Moeconfused Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 (edited) My long distance girlfriend of four years broke u with me 5 weeks ago 2 days after i flew to Baltimore to be with her in a wedding after i flew back to Atlanta and she went to stay a week with her parents in jersey before going back home in florida, Suddenly communication was very rare for three days than the following day she called me and said we needed to break up for good and she sounded very adamant saying that we were going nowhere. Only to find out two days later that she had met a guy their days ago through a friend, she said they instantly hit it off and spent the following next five days together the entire time and he already introduced her to his parents and vice versa saying they had instant chemistry and she told him about me and the wedding and he said that he didn't want to waste his time so she needs break up with me.I did all the wrong things by chasing her and begging. Fast forward 3 weeks, than last week she began blowing up my phone saying that she was confused and upset that she ruined our relationship but was still with the guy and wanted to see where it goes but that she feels heartbroken and not sure if she made the right decision, I responded with that she had to lay in the bed shes made but that I still love her and idk if we could fix this. She kept calling and saying that if we lived together it would work out and that her family and friends knew we were truly in love. I told her we shouldnt talk bc she is still seeing someone else. Fast forward three days, I broke no contact and she told me I shouldnt talk to her because she is in love and he loves her back with this new guy after a couple week and that he recently quit his job in new York to move to Florida to be with her already and they are getting an apartment together. HIs family is rich and paying for it. I am 6 months from finishing medical school and becoming a doctor which would have allowed us to get engaged and move in together and she knows this. Her mother and best friend are really upset with her actions and keep contacting me to try and fix us and talk sense into her about moving extremely fast stating that she does not know this guy at all but she wont listen.They say this guy is tryng to sweep her off her feet and taking her out all the time and getting them an apartment. I would really appreciate some advice on what happened. She claimed that she did it because we have no future. Is she trying to move fast with this guy by already meeting each others parents and starting a new relationship a day after our 4 year relationship ended and moving in together? IS THIS CONSIDERED A REBOUND? COULD SHE SERIOUSLY BE IN LOVE ALREADY??? WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT HIM MOVING TO FLORIDA AFTER A MONTH TO MOVE IN TOGETHER?? WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT HER?? Edited August 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 (edited) Dude, this is about as backwards as Lindsey Lohan in a nunnery. So many signs of this going wrong. Off again-on-again, the sudden "break" and then the quick hookup afterwards. My friend, you were just a placeholder. Sounds like girl doesn't know what she wants and she's jerking you guys both around. If you want a mature relationship, you're not going to get it from this girl. And you said you called her and she said she loved you and things would be better if you guys were together in the same place? Is that so? Well then, if she loves you, why is she still with him? You're not loved, you're just a backup option, number 2, just someone that'll keep her entertained while you go through hoops like a seal until she finds someone else. You wanna be a circus act? Stay with this girl. As for your question "Doesn't he care that she got with him by going behind my back." Newflash, Perry Mason, a lot of guys don't, mostly because there's a chance he's probably just there for the sex and she's being taken for a ride. Rebound or not does not matter at this point. I know you're hurt but you have to treat this like a battle, and she's the enemy. She backstabbed you and your trust, while then she forfeits the contract for any relationship or friendship. Get your self-respect back. Clear this chick from every avenue of contact and make it stay that way. Realize you should have people who care about your feelings, not people who use your feelings to care about your own. Forget about G.I.G.S. If she's in her 20s, chances are she isn't coming back. And if she ever does, do you want someone who proved that they are capable of hurting you without remorse, just to drag your emotions through the mud? If you want ANY woman to respect you, the answer would be no. Dump her. She's her new boyfriend's issue now. Regards, DQ Edited August 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mohhoss213 Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 It sounds like she has some demons she needs to confront. The next time she contacts you, you have to tell her that straight up before anything between you happens and leave it at that. In my opinion, it feels like she wanted to get out there and explore all that there isbtoboffer in life and she saw that through a new guy. If she truly felt you guys were compatible and in love, she would've seen you as the one she can share her life with and look forward to all the experiences and journeys life has to offer. How I'd view it id that she doesn't see that with me and would make me question if I can have those same feelings for her again. Maybe there is someone out there who can better accept you for who ypuvsre and have more trust in your futures together. You should take this chance to meet other people and now you have better insight than before to ask the right questions to find the relationship that brings out the best in you and your partner. Based on your first love's actions, I'm not sure how willing and fully she is willing to work on your relationship. I wish you nothing but the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moeconfused Posted August 10, 2014 Author Share Posted August 10, 2014 Thanks guys for your input it really helps? Do you think its possible that she really loves him already? And what does it say about him and her that they are already moving in together after a month? Link to post Share on other sites
