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How long should I wait?


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Hi all, I'm a long time lurker but first time poster here.

 

I have been seeing a girl(not a proper relationship but exclusive) for about 4 months now, it was basically always going to be a temporary arrangement as she is going abroad to work for a year. The plan was to see her until she left but recently we have had a lot of time off which we spent together and it's got to the point that we are becoming quite attached so we spoke about this last week and spoke about where it might go etc. yesterday she decided after giving it some thought that she wanted to go as she has been putting it off for a few years now and that we should end now as she wants to save money and go in the next few months.

Basically she doesn't want to be dreading it and be attached to someone when she leaves and doesn't want a long distance thing as she doesn't want to spend all her time missing someone which is fair enough really. She wants to work all the time and save it all then go and enjoy it which I understand and I wouldn't want to this thing hanging over her head. Obviously I still have feelings for her and I am very attracted to her for various reasons, the main one being she almost equals my sex drive.

 

Forgive me but the above story really hasn't much to do with my main question, except should we try to stay friends? I may try to restart when she comes back, she was probably the best sorta relationship I've had. She is 22 btw where I have just turned 30 so even without the trip we are at slightly different stages in life at the moment so a couple years of just friends would work and she has already said she wants me to visit her when she is away and not for friendship. She won't be dating anyone else in the next few months and I doubt she will date anyone while she is away really.

 

My main question is when is it acceptable to date again? I've already sort of started talking to people online but I'm worried that I "need" someone and that I'm not really happy being on my own. This is partly because my best friend has recently moved away and most of my other friends have settled down and aren't really into going out much these days.

 

Opinions are welcome on the whole "relationship" but especially on should we be friends and when should I date again?

 

Thanks for reading all of that, if you did that is :)

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So...It kind of sounds as if she has hinted that she wishes to remain exclusive, and wants you to visit in a 'romantic' sense.... thereby indicating that she appears to want to continue this relationship even while she's away.... but you don't like "being on your own" and believe you 'need' someone (anyone, by the sound of it!) so you want to carry on seeing other women (thus ending the 'exclusivity' agreement) ... I take it you've told her this, and have discussed it? or is she unaware that you don't intend remaining exclusive?

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Not exactly, we are ended, I won't see her again til she goes. She is obviously not going to date as she only ended it to save us from ending it when we were even more attached so she won't get attached to anyone else but we are no longer exclusive. If i do visit it will be more like a friend with benefits situation.

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Well don't you think you should at least discuss your plans with her? it's unfair of her to go away under one possible impression, when in fact you should be completely honest with her about your intentions. And all this "I don't wanna be alone" crap... jeesh, really? Is this why you won't go exclusive with her, and be in an LDR (it's only for a year fer chrissakes...!) because you want more regular sex??

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We have discussed it at length, I told her I would try LDR but she wants to enjoy her trip not spend her time missing me. She will be teaching in Thailand so it's not like a backpacking holiday. I will basically go for a two week holiday and we will get together and the inevitable will happen, her words not mine. I'm not fussed about regular sex if I'm not seeing someone and tbh she is worth waiting for in that regard. I just date it's what I do, it's a knee jerk reaction, I don't sleep with everyone I date and if she asked me for a LDR I would try that but she doesn't want that.

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Ok, fair enough. In that case, you need to just take things as they come. If you get the opportunity to date, do so. If you want to go to Thailand to see her, do so. I'll just say one thing:Protection. Enjoy your life.

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Well if I do sleep with someone that isn't her I will of course be safe :). At the moment though I don't want it to go that far.

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