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From everyones experience with NC, does it work? (Updated)


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A lot of people say, "if you give them their space and let them be, they'll come back to you" ... See, this is hard for me bc I'm so big on communication and I feel empty if I feel I have no answers. I want to try NC but I'm so scared he will just forget about me and move on.

 

 

From everyone's experience, what are your opinions on NC and how did it work for you and what happened???

 

Would love to hear all your stories!

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FailedFirstLove

I know how you feel. I'm the same way. I just want to talk. :( but there is nothing you can do right now. If the person loves you. they won't forget you.

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I know how you feel. I'm the same way. I just want to talk. :( but there is nothing you can do right now. If the person loves you. they won't forget you.

 

 

 

You're very right. I feel the same way. So I guess the only way to find out is to truly follow through with NC, even if it kills us. I agree that the right person wouldn't forget us even if we don't talk for months. But if they do forget us, then they weren't the right ones for us! Hang in there. We'll be okay! We just have to stick to our word and care more about ourselves and our feelings than theirs right now! <3

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That's not how NC works.

 

Read the Guide.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

NC is for you, not him.

You are MEANT to move on.

That's why you broke up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

evanescentworld, I am looking at it now! It is perfect... GREAT insight! Thank you so much!

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Always Pondering

I doubt they will "forget" about you but rather, think of you not nearly as often and not in the same way that you think of them.

 

There's been many cases (and also not) where the dumper has come back but usually it's only with breadcrumbs and nothing else. As evanescent has said, NC is used as a healing guide and not a tool for resurrecting someone's feelings that are already gone.

 

It does work though for helping you heal. You just have to stick with it! ;)

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NC isn't a tool to get someone back. If that is your intent it won't work.

 

NC is a healing tool. It puts some distance in your break up so you have time to get over the other person, which can't happen if they are always around.

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NC worked great during my last break-up. Cutting ties after 8 years together was tremendously painful but the only thing I could do. We never had that final "closure" talk; I slowly found closure for myself, without him. We don't call or text each other, we're not on each other's social media. It's been almost 3 years now, and I feel like I have really moved on. I've dated other men and built a life for myself.

 

The key is not to implement NC to get someone back - it's a way to help you recover and get yourself back.

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You think NC will make him forget about you and move on? If you two really had something, this wouldn't be the case. Sure, he may move on, but he won't ever forget about you.

 

And if he does move on, then he isn't the one. His loss. You did yourself a favor to find out he wasn't the one and he didn't fight for you, because that's what you deserve, right?

 

Going NC is way better than staying in contact, because it just makes you look pathetic and desperate. What is there to even talk about? He knows you care about him, love him, whatever. Talking about your feelings isn't going to pull him closer, it's going to push him away. Emotional talks like this for men are exhausting, especially when they are the dumper.

 

Men like strong, independent women. He wants you to be strong. Go NC and focus on yourself. Gain your independence back, focus on your hobbies, interests, family, friends. What are you so afraid of? You already lost him. You shouldn't fear to lose a man in a relationship. Losing yourself is way worse.

 

I think you need to work on your self confidence. You're a catch, period. And he won't forget about you. How could he? Focus on yourself, do NOT break no contact. If it's meant to be, it will be. Keeping tabs on him and remaining in contact won't help you get him back anyway. So you might as well take care of yourself and do what is best for you.

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I certainly feel better not knowing too much about what goes on in his life. (people around me sometimes give me some unwanted information...).

 

Seriously, you're better off not knowing what's going on in his life.

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Feelbettersoon
You think NC will make him forget about you and move on? If you two really had something, this wouldn't be the case. Sure, he may move on, but he won't ever forget about you.

 

And if he does move on, then he isn't the one. His loss. You did yourself a favor to find out he wasn't the one and he didn't fight for you, because that's what you deserve, right?

 

Going NC is way better than staying in contact, because it just makes you look pathetic and desperate. What is there to even talk about? He knows you care about him, love him, whatever. Talking about your feelings isn't going to pull him closer, it's going to push him away. Emotional talks like this for men are exhausting, especially when they are the dumper.

 

Men like strong, independent women. He wants you to be strong. Go NC and focus on yourself. Gain your independence back, focus on your hobbies, interests, family, friends. What are you so afraid of? You already lost him. You shouldn't fear to lose a man in a relationship. Losing yourself is way worse.

 

I think you need to work on your self confidence. You're a catch, period. And he won't forget about you. How could he? Focus on yourself, do NOT break no contact. If it's meant to be, it will be. Keeping tabs on him and remaining in contact won't help you get him back anyway. So you might as well take care of yourself and do what is best for you.

 

That was good, I needed that!

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No contact does eventually get them to talk to you, but 99% of the time it won't be what your hoping for. I went NC on my ex for 2-3 months before she started texting me a lot. I still don't text her back though. I replied to a text since April. And before that it was October-nov 2013.

