I miss him ...

[ja123]

We'd been no contact for a week and a half.

 

 

He'd promised to send me a picture from his phone that I took on one of our outings. He looked so gorgeous: happy and smiling. I told him I wanted it to remember him.

 

 

So, contact was broken last night when he contacted my to say that he hadn't figured out how to get the pic off his phone. He wanted to know how I'm doing: my health, my morale.

 

 

He said that the break-up wasn't something that he wished for, but that he cannot make me choose something I don't want. He said he'd gotten used to me and that if I ever needed him for help with anything, or just to chat to call him. He's available, and that maybe we could be friends.

 

 

This is after, I said I wouldn't write the letter for his lawyer to send to immigration vouching that he's my BF and he's trustworthy. I only just found out about the reason he left his first university was because he'd been suspended after 2 complaints from girls. One had filed a police report, but it was dropped.

 

 

I am honestly surprised that he wants to remain in touch, even though I'm not helping him. Why would that be?

 

 

We have a 13-year age gap (I'm older) and very few men can make me feel like girl. We had a special physical chemistry (in spite of our differences of age, culture, religion, language). Both our love languages are touch, so we were always physically close even outside of the bedroom. It was a dream!

 

 

Admittedly, I feel a loss.

 

 

I was paranoid thinking he was just out to use me, but now I'm not so sure.

 

 

We'd dated for 3 months.

 

 

At the outset, it was never supposed to have been anything serious. I took it as a bit of a joke in the beginning (boy-toy, booty call, yadda yadda), but I have developed feelings.

Edited September 19, 2014 by ja123

[preraph]

Sounds like he's moved on to greener-card pastures. I think he was using you.

[ja123]

Thanks for the response.

 

 

I'm the one who broke it off. I ended it after his request for the letter to immigration.

 

 

Just can't understand why he wants to remain in touch, showed concern for my wellbeing, and said I could call if I needed him for anything or to chat, and to be friends.

 

 

He sounded sincere, but I have my guard up.

Edited September 20, 2014 by ja123

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

We'd been no contact for a week and a half.

 

 

He'd promised to send me a picture from his phone that I took on one of our outings. He looked so gorgeous: happy and smiling. I told him I wanted it to remember him.

 

 

So, contact was broken last night when he contacted my to say that he hadn't figured out how to get the pic off his phone. He wanted to know how I'm doing: my health, my morale.

 

 

He said that the break-up wasn't something that he wished for, but that he cannot make me choose something I don't want. He said he'd gotten used to me and that if I ever needed him for help with anything, or just to chat to call him. He's available, and that maybe we could be friends.

 

 

This is after, I said I wouldn't write the letter for his lawyer to send to immigration vouching that he's my BF and he's trustworthy. I only just found out about the reason he left his first university was because he'd been suspended after 2 complaints from girls. One had filed a police report, but it was dropped.

 

 

I am honestly surprised that he wants to remain in touch, even though I'm not helping him. Why would that be?

 

 

We have a 13-year age gap (I'm older) and very few men can make me feel like girl. We had a special physical chemistry (in spite of our differences of age, culture, religion, language). Both our love languages are touch, so we were always physically close even outside of the bedroom. It was a dream!

 

 

Admittedly, I feel a loss.

 

 

I was paranoid thinking he was just out to use me, but now I'm not so sure.

 

 

We'd dated for 3 months.

 

 

At the outset, it was never supposed to have been anything serious. I took it as a bit of a joke in the beginning (boy-toy, booty call, yadda yadda), but I have developed feelings.

 

Don't know if you will give in... but my SM has the same feelings for me, even though we have never touched, she feels such strong a connection. A teenage crush and beyond. I too make her feel younger, so I can relate to you feelings.

 

Though you are mostly attached to the physical, and a bit of emotional in the sense you feel younger. It is as if you are reliving your teenage crush so to speak. Time will allow you to disconnect those feelings. Letting go will do you good, as there is no age limitation on love. Feeling like a teen again can be done with anyone that loves you as deep as you do for them.

 

Just have to allow your passions to be shared with someone who is compatible and a wee more. As that wee more will bring the same feelings as you have. Just that little extra between feeling comfy and being naughty makes all the difference.

 

You will find that again, just allow yourself to grow from this experience, and knowing who you are as well.

 

Hope the best for you, just hang in there times will get better, just don't rush repairing yourself and in finding that special guy.

[ja123]

Thanks for your reply, sdrawkcaB ssA.

 

 

I'm not going to give in. The immigration letter is a major red flag. What happened with those girls, I don't know as I only heard his side of the story and it sounded pretty innocuous. But he could be lying. I'm not going down that road.

 

 

Could we really just be friends and hang out? It'd be kind of difficult to do that given the chemistry.

 

 

In truth, I did feel younger in the sense that he was open to doing "young" things that I like to do: shoot baskets in a nearby park, for instance.

