lastresort Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 My ex told me the other day she is going to become an escort. We were together 3 years and friends for 15+. We had a mutual break up about 6 weeks ago. We are still friends just our relationship didn't work anymore. I am pretty well off and supporter her and her son for the years together. She is also employed with my company. She works 2-3 days a week and earns 500-600 a week. She said she can't survive on what I pay and needs to find a way to support her and her son. Here's where my foolishness, love and caring comes in. I talked to her in depth about this. Went over pros and cons with her. We figured out much she needs to make to afford her expenses. I gave her the raise and a little more responsibility with the company. I'm know it is a stupid thing to do and I should just let her go but I don't want her to put herself and family in danger with this choice. I do still love her and care about her greatly. Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Sounds like emotional blackmail to me. She is pretty much threatening you to become a prostitute, knowing you still care and are not over her, unless you give her a raise and/or promotion. If she does decide to go through with it, fire her as it can damage your business rep. Or make her an accountmanager and see the big orders coming in with her specialized skillset 13 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Ha, well she EXCELS at manipulation. Why didn't she go back to school while she was fortunate enough to have you support her? You already know you're being played. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Obviously, if you were married for a long time, a woman has a right to expect more financial compensation. But since you only dated 3 years, you can give her some money depending on how rich you are and how hot she is. Has she looked into doing webcam sites? Girls can make a lot of money on them. I know some college girls that go on the site CampusStrippers instead of doing actual stripping. Anyways, she sounds really hot, so give her the money. Or help her find a high-paying job elsewhere. If she is hot enough to be an escort, then she should be hot enough to make 40k doing some easy PR/sales job. Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It sounds like she might be getting into for the wrong reasons, and out of a feeling of desperation. This is not a good place to start. But it can work out well after an initial period of shock and then a feeling of "this is not that bad, I can do this". The escorts that I have met who are successful and happy with the job are usually in a transition. They do it for money yes. But they are also on a journey of becoming more confident with men, finding extra excitement in life...etc. It is a temporary phase, usually among women in their 20's. Is she really ready to use her body to be a "sexual healer" of men? A lot of women can't separate themselves from the emotions and the social stigma. The ones who are good at what they do don't view themselves as having sex with a lot of random men. They see themselves providing something to men, that they like, so that she can get some quick cash and get on to the next stage of life. And they simply enjoy making men feel good! It can be dangerous though because that lifestyle can become addicting to women. There needs to be an exit strategy! Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It can be dangerous though because that lifestyle can become addicting to women. It can be more dangerous for other reasons though. Getting naked with a strange man can get you raped, beaten, or dead. And prostitutes have little recourse under the law. Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 It can be more dangerous for other reasons though. Getting naked with a strange man can get you raped, beaten, or dead. And prostitutes have little recourse under the law. Yes of course. Every man must be assumed to be a rapist, murderer or child molester unless proven otherwise??? Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Yes of course. Every man must be assumed to be a rapist, murderer or child molester unless proven otherwise??? Most women don't get alone and naked with strangers for money. When you make yourself vulnerable like that, you are in vastly increased danger. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lastresort Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Thank you for the feed back. It is just crazy she came up with this. It is cause she's desperate, I understand that, I also understand she is most likely playing me. She thinks she can work for this escort company and only do one "trick" a week and be compensated $2000 a month. I just don't think these companies want someone that will only go 4 times a month. After explaining what I wanted to do for her she originally said no way that she was quitting her position with me, which really doesn't call for much work, we all work from home she was way over paid to start with bit she is good at sales and always kept my crap organized, the clients like dealing with her and she doesn't budge with deals as I would just to get the sale. So she actually has helped increase my income over the years working for me, she is going on 6 years with the company. Seriously is it that stupid of me to take care of someone who I know is a good person and is just desperate. She's is also a family friend and that's why she got the job in the first place. Also at one time I was putting her through paramedic school but she got injured snowboarding and that job was not possible any longer. In The end her raise is only $1200 a month. Which is way less than we would spend on our weekend get aways and her shopping, so I'm actually saving money. lol she also will be compensated when we have to travel and work a couple weekends a month. So she won't be doing too bad. She says when I get my new girlfriend I will stop doing this cause the new girl won't let it happen. Any how. Thank you for the advice even if I a fool I just can't let her do something so stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 She said she can't survive on what I pay and needs to find a way to support her and her son. Can you clarify - is it YOUR son as well? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Well, she's resourceful, isn't she? She knows exactly which strings to pull to get what she wants. She really couldn't come up with anything better than prostitution to get by? Come on, now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Yes of course. Every man must be assumed to be a rapist, murderer or child molester unless proven otherwise??? Nobody said every man is a danger. But prostitutes are indeed in much more potentially dangerous situations than other professions. Any quick glance at abuse/exploitation/violence statistics connected to prostitution will demonstrate this. Not only would she be risking her health and safety, she would be putting her son in the perilous situation of something bad happening to his mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lastresort Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Can you clarify - is it YOUR son as well? No he is not my son. He is 8 and I have been in his life since before he was born. Ex husband is/was a druggy and alcohalic. I've spent more time with him than his father has. I admit I guess I have a soft spot for people in need. Her and her son are a very important part of my life now, I treat him as good as my sons. Actually I spent more time with him than with my sons. