She has no time, so i left (Updated)

[Secondplace]

I have been having a hard time with this "no time" issue for the past couple months. I will try to explain. She is very busy these days with things going on in her life. I have been helping her with things she has no time for. The reason i help her is i want her to succeed in the things that she is busy with.

 

I have been rejected by her so much that i feel like a trained puppy. She was at my house yesterday. When she left, she blew me a kiss from accross the room, and said sorry i dont have time to give you a kiss. I stayed at her house last night. She got up early and i heard her in the shower. I got up to join her, and she said behave i dont have time....

 

That was it. I got out, got my stuff, gave her a kiss and said when you have time let me know. She got out and started yelling at me about leaving. I told her i was not going to yell and scream, we were going to talk this out. She started in about not having any time, not even 1/2 hour to give me. I told her how i felt and her response was "pity pity pity"

 

At that point i looked at her, and just walked out the door. She sent me a text about how this stuff was important. I responded with how much i loved her and still want to talk this out. I reaffirmed to her how important i know this is to her, and that is why i help, and how much it hurts she constantly has no time. I followed with another i love you. She sent me a text and said if i loved her....

 

No i love you or anything.

 

This is over, isn't it?

[mightycpa]

If it isn't, it ought to be. Want to drive the point home? Next time she texts you, just text back

 

Later, no time right now.

[CaliBabe]

I don't care how busy you are, people make time if they really want you. She doesn't have 0.0005 seconds to give you a kiss? I mean really?

 

You better believe my man will have enough time set aside to keep him happy.

 

This is not fair to you. Do not stay in something where you are not getting your equal share.

[Always Pondering]

I have been rejected by her so much that i feel like a trained puppy. She was at my house yesterday. When she left, she blew me a kiss from accross the room, and said sorry i dont have time to give you a kiss.

 

...I told her how i felt and her response was "pity pity pity"

 

This is just about the most ridiculous thing I've read all day. She's not being straight with you and treats you like you're her property that needs to pine after her 24/7. A kiss for your significant other takes LITERALLY only a second or two at the very least. You can have a talk with her and if she brings up this "time" excuse again, leave. People may have busy lives but not to the extent where you can't spare a couple of seconds to kiss your SO.

 

If I were in the situation personally however, I'd just end things there and leave it as is.

[lauri]

She's playing games. She is getting a power trip off of controlling you and treating you like dirt. From my experience, a girl who is playing games with you isn't interested...it would make no sense. If she truly truly loved you and wanted to be with you, she would be more straight up and wouldn't risk losing you over this. Ultimately man, all the signs shows she is pushing you out the door and there is no going back.

 

She isn't willing to end it with you yet for some reason (either strength or no other options), so my suggestion is tell her that you're done and you don't have time (no pun intended) for her games anymore. You need to be the one to pull the trigger (she would never see it coming)...I'd call her up right now and end it. Don't even get into explaining why (she knows why), just say you're done and moving on.

 

After that, block and delete her out of your life. This chick will 100% do things to try to make you "regret" ending it with her and will do things to hurt you...all to get a reaction out of you.

[Zahara]

I think she is detaching but not quite ready to let go so she gives you crumbs and gaslights you.

 

I can't imagine not having time to give someone a kiss. If she has time to take a poop, take a shower, put on her makeup, get dressed -- she has time to walk over and give you a kiss.

[Secondplace]

Reading you replies is like being in the desert with no water, and finding an oasis. I appreciate the support so very much!!

 

When your in the middle of a shi@ storm its hard to see the shi.......

 

Its time for me to move on.

If she texts me, which im sure she will, my response will be as suggested, "later, no time right now"

 

Im sorry for not giving credit for these quotes. As someone replied, if she has time to eat, shower, makeup, etc....

 

Thanks! I needed this

[Secondplace]

i was at her house yesterday to talk. i got there, and she started, and for the next hour all i heard was all the bad things about me. thing i did 4+ years ago that she did not like, and she is still rattling on about them. i sat quietly. when i felt i could say something, i tried, and got interupted, and more AS S ripping from her. so again, i patiently listened. then she said, you wanted to talk, what do you want to talk about. at this point i told her i was not quite sure anymore.

so.... i told her if we wanted to make this work, we have to find some common ground, some base to start from. i asked her for her schedule, and she said she already gave it to me. then told her i had that schedule, i needed her work schedule. i then said we could look at her schedule once a week, and deicide on a time to do something for us. Then she said her schedule changed every week, and she does not know when it will be from week to week. i then said, well, you must get it once a week. then she screamed at the top of her lungs, "don't you understand, i don't have time for you."

 

so....i got up and left. i walked out the door, and she said if you walk out that door, it's over forever. i left

 

i left, and got in my car. i saw her coming out, and she grabbed the passenger handle, and i drove off.

 

i came home, was not home 10 minutes and i heard her car in the driveway. she came in and got the rest of whatever stuff she had here. started in on me again. then she told me again how busy she was, and that sleeping with her at night should be good enough for me. that is litterally all we do is sleep in the same bed. her day ends at 10ish at night, i meet at her house,and we go to sleep. no us time, no nothing, just sleep, like two buddies spending the night together. keep in mind, that she does not let me touch her, does not want to be intimate. (i have been staying with her the past 5 weeks or so to try and make this work.)

 

after she said that, i said, yes sleep, but you want no part of me, you don't want me to touch you. at that point she left, and i could hear her yelling in the driveway.

 

she left, and started texting me. i sent her a text that basically spelled out my support for her these past couple years, how i was the only one to help her, motivate her, support her. her response was, so this is all my fault. i no longer replied after that.

 

then she sent me some stupid text asking me if i knew where something of hers was.

 

i did not respond. i will no longer respond. i am going NC.

