Ara-bella Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 We broke up 4 months ago (he was a horrible boyfriend, left me for his ex) About a month ago, he apologized to me, said I was an awesome person and he didn't wanna lose me completely I was pretty much over it so I didn't mind being friends Unfortunately I got used to talking to him again, maybe regaining feelings, god I hope not, and he doesn't seem to be romantically interested in me. He even asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend since I can "get guys" Although I believed things didn't work out with his ex so he came back to me He asks me to hang out sometimes but I decline because I don't know if he'll make a move or not.. I don't know if I want to get back into that. Am I just an option? Is it possible to be friends with your exes without eventually gaining feelings for them? Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 No, it's not possible because you're developing feelings for him again. You've done a great work those last 3 months, do not waste them initiating a relationship with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 The very fact that you have to ask is already giving you the answer you seek. No. Friendship will not blossom from this. Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 My question is, why would you want to? The inevitable will happen... your feelings will come back again. Link to post Share on other sites
hockeydan Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I know that I could never just be friends with my ex. It would always be a one-sided relationship where I would not get what I wanted out of it. As much as I love her and a part of me wants to be a part of her life, I know that sitting in the "friend zone" with her would drive me crazy and prevent me from being with someone else. There might be some ex-couples that can be friends, but I feel like its rare and it takes a long time of separation. Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I don't think you can be truly friends with a significant ex until much further down the road...but by then, what's the point? Chances are one or both of you has moved on with other people, and the need for a "friendly" ex in either of your lives isn't really necessary unless there are children involved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ara-bella Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 Do you guys think he really wants to be friends with me? Or is there an ulterior motive behind it? It was just 2 months NC before he sent me an apology Maybe he got lonely/ran out of choices? It's just mind boggling Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Do you guys think he really wants to be friends with me? Or is there an ulterior motive behind it? It was just 2 months NC before he sent me an apology Maybe he got lonely/ran out of choices? It's just mind boggling What's clear is that you don't feel ready for a friendship with this guy. So a good way to test his motives is to ask him for time and distance to sort out your own feelings. If he is genuinely seeking friendship he will acknowledge your request and give you space. Then the pressure is off and you can get on with your life. When and if you feel like pursuing a friendship with him the ball is in your court. If he persists then his interests are purely selfish. Whatever the behaviours of his were that made him such a "horrible boyfriend" are still going to be there as a boy friend. So I don't see how a friendship could really blossom. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) My question is why are you going to waste your time and energy on someone that doesn't want you? He kicked you to the curb for another girl...who he was probably talking to behind your back. I don't care if this guy is going to be a friend or lover, he's not worth it. He's selfish to try to keep you around. I personally think, in my humble opinion, this time should be spent on someone who could potentially never hurt you. You already know the answer about this guy..he's already hurt you befofe - he's a waste of time. Edited July 31, 2014 by lauri 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ara-bella Posted August 1, 2014 Author Share Posted August 1, 2014 You're right guys. It's not worth it. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 dumpers often say they want to stay friends with the dumpee, and it is usually for their own selfish reasons, like: 1) they feel guilty about hurting you and even though they are firm in their decision they want their guilt to go away and in their own minds by offering a 'friendship' they can tell themselves they were nice to you and they dont feel guilty. 2) they want to keep you as a back up plan. they have someone else in mind as a partner, but they want to keep you around in case this person falls through. 3) they received various benefits from your friendship (emotional support, help, financial support, etc) and even though they dont want to be with you they want to keep these benefits. so they hope that by offering to 'stay friends' they can keep receiving the benefits of your friendship while giving nothing in return. needless to say, it is selfish and you should never agree to it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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