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Now she suddenly only sees me as a friend!?


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gatorsuperman

Ok I dated this girl for 2 years, were basically together for 3 years but we were long distance/not ready/etc.., anyway, It was my first serious relationship and I truly loved her. She broke up with me back in February because she said I neglected her, I didn't value her enough and she would do all kinds of things for me but i never did anything for her. Looking back, I didn't do as much as she did, but I ALWAYS made sure to tell her how much I loved her. I even held doors open, things like that. But apparently she said I didn't SHOW enough. But before the break up she would say things like I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. After the break up she said she still had feelings for me, but she needed space and didn't wanna just jump back in. But in the mean time, we would talk every day, hang out all the time, go to the beach, etc. At one point she was considering getting back together with me, but said I was too clingy now. Really, since I neglected her so much before, I went overboard and was compensating for it, so I did get clingy. During this breakup time we always had a great time together, it was like we were dating again. She took me home to her family (I've met them before though), and we went to the beach with her family. But I was always paranoid that she would find someone else and I made it known way too much and she got sick of it. I felt like I was in limbo waiting and it was killing me inside I guess thats why I kept mentioning it. After we got back from the beach with her family when it was just us two back at her place, we got into it again about some guy she was texting (we got into it about this guy a few times before which is why i was so upset). This time she had enough, she literally and suddenly told me she didn't wanna see me or talk to me anymore. And that she wanted someone else. So we go no contact for a few days. Then suddenly she texts and calls me and says she misses me, we talk for a bit and thats it. Now we talk almost every day again and she obviously feels a connection with me, she says she can't talk to anyone else like she can talk to me. Now suddenly she says she only sees me as a friend and she's not attracted to me anymore. How does she go from being crazy in love with me (which she definitely was when we dated, it was obvious), to now only seeing me as a friend? Is there any way to get her back? I truly love her and I do know how valuable she is to me and wouldn't neglect her, she knows this. And she knows how much I love her too. I'm lost for what to do now...

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todreaminblue

this really isnt fair on you at all, she can make up her mind with you or not with you...you care too much abtou her to just be her friend and watch and know she is texting other guys because after all she is makign no commitment to you...let her go....

 

 

 

tell her to let you know if she ever makes her mind up what she really wants but friendship for you and her is out for now....go no contact and dont take her crap until its what you want to know and this time she better show it..and nto be so self minded abtou what i want what i need where i want to eb with you...you do count you know fro having feelings desires and hopes...other than hers....be affirmative....

 

 

.....let anyone walk all over you they will every damn time you show vulnerability and carign they take it as open access to pull back and treat you differently...its wrong and not mature.......dont worry i often let people walk all over me too because i have a soft heart and i care too much but...eventually i get jack of it....and i let people go...i forgive them but i dont have to put up with being dragged through indecision or mud for them every time they feel like putting me down or taking me for granted...........its for the best....for you and for her....help her mature a bit.....deb

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i never read it all, but all i can tell you is, go get the hottest girl out there, next time you talk to her, make it the last,

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Its hard to get the real full picture without being in it.

 

But there could be multiple things going on. First off, Have you read this book called the 5 Love Languages. Its a book that details on how people receive love. So a part of me is wondering, if that is what started the discontent. Like for me wit my boyfriend, its represented in quality time together. And for me its by gestures and small little gifts. Although you did nice acts, all the things she was doing for you was maybe ways she wanted to receive it too. Okay the other point, within the 3 years have you let yourself go? Are you the same guy you were 3 years ago. Maybe something happened and she doesnt find you attractive. Its not that looks are everything, and you should love someone for who they are, but I guess attraction is somewhat important to people. You should ask her directly see what she says. You guys talk for the long periods of time because she is comfortable with you.

 

I am wondering if you a) did things in ways she recieves love b) spruced up the way you looked if that what was going on c) or cut off all communications and started seeing other people, how differently things would be.

 

I know its hard when you care about someone, but the ball is all is her court, and if she doesnt want to be with you, is that fair to you? Anyways, just my 2 cents.

