For those who feel lonely - Tell me your story

[neverenough]

Hello guys!

This is my first thread here. I've been reading everything possible here since my boyfriend broke up with me. Your stories helped me a lot to understand things I couldn't on my own.

I want to tell you my story and the reason why I want to listen to those of you who feel lonely or lost...

 

Three months ago my bf broke up with me because I was insecure, jealous, had no experience and of course needy. We were together for more than a year. Our relationship was really passionate and deep. I was his fourth gf and the first one he pictured his future with. I cared a lot for him and I did everything I could to make his life more easy and happy. He did the best he could to do the same, but he didn't love me as much and it was all of a sudden too much for him. I wasn't needy and jealous at the begging, but I got since he was constantly talking about his ex-girlfriends and his trip to a special city which is known for prostitutes... He practically lived in the past. Enough said... he broke up with me over the phone and wanted to be friends which I refused. I traveled to another country and worked there for two months - I couldn't be at home anymore. Later he tried to convince me to spend time with him talking, watching movies and having casual sex with him. Of course I couldn't because I loved him more than everything and wanted to be the one and not just some (I'm sorry to say) but second chance - hole. I cried and I begged - nothing helped.

I read all getting-back books I could. I changed my style and I tried to be more confident... again, nothing helped.

I realized that nothing could bring him back.

I wrote him a mail (at that time we communicated over Skype and mail) and told him how much I wanted it to work out and how much I'm hurting over the fact that he isn't there anymore etc. He answered me that he feels sorry too and that it isn't our time yet and that we have to grow (and that we someday can get back together and last).

This was a month ago and since then I have no contact. I changed my number, deleted and blocked him on everything. I put his stuff in a big box and did all the things I should according to Break-Up advice.

 

I have cried every single night since then. I missed him so much and I hoped for us to exist in the future. I was obsessed with reading threads, advice, stories and poems about break-up. I avoided everything that included memories about him. One day would be super-ego-boosting and the other completely depressing => the classic (you know it, I'm sure). There were a lot of different things he told me that hurt me and that no normal person would forgive. He told me that he wanted to be alone and that he couldn't imagine a new relationship the next few months blah.

 

Today. Today I stalked a bit for the first time in 5 weeks and I found out that he is dating someone new. And I am here to say that I am not sorry for doing it, because it got me to the next step. I cried for an hour. Then I stopped and realized that this is the reality. She is no rebound anymore. She is the new one. He is over me. I can not hold onto him any longer because there is a new girl and I have to respect it. The security I had when I was going to bed and thinking about us and the future is gone. He is not mine anymore - not even in my most beautiful dreams. I felt numb and lonely. Really lonely.

 

I don't want that anyone in this world feels that way, but I know a lot of you do. It is so freaking hard to feel so left alone. You realize that you are tired of talking about him/her... I don't want him, because I have no right to. I don't want that this new girl has to go through the same stuff as I had to, so I will not contact him like his ex-gf did. It hurts in a strange way, but I feel a bit free. The only thing that bothers me is where can I escape now when I feel sad, because our world doesn't exist anymore (I know it was all in my head, but it was secure).

 

I guess I should focus on the last year on my university haha

 

Tell me your stories and troubles! I want to listen.. nobody should feel left out and lonely. We can help each other to feel better

[Lingo1]

Heres mine

 

Me and my girlfriend dated for 1 yr we knew each other since 8 th grade and we really loved each before dating so i never really saw this coming ,but u know i got comfortable ,we started fighting and aruging alot , but it was fixable . I had a little temper problem which i am about to fix my temper was like i would punch u or be abusive its just when i got angry it was hard for me to relax you know but i took anger management classes for them and happy to say i am feeling much better and my mind is fill with more positivity then negativity

 

But 2months ago we and her had a argument about clothes i would like to see her wearing she took it out of proportion talking about i dont like the way she dressed and how when we argue i call her stupid and etc i mean when people argue dont we all say things we dont mean,but o well she started to distant herself from me, and then out of nowhere she says she wanted to be friends and bang thats how she hit me with it she was talking to someone else will i was over here trying to get her back making me look stupid , i mean when i look at things it wasnt no reason to break up .

