alex44103 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I recently contacted my ex who left me for another man 2 months ago after 4 years together telling her I had moved on found someone else and I really did love her and she responded with this.... Stop messaging me ! I'm fed up of these stupid messages were not together n that's really just it ! Gave me everything my arse alex take a good look at everything really and think about it coz you wore ****ing sunshines n rainbows like your trying to make out leave me alone now I don't wanna hear from you again stop feeling sorry for yourself n grow the **** up ! Why is she so angry about me sending a nice message to her explaining that It was for the best what she did :S? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Well Alex, If this is true: telling her I had moved on who gives a $#it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I have a feeling she's the normal one and that you're bombarding her with messages all the time. She's obviously over you and actually can't stand you. I'm on her side, actually. Why the heck would you tell her you've "moved on and found someone else"? That's ridiculous. Leave the girl alone. Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Seems petty and obvious that you are not over her if you have to make the point of telling her your are over her and that you met someone else. My ex did same thing to me in a round about way and it made me lose even more respect for her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex44103 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Tbh no I'm not over her completely but not because I want her back. I just want her to acknowledge I even exist and give me some closure we were together 4 years! Iv'e sent her 4 messages asking why she did what she did in the space on 2 months only to be ignored by her she only responded to my last message. You don't understand this girl went from I want to start trying for a baby to leaving me for someone at her work within the space of a month so naturally my head was all over the place and I don't understand what went wrong. She didn't even tell me that there was someone else I had to find out for myself off of a a mutual friend what her real motive for leaving was. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Yes, what she did is for the best. That fact you thought it was OK to contact her to tell her you have moved on -- when contacting her at all proves that you have not moved on -- tells me you needed the swift kick she gave you. Although you may have been a couple at this point, this woman doesn't like you. If you reach out again, she may seek police involvement. She hates you & thinks you are borderline crazy. She also has a vastly different perspective about how broken & messed up your relationship was before it ended. You apparently had a romantic notion (sunshine & rainbows) but could not see the reality of how bad it was. Take her at her word & stop contacting her. When you are tempted to call her, remind yourself that she HATES you. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Iv'e sent her 4 messages asking why she did what she did in the space on 2 months only to be ignored by her she only responded to my last message. That's your response. You're trying to force her hand to give you relief from the confusion and hurt you feel. She cannot and will not give you that. Ignoring you is her response so stop trying to manipulate your way into getting some sort of closure from her. Relationships end. Nothing is a guarantee. People change. Their feelings change. They cheat. They lie. They want a baby with you today, they want out tomorrow. Your closure comes from accepting that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. She may have even been detaching months before the ending and that's why she easily latched on to someone else. You told her you moved on to someone else because you wanted to make her jealous, hopefully get a reaction -- it backfired. Stop trying to get her to tie up your loose ends. You have to come to terms with it on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex44103 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Okay then thank you for the responses. I understand what you guys are saying it's just at this point its hard to think of things logically as to me it was out of the blue. I'm not a stupid guy I can see that messaging her makes me look like a crazy ex who can't let go but you have to understand that I wasn't the typical clingy boyfriend to her or anything like that infact quite the opposite. I always wanted time to do things on my own like my hobbies and seeing my friends and she could never accept that as she didn't really have any friends or any hobbies her life was basically revolved around me I always tried to get her to have her own life.I needed space sometimes which is why this has shocked me so much. To her obviously she had been detaching for a while behind my back. Its hard to come to terms with somebody you loved and trusted cheating you when everything seemed good at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Then it's her not you. She may just be a mean person. Either way, you have to let her be because there is nothing there for you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex44103 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 I know there isn't anything there for me anymore that is clear but I don't have any frame of reference this was my first love and first LTR so I'm struggling to deal with what has happened it's like the person I knew just vanished into thin air and became someone else in such a small amount of time. Thank you for the response. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I know there isn't anything there for me anymore that is clear but I don't have any frame of reference this was my first love and first LTR so I'm struggling to deal with what has happened it's like the person I knew just vanished into thin air and became someone else in such a small amount of time. Thank you for the response. Unfortunately, most of us feel that way after a break-up. The truth is, you will NEVER find the answers. She could tell you it was ABC that lead to the break-up and even then you will never know if that is really the truth. She can say XYZ were the reasons why and it won't make you feel any better because at the end of the day you will still feel betrayed, wronged, etc. Of course the person you once knew vanished into thin air. When you courted and dated she was emotionally invested. When they detach everything changes. She's not that same person to you because the dynamics have changed. And when someone is emotionally detached from you, the last thing they want to do is soothe your emotional needs and keep revisiting the past. She has no investment in that anymore. She's involved with someone else and is consumed by her new relationship. She cannot give you the answers you need. You have to accept that it ended and that part of your life is over. That is your closure. Why she did what she did is just wasted energy because you will never get the answers you need. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Dude, you need to let go and move on. She isn't worth your time. She knows she did you wrong and you contacting her is a constant reminder of how badly she handled everything and bringing that guilt back up to the surface. So, she finally lashed out at you. And to be honest, to her, it makes you look weak and you don't want that. Right now, she doesn't care what she did to you. Right now, she thinks you're pathetic. DO NOT GIVE HER THAT POWER OVER YOU! Start NC. strict NO CONTACT. I speculate that after some time. She MAY feel bad about how she spoke to you the last time. One thing about a lot of girls. They hate the fact that someone on this planet hates them or doesn't think they're a nice person, so she might reach out to you in guilt to see where your head is at. IGNORE HER! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT! SHE MADE HER STANCE PRETTY CLEAR TO YOU!!! Heal and move on, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Boymeetsgirl Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Dude.. I am in a similar situation. Girl left me for another guy and I only found that out through friends. I reached out a few time during my NC and she pretty much blew me off with "take care". Your ex seems pretty horrible tbh. I'm in strict NC again and its for me. But a part of me always wonders about her and if she misses me. I guess only time will tell. If she reaches out to you and apologises just either ignore and continue NC or text back "no worries, take care" that will probably get to her that you are so relaxed about things and you have actually kind of blown her off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex44103 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 Thanks for the responses. I am moving on but it seems to be a slow process. I am being told many things about her that I never knew for instance she actually kissed one of my friends sisters who is a lesbian when she was drunk. I had no idea about it. That has added to the confusion I feel right now and certain girl mates I had have suddenly become interested in hanging around with my ex and telling me how lovely her new bf is... needless to say I cut contact with them. As strange as this sounds when I was with her my life and railway career were not going anywhere I was jobless and quite depressed about it. Then suddenly out of the blue I got a call offering me work on the railways and now I work for £12 an hour which is fantastic money for somebody my age (20 years old). I just don't get life when I was with her I was desperately trying to find work so we could move out of parents houses and live a life together. Then she dumps me and poof I start getting more money than I know what to do with. It makes me feel guilty like if I had just gotten work sooner maybe she would have stuck around and things would have got better and I feel guilty for moving on with my life without her because everything I have done since I was 16 was for her and our future. Can anybody shed some light on why all this makes me feel guilty? I know I shouldn't but I do strangely. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 So she went behind your back with another guy, probably cheated, didn't give you a decent breakup or explanations, and she acts and talks like a bitch. People don't change so much in 2 month. I'm guessing there were a lot of things you didn't notice in your R. So i'm sorry to tell you but you're probably naive and have a lot to learn about identifying the RIGHT girl for you. Try to earn something and learn from your mistakes. And never ever never ever send another message if you're being ignored the previous one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex44103 Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 The story goes like this. We were together from the age of 16 both first loves and lost our virginity to each other. She got pregnant at 17 and miscarried. Since that time she had always wanted a kid with me but I always just told her to wait until we were older and more mature. During the last 4 months or so I was really distant and not paying her much attention. I saw her everyday but she somehow felt like I wasn't all there and we kissed less and I was very focussed on myself. Now both 20 years old she suddenly dumps me out of the blue for someone at work 2 months ago. One month before that she was begging me for us to start trying for a baby to which I replied just wait a little while longer so I can sort my career out. I have tried to text message her on Fb and it all just got ignored by her because she's suddenly happy with her new 24 year old bf. Should I send her this last one message? "Iv'e spent the last 2 months trying to figure out why you did what you did and although I don't know everything it was me who pushed you away. I was obsessed with myself and my life while you just waited for me to grow up and not having a life of your own. I stopped kissing you, showing that I cared and got too comfortable with you being around like we were just friends. I stopped taking your needs into account only focusing on mine. I wanted some freedom I was too focussed on myself and you could sense that and lost attraction to me and saw the relationship going nowhere. Your an insecure person and I couldn't make you feel secure. Your a great girl and I would give all the worthless money I make now just to be the one who puts that big cute smile I loved on your face. If I still feel like I love you after what happened then some part of you must still love me and that's enough for to just stop chasing you and move on..." Link to post Share on other sites
Shields boy Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Sorry to hear that man. Tough times for you. I would not send her nothing. She is on the rebound and will more than likely come crawling back someday in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Dude. Let her go. In your last thread, you said that you sent her a message saying you're with someone and you've moved on. You obviously haven't moved on one bit. Leave this girl alone. Accept the breakup and move forward with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex44103 Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 Some days I feel like I have moved on. Then others its like some crazy person takes over and just needs to message her and get some kind of response from her. I lied about there being another girl I'm not interested in other girls yet it's only been 2 months since my ex I just wanted to see how she would react and that was the best way I could think of getting a response. I know it's wrong I just want her to feel SOMETHING for me. We were together for 1/5 of our entire lives and now she just seems so indifferent to me so fast. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Believe me man, you will always be part of her heart and mind. Now, whether she looks back fondly or negatively is up to you. Hopefully you haven't done too much damage to your image at this point, but if you keep harassing her, she may look back on you with disgust. Trust me. I know what you're feeling and going through. My recent ex also left for a coworker. However, there's not a single thing I have done "wrong" since the breakup. Guess what? She's finding any excuse to contact me, after over 2 months. I also still have strong feelings for a girl I let go whom I'd spent over half my life knowing. Those feelings don't go away. You have a lot of years ahead of you and a lot of possibilities. There's nothing you can do with your ex at this point. You need to leave her alone. If she comes back, she comes back. It doesn't matter. You are young. Go live your life. Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 All you will do is push her farther away. In one sentence, you acknowledge your failure to nurture the relationship, and then you call her insecure. Sorry, but that's BS. She left because you became distant and that's a reasonable consequence of your actions. You have lost her. I would not send her anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex44103 Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 She was insecure. The most insecure person I have ever know. She would cover her body from me during sex even at the end of our relationship. She was always in the mirror and couldn't go out without thinking some random girl was staring at me or something. That was the main reason I became distant I couldn't handle the insecurities sometimes it just drove me crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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