unknown2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Ok so the title looks terrible i know but there is more to it than meets the eye. Me and my girlfriend of 17 months had a lovely evening out as normal we had a few words when she got mouthy or if i did normally this comes from sarcasm or if she does not get her own way and tries to sulk (i also can be guilty of this - no ones perfect right) so anyway on our way home i could tell she was getting a bit agitated by all the walking and she started getting snappy and so i was snapping back. We get to the train station and me being me decided to slightly mess up her hair to break the ice, she did it back to me and so i did it back to her (a little more) she decided to freak out cry and full swing punch me in the chest on three occasions fast paced and although they did not hurt a lot they did hurt. She stormed off and i slowly followed a few paces back giving her room to calm down and hopefully i would calm down too. After a few choice words from me because she refused to apologize or take responsibility for punching me i started to get very angry. She already knew prior to punching me i had back pains and neck pains from work but obviously she did not care as she started defending her self to exactly where she punched me and calling me a lier. Side note: in our private life (the bedroom) we are no strangers to spitting - any wear now i know this might not be every ones cup of tea but it is something we have done and please don't judge us. We was waiting for the train and i made the impression i was going to spit at her and she told me don't you dare... She continued to slag me off and tell me how i deserved it for messing up her hair. I lost my temper spat at her (i do not see it as a big deal as we both do it in the bedroom or to tease) anyway long story she dumped me that very instant and got on a separate train carriage. I called to make sure she got home safely and asked her is she was sure this is what she wants and she said yes. I said ok. I have not heard from her since 12am last night. - Nothing. I love her and i ****ed it up. I forgot to mention i did apologize after i did it. She is not letting it go and as far as i can tell she is done with me. Im angry and upset. I got punched and i got dumped? Is this not the wrong way round!? Link to post Share on other sites
Mopparon Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I'm sorry this happened to you , but seems you are clearly not a good match, so going your separate ways is probably for the best. Sounds like you will be much better off without her in the long term, as now you have chance to find someone who is more compatible with you and who will not react to things you do the way she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 I wish i could agree with you Mopparon but we are 99% perfect together. We never have serious fights when it is just us. we have been through a lot together in the 17 months. An amazing holiday in America (we live in London) loads of UK trips we buy eachother gifts go to the cinema all the time, go for dinner the list is endless. How she can dump me over me doing what we do all the time when teasing or in our private life. Granted i spat with anger but i have never struck her with my fists. I could have left her when she hit me. I didn't. My only regret is that i brought myself down to her level and did something with rage. I do not understand how she can leave me for that when the thought of leaving her for punching me never entered my head. She constantly talks about marriage with me. Im lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Honestly I'm not even sure how to approach this thread, but I'll give it a whirl. First off there's a reference you made between what you two in the bedroom, which I'm going to utilize as a point. In private the things you do are intimate and stay in that setting, while the public behaviour is always different. Perhaps you crossed a line by intermingling something you do privately to breaking a trust for the public setting. Otherwise It's a matter of boundaries and respect. Honestly to me personally regardless it's a matter of disrespect. Perhaps she's decided that certain things are no longer acceptable to her. In the end though based on you talking about both being able to feed into each others anger/being snappy it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 a lovely evening out she got mouthy i was going to spit at her she told me don't you dare I lost my temper spat at her she dumped me that very instant i got dumped? (ME) I'm sorry, I just can't believe that you see this as a mystery. What a story! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 a lovely evening out she got mouthy i was going to spit at her she told me don't you dare I lost my temper spat at her she dumped me that very instant i got dumped? (ME) I'm sorry, I just can't believe that you see this as a mystery. What a story! You sure you are not her? Completely ignoring that she was punching me. And yea before it went side ways it was a lovely night out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 You sure you are not her? Completely ignoring that she was punching me. And yea before it went side ways it was a lovely night out. Yeah, I'm sure. Sometimes, we don't handle things very well, and we get fired. Then somebody else gets our job. I think that's what just happened to you. Better luck next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Wtf? :$ Yeah message too short Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 oh yeah, the part I