Gf just broke up with me because she is sick of arguing

[Adzy08]

so last night we had the dreaded talk about our relationship of 1.5. She wanted to end it because we have been arguing a few times now towards the end of the relationship about different things. I don't think we addressed them issues properly that's we still fought.

 

 

the latest one came after about finances. It felt like I was being taken for granted by her because I had bought us dinner a lot recently and paid for trips or goings to keep us happy and felt unappreciated of it. I don't think she expected me to pay for everything and she didn't come across like that but I felt taken for. Once I confronted her about it we got mad and I said she was acting selfish and she got real upset and hung up the phone. next day she said she could never forgive me for that because that was the last straw and I have been acting like an a88hole. I admit I could have acted better so later I apologized sincerely for upsetting her and I did not want that but after that she was adamant on going our separate ways.

 

 

we met and spoke last night and she said she couldn't do it anymore, she was upset and sick of feeling hurt after arguing and cant do it and would rather go our own ways. She thought it was best for both of us and she said I will thank her later down the road for this. she continued to push me away saying things like we are not working anymore and we both deserve better and started explaining how my next gf should be and it hurt her to say that but still told me she loved me. I gave it one last chance and told her I was deeply sorry for hurting her and if we could sit and talk about things I am sure we could work. She continued to say she was sticking to her word and not going back and got emotional but thought we could be mature about this. Then went onto saying if we could still be friends but I told her I cant be friends with ex's and I have enough friends. she didn't take that well but still said she would smile and wave when we seen each other at college next month.

 

 

I don't know if there's another guy but she told me she wanted to stop being doormat as she felt walked on by people and me and wanted to step up and focus on herself, work and college.

 

 

Now I will go back to the go part of the relationship when everything was fine. In the beginning she worked her backside off to maintain a house and have two jobs. She always worked weekends and hardly got time with each other apart from weekdays. I would come over as much as I could whilst focusing on my work, gym and attending college soon. I would help her out with some bills here or there but nothing major. She would do anything for me to cooking my meals for the gym, walk over to my house to see me, give massages, great sex, drive me to work and pick me up from nights out. She was great but I felt all this went downhill when she asked me to move in. I told her I would but not until after xmas because I wasn't ready just now but when xmas came I told her I still didn't want to move in and she got upset. Mainly because she go the flat and was still going with her ex but then they split and we got together so it felt like I was replacing him.

 

 

we figured an alternative and she moved in with a flatmate but this is when she said we need to talk and got upset and this is when it started to happen. we got past that stage and worked on things and then I told her after college we should get our own place. She relies heavily on her flatmate to pay for things but she her room is tiny and cramp and she feels suffocated and wants out .

 

 

Obviously that isn't happening now because she has ended it and I am heartbroken buy have to accept her decision and not force her to be with me. she dropped my things off today when I was out but my mum was in and they chatted and she broke down after my mum confronted her and cried saying she loved me but was sick of the arguing. I loved her very much, probably could have done better to show it more but I was scared to show to much as I didn't want her to see me as a wimp. She is quite a strong girl emotionally but lately she has been down because her income is very low and has to pay bills and basically left with no money and this was the core of our recent argument. I felt she didn't try hard enough to get up and get more income so we could do things. I know I have some issues to work and stop being an a**.

 

 

I can see now she was really upset and maybe depressed and me telling her them things has really upset which I regret.

 

 

I have went no contact with her, told her we cant be friends, mum told her not to back round to the house and I finally told her not to text me. is this over for good now?

[Adzy08]

another thing she said was that she couldn't forgive because I keep making the same mistakes and don't learn. we talked about it and I told her if u don't tell me if I don't something wrong or we don't talk about it then I wont know. she went onto saying I shouldn't have to tell you how to be in a relationship. lastly another thing I was bad for was saying I was going to do something and never done it, whether it was going to work one day and decided not to or move in with her and I didn't

[mightycpa]

Hi,

 

Is it over? It sure sounds like it. You're actually lucky. Your relationship went downhill, and you seem to assign some blame to both people. That's very realistic... most people blame themselves. She gave you a pretty valid reason for breaking up... of all the things you can do, you fell into quarreling all the time. If somebody had told you that she fights a lot with her boyfriends, you'd have never gone out with her to begin with. So, "not getting along" is a pretty valid reason. You had a chance to take the relationship to the next level by moving in, and for whatever reason, you took a pass. No judgment, just a fact. Based on what you've written, if you were to get back with her, I can't imagine what might actually change.

 

So there you have it. You're done. It happens to almost everybody, but you seem to have come out of this the least traumatized of most people I read about here. Count your lucky stars, and get used to the idea. I have a feeling you'll be OK with the whole thing pretty soon.

[d0nnivain]

This wasn't good from the beginning. She was with some EX when you started dating? She wanted to move in & you didn't. You were on very different pages concerning your level of commitment.

 

Something about her finances is off if she works two jobs plus weekends but still can't make ends meet. She either needs better jobs or a less expensive lifestyle.

