3 year relationship going down extremely depressed..maybe suicide

[junkun]

I recently graduated high school with my girlfriend. We have been going out for 3 years. She means the world to me. We have been through thick and thin. I dont want anyone else but her. I know everyone tells me, you are young. You will find someone else. But its not the same. I know how i feel..no one else can tell me other wise. So when i say i love her..I LOVE HER.

 

I cant say i didnt see this coming..but i am still shocked. She was always so excited for our future. She already bought baby clothes and tiny knick knacks for our future house. She always talked about how much she loved me. She always talked about our future together.

 

I know what went wrong. I have Seperation Anxiety. That causes me to be very jealous and controlling at times. I would always get upset whenever she went out without me. Eventually it got to the point where she didnt go anywhere because she was scared to upset me. I took away her freedom. I know..im a real jerk. And i have been called many other names.

 

The other thing is...our relationship had too much sex and she didnt feel like we did enough friend stuff like just sitting and cuddling or watching a movie and having dinner. So she felt used and again..she never said anything because she was scared to upset me.

 

She recently started college too. She made new friends and whenever i am with her she is always on the phone talking to them. (I forgot to mention we talk a bit and still hang out) But whenever i want to text or talk to her when she is with them..she cant and will text me later. I guess this is normal..but i feel so angry. She says im her best friend and they are just her friends. Im more special to her so why am i put under more intense rules?

 

She also tells me I am her best friend. She wants me in her life still but as a best friend for now. She doesnt feel like dating because schooling is expensive and she cant afford to mess up. And dating me will just cause her to worry about me and she wont be able to focus. She says im special to her but she makes me feel less than her new friends. I feel like im getting mixed signals.

 

I am clearly in the wrong. I have no right to have her back. But i need her..she makes me so happy. I miss her so much. I have talked to many other people and they tell me to just give her space. Some say to cut ties completely and some say just speak very little. But its so hard to do either one.

 

What am i supposed to do? How do i increase my chances of getting her back? She wants to talk, hang out, and for me to be in her life..but only at her convenience. Should i just cut ties entirely then? If so, Im afraid she will just learn to live without me and just move on.

 

Please help..my condition is only getting worse. Its been a month and im suffering from extreme depression. I have contemplated suicide and hurt myself already.

[d0nnivain]

Do not kill yourself. Your pain will ease & you will live to love again, unless you take your own life. Please, please don't do that. I know it hurts but you have to hang in there. Talk to your parents/family or a favorite teacher. Call a suicide prevention hotline but do not kill yourself.

 

You know that you are young. Your age doesn't change the level of your commitment or lessen the intensity of your feelings. It is a factor in that you have never experienced this before & you have no frame of reference to cope. But cope you must. Your youth indicates that you have plenty of options & opportunities going forward but you must be alive to take advantage of them.

 

You are going to have to let her go. She's off to college. It's a whole new world there & most high school relationships don't survive the transition. Yours did not but that only means that you are now free to have adventures of your own.

[amaysngrace]

Do you see a professional for your depression? I hope that you do.

 

Cutting yourself or threatening suicide are manipulative behaviors. Are you trying to make her feel so bad about being gone from your life that she feels guilty and has to stay? Because that is exactly what you're doing to her during this time which should be the best time of her life.

 

If you really do love her you'd want her to be happy. You wouldn't be trying to make her feel guilty because you're a control freak.

 

You don't love her or you'd try your very hardest to be the best you possible. Instead you try to guilt her into staying. That's mean of you.

[strong-hearted]

omg no! don't ever think like that!

the same thing happened to me, well I'm still going through it the one thing you can do is get some help, I'm gonna start a counseling session this week cuz I also suicidal thoughts but you know what? your life is more valuable than that!! get a counselor and get on with your life and later on you will look back at your situation you're at right now and you will laugh about it! I promise but please get help!

[Gatema]

Oh my goodness, you need to stop this mindset that you are putting on yourself about this girl. I'm going to be very honest with you, you need to read what I'm about to write to you, and about how all of this works for the rest of us.

 

First of all, we have all been there, like you, the person of our dreams, now gone or is slowly existing our world. We absolutely understand your pain and how you are feeling. It has blindsided you and it has rocked your world. Your feelings are real, and you are feeling a tremendous loss about your high school girlfriend leaving. This is a hard time in your young life, we get it, and yes, those feelings of hopelessness are normal. And really, talking about harming yourself is clearly getting the attention from others that you need, we know that too. It's also known that it is a way for you to convey how deeply this mess has sadden you right now. When put in to translation from a grown adult, me, my perception is that this is the most dramatic way for you to express, or put in to words, how badly you are feeling and you've been thinking about harming yourself, if you could be sure that you wouldn't actually die. Correct?