 

They're just curious if they do. Nothing more so don't read into anything

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NC is about helping you to move on.

 

It doesn't have any bearing on whether or not the person will "come back to you." That is something they will have to GENUINELY want on their own. NC cannot make them feel that way.

 

NC isn't a tool to get your ex back. It's a way to help you move on. If it's meant to be then at some point they will reach out.

 

In my own experience NC was the BEST thing. In the breakup that initially brought me to LS I spent lots of time trying to "communicate" with my ex and all it did was make me embarrass myself and drain the life out of me. Sure, when I employed NC he would resurface, but it didn't change anything. He would maybe resurface we'd hang out or talk or text and then it went back to NOTHING. It's because in a genuine way he didn't really want to be with me anymore...he may have missed me and missed me chasing him and the attention I gave before NC, but that is entirely different than the relationship having a real chance.

 

I wasted so much time by not doing NC and hurt myself a lot in the process. Once I did NC once and for all ( that is also ignoring his breadcrumbs) I was able to move on. It's hard to imagine now, but with time you do begin to lose feelings for your ex and stop seeing them as this idealized best thing ever. It's a win win. If it is meant to be they won't move on but will reach out and be genuine...by then you can decide more rationally if you want to give it another go and if they don't want to get back together you'd have moved on too and won't care by then. So do it for you and not to get the person back as nothing can get them back except them genuinely wanting you back as well.

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Last time I went NC was with a girl that gave me no choice but to move on. Basically she was sneaking about with the ex and couldn't seem to let the guy go.

 

Anyway, more than two years later I get a "I really wanna meet up if your available" text.

 

I was seeing someone so just deleted it and went about my day. I wouldn't want to do to someone else what she had done to me.

 

Did NC work. Yes, of course. In my case not being in contact helped the anger to go away over time and bring clarity to what had gone on, not some messed up emotionally charged head ****.

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NC will help you heal. As for bringing someone back, it is my experience that things tend to work themselves out when you stop pushing. If someone truly loves you, they will come back if you leave them be for a while. If they don't come back, there is nothing you could have done to keep them anyway, so why go through the heartache?

 

However, the way you talk about yourself makes me suspect that you don't have the highest self-esteem. Why do you think he would forget you? Are you forgettable? No! You're probably a great person, but if you don't believe that yourself, your romantic partners won't either. I would use this NC time to learn how to validate yourself, rather than seeking validation from your ex. You don't need "answers" from him - closure comes from within. By being strong, confident and focusing on yourself and your own life, you will be more attractive to your ex AND to other guys who might be a much better match.

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No one has any high esteem when dropped. We may wish for ways they will come back etc.... But NC as many others have said is not something to bring them back. As many established posters say it is about yourself. True, when i came here i wanted NC to be a `lure`. It is not. Distance yourself, social media etc... it does work. Try it. Good luck.

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No one has any high esteem when dropped.

 

That's not true; everyone hurts when they are dumped, but you can still have a strong sense of your own worth. That's why I'm "better" at being dumped now than I was when I was younger. If you need other people's approval to feel good about yourself, romantic rejection is going to be a lot harder.

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I appreciate all your replies tremendously. ;) The more I interact on this site, I am learning so much from all of you. I now know what NC is for. It's not to get someone back, but instead, to get YOURSELF back. All of your insight has been tremendously helpful.

 

It is better to keep your pride rather than lose it and keep blowing up someone's phone who obviously doesn't care.

 

And like a few of you said, sometimes they do call months later... But it's not exactly the type of phone call we're looking for. So we're better off sticking to NC and doing it for ourselves and working on OURSELVES!

 

I've felt so much better and havent felt the need to talk to my ex at all. It feels refreshing , almost like a weight has been lifting off of my shoulders. I'm seeing now that maybe he was just a burden to my life, my growth and my self esteem, and being away from him is the best thing possible for my inner soul and inner growth.

 

 

Thank you for all your responses! :love:

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I didn't say I needed others approval. But on a totally personal level when I was dropped my sense of worth was zero. Everyone is different what's true for you is not true for others. When I implemented NC properly it helped enormously.

 

 

That's not true; everyone hurts when they are dumped, but you can still have a strong sense of your own worth. That's why I'm "better" at being dumped now than I was when I was younger. If you need other people's approval to feel good about yourself, romantic rejection is going to be a lot harder.
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There are no answers.

 

There are no answers..

 

There are no answers...

 

Forgetting and moving on is the BEST SCENARIO you can hope for.

 

Anything short of that will keep you trapped.

 

A lot of people say, "if you give them their space and let them be, they'll come back to you" ... See, this is hard for me bc I'm so big on communication and I feel empty if I feel I have no answers. I want to try NC but I'm so scared he will just forget about me and move on.

