I extremely messed this up...

[Gagliardo17]

I decided to join this site for more insight on what i can do.

 

I met the most wonderful girl ever in the world 2 years ago. Hit it off like a charm and everything was perfect. Went everywhere, spent every minute we could together so forth. we were even engaged once but called it off because her parents were supportive. Other than that there was no problems. She was caring,sweet,faithful. literally the perfect woman. My father passed this year in a drunk driving accident and it threw me off alot. She was always there through it all. We got a place and she practically lived with me but her family was very christian so she didn't fully live with me. We had lunch together everyday. We even got a dog. It was in other words complete bliss.

 

One night i got extremely drunk and emotional and high and I had sex with another girl. My gf walked in and it went bad. But she followed me at the end of the night to make sure i was ok because i was a little suicidal. I knew what i did was wrong the moment i did it. She stayed the night and we stayed together for almost 2 months after the incident. She even said she was happier than she ever was. I did all i could and she was my main focus. It was going just fine. Then i had bad days at work and in life and i lost the focus. we started arguing and we broke up 3 days ago. 10 minutes after she said it was over she texted me i love you. Texted me 3 times to make i mad it home. She called me at 1:30am cryiing just needing to hear my voice.

 

I was confused so i went over there the next morning. She lives with her parents. I crawled into bed with her and wrapped my arms around her. She did the same. We woke about a hr later and she walked me out. Explaining she told her mother what happened. That she can't do this anymore but its not what she wants. She tells me she loves me, hugs me, gives me a kiss and says she will be over later. She comes over a couple hours later to get her things and her car. She takes 2.5 hours doing so. We talk a little, mostly about how much we love each other, but she needs space and were taking a break. She doesn't take all her things. She calls me later that night to hear my voice and to exchange I love yous. She texts me the next day about her day and we talk on the phone for 15 minutes and she says she will call me later. We text occasionally through out the day and she calls me before she goes to bed. Tells me she misses me and loves me. good night.

 

She comes over this morning to have coffee. She was acting weird so i decided to put it all out there. I explained to her how much i appreciate her and what she means to me. Get down on my knees and explain to her i know her pain and i know what i did. How amazing she is and how much i love her. she says some same things but stays quiet cause she can't stay composed. She says i can't do this now and she starts getting her stuff. I ask her if this is really what she wants and she says its needed.

 

I tell her this is not the end of us and she says it to. She starts to put her stuff in the car. I carry out a bag. THIS IS WERE I NEED INTERPRETATION!

She grabs my hand and holds it and walks me back into the living room. I tell her let it all out tell me. No regrets. She says i am really going to miss you,that she wishes she could give me more chances that her heart is no longer 100% happy. That she just wants me to be happy and i am amazing. To wait to contact her cause she will text me. I walk her out, holding hands, my arms wrapped around her. We get to her car she turns round hugs me. Kisses my neck and tells me i love you. I tell her we will be together one day again that she will be mine once more. That i will never stop fighting for her. She jumps into my arms and kisses me. One of those the world completely stops kisses. Looks at me and says i have alot of hope we will be together again. She says i will always have her heart and she will always have mine.

 

Another world halting kisses and hugs, holding each other smiling, i say forever and she says always. She says i love you i say i love you more. She can't stop smiling. I say one day, and she replies with it won't be long. I pinky promise i will always be hers and she does the same. She says its only me and it always will be. We say goodbye and she pulls out. Blowing me a kiss and i do the same.

 

What do i do to get her back. So much has happened in these three days. But i know its not really over. I am not contacting her becuse i am respecting her wishes. But when she said it won't be long and everything else i am confused on what to do. She is the love i have ever wanted. Through everything she has always been there and i will do whatever i can till i cannot no more to have her back.

[d0nnivain]

Bottom line: you cheated. It doesn't matter why. It just matters that you did.

 

The fact that you were drunk & it was shortly after your father passed, makes it somewhat unlikely that you will do this again.

 

However, you broke her trust. She has made it clear that she won't tolerate this kind of disrespect. That fact that after seeing you in bed with another person she still cared enough to make sure your drunken butt got home safely makes her a saint. I would have been tempted to drive over you with my own car, not make sure you were safe.

 

My only suggestion & it probably won't work: begging, pleading, groveling & flowers.

 

Ask her what you have to do to re-earn her trust & then do it. If she wants to see your cell phone, fork it over. If she wants you to call her every hour when you are apart, do it. If you are unwilling to prostrate yourself for her, there's no hope at all. Even if you are, she may have too much pride to take back a cheater.

 

Moreover, if her parents quashed your engagement previously they probably are not your biggest fans now.

 

Finally, I am always suspicious of people who claim their relationship was perfect. I got bad news for you: if you relationship really had been perfect you never would have gone looking for comfort in somebody else's arms / bed. Think long & hard about the true state of your relationship before you try to repair the damage you caused.

[Gagliardo17]

Yes there is absolutely no way i would do this again. I understand your demise of perfect but its the better way i can explain it.

 

Yes i know what i did was terrible trust me scolding has been done enough from within.

 

I was trying to get a interpretation of the way it ended and what i need to do. I am confused about how to go about the whole thing. It wasn't a break up. It wasn't a break. It was don't worry its not over and ill be back soon. At least i think that is how it was. I am hopeful for this but lost about it

[Gagliardo17]

 

Think long & hard about the true state of your relationship before you try to repair the damage you caused.