 

Constant arguing especially about the same things over & over without a resolution is a good reason to end the relationship. If both of you felt unappreciated & taken for granted, you are better off apart.

[Crila16]

It's so simple. You didn't even have to type all of that for me to say this to you.

 

If she wanted to be with you, nothing would keep her from you. Not the arguing, the frustration...nothing. She'd keep putting up with it. Once a person hits their pain threshold, something in them shuts down and they say "enough". I'm so unhappy and I hate the way this person makes me feel, I don't want it anymore. Once a person shuts down...that's really it. You can't convince them otherwise.

 

Now I do know one thing...when I'm in love, nothing will stand in my way (unless the guy rejects me). I would never in a million years break up with him if I wanted to be with him. That would be stupid, don't you think? If someone breaks up with you, it's because they don't want to be with you anymore, whatever their reasons are...unless they do it ever other day as a control thing, and to get a rise out of you. Then it's a game.

 

It sounds to me like this girl frustrated you too. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's right? It doesn't sound like you were super happy either. Maybe there is someone who you're more compatible with? You just don't think so, because it hasn't happened yet...but you'll be surprised. Don't let your bruised ego get in the way and mistake it for love.

[Adzy08]

Hi,

 

Is it over? It sure sounds like it. You're actually lucky. Your relationship went downhill, and you seem to assign some blame to both people. That's very realistic... most people blame themselves. She gave you a pretty valid reason for breaking up... of all the things you can do, you fell into quarreling all the time. If somebody had told you that she fights a lot with her boyfriends, you'd have never gone out with her to begin with. So, "not getting along" is a pretty valid reason. You had a chance to take the relationship to the next level by moving in, and for whatever reason, you took a pass. No judgment, just a fact. Based on what you've written, if you were to get back with her, I can't imagine what might actually change.

 

So there you have it. You're done. It happens to almost everybody, but you seem to have come out of this the least traumatized of most people I read about here. Count your lucky stars, and get used to the idea. I have a feeling you'll be OK with the whole thing pretty soon.

 

 

 

it went downhill I feel because she was a nightmare to open up and talk about her feelings. she hated opening up and told me it was because she had problems being younger and family issues that she had to be strong. so therefore we struggled to communicate but I believe we never tried hard enough on that and it feels like she is just giving up.

 

 

I didn't want to move into that flat because I felt I was replacing her ex's boots and I told her that from day one when she asked which was like 4 months into the relationship. I just gave her a date to keep her quiet but never thought of the consequences that would cause when the topic came up again. I was kind of laidback about it and never thought it through. what would have been the correct approach here for future lesson?

[Adzy08]

This wasn't good from the beginning. She was with some EX when you started dating? She wanted to move in & you didn't. You were on very different pages concerning your level of commitment.

 

Something about her finances is off if she works two jobs plus weekends but still can't make ends meet. She either needs better jobs or a less expensive lifestyle.

 

Constant arguing especially about the same things over & over without a resolution is a good reason to end the relationship. If both of you felt unappreciated & taken for granted, you are better off apart.

 

 

 

must have described that wrong, she wasn't with the ex with when we dated but before we dated she was still hung up on him them got rid of him completely and I ignored her, she then moved mountains to speak to me then we dated a few times and then went official. the ex was out the picture for good and never bothered her again. he turned up drunk one night as we were texting and she dismissed him and told him this was the end of that and he was never seen again. he treated her like crap though, cheating on her etc which I never done and annoys me because I didn't last as long as them two and I know I am a better catch.

[Adzy08]

It's so simple. You didn't even have to type all of that for me to say this to you.

 

If she wanted to be with you, nothing would keep her from you. Not the arguing, the frustration...nothing. She'd keep putting up with it. Once a person hits their pain threshold, something in them shuts down and they say "enough". I'm so unhappy and I hate the way this person makes me feel, I don't want it anymore. Once a person shuts down...that's really it. You can't convince them otherwise.

 

Now I do know one thing...when I'm in love, nothing will stand in my way (unless the guy rejects me). I would never in a million years break up with him if I wanted to be with him. That would be stupid, don't you think? If someone breaks up with you, it's because they don't want to be with you anymore, whatever their reasons are...unless they do it ever other day as a control thing, and to get a rise out of you. Then it's a game.

 

It sounds to me like this girl frustrated you too. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she's right? It doesn't sound like you were super happy either. Maybe there is someone who you're more compatible with? You just don't think so, because it hasn't happened yet...but you'll be surprised. Don't let your bruised ego get in the way and mistake it for love.

 

 

 

 

like I said I know that when we argued and I said some stuff I know I hit her where it hurt. she was upset and hung up the phone and I left her to cool down.

 

 

I don't understand how she could stay with someone that cheated on her for longer but all I done was be a a**hole sometimes and talked about great future.

[d0nnivain]

Even if the EX wasn't there physical. The beginning of your relationship was colored by him.

