Thoughts anyone. How should I approach tomorrow's meet?

[jmcconfused]

Hello everyone. I was looking for some advice. I will try and make this story as short as possible. I dated my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years. The last year was kind of rough. We split off and on but only for a couple days with one exception of a 1 month split about 6 months ago. My boyfriend wanted to live together buy I wasn't ready for that step as I have a child and am just recently divorced. He gave me an ultimatum that I had to move in with him by August 16th. The 15th came and we had a big fight.

 

I told him that I wanted to work on our relationship more before moving in as we had broke up a couple times before. So he ended it with me saying I couldn't move on. I told him that was fine. The next day he calls to give me one last shot either I sign a lease or we are over. I told him I couldnt. And that I guess that means we are over. He hung up on me. I text him twice immediately after and he didn't respond. In the mean time I see that he has signed up for okcupid...He has also done this in the past whenever we broke up saying he's lonely. There was one girl that he had started dating while we broke up a previous time.

 

And i found out he would talk to her whenever we fought. So my thinking is. U go on okcupid and u start talking to girl X as soon as we fight..go screw yourself. Because he didn't answer my text I sent him an email asking he return my stuff. He responded and said he would mail it by monday. On Tuesday I still did not have my stuff ( it had only been 4 days since the fight and last speaking to eachother.) So I called him and asked he send me my stuff. I called mainly to see if I was blocked as he has done this previously. I wasn't blocked. He answered. I asked for my stuff and he yelled at me for calling said only contact him through email. Said he didn't mail it but I could pick up my stuff.

 

I asked if Thursday worked to get it he said yes. I did not contact him to pick up the stuff on thursday. I couldn't see him. So friday at 12pm iSent him an email message and said can u call me at 1 today. He replied and said why. I said arrange time for stuff. He called me at 1:10. I said i need to get my stuff can I pick up next week wed. Or thurs. He said yes at lunch break. I said i can't has to be after work. He said ok why waiting so long. I said i have to work we'd thurs only night I can do. He agreed. I did not contact him again until 2 days ago ( monday). I sent him an email at 12 saying does Thursday 6 or 630 work. He replied immediately yes. Where do u want to meet. I said wherever works for you.

 

He emailed back immediately and said a place. I responded an hour later and agreed. He responded 30 mins. Later and said you can text me your not blocked. I never responded to his email. Today ( again only a day and a half later ) I get a text from him saying. What time tomorrow. Can we meet earlier. I did not respond. A half hour later he text me a ?. I waited another 15 mins and said no. I can't meet earlier, 6:30. He answered right away, ok. I didn't answer. 2 hours later he text me saying " Really dissapointed in u". I did not respond.

So here I am wondering why he text me today and said he is dissapointed in me? I have not contacted him in the past 2 weeks other to get my stuff.

 

I figured I was blocked as I was plenty times in the past, but I'm not..... for the past 2 weeks he has been on okcupid non stop and I know for a fact he has been hanging out with the girl he had met when we broke up previously. In fact they are together tonight ( 3 hours after he text me he was dissapointed in me, they are hanging out.) And yes I know they have a sexual relationship. When I found out about them last time. He said he keeps her around for company. Lol. She leaves his house and he jumps right bavk on okcupid. I only know this because he lives by me and I have to pass his house to get home.

 

My sister is on okcupid and I can access her account to see when he is on. I know i shouldn't do this, but I feel like I need to know if he's on there looking or if he's settling down with girl x.

So I am meeting him tomorrow to get my stuff. I don't know how it will go. If he is interested in being back together or if it is finally over between us. And honestly i dont know what I want. I'm so hurt he could have sex with someone else right after our break up.

 

Please help. Do u think he just wants to give me my stuff or is he still wanting us? He could have mailed my things. It's only 2 things. Thoughts anyone. How should I approach tomorrow's meet?

Edited August 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added much needed paragraphs, please use them

[OffRail]

How expensive is the stuff you are asking back from him ? Is it sentimental stuff like a great grandmother's tablecloth or something ? If the items are neither expensive nor have any sentimental value to you, I would forget about them, and move on. He is a jerk. How do you know that he won't continue to keep the other girl around, "for company", even if you did move in with him ? And why was he pressuring you to move in with him ? Can't he afford the place on his own ?

 

Good for you for wanting to work on your relationship first before playing house with him. If it hadn't worked out and you had broken up again, what would have happened to you ? You can't just walk out on a lease just because your relationship is over, you would have still been on the hook for your half of the rent until he found another roommate. If he couldn't find anyone else, then you would be stuck with him if you couldn't afford both your half of the rent on this shared place and a new place for you and your child. AND, can you imagine a child (even if an older kid like a teenager) being a witness to your fights / hostile relationship ?

 

YIKES ! Looks like you dodged a bullet there. Good for you !!!

 

Don't meet him. Send someone else - like your sister or a good friend - to pick up the stuff for you or just forget about them.

Edited August 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jmcconfused]

Thank you for your comment. I'm just really hurt. You give a relationship your all and it hurts to feel replaceable. On the one hand I want him to want me. On the other hand I want it over because I won't ever be able to trust him.

 

I know rebound chick won't stay around long and she does not compare to me in the least. I want him to wake up every day and say I made the biggest mistake of my life, because I had to be an immature child.