 

I have been NC because she told me to many times shes happy with the boy, hes special, hes does things i didnt do, and how hes better, so one day my friend played a lil prank and sent her a post me and her had on fb and she spazzed on me which i knew nothing about talking about i am going MIA for a while dont text me , i though we could have been friends, i am happy again so i finally accepted things and said she doesnt want me anymore and packed off i ever since then i have been NC since then and i am happy sure i think about her once in a while but i cant be unhappy because of someone else living their life and im not

 

Also its good u cried u need to get the pain out its ur first step when she texted me sometimes this week she even asked why am i so happy i mean? u want me sad? lmao sorry i would be sad because ur over there happy this is my life i control it !

 

I may have missed some parts so here is my thread read it

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491097-its-been-2-months-since-we-broke-up-we-spoke-update

 

 

And if u need help coping read my thread about coping with the break up it will help

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491355-need-coping-your-breakup-read

Edited August 31, 2014 by Lingo1

[sly_fly1]

dated almost three years, a month before our anaversary she dumped me for someone else, i was blown away, 6 months of bread crumbs and crying phone calls from her, i took the bait every time. depression dragged on. a month later she got beat up, and text me again, i waited, then i wished shes get into a car accident. then she called me crying a few days later, i answerd< WTF YOU WANT, and she did get into a car accident, with my used to be step daughter. i picked them up, as i could here her dumping the guy she left me for on the phone before she got in. then we pulled up to friends house. they got out. she sat in the car and cried n cried n told me everything and the truth n why we broke up and blah blah. things were very slow at first. i was stiill draugt and discusted by her.its been almost a year now since this , things are slowly becoming more normal. i dont know why i took her back, i do love her, but i guess i just wanted to see if she is truly the one. people do make mistakes. she called it a phase she was going through. i love my gf, but i will never love her the way i did. shes like a water damaged piece of art. we love eachother. but that scar is still slashed across my heart

[W101]

Been with my girlfriend for 6 years, found out last year she was my half sister, despite this, I don't see her as my sister, I still see her as the beautiful person I fell in love with, as it stands her side of the family have influenced her to instigate a break until she can figure out if it's right for us to be together or not, I haven't heard from her for a few weeks, not a single phonecall or email, I'm heart broken and stuck in limbo over the whole situation, she told me to think long and hard while we're apart, no matter how I look at this, I want to be at her side, I don't care what society thinks, the fact there's a law against people in accidental situations like ours is cruel, I hope she contacts me soon and decides she wants to continue on with our amazing relationship.

[Feelbettersoon]

Your story touched my heart. I too heard it over the phone, haven't had much communication and also I'm living in my own world of hope!

[Magnet]

Neverenough, I feel your pain. It's so hard to let go of that world inside of you where everything is still okay... I don't know if I have let go yet... I don't think I have... It's hard to feel you weren't enough, that you didn't make them happy...

 

My story: I dated her for 2 and half years. Broke up for first time in April- I had substance dependency issues and a short temper/ bad dealing with emotions. She put up with it for so long and had enough. I really took her for granted. Anyway I managed to win her back but when I slipped up again with the shouting/swearing one morning she got fed up and one night I panicked and acted very clingy desperate with texts all night. A few days laterShe ended it by text. I went to airport to surprise her when she came back from holiday. Her face when she saw me told me everything I needed to know. That was one month ago. Since then we have mostly not been in touch. Except from last Friday when she got upset when I blanked her when we work the same place, she got angry with me and last night I emailed her to explain I couldn't be friendly when I'm still in love with her. This morning she replied to say she was sorry too and she had to do what was best for her etc. I'm exhausted now.

 

I know exactly what you mean by being tired of it. Tired of caring, crying, wishing for better.

[neverenough]

Heres mine

 

Me and my girlfriend dated for 1 yr we knew each other since 8 th grade and we really loved each before dating so i never really saw this coming ,but u know i got comfortable ,we started fighting and aruging alot , but it was fixable . I had a little temper problem which i am about to fix my temper was like i would punch u or be abusive its just when i got angry it was hard for me to relax you know but i took anger management classes for them and happy to say i am feeling much better and my mind is fill with more positivity then negativity

 

But 2months ago we and her had a argument about clothes i would like to see her wearing she took it out of proportion talking about i dont like the way she dressed and how when we argue i call her stupid and etc i mean when people argue dont we all say things we dont mean,but o well she started to distant herself from me, and then out of nowhere she says she wanted to be friends and bang thats how she hit me with it she was talking to someone else will i was over here trying to get her back making me look stupid , i mean when i look at things it wasnt no reason to break up .

