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He left out of the blue and I can't let go.


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Hello. First sorry for the length of my post. I would like to share with you my experience so that you could give me some advice. I am an European girl who had a relationship with an American guy for 2 years. We are both in our early twenties and he is 3 years older than me. We have been a year living together in the same house in Europe. We had a wonderful relationship, full of love and understanding. We were best friends. It was a challenging relationship given the fact that we are from different countries but we had a lot of plans for the future. He could speak my language fluently and I helped him A LOT through everything and tried always to make him feel like home. He would hang out with my friends and my family loved him. He wanted to stay in Europe.. or that is what he used to say. We travelled a lot together and we had a very unique relationship.

 

Last July, after a beautiful trip in Europe, we went back to my country. We just arrived by plane and I had to go to another city for just one evening. We were just separated one evening. Well that evening he pretty much told me through SKYPE that he was leaving to his country because he was extremely unhappy here. I had absolutely no idea about this because, to be honest, he never showed it and he had a pretty exciting life here. He was going start new things and plans here. He even had a friend visiting that had to cancel his flight. He never told me anything before at all. He never mentioned his unbearable unhappiness. I never noticed it either. The thing is that we were always together 24/7 and he told me this though skype this one evening, which make him look really coward. Well I had to tell him to come to see me in person the next morning. He thought at first it was not even necessary...but at the end he did come and talked for a couple of hours. He told me it was a 'break' (a pause) in the relationship, that he had to think about it ‘’back home’’ and he left. After that I never saw him again and all the comunication was through texting and a couple of phone calls I made. He went to his country 3 days later. It was overwhelming because we had to solve a lot of issues (apartment, money...) in just 3 days. I don't even remember when he told me it was a breakup, because I had such terrible emotionally exhausting days that I forgot everything? I forgot the conversations. I was seriously mentally exhausted.

 

He said that he LOVED me A LOT and that he had to leave for all external reasons (it was nothing I did that made him leave). He felt like he had to be with his family (he missed them and I understand that) and be alone to sort out his future and his career path or something like that. We did not have a lot of arguments, just some issues like every couple. Issues we could fix. He always treated me like a queen and all of the sudden turned into someone else. We had just come from a beautiful trip and had so much fun! The thing is that I offered him that I could to go to his country and live there for a year and he refused. He said no. If you love someone why would you reject them like that? You don’t need to be single to sort out your work career path. He also said he needed ''economic stability'', but he was going to start at a job in my country in a few months. And in his country he had everything he needed why didn’t he want me there? He left and I spent a whole month begging him to try alternatives to save the relationship and just refused to do anything.

 

Well, since he arrived in his country he got really cold, distant and mean, like ignoring some of my messages and treating me like garbage, although I gave him everything I had. I had to ask him many times for his reasons so that he could explain. He would kind of drop new information every now and then when I asked him. I asked him if it was a breakup and he said that he did not want a relationship with me. So I guess it should be clear to me that it is a breakup and we are not a couple anymore. All these questions I asked him and all this contact I had with him after he arrived in his country was all TEXTING. He refused to talk to me on skype. I know I texted him a lot but it is his fault because if he only would have done things properly all the textong would have been unnecesary. Still after almost two months I still struggle believing all this happened and accepting this is a breakup. Sometimes I feel like asking him again if this is really a breakup but he threatened me and said he woud block me if I text him, so we have been 3 weeks no contact. It is bad because I feel I need him to tell me again it is a breakup so that I can really believe it...like… I am looking for closure. Because it was all too sudden. I have really low selfsteem and I was very attached to this guy. We were making future plans together. Why did he make and had plans for the future and come on a trip with me?? The trip thing makes me angry.

 

I don’t want a relationship with anyone now but whenever I imagine myself happy in the future meeting other men and having relationships I feel guilty (as if I were still in a relationship and I still have to be faithful to him or something like that..) I should not feel guilty. I mean, he left me alone. It is really bad because I just want to move on. I feel like ****. Can someone give me some advice to get some closure myself (not having to ask him again what is going on) and stop feeling guilty? I feel like I can't move on. I also have my flaws that maybe could get on his nerves, but everyone has flaws. I feel like he used me to get to know Europe and have fun. I really loved this person and we did so many things together. He is ignoring me now completely and has some of my stuff in his computer that has not transfered me yet although I asked him already. He ignored me. We were really really close, but he hid the fact he wanted to leave until the end. I asked him many times why he was making plans to stay and why he did not tell me anything before and he ignored all my questions...What is wrong with this guy? What should I do to move on and have closure? What should I do not to feel guilty? He was my first serious boyfriend. I feel he behaved like a jerk during the breakup but he was just an angel during the relationship. What happened? I can't let this go.

 

Please help, I need tips to move on.

 

Thank you very much.

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