No_Go Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Me and my boyfriend decided to move together one month after we started dating. He was the one insisting, we effectively were together every night in my place after the third date. I know it should be red flag for me but... I was blinded. Now three weeks after the move we had our first big fight (it was pretty much all night long...) and the next day he disappeared with his backpack! All his other belongings are still in the house, but in the past 24 h I have no contact with him (he doesn't respond my calls and e-mails). I am mortifyed. I know he has money issues and maybe that is the actual reason (I was helping him financially with his daily expenses, but expected him to be fully responsible for his part of the lease and utilities). Now I am not only left alone, but also left with an year lease on both of our names. Any advice??? Can I get any legal help with the lease??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Any advice??? Not really, other than learn from this experience. You know what you did wrong, no need for me or anyone else to spit out the obvious hackneyed response. Can I get any legal help with the lease??? What for? He's done nothing illegal. What exactly do you want to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Well, there's nothing to be done about the lease. You are both jointly & individually responsible for the lease, meaning you are both 100% responsible for it...it's not like if you pay your 1/2 but he doesn't pay his, you are okay and he will be in trouble, nope you'd both be equally and fully liable if one of you doesn't pay. Can you afford it on your own? You can have him removed from the lease if you both sign a release. tbh it sounds like he was pressuring for a move in because he needed you for money. why are you paying his daily expenses? You've known him for SEVEN WEEKS!!! Geeez. There's a reason guys like this pressure girls, it's because they need something from you!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 WhatYouWantToHear I hoped there is a roommate/tenant protection that I can use since our names are both on the lease. veggirl Yes, I was an idiot to trust him. I was helping him with his expenses because I though it is just a temporary hurdle of him. The fight was because he used my money MAINLY to supply himself with alcohol, which I was strictly against. I can pay the lease (not ideal situation but possible), but how to resign him from the lease - is it possible to do it without his written agreement? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 WhatYouWantToHear I hoped there is a roommate/tenant protection that I can use since our names are both on the lease. The guiding legal principle is probably "you can't squeeze blood from a turnip" veggirl Yes, I was an idiot to trust him. I was helping him with his expenses because I though it is just a temporary hurdle of him. The fight was because he used my money MAINLY to supply himself with alcohol, which I was strictly against. I can pay the lease (not ideal situation but possible), but how to resign him from the lease - is it possible to do it without his written agreement? It will likely be more difficult to get the Landlord's agreement. For the landlord, it is better to have two people on the lease than one. You may want to locate a creditworthy roommate to take his place. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 bad move, moving in after a month. Been there done that. The question is, when he resurfaces which he likely will - what will you do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 Can you afford the place on your own? Tell the landlords he's gone & you want the lease in your name only. If you have to move in a platonic roommate to split the bills. Going forward do not move in with new love interests until you have known them for at least 1 year If you can't afford the rent on your own, try to find somebody to take over the lease or sublet. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 If you can handle the lease on your own, good for you. And now you have this learning experience. If you can find him, take him to small claims court for half of the rent for the next 11 months. You have the signed contract as an agreement that he is legally bound to abide. No, you won't get anything immediately, but you might be able to get a judgement against any future earnings he could effectively earn. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted September 24, 2014 Author Share Posted September 24, 2014 Good point Mamassita, he returned :| I'm pretty annoyed with the whole thing, he is still troubled with money, I really don't know shall I get him back in my house and life ... I obviously can't kick him from the house though when he is still on a lease with me... Also, he tried to make it sound like I traumatized him and that's why he got insulted and left. It is a really tricky situation at best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 you'll have to pay up, then sue him later. keep the joint signed copy of the lease, you'll need it for court. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Good point Mamassita, he returned :| I'm pretty annoyed with the whole thing, he is still troubled with money, I really don't know shall I get him back in my house and life ... I obviously can't kick him from the house though when he is still on a lease with me... Also, he tried to make it sound like I traumatized him and that's why he got insulted and left. It is a really tricky situation at best. Talk to him. Leaving for a few hours or even a night if he had told you he was going away too cool off might have been OK. Disappearing leaving you wondering how you were going to cover the rent was unacceptable. You have to set boundaries on how you will handle disagreements & finances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Now go find someone to take over your part of the lease and get rid of this "I don't make no money loser." Some people may find this to be an inhuman thing to do, because even poor people need love.... the question is, do you want to be poor? Act according to your true desires. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I was in your exact situation, I'll share what happened to me and I hope you can learn the same things I did from it. Dated my ex for two years. I was a little blind to it, but after about a year and a half the relationship was slowly dying. She didn't have a place to live, so for about a month she lived with me at my moms house, where my friend was also living and had been for 2 years. The three of us got an apartment. We were all there when each of us signed the lease. the contract that obligates you to pay rent or pay the fee to break the lease, which is pretty expensive. Slowly but surely, the collossion of personal lives between myself and my ex, the too much time spent together, me feeling exhausted because I always felt like and got the impression from her that I was always supposed to be entertaining her in some way, the circular recurring arguments about how we never did anything, but failed to present suggestions on things she wanted to do or was interested in, lead to one really big fight. The fight where every little thing I has ever told her in absolute confidence, trusting her with my heart, she threw it all.back in my face and exploited my weaknesses while using my fears as weapons against me. She packed a bag and left that night. A few days later she came back and grabbed the rest of her stuff, and some of mine too. She told me she moved out and therefore didn't have to pay rent, even though her name was on the lease. I tried to explain to her again and again that even though she was not present, she was responsible for 1/3rd of the rent. She didn't care. I got a lawyer involved. She didn't care. I couldn't afford to break the lease and I was not going to fail and move back home. I also could not break the lease and let my friend down as a casualty of the relationship, rendering him homeless. She got to walk away Scott free, and I had to make up the difference for 8 months. This is why I'm not going to be living with a significant other anytime in the next ten years. I suggest you do the same. You might think you know some one. You might think you can trust them. But when it gets rough, they can cut and run and leave you with the bill. Keep that in mind the next time you sign any kind of contract with another party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 Ouch, Keenly, I so much hear you. My "boyfriend" turned to be scared that I'll report him to the police for domestic violence (which wasn't the case, but according to him a past partner false blamed him). Therefore he decided to turn it on me, saying that I caused him emotional abuse, that he'll need therapy for, costing more that what he owes me!! I am disguisted but I still NEED to communicate with him regarding the lease. That's why I can't really ignore him. His stuff is still around. He threatens me that if I meet him in person he will claim harrasment agains me. Nevertheless we talk daily, many times, on HIS schedule. I need to pay on Tuesday, I am contemplated to do only my part, but I'm not sure how the landlord will react. I asked him to talk to the landlord together and his response was "he will need to tell the landlord for the distress that I caused him, and the fact that he was not living in because of it". I am sorry for being erratic, but I am sooooo frustrated. Don't know what to do, how to move forward. All his stuff is here, he is blackmailing me in front of his friends. He doiesn't want ot pay a penny, he still keeps his keys.... Lessons for all: NEVER move in with a stranger................................. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author No_Go Posted September 27, 2014 Author Share Posted September 27, 2014 Mightycpa, this is in fact a SECOND partner mooching money from me. I wish I read an opinion like yours, not all the crap "give the loser the chance to step on their feet". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted September 27, 2014 Share Posted September 27, 2014 His name is on the lease, you can take him to the small claim court (about 40 bucks) for half the rent. If you leave the landlord has to take reasonable steps to rent the apartment (he can't just say "you owe me X amount of money). However, "reasonable" doesn't mean he has to accept to rent to anybody, he can be as picky as he wants. That's how it is in my state, not sure about yours. Just talk to your bf, sit him down, and ask him what he wants to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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