 

I have been NC because she told me to many times shes happy with the boy, hes special, hes does things i didnt do, and how hes better, so one day my friend played a lil prank and sent her a post me and her had on fb and she spazzed on me which i knew nothing about talking about i am going MIA for a while dont text me , i though we could have been friends, i am happy again so i finally accepted things and said she doesnt want me anymore and packed off i ever since then i have been NC since then and i am happy sure i think about her once in a while but i cant be unhappy because of someone else living their life and im not

 

Also its good u cried u need to get the pain out its ur first step when she texted me sometimes this week she even asked why am i so happy i mean? u want me sad? lmao sorry i would be sad because ur over there happy this is my life i control it !

 

I may have missed some parts so here is my thread read it

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491097-its-been-2-months-since-we-broke-up-we-spoke-update

 

 

And if u need help coping read my thread about coping with the break up it will help

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491355-need-coping-your-breakup-read

I think you handled it good after the break-up. Not everyone is perfect when they're in a relationship, but what matters is that you did all you could to make it work. I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling well now I don't hear this stuff a lot.. so, good luck with evolving and finding the right one (I'm going to read your thread now!)

[neverenough]

dated almost three years, a month before our anaversary she dumped me for someone else, i was blown away, 6 months of bread crumbs and crying phone calls from her, i took the bait every time. depression dragged on. a month later she got beat up, and text me again, i waited, then i wished shes get into a car accident. then she called me crying a few days later, i answerd< WTF YOU WANT, and she did get into a car accident, with my used to be step daughter. i picked them up, as i could here her dumping the guy she left me for on the phone before she got in. then we pulled up to friends house. they got out. she sat in the car and cried n cried n told me everything and the truth n why we broke up and blah blah. things were very slow at first. i was stiill draugt and discusted by her.its been almost a year now since this , things are slowly becoming more normal. i dont know why i took her back, i do love her, but i guess i just wanted to see if she is truly the one. people do make mistakes. she called it a phase she was going through. i love my gf, but i will never love her the way i did. shes like a water damaged piece of art. we love eachother. but that scar is still slashed across my heart

Do you have moments when you want to give up and why? I mean.. was it worth getting back? How does she act now (does she try and give all of her into the rs)?

 

I have to ask, because I never got an opportunity and I want to know how the left/cheated-one feels after forgiving and trying again?

[neverenough]

Been with my girlfriend for 6 years, found out last year she was my half sister, despite this, I don't see her as my sister, I still see her as the beautiful person I fell in love with, as it stands her side of the family have influenced her to instigate a break until she can figure out if it's right for us to be together or not, I haven't heard from her for a few weeks, not a single phonecall or email, I'm heart broken and stuck in limbo over the whole situation, she told me to think long and hard while we're apart, no matter how I look at this, I want to be at her side, I don't care what society thinks, the fact there's a law against people in accidental situations like ours is cruel, I hope she contacts me soon and decides she wants to continue on with our amazing relationship.

Omg.. that one is really tough! I'm so sorry... I mean... the reason is so stupid (but a good reason for the society) to break up. I think you shouldn't stop trying... I really wish you the best :/

[neverenough]

Your story touched my heart. I too heard it over the phone, haven't had much communication and also I'm living in my own world of hope!

Hello brother/sister! It is so f*cking hard, right?

Like... that is such an lack of respect and everything. You don't even get a chance!

I know that this world you (and I) live(d) in is so beautiful and secure, but it has to stop. I think that this is crucial for taking the next step from recovering I feel for you... but you have us! Try to do new stuff and focus on something else.. I know this sounds so boring, stupid and senseless, but it helps. It is hard, but it helps!

I'm here for you if you want to talk! We will get better and we are getting better!

[neverenough]

Neverenough, I feel your pain. It's so hard to let go of that world inside of you where everything is still okay... I don't know if I have let go yet... I don't think I have... It's hard to feel you weren't enough, that you didn't make them happy...

