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On special occasions?


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lovebug_5858

Considering most of us have gone the NC route, I would like to know way most of you have done when special occasions have rolled around (birthdays, graduations, ceremonies, etc.)

Did you congratulate them? And how? Did you not do anything? Why? How did it turn out in the end?

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The best practice is: Say nothing until you honestly/truthfully know that you are over them and have moved on - and usually by that point you won't care/won't think to even say anything on special occasions anyhow.

 

Eg. My ex a few years ago who called it off with me - her birthday is the day before mine. I didn't wish her happy b-day on facebook because I knew if she didn't/ or forgot to return the favor the very next day, it may have rattled me. However, a year later (and having already gone through another relationship myself at this point) I DID wish her happy b-day on facebook, she "liked" it, but didn't return the favor the next day - however, I wasn't phased nor was I surprised and that was the only reason I did it - I was in good spirits and wanted to be kind and did it without wanting/or caring to receive anything back.

 

On the flipside, as a dumper, if they want strict NC, I wouldn't wish them happy birthday or anything either because you have no idea where their head is at that current time and if they are completely over you. My most recent ex asked us to not be friends for a while and I didn't contact her until you reached out herself. Plus if you try to inbox a message on FB and you have a picture of you and your new gf or bf with you in your profile pic, they may not want to see that! or vice versa if you are the dumpee.

 

To take it a step further - my recent ex that I dumped, I have regrets over and we recently met up to catch up and it was kind of a temporary "good bye" for now since she has a new bf - the next special occasion will be christmas, but you can bet I won't be messaging her anything (even though we have 10 years of friendly history and are on great terms right now). She will completely respect it and know it's for my own good - we will message when we both know the time is right once again.

Edited by Dash23
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I don't think one should reach out if they are not over the breakup.

 

With that being said, both me and my ex have reached out for ANY occassion. And EVERY time, I get upset. Nothing is ever said "bad", but nothing ever "good" either. Just going through the motions and it hurts even worse....

 

So, don't do it.

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That is the sweetest opportunity to not send anything.

 

No need to say anything to them. In the long run you will see

that nothing needs to be said. You are not friends. You are ex lovers

and ex lovers are not supposed to communicate. .

 

I enjoyed when my ex complained to my brother how I didn't acknowledge

her birthday.

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I have reached out to express condolences in the face of a death in the family but never for a happy occasion.

 

Your silence speaks volumes.

 

On things like valentine's day I usually attached a photo to a dart board & took aim. Obliterating the photo was very cathartic.

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lovebug_5858
I have reached out to express condolences in the face of a death in the family but never for a happy occasion.

 

Your silence speaks volumes.

 

On things like valentine's day I usually attached a photo to a dart board & took aim. Obliterating the photo was very cathartic.

 

Alhough he's missed some important mile stones of mine, I have never missed any of his and I'm struggling with this decision. I don't want him to think I don't care for him, but then again, I kind of do. He doesn't deserve anything from me, but it's hard for me to be like him and ignore his event.

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lovebug_5858
He always contacts me...not just on special occasions /=

 

And I always respond because I'm dumb.

 

You're not dumb, you'll learn eventually. I did.

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Alhough he's missed some important mile stones of mine, I have never missed any of his and I'm struggling with this decision. I don't want him to think I don't care for him, but then again, I kind of do. He doesn't deserve anything from me, but it's hard for me to be like him and ignore his event.

 

 

If you are chasing after somebody you are not currently dating & you are there for every milestone but the courtesy is not returned you are being a doormat. In his mind you don't respect yourself so it's OK for him to walk all over you.

 

Stop worrying about him & start caring about yourself.

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Simon Phoenix

It's a bad idea. If he really cared about receiving congratulations from you he would have kept you around as a romantic partner. He's not going to be like "oh gee, lovebug's congratulations made my day" -- he'll more likely thing "well, lovebug still wants me. That's nice to know."

 

Do not send anything. He wanted you gone, so be gone and stay gone.

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lovebug_5858
If you are chasing after somebody you are not currently dating & you are there for every milestone but the courtesy is not returned you are being a doormat. In his mind you don't respect yourself so it's OK for him to walk all over you.

 

Stop worrying about him & start caring about yourself.

 

You are completely right. Thank you for your input

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lovebug_5858
It's a bad idea. If he really cared about receiving congratulations from you he would have kept you around as a romantic partner. He's not going to be like "oh gee, lovebug's congratulations made my day" -- he'll more likely thing "well, lovebug still wants me. That's nice to know."

 

Do not send anything. He wanted you gone, so be gone and stay gone.

 

He asked his sister if I was going but never reached out to me about (granted he's blocked from my phone) but what you said definitely makes sense... Thanks! And thanks for keeping up with my story, it means a lot.

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I never saw the point, if they wanted me in their life for birthdays and other special occasions they wouldnt have dumped me. and I am certainly not going to be a doormat for them and show them I am still hooked by reaching out to someone who gave up on me.

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