This is my apology letter. What is your ?

[Deadford]

This is my apology letter. What is your opinion ?

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years and we've loved each other so much but we've always had some issues, nothing really serious but we would argue a lot mostly because both of us were stubborn. I've always had some anger issues and I know it's a big part of the problem. We lived together in an apartment for the last year and 9 days ago she broke up with me and basically said she had fallen out of love with me and she couldn't do this anymore. She wasn't home and I left that day and pretty much made a mess in the apartment when I took my stuff and I haven't contacted her in any way since then. I've been following no contact. She is 19 and I am 21. I love this girl more than anything in the world and she felt the same, but I let myself get too comfortable and I was mean. I've been hurting a lot over this and I really just want her back more than anything. We had a future planned together and travels, a house and 2 kids. But anyways I wrote this letter that I was gonna leave in her mailbox. I don't know if this will win her back and I don't know if I should wait longer to give it to her I'm just afraid to wait too long. but I want her to know I'm sorry and how much I really care about her while sounding mature and not needy. I really am working on myself with the hopes of self improvement and that she will come back to me if I prove myself. She broke up with me 9 days ago and we haven't spoken or seen each other since. So anyway here is my letter to her.

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Dear ............,

 

I am so very sorry for the way I handled your decision. What I did was immature, stupid, and hurtful and I regret it so much more than you could know. I was hurt and I was weak. I want you to know that I respect and understand your decision. You deserve better than how I've been lately and I care very deeply about you and I truly do want to you to be happy. I know that throughout our relationship I put a lot of pressure on you because of my faults, insecurities, and anger. I was so selfish to put the responsibility of my happiness completely on you and I didn't give you the space you needed because I always wanted to keep you to myself. I have been such an ******* for not giving you the amount of love, respect, and trust that you have always given me. It sickens me when I think that I've hurt you and lately I haven't made you feel like you were loved and appreciated the way I used to. I'm an idiot for not listening to you because usually you are right about so many things. I became lazy and way too comfortable and I took a wonderful person for granted. I should have gotten and kept a job sooner instead of playing stupid games. I didn't take care of and support you the way I wanted to more than anything. I've been immature and unrealistic about a lot of things and I've allowed myself to slip and I ****ed up. I hope in time you can forgive me. I know what we both need right now is space and time away from each other. I've had a lot of time to think lately and and I'm going to take this time to focus on my life and work on being the best version of myself I can be. I've already started counseling to work on my issues and get healthy. I'm not going to make you any promises because I know they are nothing but meaningless words. I've decided to step up and take some action in my life and do what I have to so I can improve myself and my own life.

 

I hope you are doing well.

 

-.........

 

 

 

 

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please give me your thoughts and opinions. Is there something better I can do to get her back? I know that I don't NEED her but I WANT her. I love her so much and I'd do anything to prove it and save our relationship.

Edited August 29, 2014 by Deadford

[Shields boy]

Letter is a bad idea mate.

 

Your best bet is to give the girl space and to gather her thoughts.

 

Let it go for now and work on yourself.

 

Live your life as of she is not coming back is your best course of action.

[Deadford]

but I want to fight for our love...

[Zahara]

but I want to fight for our love...

 

You can't fight when the other person has checked out. There is nothing to fight for. When someone tells you that they don't love you anymore and they're done, you have to accept it for what it is.

[Deadford]

If I just give up on someone I love so much I will regret it for the rest of my life.

[Shields boy]

I respect that.

 

The best way to fight for it will be to spend some time apart and give her space.

 

You need to heal, get your emotions in check and mind thinking rationally before making any moves/decisions.

 

Trust me, I've been there.

 

Good luck

[Deadford]

thank you.. I just feel bad about making a mess and I really wanted to apologize for that at least

[Zahara]

If I just give up on someone I love so much I will regret it for the rest of my life.

 

SHE is done with the relationship. You can't give up on someone that has essentially given up on you.

 

We all face break-ups that we don't want to accept. We want to fight for what we want. But when the other person doesn't want it anymore, you can't force or push your expectations on them.

 

Your letter isn't realistic. 9 days and you are striving for improvement in your life. Change takes months, years. You're riddled with hurt right now to even focus on steps to improve yourself.

 

You're feeding her words to make her change her mind. And she knows you're saying whatever you think she needs to hear to change her view of you. Don't do that because you're going to push her away even more.

 

Give her and yourself space and time to heal and move away from this hump.

Edited August 29, 2014 by Zahara

[Deadford]

So I shouldn't even apologize for the mess I made just leave her alone?

 

Thank you both for your replies and advice. I'm not trying to be stubborn. You are both very helpful.

