want to? She lost interest and thats the only reason I needed to know. She has put me through too much…I’d never wish for her to be in pain over this, but it isn’t my problem anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this? I don’t know anymore. Being indifferent to someone you truly loved is a really strange feeling.

Last edited by lauri; 24th September 2014 at 6:01 PM..
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Old 24th September 2014, 6:16 PM   #63
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I think you handled that like a champ and I certainly don't think you are wrong. And dude, your ex is a piece of work. I feel that it's funny that she thinks that you are obligated to help her feel better about a situation she created. Way to not give in. I mean, it seems like you wouldn't even take her back romantically at this point. I'd be pretty turned off by her selfishness.

Either way, keep on trucking.
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Old 24th September 2014, 6:17 PM   #64
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Wow Man, you did good! I think you have handled it well, and you obviously have come a long way. I guess the most important thing here is to keep sticking to your guns.

You've nothing to feel bad about and you're right. She is just wanting to yank your chain to make herself feel better, nothing more.

Try not to over analyze it, you have reached a milestone in your healing. Do not let her into your head now.
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Old 24th September 2014, 7:27 PM   #65
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Thanks guys. I just came home from work and she left a letter on my doorstep :

"I'm sorry about how things happen. You have never given me the opportunity to express myself and I thought this would be the only way.

I regret everyday breaking up with you. I never wanted to lose you, the pressure from my family to marry you made me do some crazy things. I look at other relationships around me and realize what I had with you was perfect...it makes me feel embarrassed everyday of what I did and how I did it.

I can't say I want you back right now because that's not realistic...I guess that I will say I don't know what will happen in the future. I want to talk to you and see where it would go...I haven't been able to date anyone because no one compares to you. I miss your family and I know that no matter what I say to you, you will never change your mind. This is the only way I could express myself without you over analyzing things or not believing what I'm saying.

I contacted you when I was sick because I have been so down and you are the only person who I believe can make me feel better. I'm not over what happened and its on my mind every day. I wanted us to breakup and restart again...but you disappeared right after and cut me off. I guess that's what I deserve for my actions and its not me trying to swift the blame to you.

I hope one day you will come see me in person so I can explain myself."

Guys, wow...thoughts?
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Old 24th September 2014, 7:49 PM   #66
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Originally Posted by lauri View Post
I can't say I want you back right now
This should tell you all you need to know.
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Old 24th September 2014, 7:56 PM   #67
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This should tell you all you need to know.
I agree.

I think she certainly has issues and she is trying to manipulate you.
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Old 24th September 2014, 8:06 PM   #68
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Guys, wow...thoughts?
More complete self-serving bulls--t to me. She still thinks it's your duty to make her feel better. It's all about her, her, her. I'd toss the letter in the trash.
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Old 24th September 2014, 10:36 PM   #69
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Dang, man. That letter is just manipulative enough to make you think she wants to work on things, but it doesn't say the magic words anywhere. And those words are: "I screwed up and will do everything in my power to get you back."

You're so far past the hurt, but it's obvious this is screwing with your head. Can't blame you one bit. That would screw me up too!

I think there are 2 options, each with vastly different endings.

#1 You give in, get back together (which is what I think she's trying to get at), and then she breaks your heart again.

#2 You continue to live your life without her in it and meet someone who would never do what she did to you.

#1 = Bad

#2 = Good

I know these are complete generalizations and that every person and every relationship is unique, but it sounds like she realized she gave up something great with you. I'll have to read your back story.

Stay strong man.
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Old 24th September 2014, 10:41 PM   #70
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She wants to string you along until someone better comes along.
She made it clear "it I can't say I want you back"

Don't fall.into this trap! Ignore ignore!
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Old 24th September 2014, 10:42 PM   #71
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Dang, man. That letter is just manipulative enough to make you think she wants to work on things, but it doesn't say the magic words anywhere. And those words are: "I screwed up and will do everything in my power to get you back."

You're so far past the hurt, but it's obvious this is screwing with your head. Can't blame you one bit. That would screw me up too!

I think there are 2 options, each with vastly different endings.

#1 You give in, get back together (which is what I think she's trying to get at), and then she breaks your heart again.

#2 You continue to live your life without her in it and meet someone who would never do what she did to you.

#1 = Bad

#2 = Good

I know these are complete generalizations and that every person and every relationship is unique, but it sounds like she realized she gave up something great with you. I'll have to read your back story.

Stay strong man.
Not only doesn't she say the magic words, but she continues to talk about how she needs to feel better and how she needs to talk to him for her own stuff. There's a lot of sizzle and very little substance there. She still needs to talk about why she made the original decision and she still wants him to understand that.

It's completely selfish. The grass wasn't greener and now she wants him to make her feel good about herself. There's still very little acknowledgement of his feelings or perspective. That has been this girl's pattern from the start and this is just a continuation of it.
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Old 24th September 2014, 10:42 PM   #72
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You've changed and made changes in your life. It seems to me she is exactly the same person and has exactly the same problems. Do not go backwards. Whatever that means to you. Tell her that too much damage was caused and too much time has passed and your feelings for her aren't the same. Tell her you wish her well and want her to be happy but that you can't be a part of her life again.
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Last edited by me85; 24th September 2014 at 10:44 PM..
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Old 24th September 2014, 10:45 PM   #73
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Hey lauri,

I have the perfect response for yo

Send her back a short note that says something like:

Quote:
I read your note, and I feel for you. It doesn't sound easy. I think I can help you. I'd suggest that you initiate NO CONTACT immediately. It worked wonders for me.

Your old pal,

lauri
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Old 24th September 2014, 10:45 PM   #74
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You've changed and made changes in your life. It seems to me she is exactly the same person and has exactly the same problems. Do not go backwards. Whatever that means to you. Tell her that too much damage was caused and too much time has passed and your feelings for her aren't the same. Tell her you wish her well and want her to be happy but that you can't be a part of her life again.
I wouldn't even tell her that. He's already tried to tell her that and she still comes back with this stuff. He needs to just ignore -- no need to rescratch this itch in any way.
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Old 24th September 2014, 10:50 PM   #75
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I wouldn't even tell her that. He's already tried to tell her that and she still comes back with this stuff. He needs to just ignore -- no need to rescratch this itch in any way.
Ya he's also ignored her too and that didn't work either. I believe in brutal honesty. So I'm surprised I advised such a polite reply. He really should tell her to leave him alone and that he doesn't want to get back together or be friends with her.
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