 

My story: I dated her for 2 and half years. Broke up for first time in April- I had substance dependency issues and a short temper/ bad dealing with emotions. She put up with it for so long and had enough. I really took her for granted. Anyway I managed to win her back but when I slipped up again with the shouting/swearing one morning she got fed up and one night I panicked and acted very clingy desperate with texts all night. A few days laterShe ended it by text. I went to airport to surprise her when she came back from holiday. Her face when she saw me told me everything I needed to know. That was one month ago. Since then we have mostly not been in touch. Except from last Friday when she got upset when I blanked her when we work the same place, she got angry with me and last night I emailed her to explain I couldn't be friendly when I'm still in love with her. This morning she replied to say she was sorry too and she had to do what was best for her etc. I'm exhausted now.

 

I know exactly what you mean by being tired of it. Tired of caring, crying, wishing for better.

Very tired. You summed it up for me. You read my thoughts.

It is hard to see how they can be after breaking up. I felt so used ...

I'm glad that you actually had a second try with her That is not that anybody could do! You tried everything you could.. but I think that people like you and me have to grow - not for them, but for us. I hope you haven't had obsessive thoughts as I had, because that one is strong and hurts. Stop caring how she feels now. You see... she is doing the things to feel right and so should you. You don't have to be loyal. You don't have to be there for here, because she has chose and she chose NOT YOU. Like mine chose NOT ME.

I know that not feeling enough, even if you give everything of yourself into that relationship, is the worst feeling ever. BUT for some girl you will be the most amazing boy/man ever. You both will not have to try .. it will just be enough and you'll be so happy. Grow that love for the right one I hope I could help ...

[dipa0076]

I wish i can be like you.. i faced something similar .. he is with new girl .. but i can't tolerate.. he must be with me..

 

may be i am being selfish but its not easy to see that person who share long time with you and now left you and be happy with another girl ?

[sly_fly1]

Do you have moments when you want to give up and why? I mean.. was it worth getting back? How does she act now (does she try and give all of her into the rs)?

 

I have to ask, because I never got an opportunity and I want to know how the left/cheated-one feels after forgiving and trying again?

 

first of all, this is the first time i have ever got back together with someone. but i fought hard. i was there to save her everytime, like i said, i took the bait everytime she texted or called, everytime i tried to move on , i would wake up the next morning with a new text, n then when i replied she would vanish again. after all the BS and when the dust finally settled.

 

things were slow and wierd. i wanted to be close to her. but i couldnt be as close as i wanted, i held her in bed, but it felt like i was cheating on myself? if that makes any sence.

 

she was hot and cold non stop. one day she would be all over me, the next she would be cold and distant. there were times where i just wanted to give up. but i couldnt see myself with anyone else. so i stuck with it.

 

was it worth it. well, only time will tell. like i said its been a year since the dust settled and things still arnt 100 percent. and they may never be. but they are alot better than they were a month ago., or 3 months ago, or 6 7 8 9.

 

the difference now. my girlfriend is more independent. she has more friends , like real friends now. before all she had was me. and thats why she was so into me and all about me. dont get me wrong i loved it, but i think thats what made her bored of me. it wasnt until she started working and meeting people until she saw the confined space of her life she was living in. but her problem is she does not know how to communicate with problems, she was raised like that, if someone talked to her about something , she automatically would assume shes introuble and she gets angry and lashes out.

 

but anyways, i have realized that i have changed over the years. i used to be this cool guy who new tones of people. and i was NOT insecure.

 

so i turned into this guy who hovers around his gf and always asks questions and never goes out and i dont like that, and the break up made me realise that i did change and i did become insecure.

 

now i have stepped more into an adult relationship since weve been back together. all the being in love stage has passed. now its like we love eachother. but we dont show it all the time. only when were in bed at the end of the night. im still getting used to this big change,. but in away, i think things are kind of better. the only thing that i still hate is that mother Fer she left me for.

 

but i can tell you right now. my gf is the least of my problems. its my baby mom that i am still dealing with who is taking me to court and harrasses me non stop, its been 5 years since i broke up with her and it never ends.

 

so i dono if i answerd your question, but if you truly love someone, fight for them. doesnt matter what they did or what you did. everyone screws up. everyone just cant take it anymore at sometime. everyone changes with out even knowing. i followed my heart instead of my brain. and even though my heart put me through hell and pain. in the end my heart seemed to be right and now i am here, typing this, i got my gf back, im slowly getting back on track, i have my daughter n my step daughter. and now my only problem is my baby mom who just wont give it up. and shes a whole other story that is not worth talking about lol.