[Zahara]

So I shouldn't even apologize for the mess I made just leave her alone?

 

Thank you both for your replies and advice. I'm not trying to be stubborn. You are both very helpful.

 

Yes, leave her alone. She understands that you were hurt and angry and your actions were driven by your emotions. The best thing to do right now, mostly for your sake if to seek self-preservation. When I say self-preservation -- that means to stay away from the possibility of getting hurt by this letter. If she 1) doesn't respond 2) lashes at you 3) thanks you -- all possibilities will leave you hurt again. Stay NC and attend to what's infront of you now, and that is grieving this ending.

 

I know you are not being stubborn. You are in panic mode, in denial and trying to find relief from your pain.

[Deadford]

Thank you both. It's so much better to have gotten advice from real people. you have helped much more than the hundreds of search results I've read through. I am serious about working on myself for me though.. I've never really addressed my own issues and I would like to create some positive change in my life.

[mightycpa]

You'll learn about apology letters for failed romances in Bad Ideas 101.

 

Unless you killed one of her pets or relatives, you really shouldn't. Just learn from your mistakes, and move on to partake of the cornucopia that is our life on this planet. It is a huge world.

 

Oh, and don't beat yourself up too much over making mistakes. You are very young, and so this is actually pretty normal. Just learn and grow.

 

Now, you'll see you get a lot of advice that says not to send it, but if you do anyway, here's my edit:

 

 

Dear Matilda,

 

I am very sorry for the way I handled your decision. What I did was immature, stupid, and hurtful and I regret it. I did that because I was hurt. I was hurt because in spite of the way I act sometimes, I do really love you.

 

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all of it, every mistake I ever made with you. I don't hate you, and I wish things could be different. That said, I'll respect your decision, and with this last note, I'll let you go in peace. That's what I should have said to you that day.

 

It is going to take me some time to get over you, and I'm going to need some space to do it. I don't mean to sound bitter, but please don't stay in touch. I'll let you know when my feelings have caught up to yours, and that's when we can get together if you want to reminisce, but not before I'm ready. Right now, I'm just going to go to lick my wounds, then go to work on me, to make myself the kind of guy you'll regret having left. I know I'm not that guy now, so always know that losing you is what inspired me to change for the better. Wish me luck.

 

I'm glad for the time we spent together. Goodbye Matilda.

 

Deadford

[Zahara]

I am serious about working on myself for me though.. I've never really addressed my own issues and I would like to create some positive change in my life.

 

And maybe this was what you needed to finally turn yourself around. You can't be of any use to her or the relationship if you keep stagnating in your issues. And even if she takes you back, trust your issues will most likely erupt again. Change doesn't happen overnight.

 

This is time to look internally, work on yourself and down the line if you both come together, then you at least have the tools and coping skills to make something work. You have the self-reflection and awareness to know what not to do. But for now, accept the ending for what it is and use it to propel you to work on yourself, because YOU want positive changes in your life and not for any other reason.

[infamousma]

I respect that.

 

The best way to fight for it will be to spend some time apart and give her space.

 

You need to heal, get your emotions in check and mind thinking rationally before making any moves/decisions.

 

Trust me, I've been there.

 

Good luck

 

 

Ive done what youve done before with one of my exes. She actually like that I wrote her a letter. she still played that she didnt want anything with me but later on we got back together a bit. If you feel like you want to fight then do so but give it time man, you'll never know. Also you wont regret it when you tried. but give it time man, get yourself back to normal

[Deadford]

I think I'm going to do a combo of what you and zahara have said. I'm going to give her and myself time and space to let our emotions cool and get myself together and put my head on straight before I make a decision about what to do. I believe I will fight for her.. you only live once.. but before I do I suppose I need to let the fog of emotions clear out of my head.

[JDPT]

I understand this letter comes from a good place, however, it's best to leave things be. It may be best to start by forgiving yourself for whichever actions you may believe where detrimental towards her and the relationship. Bottom line is that there isn't really a need to let her know that you are sorry. At this point you should focus on moving forward with your life and understanding what it is that lead to the demise of the relationship and simply come to terms with it. Take this time to improve whatever imperfections you may have identified and will like to rectify. You will come out of this a new and improved you.

[BC1980]

I definitely wouldn't apologize for the way you handled the breakup. You can't really be expected to act rationally and show no emotion when someone rips your heart out. Unless you did something terrible, like key her car or set fire to her house, I can't see the point in anyone apologizing for the way they handled a breakup. Most people are emotionally volatile, in the extreme, for at least several months following a breakup, so I don't think you can be expected to simply put your game face on and act rationally at all times.

