Making a mistake that I can't take back.

[Darkhawk]

Recently these past few weeks have been pretty much an emotional struggle for me. A month ago I was talking and seeing this girl that I really grew on liking a lot. We went on 2 dates had a great time together kissed and held hands. I wanted to be in a relationship with her, but she told me she wasn't ready and that she liked someone else as well. She didn't want to choose because she didn't want to hurt either of us feelings. She also has never met the guy either so I'd figured she would pick me, because I was there for her and she liked me.

 

Well that didn't happen and she decided not pick neither me or him. I was dissapointed and fast forward a few days. She starts talking to me less and less mostly about 10-20 min a day. She was busy with soccer,school,work and church. Now I was a bit heart broken because of it all I wanted was to talk to her. Eventually one night I got really upset, because she wasn't talking to me much anymore. I did probably the dumbest thing I've done and sent her a hurtful message where I said some pretty harsh stuff. She replied saying she never wanted to talk me ever again and explained she didn't talk to me because she didn't feel like talking to me or didn't know what to reply back to me. After that night she deleted my number.

 

Fast forward a few more days I started to miss her deeply. I started to send messages to her apologizing because I felt bad about what I said and was truly sorry. She didn't reply back to any of them. A week later I came to her soccer game and watched her team play. I sent her a message saying she did great out there and congratulated on her win. She replied back saying to please stop messaging her. I see she still hates me and I just want to talk things out with her, but I can't. I don't know what to do, I miss her a lot. And I miss the feeling I get when I hang out or talk to her. I really did hurt her when I sent the hurtful message which I regret. I really want her to forgive me, but I'm afraid she won't ever and that's it's really over for my mistake. All I want is to make things up to her, but at this point I don't know.

[todreaminblue]

I am, sorry you lost a friend....the only thing i can say is give her time she may forgive you...church teaches forgiveness at its core well most good churches anyway should.........what did you say that was hurtful? Never mind you dont have to say it......people make mistakes...the best people have remorse when they realize they hurt someone..things get said, things get done that hurt people... and eventually good people forgive and good people apologize..... some times it takes some longer than others..for both...deb

[ExpatInItaly]

What the heck did you say to her?

 

Honestly, I don't think her forgiving you would really change anything. She already told you she wasn't interested. The nasty text likely only sealed the deal in her mind. You did the right thing and apologized. You need to leave her alone now. I know it hurts, but showing up where you're not invited is a bad move and makes you look creepy. Don't do that again. Stop texting her. If you contact her again, you could have a real problem if she decides to report you.

 

I don't mean to minimize this, but you went on only two dates with her. You will get over this quickly. Get out there and meet other girls.

[Darkhawk]

What the heck did you say to her?

 

Honestly, I don't think her forgiving you would really change anything. She already told you she wasn't interested. The nasty text likely only sealed the deal in her mind. You did the right thing and apologized. You need to leave her alone now. I know it hurts, but showing up where you're not invited is a bad move and makes you look creepy. Don't do that again. Stop texting her. If you contact her again, you could have a real problem if she decides to report you.

 

I don't mean to minimize this, but you went on only two dates with her. You will get over this quickly. Get out there and meet other girls.

 

I know it wouldn't, but it would be a chance to start all over. She's never told me she wasn't interested just she wasn't ready to be in a relationship due to her being busy. And I showed up because it was a soccer game for school which I go to, so I'm not a creep for going to my school event. I want to contact her again, but I guess that would make things worse. And it's hard to get over her especially when she made me like her so much.

[Magnet]

No, she didn't make you like her so much.

 

Only you allow yourself to like anyone and for whatever reasons.

 

Lust is a natural reaction and can't be stopped (but you don't have to react to it). Real love comes from a real connection fostered from mutual care and respect.

 

But it is ALWAYS your choice how to react to whatever you think, act, feel and behave.

 

E.g you can choose how you react to your feelings, your thoughts.

 

So- the question is- what do you choose to do next?

[deathandtaxes]

I know it wouldn't, but it would be a chance to start all over. She's never told me she wasn't interested just she wasn't ready to be in a relationship due to her being busy. And I showed up because it was a soccer game for school which I go to, so I'm not a creep for going to my school event. I want to contact her again, but I guess that would make things worse. And it's hard to get over her especially when she made me like her so much.