 

best of luck;)

[Lingo1]

I think you handled it good after the break-up. Not everyone is perfect when they're in a relationship, but what matters is that you did all you could to make it work. I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling well now I don't hear this stuff a lot.. so, good luck with evolving and finding the right one (I'm going to read your thread now!)

 

sometimes i do miss her and sometimes i even get a little flashback when we use to make love. I even have thoughts on her and the new guy making love it hurts but maybe one day she might come back but i may be gone which would be really sad but she caused this we could have made things work but she decided to take the other route and thank u man u just got to take it day by day

 

I think she may have G.I.G.S but i refuse to stay and wait she didnt wait to dump me so why should i ?in the end most of the time dumpee's win and they don't even know it .if u jump into a relationship/talking to someone new right after a breakup(couple weeks after ) u havent fully let yourself see what went wrong to better yourself for both dumpees and dumpers .Both parties need to take time off to reevaluate things and their life before they can date someone else

Edited August 31, 2014 by Lingo1

[neverenough]

I wish i can be like you.. i faced something similar .. he is with new girl .. but i can't tolerate.. he must be with me..

 

may be i am being selfish but its not easy to see that person who share long time with you and now left you and be happy with another girl ?

I couldn't too and I am still working on it It is a normal reaction. You are not selfish and yes it is very hard to see that the person you shared a lot of time with is now happy with some other girl and it is more hard when you realize how much you have done and it still didn't work out.

 

I can understand your pain ... it is really hard and it is a big pill to swallow, but you have to go through it. Don't let yourself get taken away in this whole "I want him so bad and he is perfect for me"-depression. AND PLEASE don't have self-esteem issues because of the new girl. You will get hurt when you see that he does things for her he has never done for you (and she doesn't do the same for him, but he still appreciates her more) and you will be in pain when you see that they're happy...

But you have to be strong. This is a part of life where you grow the most as a person... do the best you can do for yourself

[neverenough]

first of all, this is the first time i have ever got back together with someone. but i fought hard. i was there to save her everytime, like i said, i took the bait everytime she texted or called, everytime i tried to move on , i would wake up the next morning with a new text, n then when i replied she would vanish again. after all the BS and when the dust finally settled.

 

things were slow and wierd. i wanted to be close to her. but i couldnt be as close as i wanted, i held her in bed, but it felt like i was cheating on myself? if that makes any sence.

 

she was hot and cold non stop. one day she would be all over me, the next she would be cold and distant. there were times where i just wanted to give up. but i couldnt see myself with anyone else. so i stuck with it.

 

was it worth it. well, only time will tell. like i said its been a year since the dust settled and things still arnt 100 percent. and they may never be. but they are alot better than they were a month ago., or 3 months ago, or 6 7 8 9.

 

the difference now. my girlfriend is more independent. she has more friends , like real friends now. before all she had was me. and thats why she was so into me and all about me. dont get me wrong i loved it, but i think thats what made her bored of me. it wasnt until she started working and meeting people until she saw the confined space of her life she was living in. but her problem is she does not know how to communicate with problems, she was raised like that, if someone talked to her about something , she automatically would assume shes introuble and she gets angry and lashes out.

 

but anyways, i have realized that i have changed over the years. i used to be this cool guy who new tones of people. and i was NOT insecure.

 

so i turned into this guy who hovers around his gf and always asks questions and never goes out and i dont like that, and the break up made me realise that i did change and i did become insecure.

 

now i have stepped more into an adult relationship since weve been back together. all the being in love stage has passed. now its like we love eachother. but we dont show it all the time. only when were in bed at the end of the night. im still getting used to this big change,. but in away, i think things are kind of better. the only thing that i still hate is that mother Fer she left me for.

 

but i can tell you right now. my gf is the least of my problems. its my baby mom that i am still dealing with who is taking me to court and harrasses me non stop, its been 5 years since i broke up with her and it never ends.

 

so i dono if i answerd your question, but if you truly love someone, fight for them. doesnt matter what they did or what you did. everyone screws up. everyone just cant take it anymore at sometime. everyone changes with out even knowing. i followed my heart instead of my brain. and even though my heart put me through hell and pain. in the end my heart seemed to be right and now i am here, typing this, i got my gf back, im slowly getting back on track, i have my daughter n my step daughter. and now my only problem is my baby mom who just wont give it up. and shes a whole other story that is not worth talking about lol.

