Kazzie61 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Hi I'm 53 I was in a relationship for 13ye we didn't live together he had his own house car good job we would see each other one night in the week an he would be here Friday till Sunday. Well we have been having problems for a bit not talking no sex etc. we was having some time apart as he said he not good company an needs to be on his own well 2 weeks after that he dumped me by text saying he can't handle the pressures of a relationship I haven't seen him at all an only exchanged a few texts he says he wants to stay friends an keep in contact with my grandkids I text him asking if we can talk so I can get closure didn't hear anything back then I found out he is on holiday but don't know who with where etc it's been 9 days since I sent text I've got all sorts of things going through my mind. Am I doing the right thing by wanting to talk to him??? Thanks K x Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 After 13 years I can't image the pain you must be in getting dumped by text. Yes, I think you are right to want -- even demand -- a face to face explanation of where all this pressure suddenly came from. Personally I'd be driving over to his house pounding on the door the day after he came home from this holiday. (Don't be surprised to hear that there is someone else or that he had sex on this vacation) Anyway, he's not a child One shot at making him talk is reasonable. He's lying when he says he wants to be friends. You can not be friends with an EX. Do not let him around your grandchildren. It will confuse them & muddy the waters when you are ready to date someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Drop off his radar completely. Go silent and do not communicate with him at all. Let him come to you - he will. That's not to say that the relationship can be salvaged, but the more you chase, the less he will respond. If you want to get him to open up and communicate - go No Contact and he will eventually seek you out. I suggest you do this immediately, but do not respond to breadcrumbs. If he gets in touch, it MUST be for something pro-active, not just "hey, just wanted to see how you were....." See the No Contact Guide for much better, concrete, concise and fantastic advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 After 13 years I can't image the pain you must be in getting dumped by text. Yes, I think you are right to want -- even demand -- a face to face explanation of where all this pressure suddenly came from. Personally I'd be driving over to his house pounding on the door the day after he came home from this holiday. (Don't be surprised to hear that there is someone else or that he had sex on this vacation) Anyway, he's not a child One shot at making him talk is reasonable. He's lying when he says he wants to be friends. You can not be friends with an EX. Do not let him around your grandchildren. It will confuse them & muddy the waters when you are ready to date someone else. Yeah, that's a pretty cowardly way to end things. I agree you are entitled to some explanation, but be forewarned, you might not get anything close to a satisfying explanation. That said, give it a shot. Ditto on the don't be surprised to find out he's dating somebody else now. I second the suggestion re: the grandchildren. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kazzie61 Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Yes I did think there may be someone else even though people say he not the type as he was a very quiet person. An there isn't any rule to how long it takes to move on Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 There is no rule. After 13 years it will take time. I'd say several months if not a whole year. You can do this. Let the grandkids distract you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I am sorry for the heartache and confusion. I understand how you feel as you long for closure - I went through that myself with my ex-wife. Still have not been given that privilege five years later. The truth of the matter is that you don't have to have this conversation in order to move on. There is nothing easy about it but relationships are maintained by the free-will of those who participate. Love is a choice and it's very hard when you want to share it with someone who doesn't want to receive it. What kind of support group do you have? In my experience, isolation can really hinder the healing process. Speaking with a counselor, Pastor, or trusted friend can help you deal with the pain. Their input could also be invaluable as you consider his request to see your grandkids. I know what my answer would be to that scenario but you have to draw a conclusion that is best for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts