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Well, I've reached the point of no return, finally! I have avoided looking at pictures on my computer of my ex and I for over a year now.

 

I'm finally ready to sit down and delete every one of them.

 

Before my most recent ex, this girl (ME) moved on fast. Deleted, blocked, went NC and got rid of pictures - right after all past BUs. This last go round took an awful amount of time to get to this stage but I couldn't be happier or more proud of myself.

 

Whoever isn't ready to delete pictures of their ex or get rid of the things they bought you or cards they gave you yet...don't worry...you'll get there too!

 

Pictures mean the most to me. It's moments captured in time with someone you shared that time with. Pictures are the biggest reminders/hurdles for me. I guess because I'm a visual person, IDK.

 

Anyways, I just feel so good about finally doing this!!!! It's been quite a difficult path to take to reach this place of acceptance (again lol) but I'm there. YAY!

 

I'm sure a few tears will be shed in the process but that's exactly why I've been putting it off because I knew how painful it would be but it's time. I used to think there was no real reason to delete a part of my history...that I was strong enough to keep them...that maybe it was a bit immature to delete pictures just because that person wasn't a part of my life anymore...well, that probably is true but I'm deleting them anyway! It's how I've always given myself closure and peace of mind. IDK how to explain it.

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Good for you. I only have a few pics, & they are tucked away in the closet. I deleted all pics from my phone and computer immediately. Everyone does it in their own time. I guess the pics in my closet don't bother me because I don't have to look at them on a daily basis. I haven't looked at them in well over a year and feel no temptation to do so.

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Thank you and good for you too. (=

 

Yea, for me, deleting pictures permanently is the final step...the real end...the official goodbye.

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SoThatHappened

You don't want to save them at all? What about physically placing them somewhere that would take some doing to retrieve? Or give them to someone else to hold?

 

I don't like looking at pics of my ex either, but I feel less and less sad as time goes on and I look at them every once in a while.

 

One day I'll look back fondly. I dunno, I just don't want to lose something that I can't get back if I wanted it back one day. That's me though.

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Yes I'm with SoThatHappened

 

Deleting our pictures together would feel like deleting a part of me. I have stored them in a separate place and I know that right now they would definitely be a source of pain. I really hope to be able to look back on them fondly one day (when I have truly recovered) and cherish those memories as an integral part of my life.

 

I admit that I don't know if this is false nostalgia at this stage post break-up..... only time will tell

 

OP I fully understand where you are coming from and this final victory is 100% yours - well done in reaching another major milestone in your journey :) This inspires me to progress as well

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That's been my mentality every since the BU but I've come to the conclusion, what makes him so special? I haven't kept any pictures of any of my other exes, so...?? And my current ex treated me the worst. I mean, he has been just awful to me. Really guys, read my story. What a nightmare it's all been. BC1980 knows my story with my ex (I think lol.)

 

I thought about just buying an external hard drive and throwing them on there but I just want all things regarding my ex GONE (except the stuff he bought me-which I like despite of how I feel about him.)

 

Thank you lost dreams. (= You'll get there too, don't worry!

Edited by me85
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Deleting everything I have is always the first thing I do. I didn't want reminders of being betrayed and a crap relationship.

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I dont think i have any desire to delete our photos.. I only have a handful of photos of the two of us anyway. My favourite is framed of the two of us i hid in a drawer. I have only looked at them a few times in the 9 months post breakup. I have a scrap booked version of my favourite photo on my ipad with love hearts on it that i made just 2 weeks before he dumped me. Just shows how oblivious i was to that fact he was unhappy and ready to flee!

 

I did get that feeling though when i deleted all the text messages from him. It is like decluttering and a bit of a relief.

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I got busy doing something else and completely forgot to sit down and do it.

 

But now, I'm having second thoughts. I thought I was ready. I need to be ready, right??

 

I'm putting all pictures and emails on an external hard drive. That's progress too, right?

 

Today I'm missing my ex and I can't stand it.

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Memories with an ex lover are kind of pointless to keep. I'm glad you are making this step. I want you to realize you are missing the person your ex used to be - after all of this time your ex is a different person. Those memories you had with them is a apart of your past and helped you become who you are today...not saying you shouldn't remember them but what you are feeling is normal.

 

The only found memories I want to remember are with the person who will never hurt me, leave me or waste my time. Whomever that girl is for me, who ever will be my future wife, that is the only photos / memories I'm going to want to look fondly about.

 

I'm proud of you, you've come a long long way. This is your final goodbye, time for you to create new memories with someone awesome :).

Edited by lauri
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Lauri, you couldn't be more right about missing the person my ex used to be. I don't even know him anymore (even though he came to see me at my work about 2 months ago and hasn't changed a bit...still all about him.) I'm just having anxiety right now and trying to avoid having an anxiety attack. I haven't felt this way in a long while. Thoughts of, "Am I a good person?" "Will I ever fall in love again?" "Will I ever be enough for anyone?" are springing to mind and I hate it because it's all "woe is me" ... but I feel so hurt today. I'll be a good girl and force my thoughts in another direction though. I'll feel better as the day goes by.