 

best of luck;)

Thank you!

I admire your fighting! I tried the same, but he just couldn't see us together (for now, but I think this is now a done thing between us).

Of course you hate the other man, I mean who wouldn't... but it is not completely his fault, but I think you know that. You have done a lot for her and I wish I could tell the same for mine and I like the way your rs works now - it really sounds more mature. It is something I would want for the real on and myself!

 

And the thing with the baby-moma... be there for your child, ignore her - even if it seems impossible!

[neverenough]

sometimes i do miss her and sometimes i even get a little flashback when we use to make love. I even have thoughts on her and the new guy making love it hurts but maybe one day she might come back but i may be gone which would be really sad but she caused this we could have made things work but she decided to take the other route and thank u man u just got to take it day by day

 

I think she may have G.I.G.S but i refuse to stay and wait she didnt wait to dump me so why should i ?in the end most of the time dumpee's win and they don't even know it .if u jump into a relationship/talking to someone new right after a breakup(couple weeks after ) u havent fully let yourself see what went wrong to better yourself for both dumpees and dumpers .Both parties need to take time off to reevaluate things and their life before they can date someone else

I agree with you. Even if my ex-bf meant it with the whole engagement and life-together.. he throw it away and I will not always be around. I am not a doormat - sorry, I'm not sorry.

I get the same flashbacks, but I think that they will fade away as the time goes by. I am sure you tried thinking about other things when it hits you, but try harder. It kind of helps me now

 

Oh, I don't want to feel constantly sorry for all of us who are left for a stupid reason, but it is NOT FAIR. Maybe they all need that one selfish partner after a good one to realize that there is more in life than perfect looks and a big ego - the most of them haven't realized it and that's sad.

[Bella2]

Hello guys!

This is my first thread here. I've been reading everything possible here since my boyfriend broke up with me. Your stories helped me a lot to understand things I couldn't on my own.

I want to tell you my story and the reason why I want to listen to those of you who feel lonely or lost...

 

My first post here too. As you, Neverenough, I'm feeling sad and lonely. And I am also obsessively reading stuff on the internet about "broken hearts". I was with a great guy for 1 year and we broke off a little over a week ago. As you, it all started out great, then I sometimes acted a bit jealous or needy, which made him in the end less interested in me... To the point it's finished now. And I understand very well, that I should do some serious "soulsearching", to understand why I get jealous (for no serious reason, just because he's talking to an ex-girlfriend) and needy (trying to hold on to "the love", I don't want to miss out on it) ---> in the end even a bit selfish.

 

I'm feeling quite depressed for the moment. During the day I feel like a zombie. I hardy sleep.

 

Also, there's more to it. I was married for 12 years. We have two kids together. After the divorce, I never took time to "grieve". I was with a man for two years (very complicated relationship) and then now with somebody else for 1 year. I loved him, but I also think I needed him (being very honest now...).

 

I have to learn to be on my own, and OMG, I find that SO difficult.... Sad yes, lonely yes.... Good luck to you all out there.

[neverenough]

My first post here too. As you, Neverenough, I'm feeling sad and lonely. And I am also obsessively reading stuff on the internet about "broken hearts". I was with a great guy for 1 year and we broke off a little over a week ago. As you, it all started out great, then I sometimes acted a bit jealous or needy, which made him in the end less interested in me... To the point it's finished now. And I understand very well, that I should do some serious "soulsearching", to understand why I get jealous (for no serious reason, just because he's talking to an ex-girlfriend) and needy (trying to hold on to "the love", I don't want to miss out on it) ---> in the end even a bit selfish.

 

I'm feeling quite depressed for the moment. During the day I feel like a zombie. I hardy sleep.

 

Also, there's more to it. I was married for 12 years. We have two kids together. After the divorce, I never took time to "grieve". I was with a man for two years (very complicated relationship) and then now with somebody else for 1 year. I loved him, but I also think I needed him (being very honest now...).

 

I have to learn to be on my own, and OMG, I find that SO difficult.... Sad yes, lonely yes.... Good luck to you all out there.

