Post here if you see your ex by accident during NC

[emotionalMess]

Post here if you see your ex by accident during NC

 

My ex lives in my neighborhood.

Since there is only one Main Street to get out of the neighborhood I have the occasional unplanned run in. I wanted to start a thread for folks to share details of times they have run into the ex unexpectedly during NC and what happened.

 

Here is mine today:

 

Where: Driving opposite directions approached 4 way stop. We came to the stop sign together and she turned she made a left turn in front of me into a store parking lot.

 

What happened?

3 Months ago I would have turned around get out of the car to say hi. Today, I just kept driving, stoned faced.

 

 

Please post your experiences.

[leavesonautumn]

Unfortunately, my bus drives by the end of his street so I've seen him in his car more than a few times (always with his mom or grandma or step-dad).

 

Saw him at the food court in the mall that's close to me, not sure if he saw me but I felt like we locked eyes. I didn't want to act like it bothered me so I stayed until he left as if nothing happened.

 

Then a week later I saw him at the grocery store with his mom and grandma. Literally almost ran into his poor grandmother who looked terrified to see me. I lingered at the opposite end of the grocery store and saw them leave so I went on with my business.

 

Didn't know how to react either times but I was freaking out for sure.

 

He's having jaw-breaking surgery at some point this summer/fall and it will actually change the look of his face considerably. I'm curious to see what he will look like and if it would change my attraction since we've been broken up for 7 months.

[Ordinaryday]

Got dumped in october 2012 and she gave me the meaningless "I'd like to stay friends" line. I told her nothing doing, no way, and that she should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER contact me unless it is about wanting me back.

 

she said okay. and then in january 2014 I coincidentally walked past her in the city and before I realised who she was she said "Hi [real name]" and then kept walking.

 

this has caused me untold stress. I dont care what anyone else says, I see it as a HUGE violation of my wishes. I made it clear to her "DONT CONTACT ME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES" and she said she would respect my wishes.... and then she goes and says "hi" to me, completely disregarding my wishes.

 

I dont care what people say, whether she was trying to be polite, I told her to leave me alone and in my view saying "hi" to me ISNT leaving me alone.

 

so disrespectful!

[mav3rik]

I quit my job after she broke up with me. I returned one day to the office to return my stuff (id, badge etc) and she was right outside smoking a cigarette.

 

I don't know who saw who first but she said hi and asked what I was doing in the area. I just said "hi, need to return something" then didn't look back. It kinda felt good. I didn't even remember if she did something new to her face.

[emotionalMess]

Post here if you see your ex by accident during NC

 

My ex lives in my neighborhood.

Since there is only one Main Street to get out of the neighborhood I have the occasional unplanned run in. I wanted to start a thread for folks to share details of times they have run into the ex unexpectedly during NC and what happened.

 

Here is mine today:

 

Where: Driving opposite directions approached 4 way stop. We came to the stop sign together and she turned she made a left turn in front of me into a store parking lot.

 

What happened?

3 Months ago I would have turned around get out of the car to say hi. Today, I just kept driving, stoned faced.

 

 

Please post your experiences.

 

I normally stop at the store for which she was driving to to grab a few groceries. Today was the rare day where I decided not to. I turned out to be a good decision because I am sure we would have bumped in on foot had I gone into the store. I am avoiding that store because some of her family members are clerks there. They don't know who I am but it does not matter. If I can avoid the store going forward, I will.

[d0nnivain]

A guy dumped me in 1992. Since 2009 every 4-5 months I bump into him when I'm out on a job site.

 

I broke up with another guy in 2002. Earlier this year I saw him driving into a public parking garage while I was driving out.

 

I mention these long times because I don't go back on NC & start reaching out for EXs to be friends or some other BS after I'm healed from the end of the relationship.

[OK_computer]

I see both my exes every damn day. We all go to a small school. I see my ex see me drive away, I see my ex without her see me drive away. I encounter both of them in the halls, separate, alone, sometimes together.

 

They've both become good friends ever since they both broke up with me, Gee I wonder why? One of them, the one i was in a 3yr OAOA with is in my day classes, 2 a day 5 days a week. And the other I see near my neighborhood when im not bumping into her in class.

 

In the Beginning, I wanted to kill myself no joke. They both took my heart out, the OAOA one more so, and I was so depressed. I coudln't bear going to college everyday, but that was when i still had hope.

