slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Ok so this past Sunday night I just broke up with a woman I feel who is my soulmate...thats deep because I dont even believe in Soul mates. We dated for the past 5 months and had the most amazing time. Recently she started acting distant like texting less..taking longer to reply..Not saying I love you as much..just seeming less engaged. I let this carry on for a little while. Hoping her behavior would change. She would run hot and cold. I wanted to break up with her just plain ignore her because i was getting sick of her behavior. So Sunday I decided to confront her..my goal coming in to the conversation was to find out why she is acting like this and try to fix it. It went all the way left and at the end of the conversation we decided to break up. I still dont know the reason she was acting distant. I know FOR A FACT its not another guy. But Im wondering why she is saying she is no longer attracted to me anymore..when the last time I saw her she wanted me to stay longer. hmmm...She said we are to similar and our personalities wouldnt click..that I am to laid back that she is more attracted to dominant personalities...basically trying to call me a beta male. I gave this girl EVERYTHING..we never had any fights or any real deep issues like that so it boggles my mind how she said she lost attraction for me and that she doesnt love me or not in love with me in anymore. In my mind Im like Im the same person you were head over heels with 5 months ago!! I know i didnt get whipped that fast..it cant be that...So what is her REAL REASON? Sex was the bomb by the way...she had enough orgasms to fill 2 romance novels in our short time together...Im just hurt n confused...Need some insight Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 How do you know FOR A FACT it's not another man. Sudden loss of attraction, coldness, etc. are all clear cut signs of a new love interest, or some residual interest in an ex. Not 100% of the time, but don't be so certain. Many of us (me too) have been duped thinking it couldn't have been another man, when that's exactly what it was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Honeymoon phase is over and you just don't do it for her anymore. Better to find out now than later.....It happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 How do you know FOR A FACT it's not another man. Sudden loss of attraction, coldness, etc. are all clear cut signs of a new love interest, or some residual interest in an ex. Not 100% of the time, but don't be so certain. Many of us (me too) have been duped thinking it couldn't have been another man, when that's exactly what it was. Because I know her in and outs and I asked her many different ways. She had no reason to lie to me especially when we decided to break up already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 Honeymoon phase is over and you just don't do it for her anymore. Better to find out now than later.....It happens. There has to be a reason though...nothing just happens. I'm struggling for answers trying to wrap my head around it...how can you go super crazy for a person and then just be like I'm not sure if I ever loved you. Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Because I know her in and outs and I asked her many different ways. She had no reason to lie to me especially when we decided to break up already. Of course she has reason to lie, she is breaking up with you and doesn't want to hurt you worse than you already are. Just read around her a little bit - it might be nothing - but your insistence it is nothing based on the above is just plain "foolish". Another poster here said something very smart this week - it was to the effect that a woman once she breaks up with you can become a monster, because now you are seeing the side you didn't know before. You were together 5 months, how well do you really know her? (Just keep an open mind about everything, for your own sake) Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 Of course she has reason to lie, she is breaking up with you and doesn't want to hurt you worse than you already are. Just read around her a little bit - it might be nothing - but your insistence it is nothing based on the above is just plain "foolish". Another poster here said something very smart this week - it was to the effect that a woman once she breaks up with you can become a monster, because now you are seeing the side you didn't know before. You were together 5 months, how well do you really know her? (Just keep an open mind about everything, for your own sake) I am keeping an open mind on everything...I'm looking back at our recent text messages and nothing seems really wrong. ..i think I let my emotions get the best of me and panicked. I should have dramatically pulled away and let her come to me. But I didn't. ..i feel like an idiot now. I have to get her back. I haven't talked to her since Sunday. Meanwhile she is on Facebook like nothing happened. Link to post Share on other sites
frankvega Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Sorry for your loss. I am going thru something similar. I could never understand why people decide to just loose interest from one day to another. All I can say is please for the love of GOD don't commit the same mistake as I did by chasing her, That is the number one way for her lose all respect for you and leave you. She will humiliate you if you chase her. trust me. P.S. I should start a thread saying "if you want to break up with someone for ever and don't want to hurt there feelings, start chasing" Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I am keeping an open mind on everything...I'm looking back at our recent text messages and nothing seems really wrong. ..i think I let my emotions get the best of me and panicked. I should have dramatically pulled away and let her come to me. But I didn't. ..i feel like an idiot now. I have to get her back. I haven't talked to her since Sunday. Meanwhile she is on Facebook like nothing happened. Bingo - a classic sign, one day hot, the next day cold. Sure nothing happened to her because she has a new interest. And if she doesn't that's even worse because being single is better than being with you. So just keep that in mind. Look man you walk away from her. Walk. Stay silent. Listen to frank vega. Don't say jack. Let's see