 

How do i repair it if i conclude the true state is meant to be?

[ExpatInItaly]

Firstly, many condolences about your father. The sudden death of a loved one is incredibly traumatizing, so I hope you can find some peace in yourself soon.

 

Secondly, she is probably on a roller coaster of emotions. You are the guy she was in love with and you broke her heart. If she's like many others whose partners are cheaters, she's likely experiencing an internal battle of who she thought you were (ie. a loyal boyfriend) versus who she sees now (ie. a cheater) I would guess it ended the way it did because she was remembering the good times and wanted to hang on to those. But she knows in her heart that you're not trustworthy. She is simply having trouble reconciling the two sides of you.

 

Give her space and time. Don't contact her for a little while. Ask yourself why you gave yourself permission to have sex with someone else. And what do you mean when you say your girlfriend walked in on you having sex with someone else, and it went bad?

[mightycpa]

Maybe she's an evil genius.

 

When the girl that hurt me most broke up with me, it was like going from 60 - 0 in one second. The last time I saw her, everything was great. The next time, we were "put a fork in me" DONE. I didn't cheat on her or do anything bad to her. I always wondered why she treated me like that. I hated it, and I suffered, but every time I was tempted to call or write or visit or whatever, I remembered how cold she was, and it helped me stay away.

 

Then I read your story. I wondered, if my ex had acted like that, I am 100% sure it would have felt even worse. I'd be wondering what was on her mind, what are her intentions, what can I do? At least I had the clarity of what was on my girl's mind, and that there was nothing I could do. But yours? Wow, what a sweet breakup, and you friggin' cheated on her. You deserved to be treated worse, and I deserved to be treated better.

 

Then it struck me. Evil genius. She's getting back at you. You'll never get back with her, but she's going to leave you with a great big dose of hope as your going away present. It wouldn't surprise me if you get a booster shot every once in a while too.

 

You're going to suffer for quite a while, my friend.

Edited September 16, 2014 by mightycpa

[Gagliardo17]

Firstly, many condolences about your father. The sudden death of a loved one is incredibly traumatizing, so I hope you can find some peace in yourself soon.

 

Thank you i am really trying..

 

And what do you mean when you say your girlfriend walked in on you having sex with someone else, and it went bad?

 

She punched me hit me yelled alot. broke things..

 

Yes i am going to give her time and i have asked myself. I concluded that i was a egotistic pig that forgot what others meant to me.

[Gagliardo17]

Maybe she's an evil genius.

 

When the girl that hurt me most broke up with me, it was like going from 60 - 0 in one second. The last time I saw her, everything was great. The next time, we were "put a fork in me" DONE. I didn't cheat on her or do anything bad to her. I always wondered why she treated me like that. I hated it, and I suffered, but every time I was tempted to call or write or visit or whatever, I remembered how cold she was, and it helped me stay away.

 

Then I read your story. I wondered, if my ex had acted like that, I am 100% sure it would have felt even worse. I'd be wondering what was on her mind, what are her intentions, what can I do? At least I had the clarity of what was on my girl's mind, and that there was nothing I could do. But yours? Wow, what a sweet breakup, and you friggin' cheated on her. You deserved to be treated worse, and I deserved to be treated better.

 

Then it struck me. Evil genius. She's getting back at you. You'll never get back with her, but she's going to leave you with a great big dose of hope as your going away present. It wouldn't surprise me if you get a booster shot every once in a while too.

 

You're going to suffer for quite a while, my friend.

 

I do also believe that and its what i deserve. But until that is actually what it is. what do i do

[mightycpa]

I do also believe that and its what i deserve. But until that is actually what it is. what do i do

 

I think that's the point. You're doing it now.

[Gagliardo17]

I think that's the point. You're doing it now.

 

I don't understand

[frigginlost]

Buddy, as someone who has been cheated on, let me tell you, you are in for a world of hurt...

 

The emotions she is going to experience are extreme and I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but there is absolutely nothing youcan do right now. Mighty nailed it my opinion... she is an evil genius.

 

Leave her be for a while and answer every question she may have honestly. No matter how uncomfortable it may be. You lie to her in anyway shape or form, and your slim chances go to zero in a heartbeat.

[Gagliardo17]

Buddy, as someone who has been cheated on, let me tell you, you are in for a world of hurt...

 

The emotions she is going to experience are extreme and I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but there is absolutely nothing youcan do right now. Mighty nailed it my opinion... she is an evil genius.

 

Leave her be for a while and answer every question she may have honestly. No matter how uncomfortable it may be. You lie to her in anyway shape or form, and your slim chances go to zero in a heartbeat.

 

Thats what i will do. But is there a slim chance?

[mightycpa]

But is there a slim chance?

 

There. THAT. That is what I'm talking about.

[frigginlost]

I'm still with her...

 

But it is extremely hard at times.

 

Yes there is always a chance, but you will have no say in it.

[Gagliardo17]

There. THAT. That is what I'm talking about.

 

Thank you i wasn't quite understanding. Little lost today. So you were talking about there is a slim chance but there is one.

[Gagliardo17]

I'm still with her...

 

But it is extremely hard at times.

 

Yes there is always a chance, but you will have no say in it.

 

Thank you and i respect that you are going through it and sticking it out. I just want that chance. No matter how miserable it may be ill still be happy to call her mine.