Ex Girlfriend Logging into FB

[tes21]

My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. We have had a weird off and on relationship for a couple of years. We were friends before dating. I fell for her really hard, which is weird for me. I have always been kind of a "player" I guess, but when I do fall for a girl it is usually really hard. The break up was caused by stress and me trying to rush things, being jealous, and her being in a weird point in her life.

 

She tried to keep me as a friend, which I wasn't going for. She would give mixed signals but said we wouldn't get back together. I kind of broke down and acted needy because I wanted her back. I realized this was getting me no where. So, two months ago I went ghost and blocked her on fb and my phone because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. A month later she somehow became unblocked on fb. I dug around and figured out she's been logging into my account for a year. Over the last month she's been logging in ever few days. I changed the password about two weeks ago and yesterday I unblocked her but now it appears she blocked me..?

 

I am trying to figure out if I should just let it go or try and talk to her. Her actions were very surprising to me and I really don't know what to do. I love her more than anything, but also understand at some point I have to walk away, which is what I am trying to do. If there was some way to salvage it I would though.

 

Any help in understanding what is going on in her mind would be helpful and advice. Her looking through my FB messages was probably not great for her as I have been dating and meeting a lot of people. I think she is probably really embarrassed that I caught her (changed passwords and had an alert set up). I want to tell her its no big deal and I am not mad about it, but I feel like I am just setting myself up for more of the same.

Edited September 15, 2014 by tes21

[evanescentworld]

Second-guessing someone who may be playing mind-games is both pointless and impossible.

If I were you, (and I have done this) I would close your FB account completely, and stay off and away from FB for as long as you remember what she looks like.

FB is ok in and of itself.

The main problem is that the people on it are really quite stupid sometimes.

 

Never mind what she's doing, and why.

What counts is what you do, and just do it.

[Strength in Healing]

FB is ok in and of itself.

 

No it's not. It's a worthless piece of trash that is devolving our culture and world itself in terms of socializing and social understanding. It is a pervasive cancer, along with its useless counterparts twitter, instagram, etc, and I personally would love nothing more than to see all the social media die in a fire, then be pissed on to put the flames out.

 

 

...Other than that, I agree with your post.

[tes21]

I really don't use it a lot. I can see the point of just closing it out completely, but I do use to network and keep up with distant friends. I also can see the problem with trying to guess what she is up to. I really don't know why I posted. I know the right thing to do is just ignore it, but there is a part of me that was thrown for loop by this and there is other part that does miss her.

[evanescentworld]

Keep up with distant friends with skype, email and phone texts.

 

Networking is actually a waste of time.

Furthermore, apparently work superiors, bosses and colleagues can keep tabs on you. Apparently prospective employers 'spy' on prospective candidates to see what they reveal about themselves on FB...

 

I find FB utterly ;pointless. We survived perfectly well without it, before it was invented, you know. Mankind made it this far for millennia before computers came along....

[me85]

Wow. She stalked you. Ok, so what you're not mad at her? It doesn't change the fact that what she did was completely out of line and ridiculously immature.

 

Don't waste time with your ex. She did something sneaky and she knows she got caught. That's why she blocked you. You shouldn't be out-raged by what she did necessarily but you should at least be disappointed in her for invading your privacy like that. I'm sure in a way you may feel a bit sorry for her but you cannot just shrug your shoulders at something like this and feel the need to reach out to someone like her.

 

It's over between the two of you and has been for a while. There's no point in you contacting her for any reason. The only exception would be if she were in an accident and possibly near death. Maybe and only then should you reach out to her.

[tes21]

Wow. She stalked you. Ok, so what you're not mad at her? It doesn't change the fact that what she did was completely out of line and ridiculously immature.

 

Don't waste time with your ex. She did something sneaky and she knows she got caught. That's why she blocked you. You shouldn't be out-raged by what she did necessarily but you should at least be disappointed in her for invading your privacy like that. I'm sure in a way you may feel a bit sorry for her but you cannot just shrug your shoulders at something like this and feel the need to reach out to someone like her.

 

It's over between the two of you and has been for a while. There's no point in you contacting her for any reason. The only exception would be if she were in an accident and possibly near death. Maybe and only then should you reach out to her.

 

 

Thanks for the advice. Pretty much sums up how I know I should feel about it.

[d0nnivain]

The fact that you changed your password indicates that she knows you know she was in your system.

 

If she has any brains at all the fact that you aren't chasing after her screaming should tell her you aren't mad

 

From your end, just let it go & keep doing what you have been doing -- dating others & being happy.

[me85]

I really don't mean to be abrasive. So, please forgive me.

 

I've continued to love someone and be forgiving towards them even after they repeatedly hurt me tremendously, so I sure as hell can't judge you and I'm not. We just have to protect ourselves from them to the best of our abilities because if we don't, we'll be hurt by them over and over again. Believe me, I'm speaking from experience here. I know it sounds as if I'm telling you to feel a certain way...I'm not. I know until you learn how to re-direct your thoughts you can't help the way you feel. But I am saying you have to select your thoughts about her. THAT, you have complete control of. If you start drilling certain realities about your ex into your mind, you will slowly start to convince yourself, then you'll eventually realize that you owe her nothing. If you learn how to master your thoughts then eventually your current feelings will follow those thoughts and then those thoughts will become your future feelings...of acceptance, indifference, clarity.