mohhoss213 Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 Thanks guys for your input it really helps? Do you think its possible that she really loves him already? And what does it say about him and her that they are already moving in together after a month? She could be but it's probably more just that thrill of something new. I mean you shouldn't be treated as someone she comes back to once she is done testing the waters if you have done nothing but be the best person you can. To me, that is not the characteristics of arelationship that is defined by mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Just cut your losses and move on and get out there and do your own thing and meet new people when you're mentally ready. I mean you got a whole world of opportunity awaiting you once you graduate. Just ask the right questions and have that open communication early on that way you can better find that one person who inspires that mutual respect and understanding for you both to have that true asurance of love. Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 I'm always a bit hesitant to call some relationships a rebound because not all new relationships after a recent breakup can be considered one, but in this case, it does sound like one. Piece of advice from someone whose ex rebounded a week later after BU, formalized things two weeks later, moved in together one month after BU and introduced her to everyone and took her abroad to meet his family within 3 months (all while he still tried to reach me): let her crash against the wall... she will encounter it. Bad news: you can't tell when. It may be after the usual honeymoon stage of the relationship is over, it may be a year later, 5 years later, 10 years later. Rebounds are not necessarily short-lived as people say and only a fool would sit and waste his precious life away waiting until someone that's showed so much fickleness realizes the mess she's set up for herself and then waits for her to come back, only to give you more of the same, because that's what her true colors are, she's guided by her messed up feelings. Do yourself a favor and go NC. You've already honored her decisions with your pain and attention, now give yourself (and her) and nice lesson of dignity and rebuild yourself without looking back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moeconfused Posted August 11, 2014 Author Share Posted August 11, 2014 Thanks for your advice, you think she could really love him already? What does it say about him and her moving in together that quick? Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted August 11, 2014 Share Posted August 11, 2014 Even if she doesn't love him, it will feel like that for her. Basically when someone rebounds or just enters a relationship right after a breakup (genuine or not), they never experience the withdrawal of dopamine and all these things that are good and hurt when you don't have them anymore. The "love" button is still switched on so they just transit from one relationship to another and fill up the void with that someone new and exciting and all the big quick steps in their new relationship. Of course she will still miss you but usually the more you stick around while she misses you, the quicker for her to make a big expression of "love" with her new partner and strengthen links with him... almost to validate her decision, all with the comfort that you're still sitting around and have her back covered. By sticking around, you're almost validating her new relationship too and of all the things she will not do, one thing is to leave it and go back to you, mostly because she's in that honeymoon stage now, everything her new partner does is charming right now while you're just a figure of familiarity and support at best and annoyance and old news at worst. The best way for her to realize all of this is to disappear for good from her life, let her see what she lost, and please do try to move on, not just wait while on a distance. Trust me, once you heal and break the habit of calling her after a couple months and see other girls, you will see clearer and realize you lost NOTHING, there are plenty of BETTER fish in the sea for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moeconfused Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thx for all the advice, I have no idea right now if she really loves him after a month or what, I know all her friends say shes insane for moving in with him already and she isn't listening to anyone so ill let her make her own mistakes and wont be their when it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moeconfused Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thx for all the advice, I have no idea right now if she really loves him after a month or what, I know all her friends say shes insane for moving in with him already and she isn't listening to anyone so ill let her make her own mistakes and wont be their when it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moeconfused Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 Hey everyone, my girlfriend of 4yrs we were eachothers first love, my girlfriend broke up with me 5wks ago and left me for a guy she met on vacation in which they spent the week together. After the usual begging/chasing she told me I'm wasting my time bc her and this new guy are in love and he's actually moving to her state to move in together and visited her right after the vacation and spent the 3 weeks there. She called me back two days later saying she was confused, not sure if she made right choice and she wasn't over me but tried to convince herself she was and couldn't really be in love with him that quick. She said that they are still together though and taking it slow and not going to move in together and hopes she won't regret her decision forever bc she said she knew we were both truly in love bs , I told her she hurt me to much and we shouldn't