 

 

From everyone's experience, what are your opinions on NC and how did it work for you and what happened???

 

Would love to hear all your stories!

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NC worked great during my last break-up. Cutting ties after 8 years together was tremendously painful but the only thing I could do. We never had that final "closure" talk; I slowly found closure for myself, without him. We don't call or text each other, we're not on each other's social media. It's been almost 3 years now, and I feel like I have really moved on. I've dated other men and built a life for myself.

 

The key is not to implement NC to get someone back - it's a way to help you recover and get yourself back.

 

I agree. The only thing that has helped me is NC. I think most people forget that NC means no lurking on social media too. I stopped looking at social media a week ago today and I have improved a lot. I'm sure some of you have had the same feeling of anxiety, feeling sick, shaking everytime you looked at their twitter, instagram etc. and to be FREE of that is a good feeling. he can do whatever he wants, i just don't want to know about it anymore. ignorance is bliss.

 

I am very fatalistic too and if it's meant to be in the future then it will be, but right now i don't want anything to do with him and his life. NC saved me!

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I find myself slowly going insane. All I do is think about my ex, and all I want is him, but he only calls me when it's right for him or convenient for him. I feel like I'm an after thought who he calls when he's bored and/or horny. The relationship I was just in with my ex has caused me to have serious self confidence issues. He made me feel like I was nothing and worthy of no one.

 

I saw him over the weekend, and one thing led to another. Then when he left, he told me he would call me and gave me a kiss. ...Well, he never called me. So I went psycho and sent him a million messages complaining that he's breaking my heart and how he's never going to change. Of course no message back. But he did post new tweets on twitter and change his profile picture. Why is he doing this to me???

 

And now I'm slowly going insane, dating a million dudes, almost being promiscuous, and honestly, in the end I only feel worse about myself after I'm done doing what I do. I have this huge void and I cry myself to sleep every night. I have issues with being alone/being lonely.

 

The only person I want is him, and I tell him I have problems with being lonely. He keeps telling me he would have taken me back if it wasn't for me hanging out with all these guys. But I tell him I have no girlfriends and I'm so lonely and every time I call him he ignores me so I feel like, whats the point of waiting around for him? I feel like he manipulates me into thinking if I were to change he would be with me, but I know he wouldn't be with me. It hurts my heart and my soul so much... the games are too much to handle.

 

How do I feel this horrible void I have without him? I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think straight, I can barely live without him, and it sucks. It's like my every emotion is dependent on him, and hes never there.. He goes three weeks without talking to me, yet I sit there and still think of him every second of every day.

 

I try to do the NC thing, and it only works for so long until he messages or calls me. How do I stop answering to him when he calls me every 3 weeks? I can't take the mind games, and I'm such a fool for him. I'd drop everything I'm doing at 3am to drive a state away just to see him I'm that crazy about him.

 

I physically feel sick thinking of him with another girl. I don't know how to stop these thoughts. I'm slowly going insane....

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I agree. The only thing that has helped me is NC. I think most people forget that NC means no lurking on social media too. I stopped looking at social media a week ago today and I have improved a lot. I'm sure some of you have had the same feeling of anxiety, feeling sick, shaking everytime you looked at their twitter, instagram etc. and to be FREE of that is a good feeling. he can do whatever he wants, i just don't want to know about it anymore. ignorance is bliss.

 

I am very fatalistic too and if it's meant to be in the future then it will be, but right now i don't want anything to do with him and his life. NC saved me!

 

 

 

 

 

I am VERY fatalistic as well. My problem is I keep lurking on social media and it's only making things worse. I think you are completely right... I need to stop looking at social media or anything having to do with him all together. Thats the only way I will be happy and be able to TRULY move on , to forget about him, even if it hurts and if it's hard. I guess we have to go through pain to get to happiness.

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I am VERY fatalistic as well. My problem is I keep lurking on social media and it's only making things worse. I think you are completely right... I need to stop looking at social media or anything having to do with him all together. Thats the only way I will be happy and be able to TRULY move on , to forget about him, even if it hurts and if it's hard. I guess we have to go through pain to get to happiness.

 

don't worry, i went through 3 weeks of obsessive social media checking (seriously it was unhealthy) and i would over analyse EVERYTHING that was written. i was torturing myself. stop looking, i promise you will feel better.

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don't worry, i went through 3 weeks of obsessive social media checking (seriously it was unhealthy) and i would over analyse EVERYTHING that was written. i was torturing myself. stop looking, i promise you will feel better.

 

 

 

I'm going to take your advice and stop looking all together with it, even when I feel urges, I need to find other things to keep myself occupied. I know I will feel better once i stop looking. It is completely obsessive and unhealthy.

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