 

I hoped that over time things would get better, and I would get closer to my ex. And then the hope died, i was in NC, and all hope of every going back died. Once that hope died, I moved on, and now I'm pretty damn happy! I have a pet turtle, and I've accepted that they were both B*&&%&es and well, GOOD RIDDANCE! Sure, it hurts when i see them, the ever so bit. It went from being a gunshot wound type of hurt to a moquito bite, which goes away if you leave it alone for 2 minutes.

 

The point is, I see them everyday, but now, it's like they're just some random people, and I treat them like strangers. "how are you? I don't know you" is my take. It probably pisses them off and stings them too. but who cares

 

alex

[emotionalMess]

Two months after NC ran into her randomly on the street.

She was wearing a garment I gave her for her birthday.

I thought it meant she was thinking about me but so far it turns out to

Just have been a fantasy in my head.

 

That occurred almost 3 months ago and she has made

Zero attempts to contact me since and has ignored my attempts.

 

The incident took me back some steps but I am back on track

Again. I still question why she would wear my present if she was

Trying to forget about me.

 

 

I'm convinced that she despises the very thought

Of me. She has communicated this with her inaction.

Edited August 2, 2014 by emotionalMess

[Mr.Pine]

I dont care what people say, whether she was trying to be polite, I told her to leave me alone and in my view saying "hi" to me ISNT leaving me alone.

 

so disrespectful!

 

I have to chime in here. You asked her not to contact you. She didn't. She ran into you in public and you are chastising her for saying "hi"? That doesn't bode well for your mental state.

 

Bro, the beeyotch said "hi". Ease up, relax and move the fook on.

[Ordinaryday]

I have to chime in here. You asked her not to contact you. She didn't. She ran into you in public and you are chastising her for saying "hi"? That doesn't bode well for your mental state.

 

Bro, the beeyotch said "hi". Ease up, relax and move the fook on.

 

excuse me you have no right to tell me how to feel! I flat old told her "DONT CONTACT ME AT ALL! NOTHING! NOTHING WHATSOEVER!".

 

"hi" is NOT nothing!

 

you have the right to move on how you like but dont start criticising me because I do it differently to you!

[Ordinaryday]

I have to chime in here. You asked her not to contact you. She didn't. She ran into you in public and you are chastising her for saying "hi"? That doesn't bode well for your mental state.

 

Bro, the beeyotch said "hi". Ease up, relax and move the fook on.

 

saying "hi" to me was a complete slap in the face to me and disrespectful on so many levels! she mentally abused me and left me on the brink of suicide and after all that I get a "hi" like I am an old school buddy and not some guy she completely destroyed.

 

so yeah I WILL be furious at her saying "hi" to me and disregarding the ONLY request I made of her when she dumped me, that she leave me COMPLETELY 100% ALONE AND NOT CONTACT ME AT ALL FOR ANY REASON!

 

Saying "hi" to me isnt leaving me 100% alone!

[WorryGirl]

saying "hi" to me was a complete slap in the face to me and disrespectful on so many levels! she mentally abused me and left me on the brink of suicide and after all that I get a "hi" like I am an old school buddy and not some guy she completely destroyed.

 

so yeah I WILL be furious at her saying "hi" to me and disregarding the ONLY request I made of her when she dumped me, that she leave me COMPLETELY 100% ALONE AND NOT CONTACT ME AT ALL FOR ANY REASON!

 

Saying "hi" to me isnt leaving me 100% alone!

 

Woah! Something is seriously wrong here. You're wallowing because a girl you don't like said "hi" and carried on walking. It is too far down the line for you to even give a damn. It was just a two letter word and it was polite. She saw you and had enough respect to acknowledge that you were there. Maybe you'd be upset if she hadn't. Leave it alone. Move on. Stop being so angry. You're only hurting yourself.

[Ordinaryday]

Woah! Something is seriously wrong here. You're wallowing because a girl you don't like said "hi" and carried on walking. It is too far down the line for you to even give a damn. It was just a two letter word and it was polite. She saw you and had enough respect to acknowledge that you were there. Maybe you'd be upset if she hadn't. Leave it alone. Move on. Stop being so angry. You're only hurting yourself.

 

as I have said before I made it quite clear to her that I wanted ZERO absolutely ZERO contact from her ever again!

 

I made it clear to her we would not be 'just friends' or even acquaintances or even friendly or courteous. I made it CLEAR to her that if she made the decision to terminate her relationship with me then it was OVER between us and I would NEVER speak to her again - I asked her if she agreed with these terms and she said yes she did.

 

I am sorry, but saying "hi" is not abiding by these terms.

 

you have the right to get over your break up however you want, and I will get over mine how I want.

 

I DON'T WANT her courtesy or friendliness or friendship or acquaintanceship or her goodwill, I just want her to LEAVE ME ALONE! Saying "hi" to me is not leaving me alone.