how this plays out over the next weeks/months. She broke it, make HER be the one to fix it. I did the same as frank vega, I chased a girl who was pulling away. Don't make that mistake because like frank, I just humiliated myself. And helped her think her decision was the right one, when it wasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 The main reason NC seems to have an effect on women that leave is because you're implying by your silence that she wasn't really all that important, and you're able to easily move on from her, thereby devaluing her as a significant thing of importance in your world. As for the hot/cold, the sudden detachment out of the blue, the longer responses. I experienced the exact same thing, and it was because of a new love interest. The reason people ask that is because it happens so frequently with those same behaviours. Unless you can enter her mind at will and dig around you honestly do NOT know her. As was stated earlier and from personal observation the woman you love no longer exists. This is someone completely new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 Sorry for your loss. I am going thru something similar. I could never understand why people decide to just loose interest from one day to another. All I can say is please for the love of GOD don't commit the same mistake as I did by chasing her, That is the number one way for her lose all respect for you and leave you. She will humiliate you if you chase her. trust me. P.S. I should start a thread saying "if you want to break up with someone for ever and don't want to hurt there feelings, start chasing" Appreciate the sentiments Im pretty confident Im going tobget her back. But its going to take some time and she is obviously going to have to come to me .It's not in my nature to chase. I was Impulsive Sunday I really should have just chilled and waited it out. I violated some Relationship principles Sunday and paid for it dearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 The main reason NC seems to have an effect on women that leave is because you're implying by your silence that she wasn't really all that important, and you're able to easily move on from her, thereby devaluing her as a significant thing of importance in your world. As for the hot/cold, the sudden detachment out of the blue, the longer responses. I experienced the exact same thing, and it was because of a new love interest. The reason people ask that is because it happens so frequently with those same behaviours. Unless you can enter her mind at will and dig around you honestly do NOT know her. As was stated earlier and from personal observation the woman you love no longer exists. This is someone completely new. Yeah I have no plans to contact her at all. I know new love interest always seems plausible. But she states that she was distancing herself from me because "she was not sure if I was the man for her". Thats when I got upset and said your trying to wean yourself off of me? I should have never had that conversation with her Sunday I should have just focused on doing things that would build the attraction up again. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I'm pretty sure by what you are telling me that there is another guy. But going to you saying you gave her everything. What exactly did she do to deserve that after 5 months? Also, calling her your soulmate, that type of mentality gets you off of your A game when you are just starting to date someone...aka giving too much too soon when she may feel like you're trying too hard or too hungry to keep her. Eitherway, she gave you so many signals during your breakup that she's not into you. She's coming up with a bunch of generic excusesto why she is doing it but pretty much she just isn't interested. Best move for you to do is cut your losses, learn and move on from this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I think we're all 'sure' there isn't someone else. I was with my ex for 3 years. Engaged for 18 months. Loved her to death and would do anything for her. Had the best RS ever. Then... all of a sudden, not so much. These things don't happen for no reason. And as much as you think there isn't someone else, I bet there is. It just happens... The trick is to not let it get to you. Believe me, it got to me and still gets to me. We've been broken up for over 18 months. And it still stings. Hurts. Is confusing. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and try to do better next time. Based on what you have described I recommend one book. And I've read close to 10. The one you need to read is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 I think we're all 'sure' there isn't someone else. I was with my ex for 3 years. Engaged for 18 months. Loved her to death and would do anything for her. Had the best RS ever. Then... all of a sudden, not so much. These things don't happen for no reason. And as much as you think there isn't someone else, I bet there is. It just happens... The trick is to not let it get to you. Believe me, it got to me and still gets to me. We've been broken up for over 18 months. And it still stings. Hurts. Is confusing. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and try to do better next time. Based on what you have described I recommend one book. And I've read close to 10. The one you need to read is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover... Thanks I'm going to read the book. She texted today asking about a password to a computer I texted her back the password then she texts me "Hey are you Ok?" I didn't respond....I'm wondering what is she seeking by me answering that?? Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Very common. She is testing the waters. Be clear, this is just a breadcrumb and is 100% for her. Ease of guilt, verify her decision, etc. And 0% for you. She really doesn't care about how you are doing or really anything about you. She wants to see if you hate her, etc... Women hate to think they are hated / disliked. Don't give her the satisfaction. Ignore from now on. 100% NC is your best bet!