 

Yes he could afford to rent on his own so it wasn't my money he needed. And my daughter did not see us fight. It wasn't a physically abusive relationship. Thank god.

 

I'm hurting right now but I know he's not the right one yo be with deep down.

 

The items are not sentimental but I would still like them back. Maybe I will send my sister to get them for me. Thanks for the idea!

[OffRail]

Thank you for your comment. I'm just really hurt. You give a relationship your all and it hurts to feel replaceable. On the one hand I want him to want me. On the other hand I want it over because I won't ever be able to trust him.

 

I know rebound chick won't stay around long and she does not compare to me in the least. I want him to wake up every day and say I made the biggest mistake of my life, because I had to be an immature child.

 

Yes he could afford to rent on his own so it wasn't my money he needed. And my daughter did not see us fight. It wasn't a physically abusive relationship. Thank god.

 

I'm hurting right now but I know he's not the right one yo be with deep down.

 

The items are not sentimental but I would still like them back. Maybe I will send my sister to get them for me. Thanks for the idea!

 

We all want our ass clowns to feel that they made a mistake, don't we ?

 

Yes, send your sister to get the items, if you *must* have them back. Personally, I would not be in contact with him at all, even briefly via your sister.

 

Hang in there !

[Magnet]

I'm going through a similar situation with the stuff although the circumstances are less hostile.

 

In the end I decided she could keep my stuff it was only some clothes and I just was using it as an excuse to see her. I even told her that as I was the one who initiated contact in the first place and had agreed to meet up.

 

I told her to give my flat keys (she has a copy) to a mutual friend.

 

Felt tons better when I did that, like drawing a line.

 

By the way if he is going on Okcupid sounds like he is trying to find something else to fill up his emotional physical needs, not the best idea as he should focus on himself. Don't take that personally (hard to!!!) but it's just a reflection of who he is at this present time.

[jmcconfused]

Update: today he text me and asked if he could meet me earlier because the fantasy draft was on tonight. I said no. Meet at 630. But did agree to a different location. He asked me to please not be late because of the draft.

I couldn't have my sister meet my ex to get my stuff due to a family emergency. So I had to go. We met for all of 1 minute. He gave me my stuff. I gave him his. He gave me something that wasn't mine. I said i didnt want it. He insisted I take it or throw it out. He walked back to his car and turned and said " I hope you have fun on your date tonight". I said what and walked towards him then stopped. He got in his car and drove away. What do you think of his reaction, is he jealous? Extremely pissed off and that was a f you to me?

When he left I had to head towards the same direction. He went home... not to the place he would be going to the draft. And he looked like a bum and had bags under his eyes. Not gonna lie kinda made me feel good that he looked like **** and I'm glad i looked hot as hell and he thought I was going on a date. He probably has bags under his eyes because he's literally up til 2 am on okcupid, and he normally was asleep by 10:30. He always said he couldn't sleep without me in bed next to him. Hahaha.

I looked and seen he didn't give me one of my things. I called hhimquick. He didn't answer. So I text him. Please give me my last thing. He didn't answer and I didn't text him again and I wont again

 

Based on his reaction, do you think he's jealous, realizes he made a mistake and wants us back, or is in fact over us?

[ThorntonMelon]

Honestly your message is all over the place.

 

2 weeks ago he was begging you to make it work. You refused to take steps to move the relationship forward. Maybe you were right, maybe wrong. Either way, I guarantee if we heard his side we'd be telling him to move on because you won't commit.

[jmcconfused]

IM sorry if this is a little jumpy. However I don't want him to think I will just drop what I am doing and answer him at any given moment. That he can hang out with whoever he wants and I'll be waiting. I was trying to do the no contact rule. But i do love him and want it to work out in the end. I never said I wouldn't move in with him. I merely said i was not going to sign a lease on a place without seeingbit, just so that we could live together.

And now he just text me how he hates me and I ruined his life because I couldn't move on. I'm not sure how to respond.

[ThorntonMelon]

OK, then I'll revise.

 

He's mentally insane and you need to keep him away from your child. If you wanted to live with him but he wouldn't make arrangements for you to see the apartment and 2 weeks after begging you to live with him he's hating you and saying you ruined his life, he's extremely unstable and messed up and you owe it to your child to choose a much better partner.

[OffRail]

IM sorry if this is a little jumpy. However I don't want him to think I will just drop what I am doing and answer him at any given moment. That he can hang out with whoever he wants and I'll be waiting. I was trying to do the no contact rule. But i do love him and want it to work out in the end. I never said I wouldn't move in with him. I merely said i was not going to sign a lease on a place without seeingbit, just so that we could live together.

And now he just text me how he hates me and I ruined his life because I couldn't move on. I'm not sure how to respond.

 

Move on or move in ?

[jmcconfused]

Thank you all for your reply. I have decided not to answer his last text. I don't want to entertain his negativity. If we are meant to be together he will show a true effort to get me back. If he wants to hate me then so be it.

Yes I know he is unstable. He can go ffrom saying he loves me to the moon and back to saying I have ruined his life and that I'm evil in the blink of an eye. As soon as his feelings are hurt. The inner child comes out.

It's just hard when you love someone, your best friend...and all of a sudden they are gone.

My child is my number one priority. And for the record, he absolutely adored her, and she him.

It helps to get the opinions of outsiders. Thank you.