Ex texted me, biggest wtf moment so far? [update]

[Jason808]

Okay so I was holding up NC like a boss this time and she decided to text me all of a sudden after a month or so.

She was acting rather jealous and I was asking why she was asking all those questions about if I was already dating other girls.

I told her that I thinks it strange that one of the first questions she asked was about me dating.

Eventually we got to a point where I just told her that I hadn't been dating anyone, without me asking she all of a sudden says this: "I had seks with someone else (me and my ex were eachothers first) but it didn't feel as good as when we did it because it didn't feel right".

 

OKAY WTF? I did not ask her what she had done with other people since I did not want to know.

I told her it didn't really bother me but that I found it rather supprising that she had seks with someone that she did not have a relationship with (since I totally did not expect that from her and she always called her "friends" sluts that did do this).

 

Then she says this, here comes the good part: "I still think about us all the time but I'm not ready for a relationship".

I immediatly told her to not text me anymore since I still had feelings for her and I needed to do this for me, I said something like this: "If I cannot be with you then I need to forget about you, I love you but I can't do this and I need to move on, the only way that will ever happen is that you must not text me anymore, no matter what happens.. don't text me".

She said she understood and that was final.

 

The first girl I had seks with, and I was her first.. just ****s a random guy that she had dated a few times and then wants to rub it in my face. I am filled with anger and I feel sick right now, I could literally throw up.

 

This feels like a major set back in my progress of getting over this I girl, as I feel like I have lost another battle.. I feel like the first day that she broke up with me, I'm broken, in tears.

I asked her to just leave me alone for the rest of my life, no matter what happens, if someone dies, or it's my birthday, just leave me alone..

 

I honestly don't know what's going on, the guy she slept with looked like a rebound and as soon as that ended she probably got bored and came back to me, but what for? To reject me again?

She says she is having a hard time with the BU too and that she thinks about us alot.. that she honestly thinks we can be together in the future at some point.

I just tell her that we can't since we don't live near eachother and we never speek or see eachother, so if she wants to make it work it has to be done now and not in a few months/years.

 

I'm just feeling so low.. I honestly feel if I had seks with another girl before she did with another guy that I would feel much less bad, just so I could tell her too, I know she asks because she is scared that I did had seks with someone else (because she already asked twice after the BU) but I too feel that I shouldn't lie about it.

 

I do believe that she is having it difficult and that the seks with that guy was indeed "less good" because she felt comfortable with me and she trusted me (her words) and I told her that she can't come to me for support anymore since we are not dating and are not friends.

 

I miss her like hell, but I've tried everything to fix our relationship.. I understand there is no hope in fixing since I'm the only one willing to fix but I thought her signals were indicating that she now noticed that another guy wasn't going to make me go away and that she does still have feelings for me, but NO I had to be an idiot that thinks like it's a fairytale..

 

I'm sorry but I really need to get this off my chest.. 30 days of NC just flushed down the drain..

 

 

Edit:

Okay so I have calmed a bit down now.. my ex girlfriend and I were best friends, it is possible that she just doesn't feel that connected with anyone of her regular friends and felt like she did right telling me this.

Although this could be possible it still wasn't thought out, she saw it as a compliment that she said the seks was bad and what we had was special.

But why would she say that if she doesn't want to be with me? She doesn't even want to meet for a drink?

I don't know what is the truth and what's not, she was such an angel when we dated but I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.. does she really thinks about us? Does she really think that we could be together in the future? Or are all of these just mind games to keep me busy?

Edited August 22, 2014 by Jason808

[Keenly]

My ex loved to play stupid in order to get attention. Sounds exactly like what your is doing.

 

 

 

Next time she asks you questions that are not her business, you need to be polite yet firm. " that does not concern you anymore "

[Requiem4Dreams]

I notice a particular theme with breakups a lot. The person does a complete 180 in terms of their personality. They do things they never would of done with you, and I think it's because their enjoying this new freedom they didn't have.

 

The girl you fell in love with is gone, that's just how it is, and these new behaviours are so completely strange to you because she is no longer that person. As for the telling you the personal bit, I can't honestly say due to not having more information, but what a lot of people will say is she is testing the line she still has connected to you.