Stop right there, and listen to me, please. Let me explain.

 

 

Okay, here it is, welcome to the world of being a grown up, and how being a grown up in life operates, how it's going to work in your environment, and for you at this place in time.

 

It's just that, a place in time, a period or passage in your life, one that feels like you have been thrown in to, vastly unprepared for, without a mentor standing before you to explain all the rules.

It's going to be solo lessons now, in which you'll have to learn what to do from the experiences you'll have, before you'll understand what that's going to mean to you before you truly get it.

 

There was a time you were placed in school from the grades of K-12, during your youth. The major focus for you, academics. You attended school because you were expected to do so, by your parents, and those of the community and the set of standards in place. Attending school was paramount in providing you with an education for your future. In other words, you were there to become a properly skilled, a better candidate for entering the work force. The goals were, learn tools to take care of yourself, to reach some financial freedom away from your parents, then hopefully, go on to live independently.

Life Lesson 1.

 

Now that you have completed high school, you have found yourself in a much different position. While you may not be too thrilled with what's been happening in your life so far, it's not a choice.

You have moved on in to a different phase, so to speak. This is the time that you will discover that things are much more difficult to encounter, even more confusing, and try to come to terms with, and as you are currently living through right now, unlike the the majority of those days, or years, that you spent in school, it's a different challenge.

 

So here it is, this is where you get to make your own rules for how you will get through this transformation. This is the time where you'll be in the middle of significant opportunities for you to make your own judgement calls. You'll have the experiences in for having plenty of disappointments, and then, there will be all types of losses, and then, days of failures with some months of personal successes. There's going to be the times that are exciting, or ones that were not what you had wanted, some specific moments with insecurity with some positive feelings of self worth. There's going to be countless journeys, all put purposefully before you to teach you one thing, the valuable lessons for living your life well. Lessons that are taught to you about you, about others, and the strengths or weaknesses that you have learned from certain lessons. All given to you, to teach you how to control your own fate.

 

This is a right of passage, which is an individual blueprint for your life and it is intended for only you. The sole purpose is to guide you along the way, while you build your resolve and character as you mature in to a grown man.

Life Lesson 2.

 

These are lessons, like your academic lessons, but without classrooms or books. They'll be presented to you, at random times, and you'll be expected to show up, get involved. These lessons are simply unavoidable, if you breathe oxygen, you're going to have to face them.

 

Now, you can choose to kick, and scream or even throw a tantrum regaling how unfair it is, how unhappy you are, and even talk about feelings for being miserable, so much so that taking your own life sounds like a better solution.

 

For the record though, on that last action, taking your own life does nothing that will have any benefits for you. The people that know you will be sad for about a week or so, and then they start living their life again. And where are you? Exactly.

 

Or, you can decide that as f*d up as this lesson experience is, giving up is pointless. Even if the lesson has managed to wrestle you physically to the ground, flooding your mind with morbid thoughts about not wanting to go on, you are going to have to make your first attempt at the lesson, maturity.

If anything, get pissed, mad because this has happened. Go a head and put up both hands, while using your middle fingers, screaming in your head that you're not a puss, and it's crap like this that is a bunch of BS and it's going to make you stronger, not weaker.

 

Remember, and keep telling yourself this, if the love of your life (think about it though, you are 18 or 19 maybe, not much of a duration for time, for believing in that theory) doesn't want to hang out, or be with you any more, or she's that she has found someone new, say f it . Cop the attitude that it's her loss, her big frickin loss. Start acting and believing that what has happened, does not define you, or your future. Even if she has chosen to end the relationship, remind yourself, that it happens to everyone, move on, and it's not the end of the world.

 

If you let something like this, (yes, breaking up is hard to do, but you are going to have a few more break ups under your belt before you reach the age of 25) dictate the decisions that you will make when times are emotionally tough, you are in a sense, practicing, just a different form, or a way, to emotionally harm yourself without a valid reason. There's never going to be a good reason, to harm yourself over a girl, ever. So stop trying to take any shortcuts in learning the lessons.

Edited September 23, 2014 by Gatema

[loversquarrel]

Suicide is not the answer, you have so much to live for, for Gods sake give yourself a chance at life!

 

What ou should do with a girl like this is make yourself unavailable. Seriously unavailable. Hang out with new people, new girls. You will be amazed at what that can do to a woman who is on the fence.....acting like you don't have a care in the world, working on your confidence and giving yourself some direction in your life will be good for you and make you look like a challenge in her eyes. Renew yourself and drop your old needy habits - worst case scenario is you will gain confidence in yourself and attract far more sophisticated, intelligent and attractive women.

