I think it really is over this time.

[heartache25]

Hey, my name is *****. I hope some one can give me some real advice and you read my story.

 

So i met my gf at 21, i was a lonely guy and she was gorgeous, amazing. We always had a rocky relationship, arguements when drunk etc, she wasnt a very good drinker. For the 3 years, she was my world, i worshipped her. I was with her for around 4 year, last year was real tough, lots of arguements, no sex life, not wanting to be around each other. We kept braking up but i would always be the one who ran back to her. For months she has told me she doesnt love me or want me anymore, its hard to belive cause she has said it so many times and we get back together. She suffers from pretty bad anxiety. But i always went back to her and got her back. This time we had a arguement when drunk again, we have been split up for over 2 weeks now, i still try to email her but she keeps telling me she doesnt want to be with me and doesnt love me and wants to move on. WHY THE HELL, can my heart not accept this? I want to let her go, i have to, this is what she wants! but it HURTS so much, 2 weeks is the longest we have spent apart in 4 years, i think it really is over this time. I have to leave her but my heart hurts, i have been in contact with her on emails just trying to chat for a few days but tonight she blocked me and said good luck and wished me well. How long will my heart hurt?! Damn...

 

I think about her every day and morning and night and every few minutes still, i fight and force my mind to think and tell myself its over get over it, but i'm getting mentally tired from battling the thoughts out, which cause hurt and pain. she meant so much to me. At times i have battled with suicidal thoughts but i know it's dumb to think it but i used to suffer from it when i was younger. I can't keep chasing her, i HAVE to let her go. This Sucks really bad, i'm lost and hurt.

 

I know that she missed me too, she has told me on the emails but just doesnt want it, i dont get it. she gets so upset speaking with me, she says it hurts her too?! How?! You leave me, why she fights mentally again it? Maybe it is the anxiety.

Edited August 19, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Pendragon]

Hey heartache,

 

It sounds to me that you've made her your source of happiness by placing her on this high pedestal and becoming co-dependent (you mentioned you were a lonely guy before meeting her). Trust me, if break-ups didn't hurt then an enormous amount of people here on LS wouldn't be here. It's completely natural to feel hurt and it's something you have to embrace while moving on.

 

On-and-off relationships tend to die out sooner or later and you have said it yourself: your relationship (which is now dead) had always been a rocky one with arguments all over the place. Every time you two break up, the trust and the relationship slowly breaks down eventually to a point where you can't mend it anymore.

 

She left you, blocked you, told you to move on, doesn't want to be with you, and has said that she doesn't love you. It's harsh to hear but it's something you have to accept. This break-up could be hard on her too (but to a lesser degree) and/or she's trying not to hurt you as much.

 

What you should do is start NC and actually accept this pain. Start meeting others, developing your life, going to the gym, etc. If alcohol was an issue in your relationship, take some time to address that problem and change ways. Your source of happiness should come from you and not her. As for the time, it varies from person-to-person and situation-to-situation; it could take months, it could take over a year, or any time in between.

[heartache25]

I have placed her high up there cause i did so much for her i think. I miss her so much but i can't go back to her again BUT i want to just hear her voice. We broke up 3 weeks ago this sunday after a arguement, she told me she has been wanting to brake up with me for months, so i guess she did prepare herself for the brakeup, while i didn't, cause i loved her. I went 10 days the first time without any contact but i thought to myself "She is never going to contact me" i turned up at her house drunk, at 2am, she had to be at work at 7. She let me in and we hugged on her bed and she cryed saying i need to let her go, i got a few hugs and one last kiss. then i had to leave and walk home. I went home and again, collapsed on no contact, we spoke on emails for a few days. until she blocked my account from emailing her. so now i'm only 4 days into no contact again but already struggling, time is going, days and weeks and i miss her so much.

 

Problem is, even if i am strong enough to keep to no contact, MY COUSIN, is engaged to HER sister. So at my cousins baby christening, my ex will be the childs god parent, and so will i. (Its messed up i know but its ok) so i will bump into her again, either way in around 5 month. This is going to re-open my hurt for her.

 

I am a gym user quite often usually but from the last arguement, i punched the floor and fractured my knuckle, so i can't go the gym, i sit in my room every day and then go to work and all i do is think of her, i have no friends and my family all have their own problems.

 

What can i do

Edited August 14, 2014 by heartache25

[josephrm]

Let me put it this way. 3 years later I'm still not over my ex. You never know how long it will last. I refuse to give up 100%. For me It worked out. 3 years later we are talking again. Now with a more mature mindset then before. Well see how it goes.

 

Edit: NC is good. I did NC. if your meant to be together you will cross paths down the road.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I have placed her high up there cause i did so much for her i think. I miss her so much but i can't go back to her again BUT i want to just hear her voice. We broke up 3 weeks ago this sunday after a arguement, she told me she has been wanting to brake up with me for months, so i guess she did prepare herself for the brakeup, while i didn't, cause i loved her. I went 10 days the first time without any contact but i thought to myself "She is never going to contact me" i turned up at her house drunk, at 2am, she had to be at work at 7. She let me in and we hugged on her bed and she cryed saying i need to let her go, i got a few hugs and one last kiss. then i had to leave and walk home. I went home and again, collapsed on no contact, we spoke on emails for a few days. until she blocked my account from emailing her. so now i'm only 4 days into no contact again but already struggling, time is going, days and weeks and i miss her so much.

