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Ugh, She Contacted Me During No Contact. What does she mean when she says this?


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So, my ex dumped me three months ago. We were together for five years. I was a jerk, I was very critical and I yelled at her a few times. Did some other really dumb **** when I was angry.

 

She started dating 1.5 months after the split. The first guy she dated she knew from work and she found out he had a girlfriend. She sounded so infatuated when she talked about him before she found out, and they'd been on one date. She stopped dating him and started dating the dude she's currently in a "relationship" with about 1.5 months ago. He was the very next guy she dated, and she jumped into a relationship with him.

 

She cried during the two times she saw me to give me back my stuff, the last time I saw her was less than a month ago. She lives about 5 hours away from me after she kicked me out of our place. She puts up pins on pinterest about how great her new guy is and how great he makes her feel all the time. She also puts up pins that are somewhat related to me, like stuff about not giving too many second chances, comparing him to me etc.

 

I've been in regular contact since the breakup. I know, I know. At first, I begged and pleaded. Then we talked as friends. I sent her a really heartfelt email and she called and sounded very sad and regretful about the relationship, and for a while sounded like she would take me back. She always said we can't be together "right now". In the next few weeks she got really angry at me and would yell and scream at me over the phone when I tried to talk about the relationship. She said I was manipulative. Now, she seems cold and uninterested.

 

I went low low contact about 9 days ago. The conversation we had 9 days ago she sounded bored, uninterested, and somewhat angry. That hurt. Since I've only sent a few texts here and there. Once when I saw her online on facebook, to call her "phoneface", a funny little nickname I would give her when we were together and she was on facebook. The other time, I saw a status she posted about her debit card number being stolen. We were on each other's accounts so I said she could have my password, because she said her's wasn't working in her facebook post.

 

So after a while of me not calling, texting, etc. she texts me and tells me she found the title to my car when looking for some other stuff. She asks if I want her to mail it or if she should bring it to me the next time she comes to visit. Why would she ask this? I feel like if she didn't want to see me she could just drop it in the mail and let me know? I nicely but briefly told her it was up to her, made a joke, and left it at that. Does this mean she wants to see me, or am I reading too much into it? WTF?

Edited by broken2828
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how often does she come to visit? sounds like she's going to stretch out your breakup, so if you can deal with that, then by all means, you should have her come on over.

 

Otherwise, if this is difficult for you, I'd send her a self-addressed, stamped envelope with a note to put it in there.

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SoThatHappened

First off, you haven't been in No Contact at all.

 

Second, you're letting her drag you through the mud while you check her social media. Stop that. Block, delete, unregister, whatever you have to do to not see a single thing about her.

 

Third, she's probably keeping you as a backup plan in case the new guy doesn't work. Scratch that, she'd DEFINITELY keeping you as Plan B. Don't ever be someone's backup plan.

 

She probably offered to drop the title off so she can continue to dig her claws into you and ensure you're still there as her backup plan. She keeps tugging on the leash to make sure you're still there. Stop that. Tell her just to mail it.

 

You're doing everything wrong. I'm not being mean when I say that, but you are doing everything wrong.

 

Go NO CONTACT. None. She will likely squirm and send you breadcrumbs. Since you're already in contact anyway, tell her you need to go NC to heal. That will at least set the tone and she won't be left wondering "why" you stopped talking. Tell her you're gonna go NC and truly go NC.

 

I went NC on my ex and almost 2 months later she offered to drop off DVD's and books at my house, which is over an hour away from where she lives. I told her to just throw everything away and to not drop anything off. Then back to NC.

 

Also, NC is for YOU to heal, not to get her back. That's the tough part to remember, but you need to understand that.

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So after a while of me not calling, texting, etc. she texts me and tells me she found the title to my car when looking for some other stuff. She asks if I want her to mail it or if she should bring it to me the next time she comes to visit. Why would she ask this? I feel like if she didn't want to see me she could just drop it in the mail and let me know? I nicely but briefly told her it was up to her, made a joke, and left it at that. Does this mean she wants to see me, or am I reading too much into it? WTF?

 

Come on man, why are you using all this energy and effort to pursue someone who left you AND is in a relationship with someone else?

 

I personally feel she just wants to give you the title of your car back. She has asked you what to do with the title and you were given two choices. Take the first, by telling her to mail it to you. Either that or have a trust-worthy friend get it for you. You don't need the contact anymore and you know it.

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music_and_poetry

Honestly I think you're reading too much into this. She found it and knows it's important paperwork you need to have. She was being courteous if anything. Imagine if you had no CLUE where it was and she never told you she had it.

 

This needs to be just like a business transaction. Nothing more. No hidden meaning. I like the idea of sending an addressed and stamped envelope.

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She called you about the title to your car. You need that & it will be very expensive & inconvenient if you have to have it replaced. She was being mature & responsible. Nothing about that communication tells me she wants to reconcile.

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And also, you need to go NO CONTACT with her. You need to heal and move on. That includes blocking her on Facebook and unfollowing on Pin..whatever. I mean, if she posting stuff like comparing you to her new boyfriend, that's just cruel and mean. Yet, you sit there and take it!

 

 

Here's the rub! SHE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!!! Therefore, you have nothing more to talk about. She made some choices and unfortunately, it wasn't you. She also made the choice to have you out of her life. Why would you want to hang around someone that threw you away?

 

 

It's time to let go and start NC. It's time to heal and move on. She already has, but for whatever reason, you haven't. And that means that you're not being fair to yourself.

 

 

Block her on social media, ignore her and move on.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I googled my ex's new boyfriend. I know, I know, not exactly the healthiest thing to do, but how many of us are honestly guilty of it?