ignored: me being me decided to slightly mess up her hair she did it back to me so i did it back to her (a little more) she decided to freak out :( cry :mad::mad: and full swing punch me in the chest on three occasions fast pacedthat's lady-talk, and it means "leave me the **** alone!" you just went too far dude 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 The only thing you can do now is accept the consequences. She may come around. Learn how to gauge your own reaction to anger. If someone is angry, mouthy, to you, that doesn't mean you have to get on that same level. Spitting or no spitting, you wouldn't be in this situation if you monitor and control your reaction to someone that is upset or even hostile to you. While things may come around, it would be best to focus on your own behavior and learn from it. In this world you can be right, or together with someone, rarely it is both. You'll know what I am talking about when you get that statement. Good luck to you sir. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 i hate spitting......i really do .......in saying that i dont think or feel its the only reason she dumped you it was probably on the cards for a while...punching you in the chest ......messing a girls hair while she is snappy......she was snappy at you so you got physical or dominating......to snap her out of her mood right? well obviously she tried to dominate you right back and it escalated to punching......adverse reaction to what you intended...im sorry that it happened...i think you should just leave her be for now..deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Ok so after reading different opinions from people who don't know me i decided to call her... We both apologized and agreed things went a little too far. She forgives me and confessed she had wanted to call me a few times but was doing what i did to her - give me space. I learned a lesson and hopefully she did too. Thanks guys and girls for clearing my head and stopping me from going another night not calling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WorryGirl Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 What you did was disgusting. I'll try to explain why as best as I can. I'm not a total stranger to spitting in the bedroom either. It isn't something I regularly partake in, but I have given it a whirl, and it adds to a bit of submissive role play. Take it away from the bedroom and it becomes degrading, disrespectful, somewhat vile. Your girlfriend was agitated and you decided to annoy her further by messing up her hair. Whilst I do not agree with your girlfriend hitting you, do you not see how you provoked her? You then provoked her further by following her and asking for an apology, and then getting angry when you didn't get one. You cannot ask someone for an apology. An apology not given freely is not an apology. You should have left it alone. You then spat at her, after she warned you not to. What a hideous thing to do. No, it is not the wrong way round. You screwed up. Leave her alone, she needs space. Let things cool off, think about where you went wrong, and calmly explain yourself when she is ready to listen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 well, all's well that ends well, I suppose. I hope you can restrain yourself in the future. Still, I have to nominate you for the most interesting story I've ever read on a forum such as this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Ok so after reading different opinions from people who don't know me i decided to call her... We both apologized and agreed things went a little too far. She forgives me and confessed she had wanted to call me a few times but was doing what i did to her - give me space. I learned a lesson and hopefully she did too. Thanks guys and girls for clearing my head and stopping me from going another night not calling. I am glad it all worked out for you....when you ask for advice on here of course people dont know you or her.....and go on what situation you describe which was actually one that ended in physical violence...you got solid advice.......so have that in mind next time you have a problem and ask for advice.........you ask for advice you get it....you say thanks which you did in a backhanded kind of way...so i wish you well ...good luck....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Mopparon Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Ok so after reading different opinions from people who don't know me i decided to call her... We both apologized and agreed things went a little too far. She forgives me and confessed she had wanted to call me a few times but was doing what i did to her - give me space. I learned a lesson and hopefully she did too. Thanks guys and girls for clearing my head and stopping me from going another night not calling. Its amazing how fast reverse psychology can work sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 You both need to learn to control your anger, so that don't abuse each other like this in the future. Her hitting and you spitting are abuse, no matter how you slice it. Disgusting all around, not acceptable by either party and an indication of toxicity. Really, really bad sign for the future of the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 It's true i did make a bad mistake i spat on her in anger. It was the "don't you dare" that sparked the naughty school boy inside me. I would like to further explain regarding the hair thing. I slightly messed up her short hair. Within two seconds of her rearranging some hair back to one side all was well again. i