I guess it's over

[Fleasle]

Ok, so we broke up 1 month ago...3 year relationship (same sex) she lied and cheated on me. I busted her, she didn't confess. When she came after after I busted her, I told her to get out immediately. She packed her things for a week, I packed the rest and put it in our garage and she came over and got it, I wasn't home.

 

We have had virtually zero contact, other than speaking about the division of property. I did ask her why she didn't love me anymore and a few other texts, but I never really layed it out to her that I am willing to make us work despite the cheating IF she is willing. She only admitted to sleeping with other girl 2x, which is likely a lie, but that's what I have to go on.

 

I did block her from FB which she thought meant I hated her, I blocked her number which I found out she thought was rude LOL, I know that she has been sending this girl emails saying she is the love of her life (ok I invaded her privacy, it's horrible I know) and they are going to live happily ever after I guess, after of course her AP dumps her girlfriend of 10 years and 4 kids.

 

My question is this....I know, I know, I know, .....NO CONTACT, but will I regret not letting her know that I would forgive her and make us better? I feel like I pushed her together with this other girl....I may not have, it might have ended up like this anyway, but if she thought I wanted nothing to do with her....maybe she fought harder for her AP than she would have had I reacted differently.

 

Please help me. I;ve lost 23 pounds in 31 days. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I love her dearly. She however has zero remorse, hasn't sent me any breadcrumbs, no apologies, nothing...should I just let it go ?

 

Despite me really being the "dumper", she knows it's up to her to correct this I would assume?

Edited August 1, 2014 by Fleasle
Added content

[hoping2heal]

Ok, so we broke up 1 month ago...3 year relationship (same sex) she lied and cheated on me. I busted her, she didn't confess. When she came after after I busted her, I told her to get out immediately. She packed her things for a week, I packed the rest and put it in our garage and she came over and got it, I wasn't home.

 

We have had virtually zero contact, other than speaking about the division of property. I did ask her why she didn't love me anymore and a few other texts, but I never really layed it out to her that I am willing to make us work despite the cheating IF she is willing. She only admitted to sleeping with other girl 2x, which is likely a lie, but that's what I have to go on.

 

I did block her from FB which she thought meant I hated her, I blocked her number which I found out she thought was rude LOL, I know that she has been sending this girl emails saying she is the love of her life (ok I invaded her privacy, it's horrible I know) and they are going to live happily ever after I guess, after of course her AP dumps her girlfriend of 10 years and 4 kids.

 

My question is this....I know, I know, I know, .....NO CONTACT, but will I regret not letting her know that I would forgive her and make us better? I feel like I pushed her together with this other girl....I may not have, it might have ended up like this anyway, but if she thought I wanted nothing to do with her....maybe she fought harder for her AP than she would have had I reacted differently.

 

Please help me. I;ve lost 23 pounds in 31 days. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I love her dearly. She however has zero remorse, hasn't sent me any breadcrumbs, no apologies, nothing...should I just let it go ?

 

Despite me really being the "dumper", she knows it's up to her to correct this I would assume?

 

She isn't willing, though. You said it yourself, she has no remorse and she considers this girl she's been cheating with to be the love of her life. Why would she want to make it work with you when she's in love with someone else? What's in it for her? And let's be real, this girl is only about what's in it for her. She doesn't care about your feelings, and from everything written here it's apparent you don't care about them either.

 

If there's anything you should regret OP, it's not that your remorseless, cheating, lying lover won't get back together with you. Instead, your regret should lie in the fact that you have such low self-esteem you would be willing to let someone who lied to you, cheated on you, and had no remorse for it back into your life as your partner. Now THAT is worth regretting.

[Fleasle]

Thank you for your words, I do appreciate them. I completely own that I have horrible self esteem right now. This was a huge hit, straight to the gut. My whole life turned upside down in a matter of 1 hour. I just don't want to regret not letting her know how I feel about her and our relationship. I know that my words will not matter to her as long as she is with another, but maybe they will resonate down the road when and if the time is right for us again. I basically want her to know that she hasn't completely blown it for us.

[Fleasle]

Hi guys,

 

I need some support, I want to text her or email her SO bad. Today is day 12 of NC, and we haven't seen each other or spoken 6 weeks today. I just don't understand.

 

So many of you have viewed, but only 1 response. Please share your opionions and support so that I don't crack !

[mrs rubble]

Hi guys,

 

I need some support, I want to text her or email her SO bad. Today is day 12 of NC, and we haven't seen each other or spoken 6 weeks today. I just don't understand.

 

So many of you have viewed, but only 1 response. Please share your opionions and support so that I don't crack !

Don't you contact her!!!

She's cheating scum, not the person you fell in love with. The person you fell in love with doesn't exist anymore, she was a fraud!

Keep busy, join a club or take up a sport....breed goldfish, do anything but email or contact yr ex.

[Fleasle]

Thank you. WHY does it seem like everyone has to, at some point, become a fraud?!?! Especially the people that we all had such amazing, strong bonds with.