Hey You, hope you are a bit okey for now

Why do you think that you need(ed) him? The whole neediness and jealousy... this is a big self esteem-issue. I know how hard it is when you miss someone, but maybe you can find comfort and love in your kids? If not, which is also okay... because it is a special situation, try to have some alone-time. When your kids are in school cry and listen to good music. Take a nice hot bath and reflect on everything and cry cry cry as much as you need to. I feel instant better when I do my crying (but it shouldn't be a routine!)... Your situation is really hard, but don't lose hope and please don't fall into depression! I know that your rs had its beautiful and magic moments, but if he were the one for the long run he would stay and try as hard as he could and even then he wouldn't walk away from you.

 

The zombie thing - this one will take its time... just let it happen. Better now than later in a more aggressive and harder way! I really wish you the best! I am here for you if you want to talk! Talk until you get tired of it!

[Bella2]

Hey You, hope you are a bit okey for now

Why do you think that you need(ed) him? The whole neediness and jealousy... this is a big self esteem-issue. I know how hard it is when you miss someone, but maybe you can find comfort and love in your kids? If not, which is also okay... because it is a special situation, try to have some alone-time. When your kids are in school cry and listen to good music. Take a nice hot bath and reflect on everything and cry cry cry as much as you need to. I feel instant better when I do my crying (but it shouldn't be a routine!)... Your situation is really hard, but don't lose hope and please don't fall into depression! I know that your rs had its beautiful and magic moments, but if he were the one for the long run he would stay and try as hard as he could and even then he wouldn't walk away from you.

 

The zombie thing - this one will take its time... just let it happen. Better now than later in a more aggressive and harder way! I really wish you the best! I am here for you if you want to talk! Talk until you get tired of it!

 

Thank you so much for your answer :-) When the kids are in school, I work, so no way to sit around and cry.... I had off last week, but starting again tomorrow. For the crying, a week ago I cried all night and the next day I hardly dared to leave the house, with my eyes swollen like a frog

Thanks again, it's great to share stories and get encouragement from others who are dealing with the same pain.

[Bella2]

Hey You, hope you are a bit okey for now

Why do you think that you need(ed) him? The whole neediness and jealousy... this is a big self esteem-issue.

 

I needed him to not feel alone. I wanted to feel loved. I have friends, but I don't have a big supporting family or an enourmous amount of friends that are there for me... Yes, I have my two kids who I love dearly, but that's not the same.

 

I know, I sound horrible and selfish, and I realize it all and I'm gonna start working on my self esteem, because yes, that's a problem for sure.

[neverenough]

I needed him to not feel alone. I wanted to feel loved. I have friends, but I don't have a big supporting family or an enourmous amount of friends that are there for me... Yes, I have my two kids who I love dearly, but that's not the same.

 

I know, I sound horrible and selfish, and I realize it all and I'm gonna start working on my self esteem, because yes, that's a problem for sure.

I don't think that you sound selfish... I mean, you are a human and a woman first and then a mom. It is just the way it is and it's okay to feel sometimes lonely and not understood. Work on it, because I think that it could make you feel better about everything. Learn to live (for some time) alone, without a partner - that is something I had to learn. You are capable of so much! You work, you care about your kids and you have friends (not everybody is able to care about thees things at once!).

 

I understand you 100%. You miss him and it is a big hole in your life... you want to be loved and cared for like every passionate and loving woman. It's just life in all its fairness and unfairness.

 

And I frogs are one of my favorite animals!

[sly_fly1]

i suggest now you work on yourself and become that hot babe, expand your social network and delete him from the picture completely. give it a few months, once he knows your turning your face in a new direction. hell be on your door step begging. they always do.

[neverenough]

i suggest now you work on yourself and become that hot babe, expand your social network and delete him from the picture completely. Give it a few months, once he knows your turning your face in a new direction. Hell be on your door step begging. They always do.

women listen!

[neverenough]

i suggest now you work on yourself and become that hot babe, expand your social network and delete him from the picture completely. give it a few months, once he knows your turning your face in a new direction. hell be on your door step begging. they always do.

I was the hot babe (I don't want to sound arrogant!) and I danced ballet... am tall and was blonde with long curls... now I am even more thin and changed my look to be a more brazilian type of girl (which he wanted to have since ever). I look ridicules. I was a confident and friendly girl and now I'm just a shadow of it, finishing my last year at the Uni with no interest at all. I'm angry at myself for letting me/myself down. I have to work on me even more now... and I'm tired of it. But thank you for encouraging us women