 

That being said, it's very important to stay NC to protect yourself from likely making things worse. If you have contact with your ex right now, I can promise you will do and say things you will regret a year from now. Emotions are high, and any contact with her would be like throwing gasoline on an already raging fire.

 

If you want to work on yourself and improve things, that's great, but it's probably too late to show her that. I see people all the time on LS saying they are going to change for their ex's sake to get them back essentially. The big problem with that is that she has known you for awhile, so she has an ingrained image of you or how you WERE. Not of how you might be a year from now when you have changed. It takes a lot to change for yourself, but to convince someone else you have changed takes even more.

[irresolute]

Apology letter? It's a no no. Read some threads before sending it.

[Strength in Healing]

I know your pain brother, believe me.

 

It's little solace, but take some comfort in knowing the odds of a teenage relationship working out in the end is below 2%. No matter what you did different, the relationship would likely never have lasted. Grass is greener syndrome would've hit in late 20s, max. It's better now than then, and you will appreciate that someday.

[Feelbettersoon]

I think I'm going to do a combo of what you and zahara have said. I'm going to give her and myself time and space to let our emotions cool and get myself together and put my head on straight before I make a decision about what to do. I believe I will fight for her.. you only live once.. but before I do I suppose I need to let the fog of emotions clear out of my head.

 

I feel like that too ^

 

I really want to fight but 6 weeks have passed and he still is angry. We spoke briefly 2-3 times in the past six weeks. My heart aches and it's unbearable but I too want to fight and if I fail I won't regret it. Everyone on here says to move on and do NC which I have been doing but I'll never know if I don't try?

 

I could be crazy thinking this but right now I'm going to wait another week or two before talking

[Dontfindme]

This is one of the greatest things I've read here. It helped me for some reason.

 

You'll learn about apology letters for failed romances in Bad Ideas 101.

 

Unless you killed one of her pets or relatives, you really shouldn't. Just learn from your mistakes, and move on to partake of the cornucopia that is our life on this planet. It is a huge world.

 

Oh, and don't beat yourself up too much over making mistakes. You are very young, and so this is actually pretty normal. Just learn and grow.

 

Now, you'll see you get a lot of advice that says not to send it, but if you do anyway, here's my edit:

 

 

Dear Matilda,

 

I am very sorry for the way I handled your decision. What I did was immature, stupid, and hurtful and I regret it. I did that because I was hurt. I was hurt because in spite of the way I act sometimes, I do really love you.

 

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all of it, every mistake I ever made with you. I don't hate you, and I wish things could be different. That said, I'll respect your decision, and with this last note, I'll let you go in peace. That's what I should have said to you that day.

 

It is going to take me some time to get over you, and I'm going to need some space to do it. I don't mean to sound bitter, but please don't stay in touch. I'll let you know when my feelings have caught up to yours, and that's when we can get together if you want to reminisce, but not before I'm ready. Right now, I'm just going to go to lick my wounds, then go to work on me, to make myself the kind of guy you'll regret having left. I know I'm not that guy now, so always know that losing you is what inspired me to change for the better. Wish me luck.

 

I'm glad for the time we spent together. Goodbye Matilda.

 

Deadford

[sly_fly1]

just listen to power trip by j cole

[Deadford]

The way I see it there are three options.

1.) You move on and don't try anything and later in life you may end up regretting it.

2.) You live other peoples lives and do what they tell you and also regret it.

3.) You do what you're heart tells you to do and even if it fails you wont be left wishing you had tried and you learn from the experience.

 

Like I said earlier, You only live once, so if you plan to just give up and move on why not instead do what your heart tells you?

 

 

I am willing to take advice but unless someone has some solid proof of how I can get her back I will follow my own path in the end. If she rejects me then I have closure and it will be much easier to move on, but I know this girl more than anyone and I know what I've done wrong.

Edited August 29, 2014 by Deadford

[mightycpa]

The way I see it there are three options.

1.) You move on and don't try anything and later in life you may end up regretting it.

2.) You live other peoples lives and do what they tell you and also regret it.

3.) You do what you're heart tells you to do and even if it fails you wont be left wishing you had tried and you learn from the experience.

 

Like I said earlier, You only live once, so if you plan to just give up and move on why not instead do what your heart tells you?

 

You forgot option 4. You do what your heart says in spite of what your head tells you. You will likely regret that.

 

That said, if you want to take one last shot, this is the time to do it.

[sly_fly1]

i got my gf back, i did what my heart told me to do. it was a night mare in hell getting her back, but if you truly love someone , you will do anything to be with them..and i mean anything.