Edited September 15, 2014 by me85

[evanescentworld]

No it's not. It's a worthless piece of trash that is devolving our culture and world itself in terms of socializing and social understanding. It is a pervasive cancer, along with its useless counterparts twitter, instagram, etc, and I personally would love nothing more than to see all the social media die in a fire, then be pissed on to put the flames out.

 

 

...Other than that, I agree with your post.

 

You have a point.... But like a knife, such media can cut you or serve you, depending on whether you clutch it by the handle or by the blade.

 

Sooo many bad cooks out there.......

Static inert things such as there are not the foundation of harm. The people who (ab)use them, are.

[whichwayisup]

My ex broke up with me 5 months ago.

 

And she has no right to break into your facebook and change your password. You might as well change your email address password too since she probably knows that as well.

 

That's a total invasion of privacy and well, sick actually. She broke up with you and she has absolutely NO right to invade your personal space like this. I don't get why you're not pissed off about this? Yes she got an eye full, reading your messages but she brought it on herself.

[tes21]

Yeah, I went ahead and changed everything

[tes21]

Yeah, I went ahead and changed everything

 

I probably should be more pissed but for some reason I wasn't. It just caught me off guard because I didn't think she was the type to do that. She also was going through and deleting girls while we were still together apparently. I just don't understand why, but I guess it's pointless to wonder

[lauri]

Ugh...some ex's these days...sorry you are going through this buddy. Keep on moving forward and don't get sucked into her pointless games.

[tes21]

I really appreciate the supportive, well thought out responses. I've never participated in a forum, but really have reached an all time low. I feel much better reading these responses. I've never had a situation like this and it was completely blindsiding.

[lil hoodlum]

No it's not. It's a worthless piece of trash that is devolving our culture and world itself in terms of socializing and social understanding. It is a pervasive cancer, along with its useless counterparts twitter, instagram, etc, and I personally would love nothing more than to see all the social media die in a fire, then be pissed on to put the flames out.

 

 

...Other than that, I agree with your post.

 

 

 

I just have to agree with you and say to all of that, "Hell ya!"

[Standard-Fare]

I can see why you'd be tempted to call her out on this violation of privacy. You have a right to be angry.

 

However, it does sound like she knows she's been caught. I'm sure she was panicking that day when she tried to log on and she couldn't. Chances are she already feels pretty ashamed and stupid about this. You're already "the bigger person" in this situation, you have the upper hand, so there's no real need to call her out directly, esp. if you're trying to maintain no contact.

 

The exception would be if you found evidence that she actively manipulated any of your information or correspondence. Like if she ever did anything like respond to messages as "you," delete things, mess around with your settings. So take a really good look around, and do the same with any other accounts you suspect she might have had access to. If you find any real foul play there, you should confront her.

[tes21]

I looked pretty hard. She deleted about 30 female friends while we were dating. I had no clue at the time. Besides unblocking herself, she's done nothing else that I know of. I'm just going to let it be. I changed all passwords. Like I said, it was probably not great for her to be looking at my messages. I've kind of hit a low in the last couple of months and have really been a whore. I'm trying to get control of it now because it's not fulfilling in any way. She's 28 and I'm 31. Most of the girls I talked to on there are between 21-24 and fairly attractive. Before reading what people had to say on here, I actually felt bad she saw all that because I don't want to hurt her, but she is the one who ended it and she's the one hacking my stuff...

 

I was doing better before this. It threw me for a loop. Makes me wonder if she realizes how messed up it is to do that to me when she knows how devastated I was. Oh well.

[Standard-Fare]

I looked pretty hard. She deleted about 30 female friends while we were dating. I had no clue at the time. Besides unblocking herself, she's done nothing else that I know of. I'm just going to let it be. I changed all passwords. Like I said, it was probably not great for her to be looking at my messages. I've kind of hit a low in the last couple of months and have really been a whore. I'm trying to get control of it now because it's not fulfilling in any way. She's 28 and I'm 31. Most of the girls I talked to on there are between 21-24 and fairly attractive. Before reading what people had to say on here, I actually felt bad she saw all that because I don't want to hurt her, but she is the one who ended it and she's the one hacking my stuff...

 

I was doing better before this. It threw me for a loop. Makes me wonder if she realizes how messed up it is to do that to me when she knows how devastated I was. Oh well.

 

I think your ex's actions here sound pretty damn creepy and unacceptable, and you're being generous to worry about her reactions to what she saw. She had no right to see any of it in the first place.

 

Without knowing any of the details of your breakup, it's hard to guess at her mental state and her motivations for the online stalking. It definitely sounds like she's not over the relationship and still has some proprietary feelings of you. It's also clear she's into masochistic behavior. She's clearly punished herself by keeping tabs on you this whole time.

[tes21]

I think me allowing her to walk all over me contributed to her thinking she could do this. We were on and off for a couple years. Mutual break ups. I eventually turned into a chump because I didn't know how to control my emotions. I have weird attachment issues - I'm either not there emotionally at all or I'm 110% in. Basically, I got my second crush in 31 years and acted to needy.

 

It's just very opposite to how my logic works. If I took the time to stalk someone (wouldn't) like that why not just try to fix it - just from my point of view. It makes no sense because it only hurts her and makes her look bad.

Just more confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. The responses on here really help to give an objective look at the issues. I do agree I should be more agitated but I really don't feel anything but sadness because this type of behavior is so dumb.