[d0nnivain]

Junkun

 

Are you still here? Please let us know you are OK.

 

One hit wonders who threaten suicide scare me.

[junkun]

To all those that were worried, I am alright. thank you for your worries. I figured out that I will just give her time and space. She still loves me and im special to her. I guess I just have to give her time to adjust.

 

Thank you all for your help. I am glad there are kind people out there. I believe that I am the one for her and no matter what happens she is destined to be with me. I will keep a positive attitude and hope for the best! Wish me luck!

[mtnbiker3000]

Here's the thing. You can't possibly even really know yourself yet, let alone another person. I know it feels unbearable at this moment. But, you will feel different.

 

And, I'm sad to say, she probably wants to experience other things and people. So, yes, she still thinks your special and probably always will. But it might be time to close this chapter of your life. Don't be sad it's over, but rather be happy you got to experience it.

 

And, you WILL find more loves and experience more heartbreak. That's the human condition. Sometime very high and other times super low! We've all been there. Every one of us. Guaranteed!!!

[ja123]

Hi Junkun,

 

 

Please go see your doctor for medical attention, regarding your depression.

 

 

Depression is serious, so please do not delay in getting help.

 

 

Best Wishes and hope you feel better soon.

[d0nnivain]

To all those that were worried, I am alright. thank you for your worries. I figured out that I will just give her time and space. She still loves me and im special to her. I guess I just have to give her time to adjust.

 

Thank you all for your help. I am glad there are kind people out there. I believe that I am the one for her and no matter what happens she is destined to be with me. I will keep a positive attitude and hope for the best! Wish me luck!

 

So glad that you are coping better. Hang in there & good luck.

[Bella2]

Take care!

[Gatema]

Yes, this is the attitude that will get you to where you want to go, or be, as time marches on. It's a much healthier attitude to have, than from the previous one that you wrote about in your first post.

 

You'll find that by being proactive in your attitude for changing something that you don't like, while it may be harder in some ways, it's going to afford you much better results. It's fighting the urges, to not give up, or in, that are the biggest challenges to get through.

 

So remember this, if you allow yourself to become powerless in most situations, especially those you fear are most troubling, or are too dire to attempt, there is one guareentee that you can expect to happen when you don't try to address the issue(s). You'll start to accumulate some emotionally damaging and embedded scars in your heart, along with some significant blows to the frame of your self confidence. And each time, that you ignore your own personal responsibility for stepping up to the plate in your own game, let's say, you 're going to feel some pretty, horrible and gnawing feelings that something bad is happening to you.

 

That's when you'll make the unfortunate discovery, that you've been losing, yet another, piece of yourself, while you stood quietly in the background, at your own game, and waited for someone else to step up to the plate and go to bat for you. By doing this, it's going to be a very long, and miserable life, one would have to predict for their future.

 

So......

 

Stay strong.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I can relate very much to the OP, I feel suicidal too & the pain from the Depression is too much.

 

 

People say time is a healer but I don't believe so - if there is one girl for everyone in the world then no-one else matters & she will be irreplaceable.

[Bella2]

I can relate very much to the OP, I feel suicidal too & the pain from the Depression is too much.

 

People say time is a healer but I don't believe so - if there is one girl for everyone in the world then no-one else matters & she will be irreplaceable.

 

You're not really helping here... Stop that!!! Millions of people in the same situation have survived this. You are not unique.

 

Yes, it hurts TERRIBLY. It can be UNBEARABLE. But once again: millions of people have gone on to live their lives. You guys can do it too! Believe it.

[Bella2]

A really good friend of mine was depressed. Very depressed. She didn't eat. She couldn't sleep. She was feeling like a walking dead. Thought she was going insane. She was hospitalized. She took medication. This took almost a year.

 

Now, years later, she is living a happy life. With her husband and two kids.

[Strength in Healing]

Junkun I'm gonna tell it to you like it is. If you were near me I would BITCH slap you. Wake UP, you want to go black over a temporary problem. Seriously.

 

We all have felt the EXACT same excruciating pain. Feeling of inadequacy. Loneliness. Rejection.

 

YOU LET IT MAKE YOU STRONGER.

 

You DON'T let it END your life.

 

That being said...

 

My heart is with you brother. Stay strong.

 

 

 

 

And I seriously would've slapped you in the face if you were nearby. We all need that wakeup call sometimes...

Edited September 26, 2014 by Strength in Healing