 

Anyway, I found his account on a website called Tapiture. Thinks pinterest for dudes. He has a bunch of disgusting memes pinned there.

 

"Oh, she in a relationship now? No more 'likes' for you, bitch"

 

And he writes underneath of it "true".

 

"I will **** you like the slut I wish you to be, then hold you like the princess you are"

 

"If it has tires or tits, it's gonna give you problems"

 

"Be honest, do you want my dick?"

 

And a few others that are perverse and make references to "bitches".

 

This, to me, is just disgusting and a true indication of his character. There's other half decent, even cute stuff mixed in.

 

I guess the inevitable question, my burning desire, should I send this to my ex so she can realize what this guy is really like? The thought of this perv taking advantage of my girl is just nauseating.

Edited by broken2828
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It is not your place to send it to her. She is no longer your girl.

 

What do you expect her to do when she finds out? I promise you she will take his side, then you are left hurt.

 

Case in point, I found out my ex new gf was telling lies about me. I confronted ex and she made excuses for new gf.

 

After that, I asked myself what I really wanted to happen. I guess I wanted my ex to come running back to my arms. Not going to happen. And I am glad she didn't. Had she come back to me, I would have always wondered the real reason.

 

Leave it alone. Who knows, maybe she likes that now? But more probable is he just likes to give others the opinion that he is alpha and it is a joke. He is probably all sweet and cuddly with her.

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Requiem4Dreams

It's her problem now. Every time you dig into her life you're invariably going to set yourself back to day 1 of NC.

 

Not to mention that the statement is when you going digging, all you'll ever find is pain.

 

Let it go my friend. Move on, and let her sleep in the bed she made.

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Seems like if it was a joke, he wouldnt write "true" under it.

 

Shes 28, very responsible and mature. Hes almost 30. I could see this type of stuff from a teen, but comeon.

 

Also, theyre all sweet and cuddly... at first. The users, the abusers, the pychos etc.

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Nonono. Leave her be. She's a big girl, she can make decisions in her life. And if she's really naive, then a lesson in life will do her good.

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Im just afraid she will be so infatuated with him for so long that her feelings for me will completely fade.

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aussietigerwolf

I would be totally disgusted with a guy that did that but... Its also not your place to tell her. She's not going to believe it wasn't a joke and you'll feel hurt.

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Simon Phoenix

If you want to further desexualize yourself in her eyes and make yourself look like a jealous, clingy snitch with no boundaries or respect for her, then go ahead and do this. But there's no way you can do this without looking like a desperate, pushy chump. She made her bed, it's up to her to sleep in it. You playing white knight isn't going to have a positive effect -- if anything, it will prompt her to try harder with him just to spite you.

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I would be totally disgusted with a guy that did that but... Its also not your place to tell her. She's not going to believe it wasn't a joke and you'll feel hurt.

 

THANK YOU for the first part of your post. Glad I'm not the only one who smells a scumbag here.

 

Also, she says their relationship is "low key". In my experience, "low key" means on the down low, so he can pursue other girls. They haven't changed their facebook relationship statuses. At first, I figured she was doing it to preserve my feelings, but now that I think about it he probably just wants to play the field. When I found this, I literally threw up.

 

She's all alone besides a few acquaintances down there. She's desperate for companionship after being with me every day for five years. I just think the whole situation is sick.

 

He's also butt ugly. I'm not saying that out of jealousy, she briefly dated a pretty good looking cat until she found out he had a girlfriend. I could objectively say he wasn't hard on the eyes. But this joker, he's fugly. He's worked at wal mart for 10 years, he can't spell (judging by his facebook), the last woman he dated WAS A GRANDMOTHER. I just don't see what she sees in him. Oh, they both like harry potter...

Edited by broken2828
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Simon Phoenix
THANK YOU for the first part of your post. Glad I'm not the only one who smells a scumbag here.

 

Also, she says their relationship is "low key". In my experience, "low key" means on the down low, so he can pursue other girls. They haven't changed their facebook relationship statuses. At first, I figured she was doing it to preserve my feelings, but now that I think about it he probably just wants to play the field. When I found this, I literally threw up.

 

You shouldn't know any of this. Why the hell are you in contact with her? Honestly, I couldn't tell you the names of the people my ex has dated after me, how many there were, or what they looked like. There's absolutely no point in checking up on that information -- all it does is keep you mired in the muck.

 

Yes, the guy that she's dating sounds like a tool. But it's not your place to tell her that. It's up to her to figure that out. Hell, you should want your ex to date tools -- they will make you look better in comparison if they are toolish enough. And if she likes tools, do you really want to be with a person who encourages that type of behavior from others? But yeah, you need to stop talking to her and checking up on what she's doing. It's a completely counterproductive waste of your time.

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You shouldn't know any of this. Why the hell are you in contact with her? Honestly, I couldn't tell you the names of the people my ex has dated after me, how many there were, or what they looked like. There's absolutely no point in checking up on that information -- all it does is keep you mired in the muck.

 

Yes, the guy that she's dating sounds like a tool. But it's not your place to tell her that. It's up to her to figure that out. Hell, you should want your ex to date tools -- they will make you look better in comparison if they are toolish enough. And if she likes tools, do you really want to be with a person who encourages that type of behavior from others? But yeah, you need to stop talking to her and checking up on what she's doing. It's a completely counterproductive waste of your time.

 

I love her, man. I was in a situation where I literally risked my life to protect this girl. We were gong to get married. I screwed it all up, and I can't let her suffer because of my stupid mistakes.

 

I don't want her to date tools. I want her to get back with me, or marry a better man than me and be happy.

Edited by broken2828
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