 

Testing the leash, seeing if it would make you jealous, etc.

 

You did good on NC. Go straight back to it, and you also made it clear for her not to text you again which is another good thing you did.

[BC1980]

She wanted to get a reaction out of you. I would stop all contact with her. What she did was extremely immature and selfish. You have to block her, so she can't get to you.

[Simon Phoenix]

You shouldn't have answered in the first place. Lesson learned.

[Jason808]

Thanks guys, you are right.. I'm just to blind to see the girl I once liked is gone.

I'm glad I did not give her the chance to do more damage and that I told her to leave me alone.

I'm falling for games I knew were being played but I did not want to see it.

 

I hope she texts me again and adds the same line: ''you don't have to reply if you don't want to'' just so I can not reply.

I do not want to block her because I know I am much further then I was in March when we broke up, I get what you guys are saying and I agree that blocking is the wisest decision but I know I am strong enough to don't fall for this crap again, and if she ever texts me, I will feel good because I know she still puts effort in me whilst I can smile at my phone and think to myself: ''Not in a million years''.

 

Maybe this was the final push I needed to absolutely confirm that my ex is just playing games.

[SoThatHappened]

Not to be mean, but the word is "sex"...

 

Your ex is experiencing new things. Let her do it. Go do it yourself. And it doesn't have to be sex.

 

The innocent girl you knew is gone. Let her go.

 

Do you and everything you want to do.

[Jason808]

Not to be mean, but the word is "sex"...

 

Your ex is experiencing new things. Let her do it. Go do it yourself. And it doesn't have to be sex.

 

The innocent girl you knew is gone. Let her go.

 

Do you and everything you want to do.

 

Sorry I was hurt and mad and I spelled it like they do in my country.

[lauri]

Want to know what's funny? If you told her you were dating someone else she would have got so jealous and mad at you - saying how could you move on ? Etc.

 

Now that she got to "burn" you and try to get a reaction out of you, I think your best course of action is to completely ignore her and not respond. I even somewhat don't even believe she had sex with someone...I think she was saying this to see if you were lying. It was driving her insane that you went no contact for so long, so she assumed you did it because of you having another girl.

 

Anyways, lesson learned. You learned something very valuable....that this girl will do anything to get a reaction out of you. Even if it means hurting you...and that is something you can live without.

[Jason808]

Want to know what's funny? If you told her you were dating someone else she would have got so jealous and mad at you - saying how could you move on ? Etc.

 

Now that she got to "burn" you and try to get a reaction out of you, I think your best course of action is to completely ignore her and not respond. I even somewhat don't even believe she had sex with someone...I think she was saying this to see if you were lying. It was driving her insane that you went no contact for so long, so she assumed you did it because of you having another girl.

 

Anyways, lesson learned. You learned something very valuable....that this girl will do anything to get a reaction out of you. Even if it means hurting you...and that is something you can live without.

 

You are right, a while ago I added this girl on Facebook that I liked before I dated my ex.

She flipped out and called me and texted me to call me all kind of things, she cried and yelled.

I honestly feel like there is still something left, I know she must do these things with a reason and I don't believe she does it for fun just to hurt me, maybe she is trying to make me jealous.

Some of the feelings might not have faded, but the only reason she won't give it a go is because she feels like it isn't working between us anymore.

[Jason808]

Okay so I kept talking to her and it basically came down to this.

She misses me and wants to be friends with me, she says she is completely over me but that we could become something again some day.

I told her that we can't become something some day if we don't do anything now since we are both living in different city's and won't see eachother.

She told me sorry for giving me "hope" and that we should end the conversation now, I agreed and that was final.

 

My conclusion is that the guy she slept with was a rebound, she stopped seeing him when she told him she doesn't want a relationship (atleast she told me this).

When the rebound ended she got bored and started talking to me using my grandpa as excuse. I don't know what will happen in the future but I don't think I will hear from her again.. I don't know wether to be happy or sad about that.

[Jason808]

So I recently completed a month of NC wich was going fine until she contacted me.