 

so you get over your breakup how you choose to. and I will get over mine how I choose to.

[WorryGirl]

as I have said before I made it quite clear to her that I wanted ZERO absolutely ZERO contact from her ever again!

 

I made it clear to her we would not be 'just friends' or even acquaintances or even friendly or courteous. I made it CLEAR to her that if she made the decision to terminate her relationship with me then it was OVER between us and I would NEVER speak to her again - I asked her if she agreed with these terms and she said yes she did.

 

I am sorry, but saying "hi" is not abiding by these terms.

 

you have the right to get over your break up however you want, and I will get over mine how I want.

 

I DON'T WANT her courtesy or friendliness or friendship or acquaintanceship or her goodwill, I just want her to LEAVE ME ALONE! Saying "hi" to me is not leaving me alone.

 

so you get over your breakup how you choose to. and I will get over mine how I choose to.

 

But you had contact when you both innocently walked past each other. She spontaneously saw a face she knew and she acknowledged it. You're not in a relationship now, she owes you absolutely nothing. What if she didn't agree to those terms you set out? So what?! I told my ex fiancé of 6 years that I never wanted to hear from him again and I have done. So what?! Well over a year later, you shouldn't give a damn about what she says or doesn't say. It's not healthy and you're clearly not happy.

[d0nnivain]

Ordinary Day

 

You need to downshift. You are way to wigged out by a casual hi on the street. Yes, we get it. This woman hurt you. But she did abide by your wishes & not contact you. When she passed you by chance, she was polite. Nothing more. The fact that you are still this upset about an accidental encounter 7 months ago tells me you got cut deeper than you are willing to admit & you are not dealing with it. That little thing shouldn't have you this upset months later. If you aren't in therapy please consider getting some. You will feel much better

[gj13]

I ran into him while driving on friday, near my house. He drove straight with a cold stone face so i kept driving too, just singing and being happy like i was before i saw his car. No idea if he saw me...

 

I'll probably keep running into him at college since he is a professor for undergraduate level and i'm there for my masters degree. That should be...interesting.

[music_and_poetry]

Haven't run into him yet but I anticipate a run in on August 30th. Our mutual friends are hosting a game night on August 30th (we're all giant nerds) both of us have RSVPed "maybe" on the Facebook invite but in all honestly I will probably go and rightfully so. These guys were my friends before he entered my life and they are rightfully his friends too. I have a good feeling he will be there and I will just have to deal.

 

If my emotions aren't in check by then, I might not go but I really want to so I can prove to myself that he doesn't run my life. I'm hoping by August 30th I'll be close to being 100% moved on and his presence will have little to no impact on me. We shall see.

[Ordinaryday]

But you had contact when you both innocently walked past each other. She spontaneously saw a face she knew and she acknowledged it. You're not in a relationship now, she owes you absolutely nothing. What if she didn't agree to those terms you set out? So what?! I told my ex fiancé of 6 years that I never wanted to hear from him again and I have done. So what?! Well over a year later, you shouldn't give a damn about what she says or doesn't say. It's not healthy and you're clearly not happy.

 

because I DONT WANT HER SAYING HI TO ME! It is as simple as that! the next time it happens I will outright scream at her "don't f!cken speak to me!". I don't care if I offend her, I DONT WANT HER SPEAKING TO ME! Why is this so hard to understand?

[Ordinaryday]

Ordinary Day

 

You need to downshift. You are way to wigged out by a casual hi on the street. Yes, we get it. This woman hurt you. But she did abide by your wishes & not contact you. When she passed you by chance, she was polite. Nothing more. The fact that you are still this upset about an accidental encounter 7 months ago tells me you got cut deeper than you are willing to admit & you are not dealing with it. That little thing shouldn't have you this upset months later. If you aren't in therapy please consider getting some. You will feel much better

 

things ARE NOT 'cool' between us, things are not 'okay' between us and as I have said before, it bothered me because by saying "hi" to me she can tell herself that we are 'okay' and she will be absolved of all guilt, when we are certainly not okay!

[music_and_poetry]

because I DONT WANT HER SAYING HI TO ME! It is as simple as that! the next time it happens I will outright scream at her "don't f!cken speak to me!". I don't care if I offend her, I DONT WANT HER SPEAKING TO ME! Why is this so hard to understand?

 

You are no doubt in the anger stage of all of this (I'm climbing my way out myself) I have quite a few choice words I'd like to say to my ex but I am biting my tongue.