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 You have given us the background. you have given us your reasons. You have rationally thought about this and have decided on a solution. It sounds like a fait-accompli. You're not asking us anything, as far as I can see. What is your reason for posting then, could I ask? (This is not a criticism, or accusation, and neither am I disagreeing with your rationale.) I really am just curious and clarifying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lastresort Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Guess I was venting and hopping for some feed back. If there was a question,lol, am I an f-tard for thinking this is a solution? I guess a temporary solution. Do you think I should pursue finding her a different job outside of my company? I really don't know. All the advice and comments have been good so far Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Do what you know does good. But don't be a patsy. If she is no longer officially part of your life, but only within it as an employee, you MUST lay aside your emotional pull here. THis is business. It means money, financial investment and a responsible professional commitment on her part. Have a talk with her and tell her that just as with any other employee, she is within a probationary period. That is to say, she has to prove consistently, that she is capable of doing the job you have promoted her to. Presumably you have issued a refreshed contract, given that her status has now altered. The period should be of three months. If after that time she appears to not be fulfilling her duties as outlined in the new contract, or it does not appear to have been a successful promotional move, review the appointment. If she decides she is going to have to do something different to make money - whether it's working for you, or 'herself' - she is going to have to take the plunge and come up with the goods. I happen to know two ladies who work, using their bodies as money-making tools - if we want to be brutally basic about it (and that is a definition used by one of them, I might add) and they play it safe and work responsibly. Is she truly the type who could really commit herself to doing that kind of work? or do you think she really was just tugging your chain? Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Guess I was venting and hopping for some feed back. If there was a question,lol, am I an f-tard for thinking this is a solution? I guess a temporary solution. Do you think I should pursue finding her a different job outside of my company? I really don't know. All the advice and comments have been good so far Probably yea. You and I know both know this isn't a sustainable solution. Not financially and definitely not for your mental health. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Captain Save a Ho is all I can think when reading your post. You mention she's desperate. No she's NOT! Do you know what a desperate mother does when she's on her own with an impressionable child to feed? She mops floors, she gets two jobs at McDonald's and Walmart if need be. She HAS options but she also has a sucker willing to pay her way so....why not. If she's so desperate she would beg you for more hours at work along with the increase in salary. Would be great to hear why you see this "prize" of a woman's son more than you see your own kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 you're being a chump. what are you gonna do when you start dating again? no one is going to date the dude who's still throwing money at his ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lastresort Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Would be great to hear why you see this "prize" of a woman's son more than you see your own kids. The only reason I see her son more than my sons is she has sole 100% custody and they were living in my home. Her exH only has supervised visits. I have 50/50 custody of my boys and get them 5 on 5 off. So that's howni end up with him more than my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lastresort Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 you're being a chump. what are you gonna do when you start dating again? no one is going to date the dude who's still throwing money at his ex. Already seeing someone. She's has a job, no kids, doesn't want her own kids. She makes really good money, she's a dancer just kidding, good job with a big company. What a difference that makes already. Were not serious. I have a little discussion about my ex, not about that she wants to be an escort bit that she needs work and money, she is actually understanding. I'm not giving the money for free she does actually work and shes decent at it. They have actually met when I was together with my exgf. It's going to be an awesome jerry springer show one day. You can say you read it here first. lol Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Her solution to needing more money is to prostitute herself? And then you reward her by paying her $1200 more each month? Oh man, this gal has you whipped! Over the years she used you and manipulated you to the end of the earth. You're not even dating or living together and you're still allowing her to use you. IF she wants money let her prostitute herself - the fact that she would even think it much less say it to you is gross. Do you have a rescuing issue? If she needs to solve her problems that way you should have said - go ahead but I can't employ you anymore. Why do you think you need to rescue her? She's a grown woman and should be handling her problems herself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Guess I was venting and hopping for some feed back. If there was a question,lol, am I an f-tard for thinking this is a solution? I guess a temporary solution. Do you think I should pursue finding her a different job outside of my company? I really don't know. All the advice and comments have been good so far Yeah, why don't you try to find her a well-paying full time job somewhere? Or is she only willing to work part-time because of her son. She could be a real estate agent. But I really think she should give Camming a chance, no physical contact, just sitting at home in front of a laptop, all safe and sound. CampusStrippers is a good company to work for. If she is really looking for a Sugar Daddy. Then there are websites where she can meet men fairly safe. It sounds like she just wants a rich guy to pay for her expenses, perhaps she is hinting that she wants to give you "favors" for money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lastresort Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Be honest she was there with the company's when it started, and when it went big. She was the first employee, there's a weird connection there. Guess this is one of my problems. I would rather come here and listen to real people and get advice then go pay a shrink to tell me what I want to hear. I appreciate all the comments. I realize this is probably the stupidest idea I came up with. Now thinking about it I'm thinking I gotta give her a timeline to get her to figure stuff out. Even if I let her go she could collect unemployment. So I would still be paying her for some time. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Does your new girlfriend like the idea that you now pay her more money to do basically the same work? Or did you hide that info from the new girlfriend? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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