Nearly a Year On (+ Thanks)

[RickyBrown]

Hi Guys

 

Its been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex and I would like to thank you all for the advice posted from down the years that has thoroughly helped me.

 

Ive had a bit of a set back this week but once again this site has made me realise that the future is going to be quite exciting and I hope writing the below for the first time will lead to a little bit more closure.

 

At the end of September last year I went away on a friend's stag weekend, that weekend my then girlfriend of five years decided she wanted to be with a man 11 years her senior after he had shown an interest at work. They spent the weekend together at a small seaside town & they both decided that weekend they would end their relationships (he was with a woman for 10 years & had two kids) and be together.

 

We were good together, we had five great years living the last years of our twenties (i was 29 she was 31 when we split)...holidays, festivals, concerts, parties etc but all of a sudden we stopped talking, I was going to the gym, she was constantly watching stuff and playing games on her iPad, we never went anywhere or ate out as she was constantly dieting and she has problems with her hips so couldnt walk far. We stopped going away for the weekend too as she bought 2 guinea pigs and would never leave them.

 

We were just about to move into a new house and was about to move into her mum's house for 3 months to really save before our big move.

 

I got back from the stag do on the Sunday and on the Monday at work I logged on to Facebook to find a message from his step daughter telling me about their weekend together. He had gone home on the Sunday and told his wife & family it was ending and moved out. She never said a word when I returned.

 

I went home from work confronted her and kicked her out, she cried and cried and cried and came up with cliche after cliche as to why she did it. She left an hour later with her guinea pigs.

 

That day should have been a horrible day but I felt a massive release, a weight off my shoulders and a smile instantly came back to my face.

 

She said she did it because she wanted to be a wife/mother/homeowner NOW rather than save for a house, then get married and then have children.

 

A couple of days later I went through our facebook timelines and listed everything we had done and seen together and sent it to her, it was unreal at the places we had seen and done and asked her how the above would have fitted into it our lives, a house was on the horizon and the rest would have followed but as she said before she wanted to be a wife/mother/homeowner this instant rather than do it step by step with me.

 

The last I saw of her was a month later in November when we were packing up the house, it was horrible, again cliche after cliche after cliche as to why we broke up, nothing with no real substance and she said I had done nothing wrong.

 

Since that last meeting I went NC, blocked her from social media, one of her last remarks was 'Why have you stopped texting me; and I was just about NC in that first month.

 

I have thrown myself into socialising, travel fitness and work and had some brilliant times but ever since that last meeting I have had this slight migraine which wont go away, and still feel a lot of anger & hate towards her and her man.

 

They are still together despite some problems, his ex recognised me and once came up to me in a pub around Xmas time and said he was still sniffing around her. My ex has since moved into his large house that he had with his wife and this week I got an email from her to tell me she was pregnant.

 

She says it wasnt planned and had contacted me so I didnt hear it from anyone else. I havent replied. Do I keep it that way?

 

Not one of my friends has said, 'oh youve lost a good one there' and they are all of the general consensus that I have dodged a bullet. I dont miss her, there are odd things that remind me of her but I still have this hatred inside me.

 

I am now 30, got a decent job, debt free, just about to finally take my driving test, fitter than I have ever been, have an excellent social life and have enjoyed being on my own..i dont have a place of my own and lost a bit of money due to the break up but I have been welcomed in by a friends' family who I lodge with. So I think I have done well on my own so far, turning 30 wasnt that daunting and I think I maybe ready to head back to the dating scene.

 

My only question is will this hate i have within me which im trying to stop subside? Whatever I do and whatever advice I try it still seems to take over my mind.

 

Do I move out of town and make a fresh start will this kill it? I like living where I am now and have some great friends but she will always be here...with her kid and her older man.

 

Thanks for reading, as I said I hoped writing this down and putting it out there will help the hate subside and again thanks for your advice.

 

Mrs Right im waiting for you and our great life together, I hope we find each other soon.

 

And to my ex and her fella, I really do Karma hits you in some shape or form. (Please)

 

Thanks

RB

[ThorntonMelon]

Based on your post it sounds like you dodged a monster bullet.

 

That said, she deceived you in the worst way - stole your dreams and your heart and did it without remorse. Thats hard to get over. Don't beat yourself up for being hurt by it.

 

Focus on getting your own place and financial stability and your license. Once that's all steadied I think you'll find moving on to be far easier.

[RickyBrown]

Thanks for the reply, as I said in my post none of my friends/family barring my mum who was quite upset as she saw her as a daughter have all said Ive dodged a bullet and post break up I dont think a lot of them liked her!

 

That's the aim! The place will come after the car etc

 

I will keep soldiering on and make her realise she has made a very bad decision.

[NoLeafClover]

U did not dodge a bullet...u dodged a torpido.

 

Women that want a family right here right now..wait to do it with the man they spent 5 years with.

 

right here right now is not a good enough reason to screw and cheat with a coworker. She is selfish and is very ugly to you for even telling you she is pregnant from the guy she cheated on you with. Very shorty of her. She did what she did Is one thing...to tell you she's now pregnant after NC from your end for about 1 year. .is very freaking low.