 

This whole thing is ridiculous. Every day I swing back to the land of denial for awhile and ask myself how did this happen? How were there no discernible signs? Why didn't I pay attention to the red flags years ago?

 

Gut pain sucks.

[hockeydan]

Some people change, sometimes for the worse. Some people needs to do stupid things to realize they are stupid before they can learn a lesson from it.

[hoping2heal]

Thank you. WHY does it seem like everyone has to, at some point, become a fraud?!?! Especially the people that we all had such amazing, strong bonds with.

 

This whole thing is ridiculous. Every day I swing back to the land of denial for awhile and ask myself how did this happen? How were there no discernible signs? Why didn't I pay attention to the red flags years ago?

 

Gut pain sucks.

 

We all want to believe our love story is different, that we are the exception. We overlook red flags because we so earnestly believe that we don't need to listen; it will be different with us. Then, we get some reality and learn that no, we aren't going to be different.

 

You said she hasn't completely blown it. I can't tell you how much that chides me to read. I know it is your life, it is your mistakes to make, and your consequences, but trying to understand how someone could let someone back in who has hurt them so badly and lied, and cheated and the worst part of it all...does so with NO remorse. I mean, I just can't fathom it. Please, please, please...do some soul searching. Find out why you would ever put up and accept this. Does what you're going through now feel good? Because if you were to take her back, you'd be getting another dose of it eventually when she off and does this again (and that's a big IF, I don't get any indication she cares to work it out with you). But, you get my point I think. Why would you ever want to open yourself up to this kind of pain and betrayal again, when you could have someone who would never do that to you?

[Fleasle]

Today has been a terrible day. I think today it really it me that this was Forever. Even though I haven't heard from her for 17 days, she has never once given breadcrumbs or any inclination that she cared to share the same air with me for any amount of time, I still had a sliver of hope.

 

I am bawling my eyes out as I type this. I have been listening to Christina Perri's "Jar of Hearts" to try and make myself angry, but then I realize she doesn't even want me back so the song doesn't even apply to me.

 

I have teardrops on my feet, on my arms, my shirt sleeves are soaked. I cannot bring myself out of this. While I am working I can forget about things for maybe an hour at a time, but I get home and BOOM, all the memories come flooding back. Especially since we shared this home together for 2 years. I live alone with me and my dog. It was her and I and our 2 dogs. My dog is even sad. Seriously.

 

I still cannot believe she did all these things to me. She broke every PROMISE she ever made to me. She chose someone else. I will likely never hear from her again. Today is day 39 since BU, NC 17 days.

 

This sucks. I don't ever want to go through this again.

 

I need kind words, please.

 

ETA: I am seeing a counselor, have lost 23 pounds, have been reading self help books, and have joined my employers Quit Smoking program. I am doing the right things, but it feels so empty. I guess I feel so empty.

 

One more thing...this whole whatever is meant to be stuff....this means that my wife had to cheat and leave me for current meant to be to occur, her lover had to also cheat on her wife, her wife is probably dumbfounded like me...so there are 4 people's lives involved in this and the whatever is meant to be means that all 4 of our "meant to be's" are now somehow connected? That may not make a whole lotta sense, have had 3 Mike's Mango Punches (they are delish).

Edited August 7, 2014 by Fleasle
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[hoping2heal]

I wouldn't get hung up on the "what's meant to be" mantra. I personally think it's a load of bull-*****, along with that other one "everything happens for a reason". I mean, I don't think women (or men, or children) need to be sexually assaulted, I don't think children need to be raised in neglectful homes and go hungry. I don't think any human being needs to live in the oppressive environment of extremist countries. I could go on, but I think you get my point.

 

I don't think she "had" to do any of this to go off and find her alleged great love. She chose to be a ****ty human being, and that resulted in you being hurt, and considering the circumstances... she isn't exactly making any wise choices either and that will probably all backfire and blow up in her face. And (in my belief) not because it's what she deserves but because choices have consequences and when you make bad ones? No big surprise but more often than not, you get a bad outcome.

 

Don't worry about trying to get angry - you'll get there with time. Glad you're seeing a counselor. This is the rough stuff but let it out. It's better you cry all those tears now than hold them in, and at some point you're (or I hope you will) going to stop for a minute and start seeing what the rest of us can see about her. I hope eventually you'll realize she has little value as a partner because she is neither loyal, nor trustworthy, nor compassionate. This is a chance to one day find someone who is.

[lil hoodlum]

Some people change, sometimes for the worse. Some people needs to do stupid things to realize they are stupid before they can learn a lesson from it.

 

 

You, my friend, are very wise. You speak the absolute truth!

[Fleasle]

Thank you for your kind words and helpful attitude, hoping2heal.

 

I find myself reading other threads and thinking to myself, "What a jerk, I wouldn't go back to him/her", but then when you look in the mirror, you don't see the situation is the same/closely related to your own and ignore your own advice.

 

I just really miss her. Or rather, I think I just miss somebody. I try to picture our bad times, but I usually come up with a blank and thinking back it seems like it was always my fault.

 

I just wanted to see her more than 1 day a week, not too much to ask in a committed relatinoship of 3 years.