 

The fact that you lied to her about your desire to move in eventually also damaged the trust level. You taught her she can't rely on you & then you wonder why she didn't trust you enough to open up to you. Wanna think that through again?

[Adzy08]

Even if the EX wasn't there physical. The beginning of your relationship was colored by him.

 

The fact that you lied to her about your desire to move in eventually also damaged the trust level. You taught her she can't rely on you & then you wonder why she didn't trust you enough to open up to you. Wanna think that through again?

 

 

 

 

yeah your right there was a bit of trouble before even starting this relationship but I disregarded this and it was curiosity that drove me forward. I didn't want to walk away, usually I can tell if something feels good or bad and this felt good and I am glad we did date as we did have good times.

 

 

right now it just sucks to say shes giving up. In past relationships I chased women and moved mountains to keep it going but got hurt in the end again and it didn't seem worth it.

 

 

she did tell me she felt I never fought for her at times for example- if us two were out my friends drinking and a problem occurred and she felt annoyed and told me she was going home she said I should have run after her and tried to fix the problem where as I didn't and decided to stay with everyone else and I feel guilty about that now.

 

 

I find it hard to keep my gf happy around my friends as well, sometimes I put my friends first when around them and this is also something I regret.

[mightycpa]

what would have been the correct approach here for future lesson?

 

I have to assume that it was the correct approach, unless you used that as an excuse just to be mean to her. If so, the correct approach would have been to get rid of her.

 

And don't you want a relationship where you don't have to try so hard?

 

It sounds like this is one of those things that just didn't work out. It happens.

[Adzy08]

I have to assume that it was the correct approach, unless you used that as an excuse just to be mean to her. If so, the correct approach would have been to get rid of her.

 

And don't you want a relationship where you don't have to try so hard?

 

It sounds like this is one of those things that just didn't work out. It happens.

 

 

 

 

but I know when sorted things would have known it wouldn't have been so hard and once she started college it would have been better.

 

 

does it sound like she has someone else or is looking for better despite telling me she just wants to focus on herself?

[mightycpa]

It sounds like she's sick of fighting with you, and that she's not crazy about her current situation. If Joe Moneybags comes along, it wouldn't surprise me if she took a ride with him, but I don't get the sense that she's ditched you for that. I would take her at her word.

 

On the other hand, millions of girls have done exactly what you fear. But she cried in front of your mother, so I'm thinking she's pretty sincere. That said, I'm a continent away from you.

[Adzy08]

It sounds like she's sick of fighting with you, and that she's not crazy about her current situation. If Joe Moneybags comes along, it wouldn't surprise me if she took a ride with him, but I don't get the sense that she's ditched you for that. I would take her at her word.

 

On the other hand, millions of girls have done exactly what you fear. But she cried in front of your mother, so I'm thinking she's pretty sincere. That said, I'm a continent away from you.

 

 

 

 

she never seemed like she wanted money, if she did would always ask from the start when she struggled to keep maintenance of her flat. she never asked, must be a pride thing, and she always worked very hard.

 

 

Well they actually spoke on the phone and they talked and she started crying apparently saying she still loved me but sick of constant arguing.

[Adzy08]

I know I shouldn't be thinking this right now but do you think this is the last I have heard from her and will she try and contact soon?

 

 

is it possible she may get jealous if she sees me moving onto other woman?

 

 

and should I keep her on facebook? my theory is that if **** gets deeps and I get jealous then I will delete her like I said earlier we cant stay friends, maybe in future when my feelings have disappeared and I don't want her back but that's the opposite from what I am feeling right now I just want her back.

[mightycpa]

You're right, you shouldn't be worrying about all this. Nobody on this board, not even me, can tell you what will happen in the future. Just be the regular Adzy08 that everybody knows and loves.

 

You deal with her in whatever way you can stand. If it doesn't bother you to see her around, then there you go. If you can stand to see some guy's tongue down her throat, then no worries. If you can't, you know what to do about it.

[Adzy08]

Yeah I will try.

 

So what happens if in the best future she contacts me. Is this a sign she regret her deduction or wondering what I am doing.

 

And what if she says she misses me or loves me be user I know I both feel them now.

[d0nnivain]

You need to cut ties if you hope to move on. NC is a great healing tool but it's not for getting somebody back. Making her jealous in an attempt to win her back is immature game playing; it shows that your relationship was never on a solid foundation.

 

While she may miss you, because nobody likes change, missing you is not an indication that she wants you back. Even if she does come back, why do you want her back? This relationship was too much work for too little reward.

 

Ignoring a SO in favor of buddies when you are all out together is a bad sign. Her wanting you to chase her when she storms off is drama not love. She is stirring the pot & then got angry when she didn't win.

[Adzy08]

It wasn't a case that I would ignore her on nights out I just made sure I never made her my centre of attention. Last night she referred back to when i we was with my ex, she was gutted I was with her and wanted me badly, but anyway she noticed when I was out with my ex we always danced and had pictures together and she was kinda of jealous about that. Again I said I am sorry it made u feel that way