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Cutting her loose...


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Dear friends,

 

I have finally reached the point where I decided cutting my ex loose and going full NC is the best option for me. After a conversation we had about a week ago she explicitly told me she is not going to bet back with me right now. She believes it's too soon for me to have really changed, plus she's already seeing someone else. I want her as a partner, not as a friend; therefore, there's really nothing left for me there right now so I'm better off moving on with my life.

 

I will write my ex an e-mail to let her know of my decision and I would just like to get some suggestions or ideas from you guys on what to say and how to say it. It's important for me since this will be the last piece of communication I will have with her in a very long time, so I want it to be as clear and effective as possible.

 

To make a long story short, take this into account:

 

- We were together for almost four years.

- She broke up with me three months ago (GIGS by the looks of it).

- She began seeing a friend of my sister two weeks after the break up, she still does.

- I fought for her and tried to get her back to no avail.

- She was really mean and indifferent to me the first two months.

- The last month (after a talk we had) she suddenly became an extremely friendly and supportive ex who apparently is really and genuinely concerned that I'm fine and I'm happy with my life.

- She constantly texts me nice things, quotes, sends pictures, etc... which I appreciate, but it doesn't help when they're coming from the "friend" frame.

 

After I send her the e-mail, I am planning on deleting and blocking her from Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp so that the only lines of communication left will be either phone call or e-mail.

 

Finally, two things I would also like to get advice from you guys are:

 

1. She was there for me and was extremely supportive two weeks ago when I had quite a traumatic experience. (I know I shouldn't have called her but oh well...). So in some way, I would at least like to be there for her ONLY if there's an emergency like the one I had. Like if she gets in serious trouble or just any kind of real emergency, I would like her to know she can count with me for support and help.

 

2. If at any point in the future she develops feelings for me again or wants to get back with me, I would certainly like to know. I won't be waiting for her though, but I would like to at least know and if the timing is right, we might make it work, but I need to know. And I'm not too sure how to get that message across.

 

Any feedback, suggestions and ideas are IMMENSELY appreciated.

 

Thank you everyone!

Edited by Mythodea
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There is no good reason to tell her anything. Regardless of your intent, it will come off as a ploy to get her back & you will regret it later.

 

After you have blocked her from social media, etc, go ahead & write a letter--pour your heart out. Don't worry about how you say it & don't hold back. When you are done, burn it. Don't send it, don't share it with a friend.

 

You probably won't like this advice, but if you choose to follow it, you can thank me later. :)

 

Good luck.

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^ what this person said ^

 

About a year ago I poured my heart out through email and I wish to God I didn't send it to my ex.

 

There's no need to do any of the things you want to do unless you feel like you'll just die if you don't do them.

 

While I can assure you that you will not die, I can't promise that anything you do will ease your pain. You just have to go through it. It's going to hurt regardless but it'll hurt less if you protect yourself from the feelings you have for her. The only way to do that is to not give into those feelings no matter how strong they are.

 

Keep reminding yourself she left you and very quickly moved on to someone else.

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Thank you for your replies!

 

I see your point but the problem is that I really want to notify her of my decision, otherwise she'll keep texting me and contacting me every other day and just making everything for me way harder.

 

I want the main point of my e-mail to be a request to her to give me as much time and space as I need to get over this, to heal and to move on with my life, and thus not to contact me during all that time which could be months or even years.

 

If I want this to work for me, I have to let her know. That's why I'm looking for some help with that :)

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Thank you for your replies!

 

I see your point but the problem is that I really want to notify her of my decision, otherwise she'll keep texting me and contacting me every other day and just making everything for me way harder.

 

I want the main point of my e-mail to be a request to her to give me as much time and space as I need to get over this, to heal and to move on with my life, and thus not to contact me during all that time which could be months or even years.

 

If I want this to work for me, I have to let her know. That's why I'm looking for some help with that :)

 

Ok, a little goes a long way. Meaning, don't write more than a few paragraphs. That's plenty enough to get your point across. Don't gush over her. The only sweet thing you should say is "I want you to know that I do love you and wish you the best but given my feelings for you, it will only hurt me more to keep in touch and be friends with you. It's too hard for me and I'm sure it will make things worse for me."

 

It's very important that you make the email more about you than about her.

 

Good luck!

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