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Ok I dated this girl for 2 years, were basically together for 3 years but we were long distance/not ready/etc.., anyway, It was my first serious relationship and I truly loved her. She broke up with me back in February because she said I neglected her, I didn't value her enough and she would do all kinds of things for me but i never did anything for her. Looking back, I didn't do as much as she did, but I ALWAYS made sure to tell her how much I loved her. I even held doors open, things like that. But apparently she said I didn't SHOW enough. But before the break up she would say things like I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. After the break up she said she still had feelings for me, but she needed space and didn't wanna just jump back in. But in the mean time, we would talk every day, hang out all the time, go to the beach, etc. At one point she was considering getting back together with me, but said I was too clingy now. Really, since I neglected her so much before, I went overboard and was compensating for it, so I did get clingy. During this breakup time we always had a great time together, it was like we were dating again. She took me home to her family (I've met them before though), and we went to the beach with her family. But I was always paranoid that she would find someone else and I made it known way too much and she got sick of it. I felt like I was in limbo waiting and it was killing me inside I guess thats why I kept mentioning it. After we got back from the beach with her family when it was just us two back at her place, we got into it again about some guy she was texting (we got into it about this guy a few times before which is why i was so upset). This time she had enough, she literally and suddenly told me she didn't wanna see me or talk to me anymore. And that she wanted someone else. So we go no contact for a few days. Then suddenly she texts and calls me and says she misses me, we talk for a bit and thats it. Now we talk almost every day again and she obviously feels a connection with me, she says she can't talk to anyone else like she can talk to me. Now suddenly she says she only sees me as a friend and she's not attracted to me anymore. How does she go from being crazy in love with me (which she definitely was when we dated, it was obvious), to now only seeing me as a friend? Is there any way to get her back? I truly love her and I do know how valuable she is to me and wouldn't neglect her, she knows this. And she knows how much I love her too. I'm lost for what to do now...

 

She wants someone else. You were dumped for a myriad of reasons according to her, but the main reason is simple: she likes another guy more than you. But apparently, the guy she wants may not be so keen on committing to her.

 

This behavior, the ILYBINILWY lines, the back and forth "I miss yous" and the mixed signals, are all a near subsconscious manipulation technique designed to keep you hanging on, because if a girl outright tells you she wants someone else, usually the guy would just cut her off and not speak to her again.

 

Wait, she did say that to you. My advice is usually the same...while she may CARE about you, she's no longer madly attracted to you. That means you're no longer obligated to be her friend if you don't want to. And I'm sure you don't.

 

She likes someone else, it's that simple.

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Its hard to get the real full picture without being in it.

 

But there could be multiple things going on. First off, Have you read this book called the 5 Love Languages. Its a book that details on how people receive love. So a part of me is wondering, if that is what started the discontent. Like for me wit my boyfriend, its represented in quality time together. And for me its by gestures and small little gifts. Although you did nice acts, all the things she was doing for you was maybe ways she wanted to receive it too. Okay the other point, within the 3 years have you let yourself go? Are you the same guy you were 3 years ago. Maybe something happened and she doesnt find you attractive. Its not that looks are everything, and you should love someone for who they are, but I guess attraction is somewhat important to people. You should ask her directly see what she says. You guys talk for the long periods of time because she is comfortable with you.

 

I am wondering if you a) did things in ways she recieves love b) spruced up the way you looked if that what was going on c) or cut off all communications and started seeing other people, how differently things would be.

 

I know its hard when you care about someone, but the ball is all is her court, and if she doesnt want to be with you, is that fair to you? Anyways, just my 2 cents.

 

That's great but he should change for himself. He could have been the freaking king of England and women will still bore of him eventually.

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gatorsuperman

No I haven't put on weight or anything like that, actually during our relationship I started to put on weight, and in the last 6-8 months of our relationship I actually started hitting the gym hard to improve myself and ended up in the best shape of my life. I even got her into the gym routine and she still does it to this day. So if anything I'm more attractive than I was in the beginning when we first met. She obviously still feels a connection with me or she wouldn't be talking to me everyday. And before our last fight we were just talking about her family and she told me I'm the only person she cares about in this world besides her parents.

 

So today I called her back to talk about what went down yesterday and she basically said she is dating around and has a few guys she's interested in and they've hung out a few times but just casually. I know she's hoping for more from them so maybe you're right about her being into someone else just they're not as into her. I basically told her that I'm not ok with going from being her #1 priority to now being at the bottom of her priority list below these other guys, and that I'll never be ok talking to her while she has a boyfriend or someone else she's sleeping with, things like that. She basically got so upset and told me that we shouldn't be friends or anything and literally hung up on me before I could say anything more....why?

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