 

it's not of her business what you do, who you speak to, who you hang out with , who you hear from about her getting pregnant. It is not her issue who you hear her dirty deeds from.

she did not tell you about her bring pregnant out of respect..Actually there is no respect her from here. She is telling you to hurt you and to show you that her original plan about her wanting kids is true...she is trying to justify her cheating and her reasons for getting pregnant by letting you know her situation....While she is at it why doesn't she tell you how she got pregnant... wtf.

 

why are you getting messages from her...Why is this woman not blocked?

You should be angry i would... Its normal to feel that way after what she did.

Eventually you will reach indifference but if I were you, I'd pro be angry for a very long time

[HappyLove]

I think it's normal for you to be so upset. What she did was disgusting. No, do not give her the satisfaction of responding back. I agree why is she not blocked? She's a horrible person. There had to be other signs she was so vile!

 

Sounds like you are doing great and accomplishing things in life. Leave the past in the past. You will find a wonderful woman who will love you as much as you love her. Maybe it's time you start looking for her?

[elseaacych]

Ricky: The hate will drop down in time. Just know that it's okay that you feel the way you do, as long as it doesn't interfere with your life. And it doesn't look like it has. It looks like you have done a stellar job at picking yourself up from an ended relationship that was stagnating well before hand.

 

You just keep on doing what is right for you. Don't let her get you down. You are living your life for you, don't give up hope, and someday hopefully you will meet someone who is deserving of your love.

[RickyBrown]

She has been blocked by Phone, outlook, twitter, facebook & instagram since the first week of the split, she emailed at work which i completely forgot about.

 

This was the email

 

Ricky,

 

Just wanted to let you know myself before it is taken out of my hands by gossip, I'm having a baby. It has been a shock and wasn't planned, although you know I wanted to be a mum, just maybe not quite yet. I don't think you'll be too surprised by this news but at least you are hearing it from me.

 

Hope you are ok, I do hear snippets about what u are up too and it all sounds good. I'm sure you have moved on with your life, like I have.

Lx

 

As i said yesterday I havent responded.

 

NoLeafClover i love the Torpedo line!....all your responses have made me feel instantly better.

 

Ive tried not wasting energy on the hate but it will subside, my driving license is just one little step and there will be many more.

 

Just about to go to my second weights class...ill take some anger out on those!!!

[Chi townD]

The hate will go away but you keep getting hit with these little bombshells. First was the massive one of her cheating on you. Then, you run into his Ex at the bar and she tells you that they're living together in his big house (another set back) and then she tells you she's pregnant (yet ANOTHER set back)

 

 

It's going to take time. But, focus on you! Make even more positive changes in your life! You're almost there, but get back up on your own two feet!

[Zapbasket]

She has been blocked by Phone, outlook, twitter, facebook & instagram since the first week of the split, she emailed at work which i completely forgot about.

 

This was the email

 

Ricky,

 

Just wanted to let you know myself before it is taken out of my hands by gossip, I'm having a baby. It has been a shock and wasn't planned, although you know I wanted to be a mum, just maybe not quite yet. I don't think you'll be too surprised by this news but at least you are hearing it from me.

 

Hope you are ok, I do hear snippets about what u are up too and it all sounds good. I'm sure you have moved on with your life, like I have.

Lx

 

As i said yesterday I havent responded.

 

NoLeafClover i love the Torpedo line!....all your responses have made me feel instantly better.

 

Ive tried not wasting energy on the hate but it will subside, my driving license is just one little step and there will be many more.

 

Just about to go to my second weights class...ill take some anger out on those!!!

 

I'm so sorry; that is one hell of a sh*tty email. It would make me angry no end. It's condescending and insensitive and the ending is just...:mad:

[BC1980]

She has been blocked by Phone, outlook, twitter, facebook & instagram since the first week of the split, she emailed at work which i completely forgot about.

 

This was the email

 

Ricky,

 

Just wanted to let you know myself before it is taken out of my hands by gossip, I'm having a baby. It has been a shock and wasn't planned, although you know I wanted to be a mum, just maybe not quite yet. I don't think you'll be too surprised by this news but at least you are hearing it from me.

 

Hope you are ok, I do hear snippets about what u are up too and it all sounds good. I'm sure you have moved on with your life, like I have.

Lx

 

As i said yesterday I havent responded.

 

NoLeafClover i love the Torpedo line!....all your responses have made me feel instantly better.

 

Ive tried not wasting energy on the hate but it will subside, my driving license is just one little step and there will be many more.

 

Just about to go to my second weights class...ill take some anger out on those!!!

 

That's a terrible email. She says the pregnancy was a shock but that you wouldn't be surprised to hear the news. I'm sure she planned it.

 

I think the anger will subside over time. I think I would definitely be angry for a long time if someone had done that to me. All I can say is give it time, and it may take a lot of time.

[RickyBrown]

Thanks guys.

 

Im glad others feel the email is as patronising as I thought it was.

