Heartbroken

[cutslikeaknife]

I really need some help and advice. I met a man two months ago and he is the most amazing man I have ever met. We are like the same person but in two different people, it's like we have the same soul.

 

At first I was hesitant because I never believed in the whole 'you just know' thing but I have now changed my mind. As soon as I spent some time with him I knew that he was the one and I still think he is. He was very open with his feelings and was pretty full on in the beginning. I held back because I didn't want to feel things and end up getting hurt. However after a few weeks, I opened up to him and I fell hard.

 

We spent time together and I knew he was feeling the same things I did although we never got to the 'I love you' stage, saying the words anyway. We talked about it and decided we wanted to do things properly and not say it until we both knew for sure that it was going to be something genuine and real as oppose to a silly infatuation thing. I do think however, that we both felt it. We told each other things we have never told anyone else and I felt safe.

 

Now here comes the hard part. One particular night we spent together was just so amazing. We both felt things, I know we did, he told me he did. The reason he could not say the words is because of what happened to him in the past. He was very hurt by his ex, they have been split up a year and a half. He was crushed. I am not going to go into details but he told me things that broke my heart. I can't believe somebody could do to another person what she did to him. He nearly ruined his life finding bad ways to get over her, drink and drugs amongst other things. Then he cleaned up and thought he had gotten over it. ....

 

Anyway after that night where is knew something had shifted, he began to pull away. I could feel it and I just knew. I should have given him some space and time but instead I made the mortal mistake of trying to keep him close. This of course pushed him further away until it got to the point where he was being so off I finished it because he was hurting me so much. This was last week. We were both upset and there were tears on both ends.

The last few days have been awful.

 

I can't stop crying, we are on good terms but I didn't speak to him for a few days as I needed some space myself. Yesterday I missed him so much and I felt I needed some answers and explanation. I also felt I had to explain some things to him as to why I tried to keep him close.

I asked him to call me which he did. He told me that I scare him to death and that I am the first person he has gotten close to since her, but that he has to protect himself. He says he thought he was over what happened to him but realised he isn't, apparently I 'helped' him realise this. Wonderful. He says he will never take her back, in fact he promised me that, but he has not healed yet and needs time.

 

He says he needs time to go off and find himself again and get back to who he really is. But here is another hard part.... He says that this isn't the end. That he will always be here for me no matter what. That he stil wants to see me and do things together and that I have inspired him to make himself a better person. He says he will come back to me when he has gotten himself together. I think he wants me to wait for him. The thing is I feel like an idiot because I want to wait for him. I wish I had never met him in a way because then I would not be hurting so much now. It is so unfair, I am so heartbroken. I can't stop crying, I can't eat and sleep. I just want this feeling to go away.

 

I know I should move on and forget him but part of me is thinking what if he is the one and does genuinely need time to heal. But another part is asking myself if I am really willing to sit and wait for someone for however long it may take. I know what I need to do. I need to get some distance and disconnect from him, so I am not going to contact him now even though he has told me that I can at any time and wants me to. I think this person will always be in my life now although I am uncertain as to what way, as a friend or as a partner? I just don't know.

What I do know is that there is no way I am ready to be his friend yet. I want more from him but I know at this time he is not ready.

 

I am hoping no contact will help us both gain a little perspective and help me start to get over him. Perhaps he might realise what he has if he thinks he is losing me? Somehow I can't help thinking that is wishful thinking but I would love to believe it to be true.

I guess what I'm asking is for anyone that has been in this situation before to give me some advice. Should I wait or move on? Should I move on and then decide how I feel if he comes back? Should I assign myself to him and just wait for him? But how long will that take? He says he will be back. But I don't know what the future holds.

 

I just can't think straight. It doesn't help that I can't eat or sleep. I need to start taking care of myself again, this week has been hell on earth for me.

If anyone has any advice for me, please share. I am hurting so much right now and I don't know how to make it better :,-(

Edited August 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

I only skimmed the wall of text but you have only known this guy for 2 months. He was burned by an EX. Whatever he may or may not have been feeling with you, he pulled away because he was scared & not ready. Your timing was off & nothing can fix that. There's nothing you can do except accept that he wasn't the one & let him go.

 

Keep yourself busy & distracted. Do not wait for him. Do not try to be just his friend.

[Missy0724]

Yes, walk away and let him heal, HIS issues. Only he can fix that. You can't "make him better" or inspire him. That is a crock, things he is telling you, so he can have his cake and eat it two. At two months, sorry to be blunt, but you are in the "honeymoon phase" and that is about chemicals and sex. He wants to keep you around, so he can get what he wants and needs, while still mourning the loss of his ex.

 

This EXACT thing just happened to me. I stuck it out for 10 months, waiting for my ex to "get over" his ex, and make me feel like a priority. Everything else in our relationship was terrific. But she was always a "ghost" in the room...

 

Please don't lower your standards and accept this. Don't be with someone with deep scars still, that kind of baggage and drama. It sucks. You think it's hard now??? Wait till you fall deeper in love with him... You will hurt SO badly.

 

Let him go. And if and when he heals from his ex, if he truly wants to be with you, he will come to you, and want to be with you.

 

Don't be friends, unless you both can truly do that, no romantic feelings at all. To be sure of that, ask yourself this one question: Will I be OK with him dating other people? If that makes you sad, uncomfortable, then you are not "friends". Not yet.

 

Let him figure out his stuff. On HIS OWN. Being with another person when not over another, is just denial, "stuffing" and avoidance from the pain. It hurts your recovery. And draws it out... So be fair to YOU and to HIM.

 

Not worth it. Trust me, 100%!!!!!!

[Carpe-diem]

Hello,

 

 

Sounds like you were a rebound I'm afraid. He's clearly not over his ex. He feels comfortable telling you all about his feelings for her yet you've only been dating for 2 months! Bit of a mood killer. As stated earlier, he wants to have his cake and eat it.

 

 

Do not make any contact with him. MAKE HIM MISS YOU! If after a period of time he contacts you and tells you what he wants, great, if you want that too then even better. What you don't do is put your life on hold. Go out dating, have fun. If you don't hear from him then you got your answer and you haven't wasted time on him. If you do hear from him and it's a pathetic, "Hey, just wanted to say Hi" etc, keep moving on. Ignoring him won't put him off if he really wants to be with you.

 

 

He has issues, they're his issues, not yours. 2 months is nothing. You will start to feel better I promise but waiting for him to call the shots? No ta!

 

 

xx