 

 

But there were too many differences to make things work long-term. His lack of intellectual curiosity is an example. He's starting a master's, but I don't think he has the background or ability to succeed. I already started correcting his French, and French is my second language.

 

 

I guess I got attached when I really didn't mean to. In spite of some jokes to keep me on my toes, he said a lot of things that were very kind and reassuring: everything a woman would want to hear. That in itself made me wonder if I wasn't being set-up to be scammed.

 

 

Maybe the truth is somewhere in between: he did care for me (he could've chosen another woman) but he also needed me due to my citizenship, my experience, my English language.

 

 

We all get something from the relationships we're in. It's an exchange. But why invest further, if the long-term potential cannot be realized?

 

 

I'm just sad, all the same. I'm reluctant to date or get involved with men, as I was very hurt in the past. This is the second "attachment" I had in 6 years.

 

 

I suppose I chose him because I didn't think there'd be any attachment, so I'd be safe. Then I got attached.

 

 

At least it'd only been 3 months ...

 

 

Just have to allow your passions to be shared with someone who is compatible and a wee more. As that wee more will bring the same feelings as you have. Just that little extra between feeling comfy and being naughty makes all the difference.

 

 

Yes! Well said!

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Thanks for your reply, sdrawkcaB ssA.

 

 

I'm not going to give in. The immigration letter is a major red flag. What happened with those girls, I don't know as I only heard his side of the story and it sounded pretty innocuous. But he could be lying. I'm not going down that road.

 

 

Could we really just be friends and hang out? It'd be kind of difficult to do that given the chemistry.

 

 

In truth, I did feel younger in the sense that he was open to doing "young" things that I like to do: shoot baskets in a nearby park, for instance.

 

 

But there were too many differences to make things work long-term. His lack of intellectual curiosity is an example. He's starting a master's, but I don't think he has the background or ability to succeed. I already started correcting his French, and French is my second language.

 

 

I guess I got attached when I really didn't mean to. In spite of some jokes to keep me on my toes, he said a lot of things that were very kind and reassuring: everything a woman would want to hear. That in itself made me wonder if I wasn't being set-up to be scammed.

 

 

Maybe the truth is somewhere in between: he did care for me (he could've chosen another woman) but he also needed me due to my citizenship, my experience, my English language.

 

 

We all get something from the relationships we're in. It's an exchange. But why invest further, if the long-term potential cannot be realized?

 

 

I'm just sad, all the same. I'm reluctant to date or get involved with men, as I was very hurt in the past. This is the second "attachment" I had in 6 years.

 

 

I suppose I chose him because I didn't think there'd be any attachment, so I'd be safe. Then I got attached.

 

 

At least it'd only been 3 months ...

 

 

 

 

 

Yes! Well said!

 

Thank you! Glad you do have fight in you, and seem to keep things more in perspective than those who have had just as much time as you in a special relationship that had gone wrong.

 

As for friends, you hear is tugging at you... don't let it. You need a clean cut, because of the emotional attachment. If it was not as deep, then I am sure you could have friendship. Just having him as a friend will stunt you from allowing for a new relationship. It is one of them sad issues, you hate to let him go, but it is for your own good.

 

I am sure you will do just fine and who knows what will be around the corner for you before the end of the year. As I don't think you will allow much delay in a full recovery from this. If anything a bit stronger, which is good.

 

Gosh, this is my second edit... Thinking deeper here... I think by allowing yourself to cut free, your strength will allow you to be less prone to having attachment take over so soon. Second, you will find confidence, because you found you can do it. Believe in yourself, and when you decide to date again, take things at your pace, and if feeling pushed by intimacy, be strong and let them know. If he is all that interested in you he can wait with you for your moment together.

Edited September 20, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA

[Haydn]

Hi Jana,

Of course you miss him it is only natural. He appears to have tried to take you for ride. The trouble he had before could have some basis but if I were you I wouldn't bother digging. I don't think it is possible to be friends with him. Too much has happened. Plough on Jana. Your a good sort and good things will come your way.

[ja123]

Quite right. Thank you! I shall plough on.

 

 

Who knows, he might be trying to scam me for something else.

 

 

Also with what he told me (re: legal/immigration problems), there is no going back from. It threw me into such emotional panic that I couldn't eat or sleep for 3 days and thought I might have caught a disease; although, 2 doctors have assured me it's stress.

 

 

I really don't need this kind of stress in my life.

 

 

Good riddance to him!

 

 

Thank you for your support!!!

[OwMyEyeball]

Sounds like it was fun while it lasted and he's not one to burn bridges.

 

The big test will be to see how he regards you have if and after he gets his immigration status sorted out.

[ja123]

Yes, that will certainly be a test.

 

 

I've been wiped out by this whole thing.

 

 

I lay down to take an afternoon nap around 4 p.m. and just woke up 12 hours later. I see that he called.

 

 

I'm trying not to think about it. I'll just surf the net and head back to bed.

 

 

Tomorrow is a new day.