 

Every since the BU I guess I sort of held on to a little bit of hope that if he and I went our separate ways for a while we'd come back to each other as better stronger people who get it right the next go round.

 

Do you know how badly I want to email him that? I just wish I had a friend in all of this.

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Lauri, you couldn't be more right about missing the person my ex used to be. I don't even know him anymore (even though he came to see me at my work about 2 months ago and hasn't changed a bit...still all about him.) I'm just having anxiety right now and trying to avoid having an anxiety attack. I haven't felt this way in a long while. Thoughts of, "Am I a good person?" "Will I ever fall in love again?" "Will I ever be enough for anyone?" are springing to mind and I hate it because it's all "woe is me" ... but I feel so hurt today. I'll be a good girl and force my thoughts in another direction though. I'll feel better as the day goes by.

 

Every since the BU I guess I sort of held on to a little bit of hope that if he and I went our separate ways for a while we'd come back to each other as better stronger people who get it right the next go round.

 

Do you know how badly I want to email him that? I just wish I had a friend in all of this.

 

You do have a friend, actually a whole community of friends.

 

Of course you are a good person. I strongly believe that sometimes when you link up with the wrong people it brings out the "bad side" in you but that doesn't mean you are showing the true person you are inside. Everyone makes mistakes...mistakes are what people tend to call experience.

 

You are hoping to get back together with someone you do not even know. How do you even know you like him? Going back to him is like going to a random stranger you looked at on Facebook saying "Hey, you know what, I love you and I think you're perfect for me". You know what they look like, some personal information about them, but to know their true character and who they are today? Impossible to determine. Your ex is someone you do not know anymore.

 

I think, in my humble opinion, your hope should be directed to something more proactive. You becoming strong and a better person will help attract someone who will bring out the best in you and enhance your life. There is no point going back to something this far away - if all the chess pieces fall together and the stars align, maybe you two will get back together...but to send him an email? What good would it do?

 

Don't count on it being anything special / better if you do get in touch with him / get back together...for all you know the things about him that have changed will not be suitable for the new, more awesome and improved me85.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to reply sincerely.

 

I don't know what my deal is today. I have been being so positive and focused on myself and my future and now I'm having a hard time holding on to the all the good I've done, the progress I've made...much like trying to hold onto a live, slippery fish. IT CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME NOW!!!! I've worked so hard and came all this way! My jenga tower is so tall ... I feel like at any moment it's gona collapse and it will if I don't carefully place the blocks in the right spot.

 

It's like I've been training for the Olympics all this time and I get there and make a fuss over a damned sprained ankle.

 

See, I have changed. My ex hasn't. He just changed girlfriends, that's all. He knows nothing of spiritual growth, or emotionally maturity like I do. I have been so inspired and have had amazing moments of clarity. Today, I feel a bit lost. Not entirely. Like being lost in a grocery store. Not out in the wilderness of Alaska or anything. lol

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hourglassangel
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply sincerely.

 

I don't know what my deal is today. I have been being so positive and focused on myself and my future and now I'm having a hard time holding on to the all the good I've done, the progress I've made...much like trying to hold onto a live, slippery fish. IT CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME NOW!!!! I've worked so hard and came all this way! My jenga tower is so tall ... I feel like at any moment it's gona collapse and it will if I don't carefully place the blocks in the right spot.

 

It's like I've been training for the Olympics all this time and I get there and make a fuss over a damned sprained ankle.

 

See, I have changed. My ex hasn't. He just changed girlfriends, that's all. He knows nothing of spiritual growth, or emotionally maturity like I do. I have been so inspired and have had amazing moments of clarity. Today, I feel a bit lost. Not entirely. Like being lost in a grocery store. Not out in the wilderness of Alaska or anything. lol

 

Hey now, LOL....you have been such an inspiration to me and to what I am dealing with. Isn't it funny how you can help anyone else's situation but you come lost in your own?

 

If your not ready, than don't delete those pics till you are. Put them in a file that you don't have regular access to, and one day you can chose what to do with them. Your running on pure emotions and once you have more clarity you can decide what to do. Don't fuel the fire, and don't keep the buzz alive either. Baby steps, one day at a time. Do what you feel the most comfortable with.

 

If you sit down and delete, do it without looking at them. don't reminisce and look at the good times, they are done, they are the past.

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SoThatHappened
...

I don't know what my deal is today. I have been being so positive and focused on myself and my future and now I'm having a hard time holding on to the all the good I've done, the progress I've made...much like trying to hold onto a live, slippery fish. IT CAN'T GET AWAY FROM ME NOW!!!!