 

Watching her play soccer and then messaging her about it AFTER she told you to leave her alone is stalking behavior. I'm trying to use good words here.

 

 

AND now you want to contact her again? NO NO NO NO NO. A thousand times NO. This is way out of line. The soccer game and text was way out of line. This is extremely unacceptable behavior.

[deathandtaxes]

I also meant to add this is a good lesson about respecting boundaries and respecting a woman's wishes.

 

 

Your behavior is coming off as extremely SCARY to her. She said she wasn't interested. She asked you to stop. BUT then you show up at her soccer game and then you text her. And you want to contact her again?

 

 

BOUNDARIES.

 

 

This can also have some unforeseen consequences. She can talk to other ladies about you, saying that you exhibit some very creepy and stalkerish behavior. She could tell some guy friends that you won't leave her alone and they'll come make you leave her alone. Is this what you really want, OP?

[Darkhawk]

I also meant to add this is a good lesson about respecting boundaries and respecting a woman's wishes.

 

 

Your behavior is coming off as extremely SCARY to her. She said she wasn't interested. She asked you to stop. BUT then you show up at her soccer game and then you text her. And you want to contact her again?

 

 

BOUNDARIES.

 

 

This can also have some unforeseen consequences. She can talk to other ladies about you, saying that you exhibit some very creepy and stalkerish behavior. She could tell some guy friends that you won't leave her alone and they'll come make you leave her alone. Is this what you really want, OP?

 

She never said she wasn't interested. And she never asked me to stop until now because we haven't talked since that night. I went to the soccer game just to see her play and I send her message congratulating her on her win. That's when she told me to stop messaging her. She's seem more annoyed and still angry at me than scared of me to be honest.

[April Moon]

Don't message her again. She doesn't want to speak to you. If she does, she will contact you.

[Darkhawk]

Don't message her again. She doesn't want to speak to you. If she does, she will contact you.

 

I won't anymore, I wouldn't want to make things worse. And hopefully someday she does.

[Magnet]

I won't anymore, I wouldn't want to make things worse. And hopefully someday she does.

 

Good on you!

 

In the meantime I suggest you think about why you are hoping she will contact you? Will it make you a better person? Will your life be better for it? Why?

[deathandtaxes]

She never said she wasn't interested. And she never asked me to stop until now because we haven't talked since that night. I went to the soccer game just to see her play and I send her message congratulating her on her win. That's when she told me to stop messaging her. She's seem more annoyed and still angry at me than scared of me to be honest.

 

 

 

Get your order straight. You mention in the second paragraph that you sent nasty stuff and she asked you to stop. Then you waited and went to the game and you messaged her again and she asked you to stop. A gentleman listens the first time.

[lauri]

There is a saying...he who is hungry never gets fed. You sir are wayyy too hungry and needy...this is a turn off and pushed her far away. You need to be able to give girls space...

 

Also, she tells you she's deciding between you and another guy? I would've walked away right there and told her I'd rather spend time with a girl who actually wants me. No offense man but you're done with this chick...its over. You've shown too many negative qualities and it'll never change in her mind.

[Darkhawk]

Get your order straight. You mention in the second paragraph that you sent nasty stuff and she asked you to stop. Then you waited and went to the game and you messaged her again and she asked you to stop. A gentleman listens the first time.

 

Will I apologize for the confusion, a gentleman will apologize and try to talk things out because it's the right thing to do. Ignoring your mistakes and letting things be isn't being a gentleman in my opinion.

[Darkhawk]

There is a saying...he who is hungry never gets fed. You sir are wayyy too hungry and needy...this is a turn off and pushed her far away. You need to be able to give girls space...

 

Also, she tells you she's deciding between you and another guy? I would've walked away right there and told her I'd rather spend time with a girl who actually wants me. No offense man but you're done with this chick...its over. You've shown too many negative qualities and it'll never change in her mind.

 

I faith that she will come around someday. Forgiveness is something that we all

have in us. We all do each other and we're all messed up, it's human nature. I was there for her when we first started talking and then made a mistake. My one mistake shouldn't be overlook by all the positive that I've done for her.

[frigginlost]

A gentlemen thinks like this:

 

I made a mistake.