did not hold her down and wave my hands through her long locks. And as for the spitting - each to there own, we have both playfully spat in each others face in the pattern of a machine gun when the other is talking over one. I have never and would never spit phlegm. That is gross. And again - thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 It's true i did make a bad mistake i spat on her in anger. It was the "don't you dare" that sparked the naughty school boy inside me. I would like to further explain regarding the hair thing. I slightly messed up her short hair. Within two seconds of her rearranging some hair back to one side all was well again. i did not hold her down and wave my hands through her long locks. And as for the spitting - each to there own, we have both playfully spat in each others face in the pattern of a machine gun when the other is talking over one. I have never and would never spit phlegm. That is gross. And again - thank you all. What you did is also gross. It is spitting at someone in anger, with the intention of hurting or offending them. The presence of phlegm is splitting hairs. It is the intention of your gesture that is repulsive and abusive. Consider yourself damn lucky she took you back. This happened to me and I ended the relationship without hesitation. Abusive behaviour has zero place in my relationships and it turned me right off. I still think of him as disgusting, and that was years ago now. Why you also tolerate abuse from her in the form of punches is beyond me. You should both raise your standards just a little. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 you don't learn a lesson that way, in a minute. you'll most probably repeat your mistakes because you haven't done any work to try to change your behavior. Your behavior is absolutely not ok. If someone spit at me, I'd never, EVER give him a secnd chance. Because, you know what? A man should NEVER spit to a woman. It's a no no. Not ok. AT ALL 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 What you did was disgusting, but the big picture is you got her back. If you don't want to lose this girl, you need to learn from this and change. Get some maturity and insight. You got a second chance, dude. Do you have any idea how many people would die for that? It sounds like you two are made for each other. Don't know anyone who enjoys what you two share. But, never do that crap in anger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unknown2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 (edited) you don't learn a lesson that way, in a minute. you'll most probably repeat your mistakes because you haven't done any work to try to change your behavior. Your behavior is absolutely not ok. If someone spit at me, I'd never, EVER give him a secnd chance. Because, you know what? A man should NEVER spit to a woman. It's a no no. Not ok. AT ALL I do not know why it is seen as perfectly acceptable for a few of you all to judge me on a the spitting but ignore about the full blown punching to the chest i received that sparked my action. Seems we still live in the world where its ok for one sex to do something and not the other. No one should lay hands on a partner either - and i did not and never have. Seems it's easier to take sides here than it is to understand. Edited August 28, 2014 by unknown2014 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 (edited) I do not know why it is seen as perfectly acceptable for a few of you all to judge me on a the spitting but ignore about the full blown punching to the chest i received that sparked my action. Seems we still live in the world where its ok for one sex to do something and not the other. Who said it was perfectly acceptable for her to punch you? Please re-read my posts, in which I also state that her behaviour is also abusive and question why you tolerate it. Did you miss that part? I believe you both have a long way to go in terms of anger, maturity and problem-solving. Clearly all three are lacking in the relationship. But your girlfriend isn't here. We can only respond to you. Edited August 28, 2014 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I do not know why it is seen as perfectly acceptable for a few of you all to judge me on a the spitting but ignore about the full blown punching to the chest i received that sparked my action. Seems we still live in the world where its ok for one sex to do something and not the other. No one should lay hands on a partner either - and i did not and never have. Seems it's easier to take sides here than it is to understand. You too seem crazy enough to not realize how unhealthy this is. Please seek some help. You two are a match from hell Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I do not know why it is seen as perfectly acceptable for a few of you all to judge me on a the spitting but ignore about the full blown punching to the chest i received that sparked my action. Seems we still live in the world where its ok for one sex to do something and not the other. That's the way it goes, man. Get used to it. A man can defend himself, but that's generally it (except in extreme cases). You could have run away and made her feel guilty. Instead, you spat in her face. Dumb. I've been double-punched in the chest. First instinct was "fight", but a millisecond later I rationalized that it was a woman and that's a no-no. Who cares anyway at this point? You got her back, and hopefully you learned a lesson. I really hope you have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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