Murtz Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 My ex broke up with me after 3 years. I was extremely surprised as throughout the entire relationship she should was amazing at showing her love. I assumed it was because maybe I didn't show my love very well. Mistakenly, I tried to show her how much I loved her for the next 5 months. I won't get into the details, but she was lying to me about some stuff she was doing because she was afraid that I wouldn't want to get back together with her (she basically was going through G.I.G.S.). She also said she was constantly afraid that she would change her mind and I wouldn't be there when she wanted to get back. I got fed up and pretty much told her that I was done and needed to move on. Basically that I no longer wanted any false hope deciding that we are never getting back together. Now it has been 4 months of NC and there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of her. Sometimes its been negative thoughts on how she dragged me down those 5 months, but more than anything I wish that things could go back to way things were before we broke up. I don't really see me wanting to get back together after everything she has done, but if she proves to me that things can go back to the way they were before, I would do anything to be with her. How stupid is it for me to send her a email (that is the only means of contacting her now) saying "I do not really know what I want, but I do not want to close the door. Once you figure yourself out, as you put it, maybe we can figure out what we want together, whether it be friends, in a relationship, or arch-nemesis."? Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 No you shouldn't, as it's clear as day that you're still not over her. You haven't let go of her yet and she has already taken the risk of losing you forever by breaking up with you. She might end up regretting her decision or she might not but one thing is for sure: you should not send that e-mail to her. The door is already closed and it should stay that way. If she ends up deciding that you are the one she wants in her life, she'll come around and make it known to you and it'll be obvious. The e-mail isn't going to help you at all and will probably hurt you if anything. You might not get a response at all, she may end up telling you she has a boyfriend now and doesn't want to speak with you, who knows. It's rookie mistake #1 to break NC by sending an e-mail like that to your ex. You already got the message across when you initiated NC, there's no need to restate it again and prolong your healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Friggia Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 I'm going to tell you from experience - because I was like your girlfriend, in a much similar experience feeling neglected by my boyfriend and developing depression and G.I.G.S for a long time - don't send that note! It comes off as confused, which will only make her feel worse. Take comfort that it's actually really good that you chased her for that long in this scenario, fighting for her. When she finally reaches a moment of clarity, she will think back to this and it will give you a good chance of seeing her return begging for YOU back. But you must stop fighting now and actually give her the space she wants. I would highly encourage you to see other girls if you are not already. One, it will help take your mind off of her, and two, it will trigger jealousy and possessive feelings in her to actually see you moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
losther215 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Yeah I think an email like that is a nono. I sent a letter similar to that to my ex and she straight up said nothing has changed. Unless they are the ones to initiate contact you can pretty much assume nothing has changed... Sorry man I wish I could tell uo otherwise, but our best bet is to continue no contact in my opinion... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Murtz Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 You all are probably right. It is just that since the last thing I said to her was something along the lines of "We are done for good and I will never get back together with you." I am a little worried that she wont be brave enough to talk to me when she is done with whatever she is going through. I wasn't planning on her responding, I just wanted to let her know that I haven't closed the door on that possibility and to not be afraid to approach me on it, even though I do not even know if I would get back together with her anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Don't contact her. NC is for you so you can heal. NC is not a game to get her back. She's made no attempt of reaching out, so don't you contact her! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 My ex broke up with me after 3 years. I was extremely surprised as throughout the entire relationship she should was amazing at showing her love. I assumed it was because maybe I didn't show my love very well. Mistakenly, I tried to show her how much I loved her for the next 5 months. I won't get into the details, but she was lying to me about some stuff she was doing because she was afraid that I wouldn't want to get back together with her (she basically was going through G.I.G.S.). She also said she was constantly afraid that she would change her mind and I wouldn't be there when she wanted to get back. I got fed up and pretty much told her that I was done and needed to move on. Basically that I no longer wanted any false hope deciding that we are never getting back together. Now it has been 4 months of NC and there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of her. Sometimes its been negative thoughts on how she dragged me down those 5 months, but more than anything I wish that things could go back to way things were before we broke up. I don't really see me wanting to get back together after everything she has done, but if she proves to me that things can go back to the way they were before, I would do anything to be with her. How stupid is it for me to send her a email (that is the only means of contacting her now) saying "I do not really know what I want, but I do not want to close the door. Once you figure yourself out, as you put it, maybe we can figure out what we want together, whether it be friends, in a relationship, or arch-nemesis."? Very Stupid. Dont break NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author Murtz Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 I have been thinking about this for at least a month and I have been able to stop myself this entire time. It will be a lot easier to do so now that everyone here is telling me the same. Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 excuse me please, but what is G.I.G.S? (i'm not an english speaker) Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 excuse me please, but what is G.I.G.S? (i'm not an english speaker) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome Link to post Share on other sites
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