 

Hopefully this is the end. I blocked her from my work email today, so no more unless I bump into her in person.

[FortunateSon]

Ricky, that email is awful, it's insensitive to the point of actually being malicious. As others have said, you definitely dodged a bullet(or torpedo) with her.

[mightycpa]

Thanks guys.

 

Im glad others feel the email is as patronising as I thought it was.

 

Hopefully this is the end. I blocked her from my work email today, so no more unless I bump into her in person.

 

The email was terrible. So terrible in fact, that it requires a response. Here's what I suggest:

 

Dear Matilda,

 

I'm not sure why you felt compelled to send me the email announcement of your pregnancy. If you had included an assurance it wasn't mine, that would be one thing, but I didn't read that anywhere. I'll just assume the best.

 

Nobody I know talks about you anymore, so it is doubtful that I would have ever known. Had the blessed event worked its way through the grapevine to me, I would have been delighted to hear it. In a way, you've robbed me of that joy. So in the future, should you ever have more news about your major or insignificant life events that you feel the need to share with me, I'd appreciate it if you don't. It really isn't necessary, I'll just depend on the grapevine. Thanks anyway.

 

I suppose congratulations are in order. Mazel Tov!

 

RickyBrown

[erklat]

No responding will do him better. That is one crazy biotch.

[me85]

I'm so sorry you went through all that but you quickly reacted in all the right ways so great for you!

 

No, don't reply to her text. No no no.

 

I'm moving out of state due to the fact that my ex lives so close and I just need a fresh start for a multitude of reasons. Not just because of my broken heart.

 

Do whatever you want to do. You're young, unmarried and have no children so what's stopping you? A fresh start is exactly what we need!

[somecamel]

She has been blocked by Phone, outlook, twitter, facebook & instagram since the first week of the split, she emailed at work which i completely forgot about.

 

This was the email

 

Ricky,

 

Just wanted to let you know myself before it is taken out of my hands by gossip, I'm having a baby. It has been a shock and wasn't planned, although you know I wanted to be a mum, just maybe not quite yet. I don't think you'll be too surprised by this news but at least you are hearing it from me.

 

Hope you are ok, I do hear snippets about what u are up too and it all sounds good. I'm sure you have moved on with your life, like I have.

Lx

 

As i said yesterday I havent responded.

 

NoLeafClover i love the Torpedo line!....all your responses have made me feel instantly better.

 

Ive tried not wasting energy on the hate but it will subside, my driving license is just one little step and there will be many more.

 

Just about to go to my second weights class...ill take some anger out on those!!!

 

Delete that email now, and then empty your trash folder.

 

You don't need to be wallowing in this, delete, forget and move on.

 

And block her email address from your work email as well:)

[Michael 93]

Ricky, Do not view this in a negative way.

 

She still feels compelled to keep you informed of what she is doing to hurt and try to provoke a reaction, this is the classic making of a low life woman who still has you on her mind.

 

You are in control here, not only within this situation but of your life.

 

You sound balanced and strong and you should be very proud of how far you have come.

 

Continue to move forward and DO NOT reply to this woman. I know it may seem difficult but you will feel a lot better later.

 

It will only open up another can of worms which you could do without. Block her email and continue to move forward

 

It will only be a matter of time until you meet someone who knocks your socks off. After this she will be a distant memory.

 

You can then progress and create a family of your own. Maybe then you could unblock her number and say "Hey Love, Just to let you know before you hear from anyone else ...........Haha just messing"

 

Well done on how far you have come. you should be very proud of yourself.

 

Mike

[RickyBrown]

Hi guys,

 

The email was deleted and emptied from my trash can within the hour of it arriving, i cut and pasted the email that she sent from an email I sent to a friend, this has again been deleted, so it just lives on on this forum only.

 

I haven't responded to her and I won't & going to keep NC, you are right she wants a reaction, it has been a week already and with your help I feel a lot better, another test is going to be tonight when I play football (another thing ive taken up since she left) against her brother in law, who was my friend long before he met her sister and is a very good friend, but I think it will be a little awkward this evening.

 

Michael 93, I do feel in control of the situation, finding out how I did about her relationship with this man has meant ive always had a bit of an upper hand, she has lost not only me but many friends too, but she has a house (albeit not hers) and a baby on the way so she will think that she has made the right decision, Like I say I just hope for Karma to bring the whole relationship down.

 

Thanks again for all your comments guys, ive come on even further with my mind set since the weekend, ive just received a complimentary magazine at work and normally don't take notice of stuff like this, but Ill take my horoscope for this month!:

 

This time last year you wouldnt have thought you could have fit in all the expansion and developments that your daily schedule has come up with, especially in the past 6 or 7 months, but somehow you manage and even enjoy it.

 

From the 16th and for a whole year, that same sense of positive expansion is now reaching certain relationships, contacts and agreements.

 

It's a time of opportunity and recognition in those areas of life, so get ready for developments (maybe starting with the new moon on the 26th?). Before, that there's an adventure or two to appreciate, around and about the 12th.

 

Bring it on!