 

...

 

Today, I feel a bit lost. Not entirely.

I can relate. I was doing so well 2 months after the breakup, then BAM! For whatever reason I had a bad few days in a row. Couldn't figure it out at the time, but I think it was because of the finality of the breakup.

 

Maybe that's what you're going through. Recognizing that it truly is over and lost.

 

If that's the case, you're in the "darkest before the dawn" mode I think. Let the finality hit you, and when you get past it, you're over it.

 

I say "over" it as in past the relationship. Of course you're going to continue to miss them and love them for some time, if not forever. But, you might be closer to the end of your healing process than you think.

 

I hope so ;)

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I remember it taking me nearly a year to even delete my ex's phone number. It just "felt" final when I did that. The truth is that it was final a long time before that, but I was the one who wanted to keep a connection that was all in my head. The fact of the matter is that nothing at all changed when I deleted the phone number. It was all in my head, and I think it's the same way with the pictures or when people don't want to block on FB. These days, it's so easy to keep false connections to people with whom we truly have no connection.

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Thanks Angel! I know, I know. It definitely is funny how that happens. And completely frustrating. lol I have waited all this time to get to the point of completely letting go and deleting those damn pictures then right when I feel 100% ready to do it, I chicken out. Then today I'm having all these feelings out of no where! I've already been through the baby steps. It's been over a freaking year. I'm so upset with myself. I feel like such a hypocrite.

 

SoThat...thank you so much. You're right, but the finality of it being over has hit me over and over again! My ex and I have been BU for a little over a year now. A year! For me that's far too long to still be heartbroken over someone. Yes we lived together, yes he was my bestest friend in the whole wide world, no I've never loved anyone more but we were only together for 2 years and in those 2 years he hurt me beyond repair.

 

So tell me why I feel like this: Half of my brain wants to let go and move on but half of my heart doesn't want to let go or move on at all. There's this quiet, constant battle over my ex between my head and my heart. Or my ego...IDK which at this point. But today that battle is a very loud banging sound throughout my entire body. It's time for counseling and as soon as I can afford it along with my many other expenses, I'm going to go in doing cartwheels through the doors, I swear. I can't wait to see a therapist because this is an obsession. An addiction. It's sick and it's not good for me. If this is going to get at me every 3 months or so and weigh me down, I'm not ok with that. But then again, I don't want to say goodbye.

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I remember it taking me nearly a year to even delete my ex's phone number. It just "felt" final when I did that. The truth is that it was final a long time before that, but I was the one who wanted to keep a connection that was all in my head. The fact of the matter is that nothing at all changed when I deleted the phone number. It was all in my head, and I think it's the same way with the pictures or when people don't want to block on FB. These days, it's so easy to keep false connections to people with whom we truly have no connection.

 

See, I got him off my FB immediately and have stuck with it. I mean, blocked. And defriended him on Playstation. He was blocked on my iPhone for forever until finally last week sometime I just deleted his #. Trouble is, I have his # memorized. In time, I hope I forget but it's such an easy # to remember. /= I even still had his Mom's #. Deleted as well. Doing any of those things was a breeze. But the pictures...to not be able and look back and see his face besides in my memory?? I know that sounds truly pathetic. I just don't know if I can delete our pictures. I feel like I can do everything else except for that.

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I think you can save them and still move on if you want. I still have the photospread the first girl I was involved with did just for me stashed away somewhere. Doubt I could delete that even if I wanted to. Haven't looked at them for years but I assume sometime in the future when I'm really old I'll bust them out as a reminder of what happened. Even if a lot about it was shtty that doesn't mean there wasn't something there valuable enough to keep the memories of. It was part of this life we get.

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See now, I've never done that. Of course most of my old relationships were long before digital pictures and the ones I did have got lost when my old computer crapped out on me. My most recent ex is the father of my son... I don't feel any reason to delete them, doesn't hurt me to look (although I don't look) but I'd rather save them for my son to see when he gets older.

 

I did block him on fb and delete anything that had to do with him, but nothing else because we have to talk to each other. It was really hard at first but it's getting better.. to the point now where it doesn't bother me to talk to him and I don't get emotional about it.

 

You may get there too... whether you choose to delete them all is up to you... it's a very personal decision. However, I suspect that there may be a time in the future where they won't bother you. Putting them where you can't access them easily for now might be best.

 

Besides.. I do remember using a pic of an old ex as the bullseye on my dart board once... that might come in handy to you one day... lol

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"Besides.. I do remember using a pic of an old ex as the bullseye on my dart board once... that might come in handy to you one day... lol "

 

hahahaha! This is great! Love it!

 

Come to think of it, I think I have at least one picture of all my past loves. At least one...but I think I want to keep all of the pictures I have with my current ex. They're pictures of so many great trips we took and made so many great memories together. That prove it wasn't all bad.