 

never in my life have i done so much for one person, and be told i don't care and don't understand. i deserve soooo much better than this.

 

i do believe i have had enough.....

[NoLeafClover]

i was at her house yesterday to talk. i got there, and she started, and for the next hour all i heard was all the bad things about me. thing i did 4+ years ago that she did not like, and she is still rattling on about them. i sat quietly. when i felt i could say something, i tried, and got interupted, and more AS S ripping from her. so again, i patiently listened. then she said, you wanted to talk, what do you want to talk about. at this point i told her i was not quite sure anymore.

so.... i told her if we wanted to make this work, we have to find some common ground, some base to start from. i asked her for her schedule, and she said she already gave it to me. then told her i had that schedule, i needed her work schedule. i then said we could look at her schedule once a week, and deicide on a time to do something for us. Then she said her schedule changed every week, and she does not know when it will be from week to week. i then said, well, you must get it once a week. then she screamed at the top of her lungs, "don't you understand, i don't have time for you."

 

so....i got up and left. i walked out the door, and she said if you walk out that door, it's over forever. i left

 

i left, and got in my car. i saw her coming out, and she grabbed the passenger handle, and i drove off.

 

i came home, was not home 10 minutes and i heard her car in the driveway. she came in and got the rest of whatever stuff she had here. started in on me again. then she told me again how busy she was, and that sleeping with her at night should be good enough for me. that is litterally all we do is sleep in the same bed. her day ends at 10ish at night, i meet at her house,and we go to sleep. no us time, no nothing, just sleep, like two buddies spending the night together. keep in mind, that she does not let me touch her, does not want to be intimate. (i have been staying with her the past 5 weeks or so to try and make this work.)

 

after she said that, i said, yes sleep, but you want no part of me, you don't want me to touch you. at that point she left, and i could hear her yelling in the driveway.

 

she left, and started texting me. i sent her a text that basically spelled out my support for her these past couple years, how i was the only one to help her, motivate her, support her. her response was, so this is all my fault. i no longer replied after that.

 

then she sent me some stupid text asking me if i knew where something of hers was.

 

i did not respond. i will no longer respond. i am going NC.

 

never in my life have i done so much for one person, and be told i don't care and don't understand. i deserve soooo much better than this.

 

i do believe i have had enough.....

Here are my cheat code instructions:

1. Remove the floor matt on your drives side .

2. Make sure the kick down switch under your gas pedal is functioning properly.

3. In situations when dodging b.s is needed, lock your doors and have windows fully up.

4. If situation ESCALADES, press pedal to the metal to engage the kick down switch and escape quickly to a safe route.

[Raena]

she sure had time to come chasing after you to get her things huh?

 

And she sure has time to send you multiple texts

 

And she sure has time to berate you for every little thing you've EVER done wrong.

 

Sounds like it's time for you to hit the highway and leave her in the dust for a bit.

[Ami1uwant]

I am not going to defend her in any way here....I wish you said a little more.

 

I can see one person in a relationship going through a bunch of stress that effects the relationship. Where one is too tired or stressed for sex or they just aren't in the mood.

 

Her not kissing you could be a reaction of your past behavior if when kissing her goodbye it became more than just a kiss.

 

You have been together for 4 yrs or more and you don't have a key to her place? Seems weird having yo go over at 10pm just to sleep.

 

Did she show any appreciation for the things you did for her during this? What were some of those things?

[Secondplace]

These are some of the things i did for her.

Mowed her lawn ( took 3 hours with a rider)

Did her dishes (no dishwasher)

Maintained her car

Made her dinner

Maintenance on her house (fixed things that broke or wore out)

Helped her with her computer

 

And.... Just about everything thing else she asked.

 

Show appreciation.... No. It got to the point to where these things were expected.

 

Then.... Yesterday she had the nerve to text me to ask me is she could use my shower.

[MrWorkinProgress]

Admittedly there are two sides to every story, but from what you've written here, she seems like a bit of a narcissist, or at the very least someone who isn't very emotionally healthy. My ex was like this: she had a demanding job with lots of travel, but I own a consulting firm, so mine could pretty demanding too. She would complain whenever I wanted to work for a few hours on a Saturday or got my laptop out in front of the TV ("Are you working?!!") but when it came to her job you'd think she was President of the United States. Not only did I have no right to ask for her time or attention, but she used it as her get-out-of-jail free card on everything: she was exhausted, therefore it was okay to never talk about anything/yell at me/never have sex.

 

I also noticed what you said about not being able to pin her down on scheduling. I'm always leery of people who dodge the question or have 15 different answers - to everything but the point you're making. To me, this is a sign of a not very healthy person.

 

I think you're better off, and NC is the answer.

[ja123]

OP, you did the right thing by getting out.

 

 

She was using you and sounds narcissistic.

 

 

Beware of Vampires, emotional and otherwise!

 

 

Book suggestion: Susan Forward's "Emotional Blackmail"

 

 

Good for you to get out and go NC.

[Zahara]

I hope you didn't respond to her when she wanted to use your shower. It would be time for you to block her and try to move on from this.

[mightycpa]

Yesterday she had the nerve to text me to ask me is she could use my shower.

 

It's best to ignore it, but if you must respond:

 

You come over here and all you'll get is a GOLDEN SHOWER!

[lauri]

I want you for a second to forget all the things you've done for her...I want you to think about how she treated you as a whole. She seriously sounds like she was keeping you around while she figures out stuff with another guy or waiting until she finds someone new.

 

In all honesty man, you're much better off without her. View this as a bad investment...don't dwell on it too much or let it bring you down. You invested a lot into her...she just flat out sounds uninterested. I hope you learned your lesson with seeing her and speaking to her...you now know what she is capable of doing and understand she is just trying to make you out to be the bad guy in this.