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 Very common. She is testing the waters. Be clear, this is just a breadcrumb and is 100% for her. Ease of guilt, verify her decision, etc. And 0% for you. She really doesn't care about how you are doing or really anything about you. She wants to see if you hate her, etc... Women hate to think they are hated / disliked. Don't give her the satisfaction. Ignore from now on. 100% NC is your best bet!! I'm not going to answer her...i wonder what she is going to th ink when I don't answer. Her mind is going to wander. She is displaying classic break up behavior....i didn't expect it from her. Then again I never expected to break up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 You seek the million dollar question: Why people lose interest in others? You try to rationalize everything. You seek logical reasons. Well, you know - people lose interest and it could happen because of a million reasons, not all related to you or your behaviour. Love can pass :-) That's what happened. Don't lose confidence. Remember that the same characteristics you mentioned as reasons why she wanted to leave, made her fall in love in the beginning. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Ok so this past Sunday night I just broke up with a woman I feel who is my soulmate...thats deep because I dont even believe in Soul mates. We dated for the past 5 months and had the most amazing time. Recently she started acting distant like texting less..taking longer to reply..Not saying I love you as much..just seeming less engaged. I let this carry on for a little while. Hoping her behavior would change. She would run hot and cold. I wanted to break up with her just plain ignore her because i was getting sick of her behavior. So Sunday I decided to confront her..my goal coming in to the conversation was to find out why she is acting like this and try to fix it. It went all the way left and at the end of the conversation we decided to break up. I still dont know the reason she was acting distant. I know FOR A FACT its not another guy. But Im wondering why she is saying she is no longer attracted to me anymore..when the last time I saw her she wanted me to stay longer. hmmm...She said we are to similar and our personalities wouldnt click..that I am to laid back that she is more attracted to dominant personalities...basically trying to call me a beta male. PAY ATTENTION TO THE BOLD! My ex gave me the same runaround. If there isn't someone already in the wings, she is interested in someone. She basically said that she was bored with you. Move on. There is nothing you can do now to save this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 You seek the million dollar question: Why people lose interest in others? You try to rationalize everything. You seek logical reasons. Well, you know - people lose interest and it could happen because of a million reasons, not all related to you or your behaviour. Love can pass :-) That's what happened. Don't lose confidence. Remember that the same characteristics you mentioned as reasons why she wanted to leave, made her fall in love in the beginning. Good luck Thank you so much for those encouraging words. I agree with you love can pass but what happens in the next relationship Im in..I probably might not want to be to vested because it can turn around on you for no apparent reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 PAY ATTENTION TO THE BOLD! My ex gave me the same runaround. If there isn't someone already in the wings, she is interested in someone. She basically said that she was bored with you. Move on. There is nothing you can do now to save this. I believe I can save it...just disappear for awhile work on myself and reattract her. ReAttracting her is not going to be the main issue its keeping her that is..and getting to the root of what the real issue is. Because it makes no sense to me for a woman to wanna leave someone she calls her best boyfriend ever. Then again people do illogical things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slimmontana Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Why did you bring up orgasms in your initial post? I'm not that surprised with her behaviour. You gave her everything? Sorry, your concept of everything is somewhat off the mark. There are so many things you could have mentioned other than orgasms. Again...not surprised at her feeling distant from what you rank what is important. I mean everything as far as companionship, emotional support, fun times, spiritually and of course sexually. I mentioned orgasms because she always stated that I was her best lover ever and that her and her ex husband were incompatible in the sack. Thats usually one of the signs when a woman is withdrawing from her you have sex less and she is less into it when you do it. That wasnt the case in our scenario. I think some of her loss of attraction may have to do with my position in life. Im in a transitional phase starting a new Real Estate career and everything is not settled yet. Women love it when they can say their significant other is somebody. At least thats what my mom always told me lol. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Let me tell you a hard truth. Falling in love is an illusion. You don't see negative traits in people, and everything seems the best of the best. Once you fall out of love, all that goes away. You see the person for who they are, good or bad, or most times, somewhere in the middle. Nothing special; good and bad combined. Normal. Once you see someone like that, after you've loved them, it is almost impossible to fall in love again. Even if you try, the same old patterns and habits and traits come to the fore, and boom! You are reminded. In this case, she would be reminded, and actually so would you, of the things you didn't like so much. Chances are you'll never get her back, not because of what you were, but because of what she is now, and what you are now. Sorry to break it to you. I could be wrong, but don't count on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 ^^I tend to agree with this overall analysis!! There are other ways to describe it, but this is a general truth^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 In essence, this is a truth. The best way to keep a woman or man is to show/convince them that you don't have any outrageous flaws. It's a constant act that gets tiring after a while. Once that glass has been shattered, it slowly falls into descent. You want to get women? Be the best damn actor in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
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