Edited by me85
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SoThatHappened

SoThat...thank you so much. You're right, but the finality of it being over has hit me over and over again! My ex and I have been BU for a little over a year now. A year! For me that's far too long to still be heartbroken over someone. Yes we lived together, yes he was my bestest friend in the whole wide world, no I've never loved anyone more but we were only together for 2 years and in those 2 years he hurt me beyond repair.

 

So tell me why I feel like this: Half of my brain wants to let go and move on but half of my heart doesn't want to let go or move on at all. There's this quiet, constant battle over my ex between my head and my heart. Or my ego...IDK which at this point. But today that battle is a very loud banging sound throughout my entire body. It's time for counseling and as soon as I can afford it along with my many other expenses, I'm going to go in doing cartwheels through the doors, I swear. I can't wait to see a therapist because this is an obsession. An addiction. It's sick and it's not good for me. If this is going to get at me every 3 months or so and weigh me down, I'm not ok with that. But then again, I don't want to say goodbye.

 

You probably need someone a lot more knowledgeable here than me to answer why you're still hurting after a year.

 

However, I'll give it a shot.

 

I think a year is ok. I say this because you're experiencing every holiday, birthday, event, etc. for the first time WITHOUT them.

 

After you've gone through each event without them, you can no longer say it's the first without them. Does that make sense?

 

Have you been doing other things to keep you occupied and improve yourself? Sports, exercise, hobbies, get-togethers, etc.?

 

Have you gone on dates? What you may be experiencing could be because you haven't tried to move on by dating again.

 

I may get hammered for this, and I know that dating someone while you still have feelings for someone else is not ideal.

 

But, at a certain point, I don't see it that way, as long as (and to me this is important) you're not still heartbroken. Dating while heartbroken is a big no-no, and I learned that the hard way.

 

However, I think getting back out there is the thing to do. You still have feelings, sure. You may have those feelings the rest of your life. Does that mean you shouldn't ever date?

 

If you know, 100% that it is over and will never be rekindled with your ex, why keep yourself from dating again even if you have experienced a couple episodes here and there.

 

I may be wrong, and you may just need counseling, but that's my 2 cents.

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Your 2 cents goes a long way. I really appreciate it and OMG yes! You make total sense with the whole year being ok because you're experiencing every event/holiday/birthday without them. Wow. Hello!!! (= I like that a lot. I have been beating myself up all day because I feel like it's completely absurd to still feel an aching in my chest after all this time. Thank you for pointing that out.

 

Yes, I have done everything except counseling. I did just lose a close relative to cancer. My rational mind knows that I am just in need of comfort and feeling lonely because I'm grieving.

 

I'm not worried that I'll never get over him but today I felt sad because one day I will and we really will never talk again. It frightened me. I know I probably make no sense what-so-ever. Life does go on and the past is the past. Nothing lasts forever. I know these things! So I should not feel hurt anymore. I shouldn't. I've been doing so well. I just don't understand SoThat. /=

Edited by me85
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Letting go of someone is scary...but in all honesty, it shouldn't be.

 

Think if one of your friends you've known for 2-5 years did something to you to betray you or hurt you, would you keep them around? Chances are you wouldn't. I know I wouldn't.

 

Breakups are mostly about ego. I can promise you if you allowed yourself to develop feelings for the right man, your ex would not even phase you. I've met girls who were so hung up on their ex before..the minute they met the right guy that guy didn't even cross their mind anymore.

 

Judging by a lot of your posts and comments to other, you seem like a good person. Your situation with your ex is a blessing in disguise..it allows you to gain the proper experience to be the best girlfriend / wife to a guy who actually deserves you in the future.

 

What are you scared for? You've got this far after 1 year which a lot of people would sometimes not be able to do in a lifetime.

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SoThatHappened

I'm not worried that I'll never get over him but today I felt sad because one day I will and we really will never talk again. It frightened me. I know I probably make no sense what-so-ever. Life does go on and the past is the past. Nothing lasts forever. I know these things! So I should not feel hurt anymore. I shouldn't. I've been doing so well. I just don't understand SoThat. /=

Glad that helped a little!

 

What has helped me a lot, is to do things that I did with my ex so that I can say that I have now done it independent of her.

 

Literally, from getting on my boat, going to a certain restaurant, going to a certain town, etc. They may sound insignificant, but I think that creating a new memory at a certain place or doing a certain thing helps override the old one.

 

I just can't wait until I can go snowboarding again because that's one of the last things I did while I was with her.

 

Don't beat yourself up. You had a bad day. Not your fault!

 

Also, you touched on something important. That is you were frightened that you'd never talk again. Totally makes sense! You'll eventually lose what you've been holding onto, which is the breakup itself and not him.

 

Your head will catch back up again, and these episodes will become less and less. You're doing fine.

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