 

Problem is, even if i am strong enough to keep to no contact, MY COUSIN, is engaged to HER sister. So at my cousins baby christening, my ex will be the childs god parent, and so will i. (Its messed up i know but its ok) so i will bump into her again, either way in around 5 month. This is going to re-open my hurt for her.

 

I am a gym user quite often usually but from the last arguement, i punched the floor and fractured my knuckle, so i can't go the gym, i sit in my room every day and then go to work and all i do is think of her, i have no friends and my family all have their own problems.

 

What can i do

 

This may come off as mean, but it seems like you are making a lot of excuses and not enough trying.

 

There are lots of things here that are huge red flags. First, you are incredibly co-dependent which is HIGHLY unhealthy. You will never have a strong relationship with her or ANYONE. You will cling on to everything to the point it becomes suffocating.

 

Next, your alcohol issue needs to be solved and solved QUICK. I can figure you will probably say "I don't have an problem I'm fine"....but look a the underlining catalyst of what causes all the s*** between you two. Alcohol. There seems to be a lot of inner demons going on currently that you need to fix before you can fully be with anyone. Breaking your knuckle from anger? Not worth it.

 

Now, those parts aside, I'm aware how much it sucks. I'm pretty sure a lot of us do. Talking to her wont solve anything. In fact, probably makes things worse. You need to give yourself time to heal. A couple of weeks is not a lot of time. In fact, in might get worse. Your healing depends on you. How long do you want to feel sad? All the emotional pain is caused by you. They do say that emotional pain only lasts for 12 minutes and anything after that is self inflicted. Whether or not you believe that is arbitrary, but what does matter is a lot of this is self-inflicted. You have the power to make yourself happy THAT is true. People can come in your life and enhance that, but only YOU control your own happiness.

 

Give it some time. Stop the heavy drinking. Find healthy outlets. I'd suggest seeing a professional to sit down with and talk it out.

[heartache25]

Damn, this pain seems to not be getting any easier. My heart is still very much in pain on a daily and nightly basis. I dream about her still, i wake up thinking about her to realise she is gone, which really SUCKS. She lives only 5 mins away from me.

 

Few days ago she became an aunty again, i have been in NC for 8 days, it's 3weeks+ since our breakup. I want to post her a card, saying gratz or something, or try to call her but i have broke NC before and it gave me false hope of being with her again and it hurt alot.

 

I'm trying my best to forget about her, let her go, i am come to terms in my mind that it is over and i'm glad! but my heart misses her, soooooo much. I have mourned the end of the relationship a few times but the hurt sticks around.

 

Her sister will have the babys christening in a few months, 4 or 5 or so. I am the god father, my ex is the god mother, my life is pretty much upside down right now.

[heartache25]

So i'm 25 and my ex is 28, we have been together since i was 21. Now let me just say, my ex has always had problems, as have i. My first day meeting her, we both was upset from a clash with each other.

 

The relationship was always abit rough, through our time together but we loved each other dearly all the way through until around year 3, even though we continued the arguements (Mostly while we was drunk and partying).

 

By year 4, them partys caught up with us, we could never go out to a party without having a arguement at the end of the night.

 

By the end partys, i was left with multiple scars on my arms from her scratching me on purpose, most of this happend cause i didn't want to let her walk home for 1 hours at 3am by herself, so she clawed by arm, i just wanted to get her a a taxi home, it's safer. At one night, i even ended up taking a knife to my wrist during a arguement, (This is not good) but it was a dumb attention mistake, drugs was involved.

 

We broke up 3 weeks 2 days ago, i put NC into order after messing up with NC during the first 2 weeks. I have now been NC for 9 days and its HURTING alot still. I want to message her, or to go see her (She lives 5 mins away from me).

 

I will be forced to bump into her again in around 4-5 month, as we both are a friends child's god parents. So this is going to hurt alot, i'm not sure what i'll do on this day.

 

Now, everytime we split up, they was just little break ups, few hours, few days some times. I ALWAYS went back to her, i chased her so much, looked desperate kind of, told her EVERYTHING she wanted to hear but it worked. The time we broke up before this one, she told me how she only got back with me cause she felt *SORRY* for me, that she didnt "LOVE" me and that she hates me more than anything.

 

However on the above bit, she always told her after how she meant none of it, as she sobbed upset. She tells me how she doesnt love me but cares for me...pftt......Anyhow, im 8 days into NC again and i'm finding it really hard not to try send her a email, just trying to give some sort of convo, it's a hard battle i'm in with my mind and heart :(

 

Also, i don't have an alchol problem, i drink once every few months when my family have a drink, as i have no friends. Life really is sucky right now.

 

Again on my ex, she had anxiety problems, they was pretty bad, in the first year i decided to go to meetings with her about it, sat in a room for hours reading notes about how she can deal with it. It was always a problem, she thought alot into the future with me. Once a bad thought got in her mind, that was it, she dwelled on it and it would cause problems. I did many things to change for her, from taking steriods while training in the gym, from quiting smoking, and from never working in my life, to get off my ass and go start work so i could start a life with her. All of this she was worried about and i made the changes for her or tryed to. I have a disability while makes my memory really bad. This used to get on her nerves, she used to call me a retard, and embarasssing to go out with, however to me, my memory isnt so bad, but i left the disabilty system to start working, i was a week into work, then she left me a

Edited August 19, 2014 by heartache25