What do I do with this

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

So we broke up 13 months ago, Ive been through all the stages.. devastation, shock, anger, grieving, rinse and repeat! I finally hit acceptance (yea it really does happen!) but now I am left with this anger that I dont know how to let go of and Im getting angrier each day!

 

The anger is actually at myself... he walked out on me and my child never even said goodbye, left our lives in peices for me to pick up and I text him constantly, I didnt beg but my gosh did I not leave it alone, I sent heartfelt messages, angry messages etc etc... this was back at the beginning but even fathers day just gone (June) I sent him a message saying he was the closest thing my child had to a dad and happy "daddies day" WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!!! this man walked out on us never even said goodbye... he did NOT deserve any of my messages and he certainly did not deserve that fathers day message!

 

I feel I have seriously let myself down and I am so angry that was the last impression i gave... I pretty much validated him!!

 

I dont care about him nor the RS anymore Im over it but how the hell do I let go of this anger I want to text him and retract everything and tell him exactly what I think of him which I should have done back at the start..

 

I was so blindsided and hurt I was like a headless chicken and now I see it for what it was how do I take all that back and leave it how it should have been left... with him told where to go?

 

I dont know what to do with all this anger x

[loversquarrel]

Yeah, shouldn't have texted him a father's day message as it's not his child. As for the rest... Try not to get too angry at yourself, it's done, it's over. Learn from it so you can move on. Know that if there ever is a next time you won't react in the same manner. As for him - don't bother sending anything. At all. He is done with you and will feel only apathetic toward anything you send. Not worth it.

[BC1980]

Anger is a tough emotion, but it's normal in this situation. Anger was probably the most confusing emotion that I dealt with because I didn't know what to do with it. I understood why I was angry, but I didn't know how to move past it. I searched through several books in an attempt to learn how to process my anger because you shouldn't push the anger away. The anger is valid, and it will come up again later if you don't deal with it.

 

If you are like me, you hadn't felt this type of anger directed a another individual. I was blindsided by the extent of my anger and had no background to help me know how to deal with it. I think that anger is entirely too complicated to deal with in one post, so I will direct you to some books that helped me.

 

"The No Contact Rule" by Natalie Lue

"Getting Past Your Breakup" Susan Elliot

"Mars and Venus Starting Over" John Gray

[LostConfused123]

If he was the closest thing your child had to a dad, then all you did was acknowledge that. Did he deserve it?? HELL NO!!! haha! He doesn't deserve you or your child.

Don't beat yourself up. All you did "wrong" was express your sadness at the demise of a relationship that meant a great deal to you. Is it so terrible that you have a heart an blood running through your veins instead of ice water like him? I don't think so.

Forgive yourself!! You're the bigger person and he knows it. You deserve and will find much better. He probably knows that too.

((hugs!))

[mightycpa]

I feel I have seriously let myself down and I am so angry that was the last impression i gave... I pretty much validated him!!

 

So what? You were a doormat for a while. You gave away your dignity to him. You were needy and desperate and bitter and vocal about all of it.

 

So what? Are you done humiliating yourself? Then forgive yourself for those moments of weakness. It is really tough when someone leaves, and either doesn't say goodbye, or says a totally inadequate one. No doubt you needed to talk to him, and that's how you chose to scratch that itch. Yeah, it might feel better now if you hadn't, but you're still in the mode of trying to change what can't be changed. You may have accepted "it", but now you have to accept what you did.

 

I guarantee if you text him to take it all back, you'll hate yourself just a little bit more once it goes out the door and becomes real.

[David87]

If you call or text him its like flushing the 13 months of healing down the toilet.

 

Don't worry karma will take care of him. Focus all your energy on your kid not on that bastard.

[54JA]

Oh, I know the anger... One regret (of many) I have happened like this. After we broke up for the 4th time, I had a brief rebound hook up. During this fling, my ex called and asked me to take him back. I successfully told him that I now had a new boyfriend. I felt great! I was like, "Yes, I showed him!" But my rebound ended, and I went back to being very miserable. (Yes, that's what you get for not dealing with it the ""right" way). Then, I was drinking my gin (yes) and temporarily lost my mind. I called my ex in the middle of the night, crying. Horrible, horrible move! We were talking about regular stuff on the phone (you know, pretending like we were our old selves), and then we began reminiscing the time when we were together (because we were fools). Then, my ex asked me if I wanted him back, and guess what I said? I SAID "YES." WTF?!? What a ridiculous thing for me to say! The worst part is that, after hearing me say I want him back, he said, "I wish I could get back with you, but I'm with someone now." Oh, how ruined the opportunity to exit the relationship with dignity. This was a guy I wanted to break up with for so long. I had known for a while that he was so wrong for me, but I just did not have the strength to end it.

 

This was a long time ago, so I am no longer angry. But at the time, I was furious with myself for making a fool of myself like that. Now, it's kinda comical, and couldn't help but laugh as I wrote this. I hope one day you can put this behind in your "young and dumb" category of memories and share a few laughs during your girls' night out themed "all the stupid relationship mistakes we made."