be talking right now. I stupidly called her two days later and she said she was being stupid by calling me and that her and this new guy are in "love" and he's permanently moving to her state and she doesn't want anything to do with me. Why would she call me and say all that confusion/regret/love BS only to say two days later they are in "love" and moving in together???? Im guessing she did it to 'get back in touch' to only to feed her ego by seeing if she can still hurt and manipulate me. she will drop hints that she still wants me, to see how I react. and if she senses that she's got me, it will trigger a sense of satisfaction in her and feel less guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Pendragon Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 She was either unsure of him or things were rocky for a little while so she decided to contact you with all that "regret and confusion" to check and see if you're still available to her in case things go haywire. You told her you two shouldn't be talking then proceeded to call her two days later which gave her the satisfaction and assurance that you're still into her. You're right in that you two should not be talking right now. Start NC and move on so you can find someone else later in life and not this girl who left you for someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Sounds like she's dropping breadcrumbs to see if you're still on the hook and missing her. Basically keeping you on the back burner in case things go south with this new guy. Don't give her that satisfaction and feed her ego, let go and move on my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 One word for ya: Run 7 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Your her candidate for Plan "B". If things go south with her new BF, then by keeping in communication with you is her way of seeing that you don't stray and find someone else and leave her holding the bag. Best bet is just walk away and find someone new but to save your butt from more heartache, don't turn around and go back or there's a real good chance that this will happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moeconfused Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thx for all the advice Whys she moving extremely fast with him? And he moving extremely fast with her?? Does it seem that she is in "Love"" with a new guy within a month? Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thx for all the advice Whys she moving extremely fast with him? And he moving extremely fast with her?? Does it seem that she is in "Love"" with a new guy within a month? Infatuated, maybe. In actual, true, genuine love? I rrrrrrrreally doubt it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 People like her will never know what real love is. She will always think infatuation or the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship is love. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thx for all the advice Whys she moving extremely fast with him? And he moving extremely fast with her?? Does it seem that she is in "Love"" with a new guy within a month? Because she wants to prove to herself that she made the right choice and she didn't make a mistake. Therefore, she's motivated to make it work. Even if she ends up miserable, she'll still put in the work because she doesn't want to be wrong. But, even if she is making a mistake, that's a mistake she'll have to live with because you don't have to. Ignore her, block her on social media and heal from this. Time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Considering that this douche rocket found out about you and told her to lose you because he didn't want to be wasting his time; AND SHE DID IT! That tells me that this asshat is a control freak. If his family is rich, he's probably also a spoiled brat and is used to getting his way. Also, he's probably learned to throw away his toys without any regard once he gets bored with them. She's going to find out the hard way. If she is that easily influenced that she can toss you to the curb, then you're better off without her. You got a bright future ahead of you and you can make your own fortune without depending on daddy's money. You dodged a bullet, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
hurts2death Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 love that. haha i was always wondering why my ex looks so sad in the selfies with her new guy? loooool ok ok i know i must not checking her up. but lol.Because she wants to prove to herself that she made the right choice and she didn't make a mistake. Therefore, she's motivated to make it work. Even if she ends up miserable, she'll still put in the work because she doesn't want to be wrong. But, even if she is making a mistake, that's a mistake she'll have to live with because you don't have to. Ignore her, block her on social media and heal from this. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Thanks guys for your input it really helps? Do you think its possible that she really loves him already? And what does it say about him and her that they are already moving in together after a month? It's possible, however it's probably burning too hot too fast. "keep calm and step aside" comes to my mind. You got a great future, concentrate on that for now. Calling her and contacting her during her "honeymoon" phase is just going to push her into that other guy's arms. In 6 months, once you officially are a doctor, see where she's at, see where you are at with your life. I personally would advise to just find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Stay NC for life. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 He probably won't commit fully to her so you are plan B. Just say next and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 so, just curious, how do you feel about this? Devastated? Hurt? Curious? Do you want her back? Glad to be rid of her? You don't give any sense of your state of mind, and for me, my reaction would depend on how I felt about the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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