When I saw her number pop up on my cellphone it felt like a huge win but after talking, it felt like a huge loss..

She tries to make me jealous by telling she has had sex with another guy (I didn't even ask her about her dating life) and she asks me constantly about mine.

She said that the sex didn't feel right and that it felt much better when she was with me, however, she is completely over me she says.

BUT she does say she thinks we will get back together in the future? Like what the f--k, so she is over me but does think we will get back together? Is that even possible?

 

That has been like 4-5 days ago and at the moment I'm having serious doubts about contacting her.

I want to see how she would react if I told her I'm dating someone, last time I only added a girl on FB she already freaked out (was +/- 2 months ago).

 

So why would she contact me to tell me she had sex with someone and it didn't feel right like it did with me and then she tells me she is over me but do think we can will "find our way back to eachother".

She told me she doesn't want to date anyone anymore since she wasn't ready for it.

 

Since she told me those things she is in my mind again 24/7, I just can't stop thinking about her and what she said..

[d0nnivain]

Her contacting you & telling you about her current sex life was mean. Why would you want somebody like that back? Even if her intent was to make you jealous in some desire to get you back, her methodology was cruel. She's not a nice person IMO.

 

Hang strong. You were getting there making progress healing until she came along & wrecked your life again.

 

Getting back with her would be a mistake. Don't do it.

[Jason808]

I'm not in love with the person she turned in when we broke up, but sometimes I can still see the girl that I fell in love with.

The moment when she told me she had sex with a guy is deffinetly not one of those moments.

She told me she was scared to lose me a while ago, maybe this is her way of getting to me.. and I have to say it worked, since I think about her 24/7.. I even think about her and that other guy, it's messed up.

 

You know what the worst part is? I know that if I find someone else I will forget about her in no time and chances are big she starts chasing me then, too bad us guys are having it much harder to get a date than girls.

It's not that I'm fakeing my love for her.. it's just that I fall in love rather easily.

 

I can feel she still cares for me, she says she doesn't but I can just feel it you know. There is still emotions between us, sometimes it is anger and sometimes it is love.. she even cried about me last time I talked to her (about a week ago).

Emotion is better than nothing I suppose..

[Jason808]

I have to admit, today I sent her a message.. I posted this I think yesterday and I couldn't handle it anymore.

 

I messaged her:

I know you are over me but I want you to know that I still think about you alot.

 

She responded with:

I know

 

Me: Okay

 

I know it looks pathetic, but I accatually feel better right now.

Now it's time to start NC again

[frigginlost]

Jesus.... that girl is just flat out mean.

 

If you ever hear from her again, respond one way:

 

"I'm done with your games. Take care."

[d0nnivain]

Since you feel better it was the right thing for you to do.

 

However if she really did still love you she would not have flaunted her sex-capades in front of you. Seriously that was cruel.

 

Owing up to having sex to start a clean slate is one thing. Bragging about it is something else.

 

I'm glad you are going back to NC because she is the girl you don't like not the image you created that you do love.

[NoLeafClover]

I have to admit, today I sent her a message.. I posted this I think yesterday and I couldn't handle it anymore.

 

I messaged her:

I know you are over me but I want you to know that I still think about you alot.

 

She responded with:

I know

 

Me: Okay

 

I know it looks pathetic, but I accatually feel better right now.

Now it's time to start NC again

Only way to turn it around without looking desperate was to turn it into a sexual joke ), like ...

"I also want you to know I been thinking alot about wanting to put it in your booty hole"

 

 

You keep doing what you're doing you are always going to go back and press reset like the turbo button on a Nintendo controller

[Gatema]

Don't give her an audience whose sole purpose is to feed on the emotions of others, simply to augment her own innate insecurities. Announcing to a former lover her sexual dalliances with random men, absolutely screams immaturity.

 

What kind of person would share this kind of information with another person? A very troubled individual looking to boast her own self esteem by destroying someone else's confidence. Unforgiving you may ask, hell no. You are not going to let your ex use you any more, especially when she makes it your responsibility to make her feel "out of the park special", again.

 

Monitor your reactions with her, keep in mind that you can no longer trust her, if you doubt that feeling, then take a stroll down memory lane and remind yourself about the manner in which she treated you after the breakup. Are you okay with that?