I apologize for that mistake.

I wait for a response.

I base my reaction to that response on what I'm told. Not what I think she means.

If told to pound sand,

 

*I back off*

*I don't re-engage*

*I respect the decision*

*I don't search for reasons on why she should forgive*

*I move on, having learned*

 

Chalk this one up to lessons learned. Anything you do toward her now, no matter how good the intention, is going to be looked at as unbelievably uncool.

[NoLeafClover]

When she grows up shell may understand the meaning of being passed off and saying things at the heat of the moment. She is not talking to you because of your mean messages...she is not talking to you because she is not interested in you period. Let her be and look to find someone else. Reactions like this remind me of high school days...oh how I hated stock up b***es

[slizl]

Dude, she was stringing you and some other guy along. You are better off without her.

[ExpatInItaly]

I faith that she will come around someday. Forgiveness is something that we all

have in us. We all do each other and we're all messed up, it's human nature. I was there for her when we first started talking and then made a mistake. My one mistake shouldn't be overlook by all the positive that I've done for her.

 

You still haven't addressed the question: what did you say to her in this nasty text? That might explain a lot about why she doesn't wish to stay in contact with you.

[SoThatHappened]

I'm sorry, but it seems like no one is seeing the real issue here.

 

Darkhawk, you are hurt over 2 dates (within a month) and her not choosing to be with you. I'm sorry, but that is not a big deal.

 

I don't mean to dump on your feelings, but you need to reevaluate why you are struggling so hard with this (and why you said and did the things you did when there was really no relationship at all).

 

I've been on 5 dates with a beautiful, intelligent woman. I like her a lot. She called things off telling me there was no spark. It sucked, but I accepted, wished her well, and went on living my life.

 

Before you keep getting your heart broken over a girl you went on 2 dates with, you should evaluate yourself and why you do that.

 

You need some confidence, and you need to not be so needy and clingy. THEN you can find a girl to stick with you.

 

Good luck to you

[Darkhawk]

You still haven't addressed the question: what did you say to her in this nasty text? That might explain a lot about why she doesn't wish to stay in contact with you.

 

Pretty much saying unlike you I never done this or that and that unlike you I've never done anything in my life just to be popular. Also said thanks for wasting my time. Yeah some pretty dumb stuff I wasn't thinking clearly that night.

[Darkhawk]

I'm sorry, but it seems like no one is seeing the real issue here.

 

Darkhawk, you are hurt over 2 dates (within a month) and her not choosing to be with you. I'm sorry, but that is not a big deal.

 

I don't mean to dump on your feelings, but you need to reevaluate why you are struggling so hard with this (and why you said and did the things you did when there was really no relationship at all).

 

I've been on 5 dates with a beautiful, intelligent woman. I like her a lot. She called things off telling me there was no spark. It sucked, but I accepted, wished her well, and went on living my life.

 

Before you keep getting your heart broken over a girl you went on 2 dates with, you should evaluate yourself and why you do that.

 

You need some confidence, and you need to not be so needy and clingy. THEN you can find a girl to stick with you.

 

Good luck to you

 

I understand what you mean I shouldn't be clingy or needy. I'm only 19 years old, so I'm sure I'm going to have a lot of these experiences with women in the future. It does suck knowing she was stringing me on and then pretty much blew me off. I am trying to evaluate myself now and trying to get myself back on track mentally and emotionally. I'm not crying or in depression for this girl just was dissapointed and thinking about her is what cause the emotional struggle.

[TearyEyedPride]

I'm guessing she saw you as more of a friend.

 

 

Kind of like when you have a cute guy that you like, but you have this really cool friend you like hanging out with too. You were that friend.

 

 

Once the friend starts to "like" you it gets a little awkward. Things are never the same, and if you can't grow past that awkward moment the friendship breaks apart. Well... your awkward moment went from nagging her because you missed her, to snapping at her via text because you felt ignored. So she decided to cut you off altogether. Then you kept texting her to apologize, showed up at her soccer game, and still continued to text her?

 

 

Stop and let it go before you're sincerely viewed as a creeper. Right now she probably feels aggravated and like you're invading her personal space. Eventually, she'll be fine and may not harbor any ill or positive feelings towards you at all. Just let it be and move on. Lots of other available ladies out there.