 

Think of it this way, if you scream at her you'll come off looking crazy and she'll look like the sane, innocent one. Do you want the person who broke your heart to look like a good guy? No you don't. If she says hi just raise an eyebrow (really bitch you're talking to me?) and just go about your business. You don't need to yell at her. Let your silence communicate what it needs to.

[Ordinaryday]

You are no doubt in the anger stage of all of this (I'm climbing my way out myself) I have quite a few choice words I'd like to say to my ex but I am biting my tongue.

 

Think of it this way, if you scream at her you'll come off looking crazy and she'll look like the sane, innocent one. Do you want the person who broke your heart to look like a good guy? No you don't. If she says hi just raise an eyebrow (really bitch you're talking to me?) and just go about your business. You don't need to yell at her. Let your silence communicate what it needs to.

 

I was abused in the relationship, treated like dirt and I genuinely loved her and wanted to work through things and then when I was having a really stressful week she just decided it was too much and gave up on me.

 

I'm sorry but she gave up on me and left me when I needed her most: I DON'T want the friendship of someone like that. I DONT want the courtesy, goodwill, birthday wishes, "hi's" or ANYTHING from someone like that. I just want them to NEVER contact me again.

 

Why do some people seem to have a hard time understanding that?

[music_and_poetry]

I was abused in the relationship, treated like dirt and I genuinely loved her and wanted to work through things and then when I was having a really stressful week she just decided it was too much and gave up on me.

 

I'm sorry but she gave up on me and left me when I needed her most: I DON'T want the friendship of someone like that. I DONT want the courtesy, goodwill, birthday wishes, "hi's" or ANYTHING from someone like that. I just want them to NEVER contact me again.

 

Why do some people seem to have a hard time understanding that?

 

I really don't like the tone in which you're speaking to me. If you don't like my advice then fine but there is no need to be rude. I was only trying to empathize and provide an alternative. As much as you may want your ex not to contact you, you're not calling the shots. And if you try to you will look pathetic. Really really bad.

 

I was only trying to help, but based on how you're responding to everyone else, you don't want any. Whatever.

[music_and_poetry]

I was abused in the relationship, treated like dirt and I genuinely loved her and wanted to work through things and then when I was having a really stressful week she just decided it was too much and gave up on me.

 

I'm sorry but she gave up on me and left me when I needed her most: I DON'T want the friendship of someone like that. I DONT want the courtesy, goodwill, birthday wishes, "hi's" or ANYTHING from someone like that. I just want them to NEVER contact me again.

 

Why do some people seem to have a hard time understanding that?

 

Also I am sorry for what you went through but I can guarantee you won't heal this way. You are taking your anger out on everyone including strangers who are trying to help you heal.

[Ordinaryday]

Also I am sorry for what you went through but I can guarantee you won't heal this way. You are taking your anger out on everyone including strangers who are trying to help you heal.

 

I wasn't being rude to you, when I said 'everyone' I meant the other people who have said I just need to 'get over' it, your advice was quite useful, thank you.

 

everyone gets over their exes in their own ways.

 

I have heard of some people who are fine to make ten minutes of small talk twice a year with the person who dumped them and ripped their heart, and they may exchange a birthday text as well as chat for five minutes when they cross paths in the supermarket. my brother is one of those people, the ex who treated him like dirt and then dumped him, well he bumped into her in the city recently and they chatted for ten minutes.

 

I am not one of those people. I completely respect the right of the dumper to terminate their relationship with me, if they dont want to be with me that is 100% their choice. but once they have made that choice they are dead to me, I wont say "hi" to them or wish them a happy birthday or anything, they are completely dead to me.

 

this is the approach that works for me. I dont see it as being 'bitter' or 'angry' as some here have suggested, I just see it as moving on with my life and not living in the past. continuing to chat to someone who told you they were not good enough them them, continuing to be 'friendly' with someone like that, well in my view that is just not good for moving on because it keeps you in the past and not the future.

 

thank you.

[WorryGirl]

because I DONT WANT HER SAYING HI TO ME! It is as simple as that! the next time it happens I will outright scream at her "don't f!cken speak to me!". I don't care if I offend her, I DONT WANT HER SPEAKING TO ME! Why is this so hard to understand?

 

Oh I understand. Why is it so hard for you to understand that it's not normal?! You won't get over someone until you don't care anymore. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. I get that you don't care if you're rude to her, which is bizarre. When is it ever cool to be a rude person? It isn't. You should worry about yourself instead of stressing and screwing about over some chick you don't give a damn about anymore. As for her timing when she broke up with you, would you have rathered she stay with you until your bad patch was over, even if she didn't want to be? Doubt it. Move on. Way way on!