 

I'm confident that she hasn't suddenly taken a course in compassion or respect, so you shoudn expect it. Don't give her a chance to pitch you any more BS in your face. She's lying, acting, pretending and is basically making you look like a complete fool. People don't treat other people in this way if they truly cared.

 

When you show her your wounded feelings , she'll smell your pain; and then she'll be empowered, but not in your favor. That doesn't mean she'll understand what she has done, it merely just validates, in her mind, that she must be all that and a bag of chips. It's sick at best. Stop becoming a willing participant to her bottom feeding tactics that you have mentioned in your post. This girl is jaded to your feelings and to those of other people; she 's clueless. Discussing her sexual experiences with you only proves one thing, that your ex does not respect or value you in the least.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Gatema

[FortunateSon]

Since you feel better it was the right thing for you to do.

 

However if she really did still love you she would not have flaunted her sex-capades in front of you. Seriously that was cruel.

 

Owing up to having sex to start a clean slate is one thing. Bragging about it is something else.

 

I'm glad you are going back to NC because she is the girl you don't like not the image you created that you do love.

I agree with this, she is a very CRUEL and EVIL woman to do something like that. I had an ex in the past do something similar and things were never the same again, everything was tarnished. I would suggest staying total NC and never talking to this person again.

[Magnet]

She "knows" that you still think about her? Sounds arrogant?!

 

That was a nice thing of you to say but her response IMO naff.

 

She is messing with you and keeping you in limbo. It's unfair.

 

But you can do what you can do. Go NC. Peel off, shake her hold off you. Also falling in love easily is something I can empathise with- it's better to love yourself constantly and completely FIRST before loving someone else. Anything else is just your ego tricking you that you need this person to feel good.

[Jason808]

Hi guys, I just wanted to let you know how I'm doing so far.

At the moment I'm doing fine, I'm determined to lose weight and work out, I'm going to the gym now 3 times a week and it's starting to pay off.

I still think about my ex alot but i've realised she is not the person I need in my life, I can honestly say I don't even think I would take her back if I got the chance since so many things have happened now, the things she did/said made me fall out of love with her.

 

Also, I have this question, I know it's not the right forum to ask it but since I'm already typing I'll just ask it here.

I started talking to this girl that used to be in my class, I liked her before and when we are talking we really click.

The only thing is, I have to start the conversation or we just don't talk, I don't know if she doesn't want to talk to me or wants to know how interested I am, It has been a while since I last saw her, in high school we weren't really friends, the girls hung out with the girls and the boys with the boys.

 

How can I find out if she is interested in talking with me or if she is just talking back whenever I talk?

[Sugarkane]

I'd completely block her. What she said was rude and uncalled for.

[Jason808]

So it is week 5 or something since I last contacted my ex, before that I did already 4 weeks and then she broke NC. She told me that she had sex with another guy and it hit me really hard, did not see that coming. I told her to never contact me again and that this is for the best, she said she thought we will get back together in the future but I doubt that she means it.

 

The last few weeks I am feeling so lonely and lost, I'm scared to aprouch girls and where I used to think I was good looking I now think I'm kind of ugly, I lost confidence and I don't know how to regain it. I used to be able to get a lot of girls, but I don't even dare to walk up to one when I'm going out.

 

I don't know what to do, I know I can't talk to her and I don't even want to.. But at the same time I wonder if she thinks about me.. We dated for a year and 8 months and she broke up out of the blue, saying that she had fallen out of love with me..

 

I know we can't be together anymore since I don't trust her at all anymore, but I feel so lonely lately.. I'm really lost

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Now that you are at the bottom, there is only one way out... that is to climb to the top.

 

You realize that going back is not the answer, so at least you are capable of breaking away.

 

You are going to have to push yourself, as you have become dependent on her. Once you get out and about, your head will slowly clear day to day.

 

Don't think about having to date to distract you from her. Just get out with the guys or what ever, as long as you are keeping some motivation.

 

Gosh, wash your car everyday or clean the room you live in. Just do something that you can feel good about.